Sunday, January 21, 2018

over the last few weeks (and i hope this doesn't jix it), i have become very efficient with doing my dishes. and by efficient, i mean, i have been doing them each evening. and what do know... they only really take about 10 minutes to do! this has been an (adult-) life long battle for me, and i am encouraged that i'm getting better at it. it's nice not always having a pile of dishes in the corner of the kitchen.

i've also been on a streak with putting away my clothes after i take them off. what i like about this is that it really saves me time later. i don't have to deal with a large pile, instead, i only have to put 2, maybe 3 items of clothing away at a time.


Saturday, January 13, 2018

rose: there are certain things that i put off doing til later. but i've been trying to address them in a more timely manner. especially putting away the clothes i take off. i usually develop a large and confusing pile of clothes that i put away either once a week or once a month. i've discovered that by putting away the 2 or 3 items of clothing that i take off when i get changed, i save myself lots of time later AND it keeps my floor and side of the bedroom much tidier.

thorn: back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

several of the people that I'm closest with hate conflict. their enneagrams peg them as peacemakers. avoiding conflict has never really been a thing for me. I'm too aggressive to shy away from a fight. but lately, all I want is peace. 

now, I don't think that's the same as avoiding conflict, but I want a peaceful environment, I want harmony, I want gentleness and quiet. I REALLY want quiet. some of my favourite moments with my kids are when they are still and quiet. I think it's tied to adjusting to life with two kids. I found the volume in my life increased expedientially since otis was born, and my tolerance for noise has gone down. between the two of them, someone is always making sounds. the other day, with wishful thinking, I said to b "let's just sit here and pretend it's just us". 

with my after school kids, I have tired to not be on them about noise and have aimed to just let them be kids and give them the freedom for silliness. but at this point it seems that that's not helping anyone, so I've started implementing boundaries around loudness and language. and funnily enough, it's been very effective. today I had my favourite day with them by far. *rose*

it goes beyond noise though. I don't want to hear or be part of other people fighting, bickering or accusing each other. I just don't have energy or patience for drama. a few days ago, a friend tried to drag me into some conflict between him and a friend of mine. I felt pretty awkward about it, and my interactions with him afterwards were tense. actually... now that I think of it, I had TWO (male) friends try to drag me into conflict with mutual friends this week. and I pushed back with both. largely because I just want peace, but also because those are not my fights to be part of. by doing so, I sure hope I'm able to avoid conflict with them. *thorn*

Monday, January 08, 2018

well... we're back to our regular routine today.

• it snowed a lot, but i liked getting exercise again (walking to and from the school).
• we started night weaning otis about 10 days ago, and i think he's firmly into a routine of sleeping through the night. he even slept until 8:30 on saturday, AND éamon made me breakfast that morning :)
• i got some good teacherly advise from joy and beckie over the break, that really empowered me with the after school crew.
• i'm finding that i have a strong desire for peace in my life these days. i just don't have it in me for loud, chaos.
• our sons are playing so well together, and i just love it.
• i went through the things in our house, and i got rid of two large boxes worth of stuff. probably need to do a quarterly purge. i do hang on to stuff for sentimental reasons, so it was good to really push myself to do away with stuff i don't need and won't use ever again.
• my skin has been extremely dry this winter :S

Monday, January 01, 2018

things i want to do in 2018:
• go to new york city this summer with my three fellas
• go camping (maybe even more than once)
• try being an airbnb host
• teach otis some baby sign language (i've already successfully taught him "more")
• make a snowman
• succeed at de-cluttering, so i don't feel a need to declutter all the time
• put away my clothes when i take them off

Sunday, December 31, 2017

there was a time, when i had to be very conscious and intentional to live in the present. i made an effort to embrace life, and was mindful to do new things every month. i loved taking the chance to stop and reflect each year on what filled my year.

now i'm on the flip-side, where i am very immersed in the present and not much else fills my mind or time. i feel sometimes that this amount of present is pretty overwhelming. it would be nice to dream a little, and to have some space to reflect and ponder. life is very saturated at the moment.

i do get small breaks, tiny respites from time to time, but i generally i use them to sleep. for example, this afternoon, i had a nap on the couch during otis's nap. unbeknownst to me, brendan also laid down for a nap, leaving éamon on his own. he spent 2 hours in the living room, patiently waiting for someone to read him books, and attempting to read them himself <3

anyway... let me try to get back on track, and attempt to recall this year's most significant bits:

• in january, i started volunteering at next one day a week. otis would come with me, and i would juggle him and my duties there at the same time. i enjoyed having something concrete to do. tasks that gave me a more immediate sense of completion, than diaper changes and navigating a 3-year-old's tantrums.

• winter brought weekend boredom. what does one do on saturdays with a preschooler and a baby? well, we decided we would end our saturday activity drought by going out for lunch every saturday to various (and generally new) restaurants. it gave us something to look forward to, and only once was the service too slow that our children started to act-up.

• i had a nice little routine with my fellas – mondays we went to the library group, and fridays we went swimming. tuesdays gave me some downtime at home.

• in april, we went to mexico for a week, and had a fabulous time. by then, otis was sitting up on his own, and starting to get more engaged. our hotel/resort was ideal for a pair of backpackers with kids, and we had a fantastic time. éamon still talks about that trip with gratitude and wants to go back to 'mexico' again.

• in late spring, i felt more capable juggling my two boys on my own, so i reduced éamon's daycare schedule to two days a week, which gave us more time together. this generally went smoothly if i had monday activities planned. it generally went poorly when our summer tenant was around with her kid.

• we opted not to go away on summer vacation, since we didn't really know what our finances would look like come autumn. why? because i gave my resignation to bbd after 14 years there. that has been a very positive change. i have kind of missed the steady pay cheques, but have not missed the commute, the office environment, the boredom, the time away from my kids, etc.

• in september, éamon started school, and otis turned 1 year old. i've enjoyed walking éamon to school, and picking him up. that has really helped enlarge my worked and get to know people in our neighbourhood. otis started walking around 13.5 months, and i have loved, loved, LOVED it. watching otis grow into a toddler has been a joy. my two sons play together so wonderfully.

• also in september, i started officially working at next. (b likes to tease me that volunteering at a place, then telling them that you can't continue unless they pay you is one way to find a job) and i started providing after school care to 2 primary-aged kids. it's been fun developing a relationship with them, and seeing éamon with playmates.

• i feel like brendan and i are still finding our way with our new financial reality, as well as our current level of tiredness. but it helps knowing that this is just our phase of life, and both will be better in a few years' time.

• my time, energy, resources and interest level in self-care and relationship investing is not where i'd like it to be, but i try to cut myself some slack. i hope others do too.

Friday, December 29, 2017

this afternoon, brendan and i went to see the latest star wars film, and left out kids with b's parents. it felt really good to be out and do adult things. i realize that this time last year i was feeling pretty buried by the daily routine of parenting, so maybe it's just that time of year again. but i'm struggling to keep perspective of the best parts of this stage with my kids. i'm really loving 4.5, and i'm finding myself eagerly looking forward to otis being 4.5 and eamon being 7, so we can do stuff like go to museums, the movies, read novels and other kid stuff together. i think i'm just tired, and feeling tired of always navigating and negotiating life the hard way.

i really want to have some good perspective, and to really cherish all the stuff that i'll miss and remember fondly. but for now, i guess i'm too tired to fully appreciate the stuff i take for granted.

i guess i'm also disappointed because brendan's having second thoughts about us taking a trip to NYC with the fellas this summer. he doesn't quite feel up to it (having experienced our trip to the UK with a 20 month old). i don't want to rush this stage, but i want to live my own life too.