Saturday, October 21, 2017

rose: i love when it's my turn to sleep in. AND we got to visit the melles's new house, which was a treat. AND we went to lake ontario park this afternoon, where otis did a lot of WALKING in the playground (<3 <3 <3). AND we went to royal angkor to mark our 8 years as a couple.

thorn: this afternoon, i opened our washing machine, to put in a load, only to find last week's laundry still in it (but it had dried). i was so annoyed. how does that even happen :S

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

rose: i really like my new haircut. i got a trim about a week and a half ago. not in length, but i got my layers tidied up. it's funny, because usually i get my hair cut, and not just my layers. i don't know if i knew that was possible before. the hair stylist asked me if i wanted some off the length too, and that was the first time it occurred to me that i could keep it at it's current length, and still get my layers cut. anyway, i like it a lot. i'm finding that i've been wearing my hair down more often as a result.

thorn: there were lots of tired children tears around dinner time tonight. but thankfully a few laughs too.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

rose: on tuesday evenings, éamon goes to awana at kingston alliance. it's a churchy version of scouts. since brendan has the car in napanee on tuesdays, i have to take him there on the bus, but joy drives him home (since she's picking up her kids too). it gives me roughly an hour to myself in the evenings, and that's been a real treat. i end up doing lame things like plan my grocery list, but it simply feels good having time and space to do that without having to multi-task. and i'm grateful that he is fine when i drop him off. i take that as a sign of healthy attachment.

thorn: as kids get older they have a larger circle of influence. and sometimes that circle exposes them to things we don't want. today a kid from school was telling eamon about the freddy kruger movies. thankfully, éamon didn't really understand what he was talking about, minus the words "knife" and "claws". it left me thinking about how i want to really emphasize anything good, anything lovely, anything admirable, and to keep anything grotesque, anything horrific, anything troubling, away from our general sphere of normal or entertainment. life has enough sad and awful things in it, we don't need to add more, especially in childhood.

Monday, October 16, 2017

rose: no one's childhood is perfect. but i have such fond, fond memories of playing as a kid. whether it was with my playmates (scott or jessica and alison) or with my sister, we played for hours in our basement. we played house and make-believe. we played with barbies, made forts, we rode around and around our circular-designed basement on roller-skates. we also played outside a lot. it was fun, and perhaps more importantly... it was relational. now, i know that things have changed, but, (at risk of sounding old fashioned,) there is nothing i would want more for my kids development than to give them to gift of endless fun and relational play. just like i had in the 80s. over the last week or so, but especially today, éamon and the after-school kids have played really well in our basement. they are making up games (often times silly and nonsensical) and using their imagination. it makes me really happy.

thorn: this time last year, otis spoiled and amazed us with how he could put himself to sleep. that did not last. i woke up very tired today. and it just kind of lingered. even after my nap, i still felt tired.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

rose: today was a full day. it's the kind of day that when i look back at specific moments (my first time cooking at 'the next stage', buying the kids a slackline at value village, and that very intense church service), i won't remember that those things all happened on that same day. it was a good day. and even the church service that held many intense aspects (both beautiful and sorrowful) was still good. i felt good about how our team pulled together that meal at next stage. i was proud of brendan's leadership and competence, and of my boys who kept themselves busy.

thorn: i was thinking today about my current level of vulnerability. and i feel like i'm in quite a vulnerable phase of my life. i've recently ventured out into new undertakings, and i feel vulnerable without the regular positive feedback and affirmation of my former boss. i'm excited about doing freelance design work, but worry that my offerings won't match expectations or that i won't price my work properly. without bbd, i feel more financially vulnerable. i'm gladly making sacrifices to be more present with my kids, but worry that it might have a cost on me as an individual. travel is a part of my identity and something that makes me feel alive, what if we don't get to have our regular adventures? will it take a toll? and then there's the vulnerability of simply being a parent. vulnerable to small things beyond my control (like disrupted sleep), and big things (like their well-being). so ya. i guess it's not just today, but it was something that occurred to me today.

Saturday, October 14, 2017


rose: it was brendan's birthday, and i made him a birthday gift. he is really into chopping wood for our wood stove, but he didn't have a hard surface to chop on. so i built him chopping block out of 4x4s. I was very excited, and had a hard time containing my excitement until gift time. I did end up giving him his gift early because I saw that he was chopping wood. he loves it and was extremely impressed that I'd built it myself :)

thorn: otis gave us a super hard time in the night. Brendan was deeply troubled by it. I wasn't bothered quite as much, but troubled by how it was affecting Brendan. I hope he gets to sleep late today.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

rose: brendan and i have been watching this very well done ken burns documentary about the vietnam war. it's roughly 20 hours long, and is very in-depth. no topic from that era was left unexplored. we are history fans (not quite buffs, but we enjoy learning about history), and this has been highly educational. in addition, i've discovered that if i don't get under the covers on our bed while watching, i don't fall asleep. which is good news because i haven't been able to make it through a 2-hour movie for several years.

thorn: today i had to carry otis from the daycare to the bus, the bus to the school, from the school to our house in the rain, as a blister developed on my left ankle, while the stroller sat forgotten on our front porch.