delicious

brendan and i went out for a fancy dinner at chien noir tonight. it's been a while since we had a real date with really good food, so we decided pick a night and go. shannon was able to babysit for us, and it sounds like they had a nice time together. and we had a nice time just the two of us. so a good time was had by all :)

plaid

today was the last day of 90s week on cbc radio 2. i'm going to miss it. before dating brendan, i wouldn't have said i had any kind of affection for the 90s. but it's something he identified about me early on, and i think he might be right.

pilgrimages

yesterday, i was thinking about the time we watched the inks trail, and it rained so jill ended up purchasing a children's size poncho from a local family who lived a long the trail. it made me laugh and smile to think about it.

(after i right this, i'm gonna) sit down (and avoid getting up again)

i am 10 out of 10 tired. today, for the first time since 2013, i consciously felt rushed. this sense of 'i have too little time and too many things i want to do' that seemed endless and unavoidable. that might be the thing i miss most about mat leave. not being rushed, making up for lack of time. at least i saved time by not being online. i feel very immersed in a challenging scenario these days. while i haven't exactly been hiding it, i've felt embarrassed because i don't want people to feel sorry for me, or pity me. i actually think it's more brendan's absence than having a busy toddler (or at least his absence on top of the busy todder). he usually does all the cooking, freeing me up for other things. this afternoon i asked myself "why is this so hard for me? i only have one kid to deal with", but i shouldn't forget that my job consumes the energy of parenting another kid, but the grown-adult babies there are less cute.

just as i arrived at artillery park with éamon today for a swim, i realized that i forgot my wallet at home. i was already exhausted and emotionally worn, and the thought of going home to retrieve it was causing me to reconsider the outing all together. but just then, al walked thru the doors, and he gave me the money i needed. that was a huge help. exactly what i needed in that moment.

what did i know

you know what? i've concluded that one of my most incorrect assumptions as a kid was to think my parents were complete stories. what i mean is, i just assumed they knew everything they were going to know, their believes and views were set, even that their preferences, hobbies and behaviours would never change. i think that's a false assumption about anyone. because we all change and adapt, throughout our lives.

curve

highlight of my day: taking a walk in the sun and hearing éamon "singing" in the stroller as we walked.

lowlight of my day: when the glass dish i was reheating my supper in fell on the ground and broke.

biggest surprise: when i was able to throw together a substitute supper in 15 minutes that turned out super tasty.

cooky

i think it might be time to start growing my hair out.

the problem is that i think i'm going to be disappointed in the outcome.

i wish my hair was thick and full with lots of texture in it.

i wonder if it'll get more coarse as i get older. i've heard before that grey hair is quite wiry.

partly why i'm leaning towards growing it out is because i liked my last haircut so much that i don't want to risk not liking my next one.

breather

before i had a kid, i never had thoughts or made statements like "when i have kids, they won't [this] or they will [that]". partly because one can never know what their kid will do or not do. but i did have hopes or expectations of myself – i think these expectations of myself were more subconscious than anything else. things like "i would this or that". mostly that i wouldn't succumb to certain emotions. but i've been finding lately that my emotions are rather raw and close to the surface. that my tolerance for things like food flinging is very low. it doesn't help that i'm solo-parenting 3 to 4 evenings a week now with brendan's new work schedule so there is very little to balance out my environment. i know well enough that things will even out in time, and that parenting a small child doesn't bring the best out in people. but i want to find a way to navigate this stage with joyfulness and gentleness.

trimming

during the lenten season i'm reducing my computer and internet time. i'm shutting my computer down at 9:30 to allow for some screen-free time before bed and only checking my gmail and facebook once or twice a day (time permitting – and by time i mean éamon. or rather i mean éamon-free time). often times i shut down and then remember that i forgot to jot a short entry. so there will more days of doubling-up, because i'm working towards one little excerpt for each day this year.

trains, trains and trains

this might be hard to believe, but today i edited my very first wikipedia page. it was actually more tricky than i expected and it wasn't very instinctive, but i eventually got the hang of it. my article did get reverted several times before i finally figured out what's allowed and what isn't.

it's extremely satisfying to take something that is poorly written and inaccurate and turn it into something with a better structure and is correct.

cherry blossom

éamon and i went out for a walk to do errands this afternoon. i thought it would take 30-40 minutes but it took an hour. i enjoyed myself. it's been a while, in fact it feels like a long while, since we did errands by foot. i'm looking forward to warmer days, blue skies and sunshine. 

mornings

they say you shouldn't use the snooze button because it messes with your sleep cycles. i don't tend to fall asleep again, i just like to lie in bed all cozy-like just a little longer. 

winter walk

i feel a little bit like i might be having a delayed quarter-life crisis. just wondering a lot about what life's all about, being keenly aware that i'm getting older, etc etc. this is interesting to me that it took til my mid-30s before it kicked in. maybe this is my quarter life and i'll live an unusually long time :p

nothing to worry about. just chewing the fat. thinking things over. david and sue are always talking about life as thirds. i suppose i've still fairly recently started my 2nd third.

ambassador

it may be possible that a sauna is the best antidote to this cold, cold weather.

burnt

i think the fashion design world could learn a lot from maternity clothes. i bought an ingenious pair of cords yesterday from value village. they're actually by reitmans – for their "comfort" line. instead of a zipper and button, they just have a nice, flattering elastic waist, similar to yoga pants or maternity pants, which are both comfortable and don't cause bulges or bumps. i'd gone looking for a pair of light grey cords, but left with these charcoal cords (even though they're almost black and i already have black cords) because they were comfortable and made my butt look good :p i don't know about you, but i find that grey is more casual than black, so i think i'll still plenty of use out of them – try to stop me! they're so comfy and flattering! like liz lemon's jeans (brendan will get that reference if nobody else does).

cupid

it 100% did not occur to me that éamon's classmates would give valentine's cards. sometimes kid-culture has as steep of a learning curve as parenting.

chilly

in another time in my life, going out to a coffee shop to hang out with acquaintances/new friends would've been just a normal thursday night. but being somewhat out of practice with that social custom, i feel really proud of myself this evening. sometimes i have to push myself to not give into the magnetism of an introverted evening at home, because those aren't always what they're cracked up to be –  often times they're just easier. i suppose that doing nothing is ALWAYS easier than doing something. anyway, i gave myself a push tonight, and i'm glad :)

lately i've been noticing that i'm starting to look older than i did.

snip

i've spent a lot of time thinking about éamon's hair. similarly how i'd debate back and forth about my own, i've been caught between should i be trying to shape it or i should just let it grow. i've been wanting to grow it like a surfer dude, but it's just not naturally going that way. also like my own, his hair is flat and limp with almost no natural wave. the top layer seems to be the longest and makes it all sag like a mop-top. in addition to all this, he has two crowns that go in opposite directions, so i thought if he had longer hair it would lie down properly – which has been kind of true. at least true in theory, but not quite as true in reality.

anyways, i tried to give his hair a trim this evening, and it went really badly. i kept cutting in hopes that it might improve if i took a little off here or a little off there, but it just got worse. after consulting with rach, i decided to take him to a hairdresser for a proper cut. it was kind of disappointing to see his long hair be snipped away since getting shorter is the opposite of what i want, but i'm hoping now that he has real layers it will grow in like a surfer dude. i'm sure it will grow fast. it is pretty cute, and i also kind of like the part that sticks up from the double crown.

he did pretty well, but did start crying a lot near the end. she needed to use clippers to hide my hack job. and he's startled by mechanical sounds. all this happened while brendan was at work, so he was quite surprised and a little sad to come home and discover éamon had his first haircut without him.

tissues

i've never been much of a crier. i usually only cry from happy things. but lately, cheesy things shared on facebook (ie women getting new tattoo to cover their old prison tattoos they're ashamed of) makes me all teary-eyed. sheesh! it's embarrassing! brendan came into the room today and asked "what are you watching?" and i had to explain this chinese commerical about this dad working hard to provide for his daughter, and ended up crying again as i re-told it.

i don't know if it's hormones, or if having a kid has softened my outer layer.

i wish that instead of jeans day, we had sweatpants day at work. i'd pay up to $5 for sweatpants day – jeans day costs $2.

pantry

i've started noticing that brendan and i don't really do anything on saturdays anymore. at first i felt like i should feel guilty about missing out on stuff, but i've changed my mind. it's just our life stage. we like to accommodate éamon's naps because we really value the 3 hours of free time at home to get things done or even to do nothing without juggling a busy toddler at the same time. it's like a free time oasis, and it's hard to pass that up.

i think understanding and embracing each life stage helps one appreciate them more. i know we'll once again take advantage of the variety of weekend activities available to us, someday.

OH, MAN!

i had the BEST night's sleep. éamon slept straight through and didn't wake once to nurse. i don't remember when he did that last. lately he's been waiting A LOT (~3 to 5 times a night). i'm so pleased. i could get used to this. 

it's really quite amazing the difference uninterrupted sleep makes. i even woke minutes BEFORE my alarm. 

well... i'm pumped. this is a great start to the day – any day really. 

hope you're having a good morning too!

it's the little things

well, a day of wrestling with the layout of a new brochure gave me victory over spatial challenges once again. HOORAY! #ineededthat

i think i'll mope the rest of the evening

today i failed to get the most out of limited space and it's super disappointing. usually when i make modifications or changes there's a great improvement. this time, it's a worst (or at best a lateral) change.

arches

my feet are bigger than they used to be, or should i say wider. i've heard before that ones feet continues to grow. but i don't think it's just that. my feet swelled up so much during pregnancy, and after that i continued wearing only flipflops for the better part of a year, followed by birks. so all this to say, my old slip-on winter boots do NOT fit anymore.

granola bars

since i was pregnant, i've been saying that éamon's first chore will be feeding the cats. i forgot about it, until saturday. when i watched éamon go over to the tin where we keep the cat food, take a handful and walk over to dump the kibble into the bowl. ever since he's been super into filling their bowls. i like to encourage him by not discouraging him.

today, he got very resourceful (in general, he's showing signs of being particularly crafty and resourceful #toosmartforhismomma) when he took one of the empty bowls, took it to the cat food tin, scooped up the food, then dumped it in the other empty bowl. as much as i'm not ready to have him in and at everything, i really admire his ingenuity :p

back-up

it seems i skipped saturday...

ok. let me think.

have you ever looked forward to something so much that it just couldn't realistically live up to you hopes?

that happened to me on saturday.

$16

do they still make lime tostitos?
i hope they don't. i have a personal bias against them, and i would feel smugly satisfied if they were discontinued.