mitigate

my auntie carol sent me some money for christmas from england. i was hoping that after the currency exchange it would give me almost enough to buy a new bed. however, with the dollar being so unusually high it was significantly less than i hoped, and not nearly enough for a bed. so i was left with this money trying to figure out how to spend it and wanting to use it for something special instead of just letting it get absorbed into bills and stuff. i've been wanting to get an ipod for the last several years but i could never justify spending money on something i don't NEED. so i didn't get one. at some point this morning the two thoughts collided in my head. i went to the apple website and decided on a silver ipod shuffle. it's only 1gb and it only holds 12 hours of music, but i usually listen to the same stuff on repeat anyway. the shuffle has always appealed to me and even more so now that it has that clip. i got it engraved, any guesses on what i got?? melissa and beckie... you can't guess because you already know.

i paid off my visa bill tonight that had my flight to baffin on it. it smarts a little, especially because this was payday so i have no hope of replenishing my funds for two weeks. i'll just tighten my purse strings, it'll be fine. it feels good to pay off debt. hurts so good.

sometimes i like to flirt with danger. toy with peril.

my mama thinks i'm grown but i'm really just little.

votary

hahaha, you have NO idea how close to home you hit.

i wish i'd ignored external pressures. i wish i'd stuck to my instincts, they ARE there for a reason. usually to help us avoid danger. but i can't blame other people, they were only trying to empower me.

i read a quote the other day that said "if we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves". i know i'm capable of more, i want to challenge the invisible barriers that inhibit me. although, i'm more daring than i give myself credit for, it's not usually until i become aware of other people's fears that i consider if what i'm doing is not feasible. and then i chicken out. i fully intended to kite-board when i'm visiting beckie, it wasn't until she alluded to her own apprehension about it that it occurred to me that it may be more challenging than i thought. i'm still gonna do it. i want to prove to myself that i can.

i really don't like mixed messages.

i would like to hug shawn's brazilian girlfriend every time i see her from now on. and i vow to some day learn how to pronounce her name.

i think i need to get back into puzzles. al and i were talking about my puzzles on saturday when he was here, then my dad pointed them out too. i still have two set up on the back porch that i completed in summer 2006. i don't really have a good place inside to work on them, but i really like doing puzzles, it's really relaxing. then when i went to joy's place to get the mattress she gave me a bunch of puzzles from tim's mom, she thought i might like them. maybe i'll start one tonight if i get the chance. for now i need to go ellipticate.

the ball is in your court.

hey... i'm in need of some new tunes. what's everyone into these days??

this is how it works
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath.

tie

out of nowhere, i felt compelled to eat a chicken pot pie. so i pulled over at the nearest grocery store and bought two. i took them out of their little cups and incidentally they collapsed into a blob of tastiness. this is noteworthy because i'd never had a chicken pot pie before.

she don't think straight.

hoax

my new bed is lovely. i might even go so far as to say it's luxurious. ironically though, andrew told me this morning that i looked really tired. which surprised me, i would have expected to look more well rested after sleeping in my fancy new single bed. regardless, i was relieved he said tired instead of old. hm... i'm suspicious that i may have a peter pan complex.

this morning i flicked on my hairdryer only to have it cough it's last and die. smoke literary puffed out the back. i went to church with wet hair and quickly developed a toque-head. i'm not sure what to do with my now-dead hairdryer. i can't just put it in the garbage, can i? that feels wrong for some reason.

what ARE the statutes of limitations? at what point will i know to just cut my losses?

hatch status: still in progress

you know what's ironic? that last night my neighbours had a big party downstairs and seem to have turned out the heat to accommodate the large quantities of people in their house, and now it's cold in here. so ironic. the music was loud (didn't bother me), i could smell the alcohol thru the vents (didn't bother me), someone parked in my driveway (REALLY bothered me) and i had to park on the road. thankfully there's that extra parking strip on my york street for m centre so it's not illegal to park overnight. otherwise i would've been a real party pooper.

am i beautiful or worthless?

tbd

my family and i were talking a couple weeks back about words of encouragement. joy was telling us about people she knows who never received compliments or encouragement from their parents, and how grateful she is that my parents praise us so regularly. at first i thought "that's silly", but as i listened i realized that not everyone is so forthright, and i could see how i've just always accepted my mom and dad's affirmation as the norm. then i thought about my life, and how i love telling people what they're good at, i love praising my friends and encouraging them in what they excel at. i also appreciate it when people do the same to me. it fuels me, it's something i need. i'm hesitant to use the word need because it's a strong word, but it's important for me to acknowledge my own vulnerabilities. i know it's easy for self-doubt to creep up on me, but affirmation from others dispels it.

i've been up since 9 am working on hatch. i'm still not even half-way thru. i keep backtracking. i was making some good progress, but i took a break to go to joy's place to get a new mattress. my dad came to help me, we drove all around ktown looking for someone who would take my old one off my hands. it was funny because i don't know when my dad drove with me last. i have a feeling that it was back when he taught me to drive stick in '98. so only 10 years :p my new mattress is great! it'll be a good interim mattress until i can buy a new bed. it's nice and thick, soft yet firm.

am i made of plastic?
am i made of sand?

telemarketers

well i got significantly less work done of hatch tonight than i had hoped. so much for multitasking.

i like how transparent you are. it makes me feel less inappropriately exposed.

you know... even though this is a colder winter than last year, my house has been warmer this year. i haven't needed to put plastic on the windows or use a space heater in the bathroom in the mornings. i was quite suspicious last year that my downstairs neighbours, who control the heat, kept it way down, and when they went away at christmas time i think they turned it off completely. i talked to my landlord's mother and asked if they were aware that they control the temperature for the whole house, i think she talked to them about it. since katie and chris moved in i haven't had any problems. that's good. i like them, they're good people. sometimes katie bakes me cookies. oh crap, i keep forgetting that i've given her a vague invitation to come up for a cuppa tea sometime. i really need to follow thru with that invite. i hate being "that person". you know, that person who says stuff they don't mean.

i like that my cats have names connected to songs: honey – green eyes. pekoe – my coco. (fru – frou frou.) now that i've established this, i just wish i'd remember to feed them. it's the least i can do.

i was slightly frightened by her lipstick. why was she wearing so much?!?! it gave me the hebegebees.

your voice it sounded kind,
i hope that you like me.

bottle drive

i'm such a tool.

anyone who might have seen me running up the street, away from the brew pub, giggling all by myself, would have thought i was insane. but i couldn't help it.

i'm 28 years old and i still have a joint bank account with my mother. she doesn't use it or ever access it, but my monthly statements arrive addressed to both her and me. and whenever she's at the bank it appears in her list of accounts. she was saying again last week that we need to get that changed because she finds it very awkward seeing how much i have in the bank. i don't see what the big deal is. she's my mom for goodness sake.

on the drive home from work each day i drive past a large field that stands between the road and an unseen quarry. tonight as i drove, i saw about a dozen deer standing in the open space eating the grass that stuck out from the snow. it was amazing. THEN about 5 minutes later, two wolves ran across the road about 150 ft head of me. so neat!

i need to develop a poker face. can that sort of thing be learned or is it something people have innately?

how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

milk

she tells me to be careful, and i laugh inappropriately. but i know that she's sincere, so i sober up quickly. i think this time i should listen to her cautions. she remembers what i chose to forget. she is my safeguard and my left ventricle. the laverne to my shirley. i can't put her thru it twice, it's one thing to be careless with myself, it's another to be careless with someone else. ok, maybe it's three times, but who's counting.

my glass ring slipped off my finger today and cracked in two. i love my glass ring, it's black and matches my cuffs and helmet. melinda picked it up for me in austria in 2005. i'm quite lucky it lasted this long, seeing as everyone elses has long since broke. my forefinger will be naked without it, so i'll wear it just the same, until i can find a suitable replacement.

i've started the layout of the winter edition of hatch. it's kind of slow going. i didn't get started until late in the evening, and when i know i only have 2 hours it's hard to build momentum. i should have started earlier, but it's tricky juggling everything. maybe on thursday i'll start right at 5:00 and order in some dinner. or maybe i should sign up for next church's meals on wheels. true that's supposed to be for sick people or new moms, but i'm an obsessed graphic designer. i'm sure that counts as an illness of some sort.

i'd be lying if i told you it was fiction.

you're my favourite book.

frozen

my driver's licence arrived in the mail today. and i've gotta say, i don't like it. the new design sucks! blach! AND on top of that, i don't like the photo treatment. here's my photo, i wasn't sure about posting it online, but i've cropped everything out. maybe just to be on the safe-side, after everyone has taken a gander, i'll delete it from this entry. as you can see, they've made the photo sepia toned, and used photoshop to make the background (and a portion of my head) transparent. it's weird. besides that, it's a bizarre photo of me, i'm not even looking at the camera! however, i'm sure next time i'm pulled over i'll be all shifty-eyed, so that'll work out just fine. i also look slightly decapitated.

this photo reminds me that, once, when i was 14, i was told by a doctor that i have a SLIGHT lazy eye. i don't know how true that was, but it got me all confused and for years i thought the whole "right-camera/left camera" effect was the result of my so-called lazy-eye.

i sent you a postcard, i wonder if you've received it.

now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all.

oil and vinegar

all i can say is melissa is a genius, this hot chocolate is heavenly.

i have so much on my mind. prepare yourself, this may be a long one.

1) i went to the banff film festival last night with the lovells and co. this year they didn't have any cultural stuff, which was a little disappointing, but it was still really good. right on schedule it got me questioning my cubicle living and wondering if i should be doing more with my youth. these days are fleeting, have i done all i'd like to do? and i wonder if i've strapped myself into my cube because i'm afraid to step into the unknown. i don't know, i don't THINK i'm afraid, but how can i be sure? and since it's not fear that holds me back, is it the knowledge of my own limitations? or do i limit myself more than those limitations do? so it goes in my head; questions, and questionable answers.

part 2 of 1) after church today i went down to the goat for some lunch. i went alone, i was sort of hoping i'd find someone at church to eat with, but then when i was there i couldn't be bothered asking anyone to join me. but thankfully, upon arriving at the goat i spotted beckie's friends kate, anne and spencer. being a sunday afternoon in january, the place was really packed, so i joined that trio at their table and i had a lovely time. i can honestly say that i mingle in pretty well with most people, that's something i'm very grateful for, it makes life easy and enjoyable. i got telling them about the festival and how i fear for my cubicle life-style, but anne encouraged me a great deal. she told me that working a day job is highly underrated and that it does still leave me a lot of time for other things. which is true! plus, i WILL get to see the world some day, only it will be over the course of a lifetime instead of a 6 month stint. ah, that's reassuring. now i can go back to work tomorrow seeing it as a means to an end instead of my own personal prision.

2) this afternoon i bought some randy bags. some what you ask? it's a little nylon tote bag that folds up and you can keep in your purse/bag. they're great! i got them at trailhead for $2.99. they're so handy, i used them today to carry home my groceries. yay! this totally helps with my no-plastic bags new year resolution. AND the sexual innuendo is priceless.

3) this afternoon as i walked to and from downtown i considered spontaneity. am i spontaneous or am i rigid? i concluded that i like spontaneity as much as the next guy, but what i can't stand are half-baked ideas that screw everything up. it's not the random-sporadicness that makes me insane, it's the poor planning. you can be unpredictable AND well organized. ok, that kind of sounds like a contradiction, but what i'm saying is, a person can come up with a sudden plan and still execute it well. it doesn't have to be haphazard.

4) i screwed up my tea cozy and i have to rip it out :( oh well, i've never knit with circular needles before and it got twisted. now i understand what they meant in the instructions by "be careful not to twist the stitches".

when routine bites hard,
and ambitions are low,
and resentment rides high,
but emotions won't grow.

maroon

ok people, once again i call upon you for assistance. i need your buttons, your rejected and discarded. please give them to me so i can give them a home. when i say buttons i mean this, not this. i realize this may come as a shock to you as i am frequently associated with option 2, however, for this specific request i need about 2 dozen of option 1. why you ask? well, because i need them for my current knitting project. instead of those little bobble thingys, i'm going to use buttons from my friends. and i thought it would be cool to get one from everyone! so dig thru your junk drawers, or cut one off your favourite shirt. stick'em in the mail or give them to me next time i see you, it'll be so fun, it's like a communal art project :D

don’t you worry it’ll all work out.

proportionate

i've identified a new pet peeve. i hate it when people think they're above the rules. sometimes life calls for rules, in order for these rules to work, everyone needs to abide by them. it's really annoying when certain people seem to think the rules (usually for their own safety or to keep some kind of order) don't apply to them. it's really frickin annoying, because usually it's not just not one or two people, it's usually a lot. and so that usually results in anarchy, even if just a little bit. argh, so annoying.

sometimes i can be passive aggressive. when i'm aware of it, i usually feel completely guilty about it. such as now.

fear is the heart of love.

fussocking

aw frig. i HATE all day meetings that include lunch meetings. they're so boring that it feels like someone's eating my brain. thankfully i could tell by the look on marilyn's face that she was incredibly bored as well, so i didn't feel so bad.

i had my mom over for dinner tonight. it's been a busy week and i haven't had time to grocery shop, so i just fed her found objects in my fridge. it worked out ok, she was here for my company not for my cooking. we had some good laughs. the crappy thing is that now my kitchen is a mess and i've been trying to stay on top of that. i'm just gonna go turn on the dishwasher and then floss my teeth.

i seem to have misplaced my trademark necklace.

my mom had never seen an outtie bellybutton before coming to canada. hm, speaking of bellybuttons, i think there's something wrong with mine.

i'm proposing a swift orderly change.

discombobulated

i'm totally pooped. kathi is up from pittsburgh and we spent the day in meetings then the evening in a dinner meeting. it was exhausting. i definitely prefer what i do on usual days than on days like this. boring!

tonight, marilyn was talking about this strange woman in our office, and she explained "she's just different". then knickers said "so what? so's lesley!" hahaha, that totally cracked me up, and i assured her that i was not offended. i guess it just surprised me to realize that it was so apparent.

on the bright side, i did knit while we were at marilyn's house and i got my second red sock finished. i found it funny that i was the only one there under 50 and yet i was the only one knitting. and i wondered if instead of being a little girl if i'm actually an incredibly old woman. hahaha.

i think i'd like to knit a tea cozy next. i need to find a pattern.

i don't mind, if you don't mind.

I AM FREAKING OUT!

rats

my face betrays me. it tells my secrets.

andrew explained to me yesterday why they dye cheese orange. that's baffled me for YEARS. that, and pink lemonade. what's up with pink lemonade?!!?

i need to be more discerning. i can be far too trusting and i tend to talk openly to everyone, and it's unwise. i'm don't think it's naivety or poor judgment, i'm just really enthusiastic and i tell them what's on my mind. the problem is not everyone is a safe person and i can't go blabbing to just anyone.

melinda gave me some really awesome advise yesterday. she said "you have 20 minutes to freak out about it and then just let it go". i'm going to try and adopt this concept. i like having a good passionate rant sometimes where i wave my arms about and ludicrous things come out of my mouth. allowing a chunk of time to vent is kind of liberating.

i no longer drive past that house.

thy presence my light.

empire

so are you telling me, that you would refuse to drink out of THIS cup? come on, it's so clean! don't harbour ill feelings towards it. it's not it's fault.

i was talking to melody on the phone earlier today about her upcoming wedding. i asked her if she's taking kevin's last name, and she said she decided that she would. i really like that, it's one of the most romantic things ever. it's the ultimate "i'm with him...." statement. my mom has kept my dad's last name, and i really like that. it reminds me that at one point they were together. it's an outward expression that they were once a unit. my mom sometimes comes across people who ask her (because of her last name) if she knows my dad, and i think that's funny. aside from us, their last name is the final tie that binds them, and although they've been apart for almost as long as they were married, there's no denying the mark they left on each others lives. both good and bad. beside s, it would be silly for her to go back to mckinnon because its so similar to mcknight anyway. if i haven't said it lately i wanna say how thankful i am that my parents get along so well. it's true, time really does heal all.

i've been listening to M.I.A. all day, and she has this song with lyrics that go: "london – quiet down i need to make a sound, new york – quiet down i need to make a sound, kingston – quiet down i need to make a sound, brazil – quiet down i need to make a sound." hahaha, i like to pretend she's talking about our kingston.

i really need to get moving. i'm having joanna and andrew & shannon over for dinner. and i think al's coming by around 4. i have a lot to do before then.

ciao my friends.

i fly like paper, get high like planes.

tizzy

ok, so i need someone to come with me to donate blood. i'm a frickin chicken, but want to move past my completely unreasonable reason for not wanting to give blood. that being "eww, icky". once i told a nurse that i don't like how it feels when they take blood because it feels like they're vacuuming it out of my veins. i had expected her to say "oh that's silly", but instead she seemed to confirm my apprehension. which i guess has contributed to my complacency. but i suppose i shouldn't blame the nurse, it's my weird phobia not hers. so on that note... do i have any takers? anyone want to come give blood with me??

thanks for giving me food, it was good and not gross at all. you are more than sometimes thoughtful. you are very thoughtful. i've missed you and i like that you're all hounding me to hang-out with you. how did you know my feet are a size 7 and i didn't know yours were a size 10!?!?

the banff film festival world tour is coming to k-town next saturday night. it's totally awesome and i look forward to it each year. if you've never been and you're free that night i strongly suggest attending. rhonda, isaac and i are going, and anyone is welcome to join us. it's 13 bux in advance or 15 bux at the door. it's usually a really great collection of short films, and a large number of them are of different extreme sports that involve a lot of crazy wipe-outs. like i said, it's totally awesome. there are also a lot of films about different cultures and nature. but obviously my favourites were the sporty ones. check this out!

i'm yours to keep if you want to.

heart it races

i love that melinda's invitation to come over and watch a movie turned into me watching her shop as i trailed behind. i especially love that i got to her house 45 minutes late. giving her a taste of her own medicine. HA! ya, sorry again about that.

i feel a little self-conscience for the very first time.

sometimes i don't check my voicemail messages because i know who they're from. unfortunately, there's one that i'm avoiding and it's blocking about another 4. i'm sorry if you've been trying to reach me and i haven't received your messages. although, people don't usually call me. i'm not a phone person.

i think i'm doing a really crappy job at not being negative. i need people to point it out to me, or hit me in the head or something. i have a habit of calling babies ugly. HAHAHAHAHA. i'm sorry, i'm sure that will really offend all you mom's out there. not all babies are ugly, just some. and well, i'm trying to learn to keep those comments to myself. they just come out of my mouth so darn easily, it's especially hard because i find it really FUNNY! i apologize for my demented sense of humour.

btw: your babies are not ugly, but instead are very handsome or beautiful (which ever applies).

i think i'll let you decide.

fill

this is my tea cup. i drink from it approximately 4 times a day at work. i clean it once or twice a year. actually, i bleach it. i know it's time to bleach it when the brown gunk comes off when i stir my tea with the spoon (which is also stained). the scary thing is, if that's what it does to my tea cup, i wonder what it's doing to my stomach. this may account for some of my 8 cavities.

do you think i say "like" a lot? i became keenly aware of it on my drive into work today, which is odd because i drive alone and don't even listen to the radio. regardless, i got wondering if i say "like" an exorbitant amount.

in the two weeks that i've owned an electric toothbrush i think i've become spoiled.

i'll dig a tunnel from my window to yours.

sticker

aw crap. i'm really thirsty. i've been craving some monks blend tea for over an hour. i haven't even boiled the water yet and it's almost 10:30. i guess i'll just have to drink some juice.

i wonder if i'll bother to finish my vacuuming or do my dishes tonight. i wanted to use my evening for doing chores, but i ended up doing silly girly things.

why do they come in twos? i only wanted one.

i used my rice cooker for the first time today. my mom gave it to me for christmas. i think i may have over cooked the rice, or perhaps just left it too long before eating it. i turned it on before i got on my elliptical for 35 minutes. yup, that's right! 35 minutes! i'm doing really good, i'm working out regularly and keep increasing my time. plus, i've been standing all day at work. yay! anyways, back to the rice cooker. so ya, over done. i also got a really good electric tooth brush for christmas (hurray! i might be able to salvage my remaining teeth!), the new stars cd and a copy of blue like jazz. i also got a bunch of dollar gifts that i'm very pleased with. and a pair of black knee sox ;)

i smiled a lot today.

i didn't sleep well last night. i had to fight the overwhelming urge to get up and wash my hair. it was very odd, i've never experienced a compulsion like that before.

people never seem to learn.

V8

i booked my flight to baffin today. i'm excited because i got it for 400 bux cheaper than the going rate last week! i leave march 25 and return april 5. that worked out nicely because i'll be there for beckie's birthday and it coincides with the living room off week. good good.

i went out for thai with melinda, irina and christopher for his birthday. christopher is so insane, it's great. i find him very amusing. he gets this hilarious look on his face when he's said something funny, it's like a repressed giggle. us girls ganged up on him until he agreed to grow sideburns, we've even given him a deadline of february 8th. after dinner we went around the corner to the goat. i really liked the renos, although it's lost a few of it's hobo charms.


i found an allergy pill in my shoe today. that's weird right?

i feel really on top of things today. i put salt on my icy walkway, and bought a new fire detector. it turns out mine has not been functioning for about 4 to 6 months. yikes. i was told last week that i'm a very responsible person. that surprised me, because i'm only doing stuff because they need to get done, but maybe that's what being responsible is. it was funny because the girls were saying that i'm a really goofy person so one would not expect me to be so responsible, and that it's kind of like a red herring. i'm a little flattered by that, it's nice to know that there's more to me than one would assume, and that it's a pleasant surprise.

oh the secrets i keep.

all the living are dead, and the dead are all living

oh thanks

it was nice to hear him say it. i know it doesn't make a difference, it won't change a single thing, but it still makes me feel better hearing someone say it.

i lost my recycling bin today. then later came home to find it inside already. these are the moments that make up my life. these are the articles i choose to share with the world outside these walls.

beckie left for the north today. the house feels empty in her absence. isn't it strange the way we can easily grow accustomed to something we like, and take forever to get used to something we hate? i feel like this should tell me something, but i'm not exactly sure what.

anyway, beck left, but that means the next time i get to see her it'll be when i'm there to visit! i'm getting really excited about it, i'll be pretty chilled and also get to do stuff like kite-boarding, camping, maybe take a trip to the artic circle. beckie is worried that it'll be a let down, but frig, any chance to NOT be at work, sleep-in and do some new things i'm happy.

i love that i can hear rhonda retell the same story to about 5 different people in one evening and still explode into giggles at the same point each time.

i, for one, am partial to having meaningless crushes. seriously not all crushes have to go somewhere. it's fun to have the equivalent of a school-girl crush.

is it lame that i'm excited to go to bed because it means i get to wake up and eat bran flakes?

o the blood and the treasure,
and then losing it all,
the time that we wasted,
and the place where we fall.
will we wake in the morning
and know what it was all for?

the minister's cat

i'm really into raisin bran lately. it's pretty awesome! and i think the raisin's are freakin huge!

i think it's really funny that i own the 1990 guinness book of world records.

have you ever been to despair.com? oh my goodness... frickin hilarious! they just crack me up. i wonder if you have to be an office worker used to seeing motivation posters all over the place to fully appreciate why them are so funny.

rhonda and i went to see juno tonight. it was a really good movie and a rather sweet tale.

i was going to delve into other stuff, but at the last minute decided not to. i suppose sometimes a person has to pick and choose what she says. i'm a little disappointed, but whatever.

i feel like the ice has broken and i'm working my way thru. i don't know what the final blow was that broke thru to the other side, but that doesn't matter. it's not like i can package it and sell it for profit.

whoa, i'm feeling a little ill from it being so darn late. nighty night!

sorry my posts have been so random lately. yikes!

stop now before it's too late.

raisin

i feel like a pre-teen gearing up for a teenage rebellion.
i can smell it coming.

we're both standing still looking up.

temporary battles
can take up half your life.

once

my holiday has come to an end. it's a shame. i love my winter holiday, i look forward to it all year. the time when i get to just relax at home and enjoy what i work so hard to have. it's not the returning to work part that stinks, it's the leaving home part. however, i think going out and being away from home is essential to fully appreciate it.

i feel re-energized today. i got my bathroom set-up and a drawer cleaned out. i was thinking about my bathroom, and realized that although i've been living on my own for over a year and a half it never occurred to me that i could put personal effects in my bathroom. i'm used to having a shared space so i always kept perfume or jewelry in my bedroom. it feels like something has snapped in my mind and i've finally realized "hey this is MY space! i can put things where ever i want!" i've heard that about couples when they separate, they don't realize they can hog the entire bed.

what would it take to convince you to share your secrets with me?

i'm a very "feelings" driven person. it feels silly to admit but if i get "a feeling" about something i tend to heed it. the problem is that sometimes it's nothing, but sometimes it really is something. i've been cautioned by feelings so many times that melinda ignore me or says "you always get feelings". but i have been right, and right about really critical things. a feeling that told me something i couldn't possibly know. people say that when you meet "the one" you just know. but honestly, that sounds like dumb luck more than anything else. i've thought every boyfriend i've had was the one. clearly my "feelings" can't be trusted.

today is going to be a better one.