euston

so argo (see entry "smorgasbord" if you need context or refresher), has moved his office into my building (there's two buildings, they're connected by a tunnel. he was in the other one, but is now in mine). ugh, i'm gonna have to see him all the time. everytime he walks by my cube i can see him look at me. oh my. but guess what.... yesterday we were talking about buying houses and he said "its not permanite like marriage. not like i'd know." so i said "i'm not sure if your arrangement is much different". then he said "no, i'm single, willing and available. so if you know of anyone...." ahhhhh, he's never actually come out and propositioned me before. so i was like "my mom's single". then i escaped into the bathroom that's across the hall from my cube and laughed hysterically at him. which was honestly quite difficult because i didn't want anyone to hear me.

one thing i've learned from argo is to play it straight. i appreciate that he's only ever been very obvious in his advances. eventhough i'm not interested, its nice knowing where i stand with him. i think eveyone should be that way. don't play games or be subtle. i've resolved to be like that for the rest of my life (or dating life).

you know, this is funny because mayelin is the only one who's been to my cube and knows argo. hi mayelin... see you at lunch... are you buying today? ;)

ah mayelin, one of many regulars to pspd. i was talking to melissa tonight about how much i like having a blog, and how i originally thought less than a handful of people would read it. i've been so amazed with the response its gotten. its awesome, you guys are so rad!! thanks for joining me. i know that's pretty cheezy, but i really do appreciate your participation. give yourself a pat on your back!!

i went to indigo tonight. if i haven't mentioned this before, i love indigo. i try and go once a week. i get a jones soda and a chocolate chip cookie everytime i go. except this past sunday, they didn't have any jones soda so i got a tea. i like to keep my spoon in while i drink tea, but they didn't have spoons, they had wood stir sticks. so my tea tasted like wood. yuck. anywayz, tonight when i was drinking my jones soda, i was looking at the pic on the front and it says on the bottle "send us your photos, we'd like to use them on our bottles". so i'm thinking about sending them a pic. i think i'll send one of my pics from london. do you want to see it?

You tell me things I know you're not supposed to, then you leave me just out of reach.

patrick

i'm feeling better about yesterday's problem.

however, there's a new development that has upset me in a different way. so the house i was talking about the other day. i saw it. and its really perfect for me. its way below my price range and in really mint condition. which is good because i couldn't afford any major work. plus it comes with ALL the appliances (fridge, stove, mircowave, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, 2 air-conditioners) it has a new roof, new wiring and new plumbing. has a garage and really awesome gazebo. its also really nice and in a good neighbourhood. the problem is... it's possession immediately. which totally sucks and is making me hurt inside. i'm so sad and i just want to cry. and have been crying. i'm not emotionally ready to move. nor do i want to screw over my current housemates. agh!! what do i do?? my family really wants me to take it. joy saw right through me (as always). she's like a prophet. she SEES me and speaks right into me. part of me hates that, and yet i really admire her for it. she knows i'm scared to move because i hate change. i'm so hesitant about everything. i'm ridiculously reluctant.

i'm so scared.

usually this is something i'd feel is "too personal" to share on my blog. but this is a really big decision. and for the most part everyone who reads this thing is my friend. some old friends, some new. some really intimate friends, others acquaintances. but i'm sure you care about me in one way or another.

i'm probably going to make an offer on thursday. i'd appreciate your prayers. thanx.

here's a link if your curious... click me!

bloodwork

i'm having a really horrible day.
its been one crappy thing after another.
usually just dumb things.
but piled on top of other dumb things.
i'm so enraged!!!
seriously, i just want to swear and swear.
go on some kind of profanity rampage.
but unfortunately my profanity vocabularly is very limited.
argh, that frustrates me in itself.
just one slap in the face after another.
i just want to swear.
or bite something.
but i can't.
i know one day i'll look back at this day and laugh.
frig, i already see the humour in it.
but that's just not gonna cut it for now.

well at least i don't have shingles like someone else i know....
dern, ner, ner.

saevyn

here i sit... in the middle of my room that's filled with trash. well not really. but its state is progressively decomposing. i've really got to do something about this. last night, instead of tidying my room, melinda and i went to cas & david's play. we ended up sitting with al & gang, which was really fun. i'd have to say, al is probably the coolest pastor there is and i'm not just saying that because i know that he'll read this since he's an admitted pspd regular. i'm glad i had that chance to hang out with him.

now, i am reaching a fork in the road so to speak. in the next little while i've got to decide if i'm gonna buy a house or what!?! hmmm, such a tough decision. i guess if i found "the right house" i'd buy, but if i don't i won't. ugh. i don't know. its all so scary and overwhelming. melinda, who has an amazing knack for finding radical houses/apartments found one that has perked my interest. the last house i was seriously interested in ended up having a murder 2 doors down from it last week. kinda ironic. well i've emailed the realter, and i guess i'll take my people with me to check it out. it actually seems really ideal. so we'll see.

i was talking to paul morris this morning at church, telling him about a dream i had the other night where he had a cameo. do you think that's weird? i hardly know paul. like hardly at all. like, i'm still at the stage where i avoid him when i see him at indigo. its strange that i dreamt about him, maybe i shouldn't have told him that. seriously, please comment on whether you think its appropriate to tell acquaintances that you've dreamt about them. i'd like a sampling of what "the people" think.

i guess that's it for today. oh darn i just remembered i was gonna post some pics today. hmm, lets see if it'll work. ok here we go...

this is my sister joy and my brother-in-law tim. they're really awesome. i'm so glad that joy and i have become friends. i was very detached from her for a long time and it really hurt her. but i've wised up and have come to really appreciate the unique relationship of siblings. although, sometimes i get really tripped out by her if i think about her name too long. joy, joy, joy, its a weird name. i SWEAR... i've never done drugs. i just get mistaken as a pothead all the time.

and here's a pic of caleb. he's so sweet and super chubby. i was a hugely chubby baby too. joy thinks he looks like me, which is shame because neither of her kids look like her then. awwww, he's so cute.

can't take your car to heaven
can't take God for a drive

dijon

i like how i just got off the phone with melinda, saying i had to go tidy my room then immediately went to my blog and began this entry. that's great. right on!

so today was the much anticipated spice party. it was neato!! i enjoyed just about everything i ate expect for the dip with the faux-bacon which joanna helped me out with. jo's really cool and so is sarah. i'm looking forward to spending more time with them. there's so many awesome people i've met in recent months. so many cool people and so little time....

i babysat joelle and caleb last night. so i finally got some nice pictures of caleb. i'm gonna post them... give me a minute.... you may have noticed i've been posting a lot of photos lately. that's because i couldn't before because i have a mac and the internet brower i was using wasn't very mac friendly. tim forbes suggested a better one so now i'm cooking with gas... oh darn, my photobucket account won't load for some reason. well i'll try again tomorrow.

ugh. i need to tidy this disaster. i have clothes all over the floor. but you know what? i'll just dump them in the laundry instead of putting them away. i didn't inherit my mom's housekeeping ability. oh frig, i've now told the world that i'm messy and can't cook!! they're right... NO man WILL ever want to marry me!?!?! hahaahaha, i guess i'll have to rely on my wit and less obvious charms ;)

harry potter and the sexual innuendos

last night i was up really late, so ironically today's entry is falling under the same date as yesterdays. well, what can you do?

tomorrow i'm going to a spice party at joanna's house. i'm excited about this. i'm hoping it will help me with my problem. my problem being that i don't know how to cook with spices. i'm sorry if you're appalled at that, but its not my fault. really. there's a few explanations for this:

1. my mom is british. i agree, it seems like a weak argument. but the thing is, my mom came here in 1967, and britian was a very different place back then. the food was more bland, and they didn't have supermarkets - apparently.

2. my grandma and grandpa owned a hotel on the irish sea. my mom and auntie eileen were made to work there doing housekeeping (since my mom was 7). she knows how to keep house, that's for darn sure. but my grandma did all the cooking for their guests and didn't teach my mom anything about the culinary arts. so my mom arrived in toronto with a trunk but with no clue. not even knowing how to grocery shop. awww, isn't that a sad tale?

3. my mom hates cooking and passed on very negative feelings towards it. although, she can cook a mean roast. for the most part she just cooked so we could eat and didn't put any effort into it.

i've only really learned to cook since living with melinda. but even so, sometimes she just adds the spices for me instead of showing me what to do or without explaining why i should use certain spices for certain dishes.

but i'm getting better. i'm branching out! i made a casserole for joy to have when caleb was born. at the time they were puzzled why i gave it to them so far in advance, but since cabe came 3.5 weeks early i was the only person prepared. i also learned to make salsa this summer. yay for les!!


well since i've been talking about my ma & pa i feel a need to show you a picture of them from their younger days.

i'd guess my dad is about 25 in this pic since my mom said once this is what he looked like when they first met and she convinced him he needed to grow a mustache. she said he looked like he should have one but just didn't.

this is a pic of my mom when she was still living in england. its funny to think she would have had a strong accent then. i try sometimes to imagine this picture talking and what she would have sounded like. she dropped her accent as soon as she could when she arrived here. i can understand that. when i'm in england i'm very self-conscience of my accent. its just it attracts so much attention... its embarrassing.

i'd say i resemble both my parents in these photos. i can really see myself in my dad, its almost scary. but i can see myself in my mom's pic too because my glasses are very similar to hers. i'd have to say my mom was way cool when she was my age. she had dyed fiery red hair when my parents met and my dad is resentful to this day because he thought he'd snagged himself a red head. he tells us that all the time. its funny talking to my dad because he had a good memory. he tells us how wild my mom was, meanwhile she apparently has alzheimer's because she doesn't remember that at all. but seriously, coming to canada for a one year trip when your 21 and then never going home is a pretty outragous thing to do...

click

since its waaaaaayyy past my bed time, here are some photos for your viewing pleasure...

indifference is killing me.

bach

here's melinda in our kitchen.
i like this pic, it makes our kitchen look super cool.
which it is... of course.
she was practicing her cello for her lesson with wolfe.

newfie

this is rhonda and isaac.
i punked this pic off the next website.
shhhh.

russian

this is irina. and some really freaky person sitting behind her... just ignore her. well, i'm clearly very focused, oh man, i must have been watching gilmore girls. one track mind.

lazy bums

here are our rascals sleeping on my bed. this picture really emphasizes how much bigger fru is from dix. its really not an optical illusion. really. ;) jk

bungra

this is a great pic of laney at her brother's wedding. tim look it... he's a really great photographer. one of these days i'll add a link to his photo blog. one of these days...

mitts

It's hard to be depressed when you're knitting a giant pink mitten.

come on tim, smile! you're with some pink mittens!!
he looks so unimpressed...

if i was married, melody wouldn't be my date...

this is me on my road trip to leslie's wedding in owen sound. we stopped here to get a pic for melinda who's obsessed with brick beer.

whoberly

ooohh, i'm so happy!!! i just got a letter from my beloved fabulous cousin pamela who lives in the u.k. (also known as united kingdom, also knows as great britian, also known ask england). ohh yay! i haven't heard from her in ages. we write letters because we think they're more fun than emails. i try and send her a letter or postcard each week, but have been slacking off since i swear i haven't heard from her in 2 months. but she just moved house and has all sorts of valid reasons so i won't hold it against her.

at lunch today april started asking me all sorts of weird questions about the Y. stuff like "so, have you met any guys at the Y? is there anyone there you're interested in? would you consider dating someone if they approached you?" it was bizarre, and deep down i thought "somethings up". i told her that there was a guy i'd noticed because he has the same earrings as me - what's up with me being into guys with the same accessories as me lately? first same bag, now same earrings? do i think we can go apparel shopping together or something? actually, i'm not really into the earring guy. but i mentioned him anyways and she was like "is he new? would you date him?" yes he's new and no i wouldn't date him. i hate being hit on. i feel like "who the hell do you think you are? you don't know anything about me!" then she tells me she got an email from nick wolfe brown (he goes to the Y at the same time as me) and he told her that someone at the Y is trying to woo me. i was like "what the heck!!!?!?!?! how is it possible for someone to woo me without talking to me??!?!" it was totally weird and we sat there trying to figure out if it could be earring guy or someone else. later on she tells me she emailed nick back and he responded saying it was david ferrence. that's so creepy. this old man at my work who just got a Y membership. nick said that ferrence comes just to gawk at me. this makes me seriously reconsider my new scantily clad gym clothes...

say hello with just a glance

well... its past my bedtime. and i had an awful time getting up this morning, so I really should be in bed. my brain doesn't function in the morning. its really a good thing that it takes a half hour to drive to work because i'm semi awake by the time i arrive. today both irina and melinda were up at 6:oo and tried to make small talk with me, but all i could do in response was grunt.

tonight i'm going to start a new segment here on pspd... quotes. i love quotes. so does melinda. i think it all goes back to our sunday school days of learning bible verses. its the whole notion of a statement full of meaning. when i start painting again, i'll probably incorporate quotes. i've never been much of a painter to be honest. but the desire's there. i love that my house is full of all these big paintings, but they're all melinda's so i'm gonna have to start making some when i buy my dump hole. right now i don't have any space to paint, but i do have a project in mind for over my christmas holidays... i'm look forward to that.

night.

being undead isn't the same as being alive.

fireflies

today a complete stranger came into my room to look at all the stuff i have on my walls. she seemed pleasant enough so i welcomed her in. we got chatting and it turns out she just recently started going to next. it was totally random, but super cool. she works at camp iawah with chelsea, so unfortunately she's not local to attend different events. but i'm gonna watch out for her and introduce her to some cool people. her name is jen, so heads up. i might just introduce her to you!

i just finished the outside pages of this week's next standard. and as i worked on it i thought about how i really enjoy designing for designsake. its so nice that i have this little outlet that i have free-reign to do whatever i want. i really do get a lot of pleasure out of doing it. i'm including a quote from "Chariots of Fire" that really means a lot to me. when i looked it up and read it once again it almost brought me to tears. i know that sounds kind of cheezy, and i really don't know if anyone will be as impacted by it as i am. they might just miss the point completely, but i didn't want to expound on it because that would take away from the message. my editions of the standard actually reveal a lot about me, but i don't think anyone knows how personal they actually are.

ode to fru fru

this is my fru fru when he was having his anti-flea bath. he's a big boy & quite a rascal...

he's really quite the character. he's super friendly with everyone. he loves to lie on my chest when i watch the t.v. and sit only an inch from my face. but he'll do that to anyone. he's the most unbias kat ever. he's very loving.

when he's pissed off he'll make these little crying sounds like he's upset or hurt so then you'll comfort him. then when you move in to pet him he'll attack you. very clever.

he also winks his one eye when he's mad. he "barks" at my door every morning because he wants in to look out my window, and once managed to open my door. i'm not even kidding.

salt grain

me oh my. i'm sore and pooped. i don't wanna bathe the kats again or take down the gazebo or do the newsletter. argh. i have an attitude problem.

after church today i decided to go to indigo to read. i thought "oooh, i might just get a table if i go now". i was wrong all the tables were full, BUT i was pleasantly surprised to find melissa there reading, so we went out for lunch together. i was really happy about that because i like having lunch with people after church but i hadn't found anyone to ask. although, when i was on my way to indigo i did bump into cas and i would have asked her but she was sooo swamped we rainchecked it for another time. so that on top of my delight in seeing melissa made me even more excited that i'd found a lunch date. we went to the brew pub.

i find people confusing. to continue in the "i don't understand people" topic, i really genuinely don't understand people's minds. i just wish life was simpler. we should all live by that verse in the bible that talks about "let your yes be yes, and your no be no". seriously. none of this "i'm gonna say no, but act like yes." or "yes, but i'll throw some no in there from time to time". like what the!!! there's this person who i think has been mad at me for a little while. and i don't understand it. but maybe i'm just reading into things since i have that tendency - to think everything is about me. yesterday i said to laney "hey are those med students talking about us? why do they keep looking this way?" then i realized their friend was about to throw and we were sitting right behind him. so they were probably talking about the game.

i have this awful feeling that eventually certain topics that i try to keep obscure here on pspd may come into the light down the road and then i'll feel embarrassed. i think i might be safe though. however, i'm not entirely sure who checks my blog regularly since only a handful of people post. maybe the person i'm referring to has never been here at all. who knows.

ugh, i've got to get some work done. the nooma group is in t-minus 2 hoursish.

cut copy

curling is WAY under-rated. its totally awesome! i'm so serious, and its really easy too. i had the best time today. i had sooo much fun. and we totally kicked ass!!!

ok so here's the rundown. laney was our SKIP so she stands at the end and tells you were to aim and yells instructions as the stone slides down the ice. i really liked how she has her own terminalogy. she'd yell "yes" when we should sweep, and "no" when we should lay off. i know that doesn't seem that unusal but seriously, no one else used those terms. it's strickly laney. she's a great SKIP too. she'd never been a SKIP before, she usually plays 2ND in her monday night league. yup, that's right, we discovered today that laney is a huge curling nerd. but its great. we all have to be nerds of something. i'm a confessed train nerd.

i was the LEAD, melissa was the 2ND and sarah was the something or other. we tied our first game, lost our second game by 1 and won our third game. had dinner than won our last game. our third game was the game of all games. it was totally amazing!!! that was the game where we played the "med students" oh baby, that's right. they had a stone in the centre, and it was my go. I threw a heavy one and took it out, leaving my stone right over the button. the melissa set up a stone 5 feetish in front of it to block it. then one of the med students knocked it out, but my stone was thankfully still safe in the middle. then melissa went again. laney was like "ok, just like last time" and she did it!! it was great. so then laney threw 2 stones right into the house to win the game 4-1!! yay!!!

ah, those med students took it really well. they were shocked but respected us for it. they ended up winning the tournament, so really logically we should have won because we beat them. as we watched the final match, we discussed how the one in the hoodie was particularly attactive. laney was encouraging me to get his number, and even though i considered it in a joking kind of way decided against it. i was told once "he has to ring all your bells" and really he only rang one or two (cute & med student). on the lesley attractive scale i would rate him as an 8, which is quite good since most often cute guys are 7s. that's what makes a 10 so unique & special. those are v. rare. that's probably a good thing, since 10s make me feel 14 again and i can't think straight.

oh man, i had the funest time. dan roud was there and that was really cool. and a girl i recognized from somewhere. i kept saying to the girls "who is that person, and why does she keep smiling at me". eventually i narrowed it down and when she asked me "where do i know you from?" i said "did you go to frontenac?" i was right. although, she was in jason's grade so i didn't actually KNOW her know her.

well i'm gonna be totally bruised and sore tomorrow.

slightly

i've lost the ability to read people. its true. actually, maybe i was never good a reading people. i like to think i am. i'm no stranger to the ways of the world. nor are matters of the heart new to me. but maybe all those times i was right about something, they were just flukes. coincidences. i've also lost any "gaydar" i might have had. and my "genderdar". lately, i keep mistaking men for women and women for me. frig. what am i on?

i went to giant tiger for the first time tonight. now i understand what all the fuss is about. i'm totally on the giant tiger bandwagon. although, the one thing that really weirded me out was the bag says "GT BOUTIQUE". what's up with that? is it to hide where you were actually shopping? doesn't that defeat the purpose of putting something on the bag at all? isn't just another subliminal advertisement? i digress. giant tiger is cool. however, i still haven't found a winter coat to my liking. so i have a sneaking suspicion that i'll be wearing my old man coat for another year. man, i've had that old brown coat for.... hmmm. since 2nd year. so that would be ummm 2000, so going on 6 years. and before that i had a very similar brown corduroy jacket. i need another one. once i find something i like i stick with it.

man, i'm craving a pomegranate. what am i gonna do?? actually, its probably for the best. i can't do anything while eating a pomegranate. its like i have a one track pomegranate mind. the other day i was changing out of my work clothes while eating one and ended up in a half changed state for the rest of the snack. you know? mayeline didn't know what a pomegranate was and I had a really hard time explaining it to her. i was like "its this fruit with seeds inside..." doesn't sound as delightful as it actually is. well i guess i'll just have some juice. and maybe some sunflower seeds. their kind of similar, at least the eating action is similar.

justin hot timberlake

tell me... is there any logic to burning incense in your room when you're too stuffed up to smell it? oh wait, i'm getting a wif of something...

so i've been roped into joining a curling team. yup, you read that correctly. curling. i'm going to curl this saturday. hahaha, that's so unlike me. but hey, i'm all about trying new things and expanding my experience. actually, it should be pretty fun, i'll be teammates with melissa, elaine and melissa's friend sarah. we're trying to come up with a good team name. so far all we've got is "barren naked ladies". which seems inappropriate. and sarah doesn't know the whole background story so that seems unfair. we'll have to come up with something else. how about "flex your trust muscles - the beach is that way" maybe that will be our slogan because its a little long for a name.

i discovered tonight that lindsay and i have the same birthday (december 17) although, she was borned in 1981 and i thought 1979 seemed really old compared to that. but hey its not a contest. AND i've always loved the fact that i just barely slipped into the 70s, by just 2 short weeks. yup, that's the difference between being a 70s baby and an 80s baby.

so Knickers was thrilled to have me back at work today. she was all like "see, you're needed here, you can't even go away for 2 days without the work piling up". when i first arrived i was not at my finest. i walked in dragging my feet and i could hear her call out of her office "oh that must be you lesley". she's nagged at me about how i walk - she hates the way i drag my feet. melinda says that's nothing compared to me following her around in a&p shuffling my feet the whole way. anywayz, the truth is Knickers loves to mother me. old man Ferrence told me my voice was very husky and that some people find that sexy and i should be careful who i speak to. i responded by saying "i always am" then tried to ignore him away from my cube. later Francisco called me and was like "what's wrong? are you sick? you sound like a man..." that's always nice to hear.

norwich

i just realized i went to bed with my contacts in last night... not good. the strange thing is i didn't notice. my eyes ususally bother me when i've been wearing them too long. but not this time. i actually got up, put on my glasses and watched E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY on JERRY LEWIS. i was wearing my contacts and glasses at the same time and didn't notice. man, i AM out of it.

i've been feeling alittle lonely today. i think its because i've been isolated in my house for almost 48 hours. i got thinking, i need some contact from the outside world. i've been hankering for a good conversation. even if someone could send me a long email about their day. anybody. well not anybody, not scott or my neighbour gloria. i just want to be nosey into someone elses life. but then i thought, well that's kinda what books are for. so once i'm done here, i'm gonna read for a bit. then i'm meeting chris for squash. i realize i called in sick today so i really shouldn't be playing squash, but i stood chris up last week so I don't want to do that again. after that i'm going to rhonda's and i'd imagine that will fill my quota for people contact.

i like watching and observing people. i think for the most part people are fairly transparent if you know what to look for. its interesting how some people are 3-D while other people are 2-D. 3-D people are like onions, they have hords of layers. while 2-D people are oranges, they only have one layer and very little depth or life experience. for the sake of argument i'm going to classify myself as a pomegrante. you think you have me figured out then you reach another whole hidden section you didn't know was there and its filled with tons of stuff. its interesting that i fancy myself a pomegrante.

to close... here's a quote from my book...
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all matters of things shall be well."

AMEN

windows

well my cold did get worse. and at 4:00 this morning i decided i'd call in sick. i haven't gotten as much done has i'd hoped, as a result of my congestion and other symptoms. i slept til noon then watched E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY on ROSEANNE. when i came upstairs, i was faced with all my laundry and went into the kitchen to see the chaos in there, i got very overwhelmed. then on top of that, we discovered that fru still has fleas. ugh. i was getting really upset and felt like crying about the fleas. but it was just because i'm so congested, so then i tried to put it in perspective. right now: family = good. friends = good. home = good. work = good. church = good. if fleas are the worst of my problems i shouldn't complain too much. being sick lowers my resilience. so does being tired. i remember when i was living in toronto i called joy in the middle of the night all upset and crying about the disarray of my life. she reminded me i was just tired and i should go to bed - things would look different in the morning. she handled the situation very well considering she had to get up in a few hours to go to work. aside from the fleas, i just wanted a big hug. someone to hug me and not let go. not just like a "oh there there" hug, but a real "i'm gonna hold on to you until its all better" hug. i think that's the only real downside to being single, but i don't even have time for a boyfriend right now, so i'm not going to waste time complaining over that. its like crying over spilt milk - it complishes nothing. i take a very methodical approach to being sad "what can i do right now to improve this situation". so i folded my 4 loads of laundry and put them away. then did 3 loads of dishes in the dishwasher. so now i feel like i've accomplished something. so once again life is good.

bowler hat

i think we got all the fleas. that's a relief. and as an added bonus fru is all nice and fluffy after his bath.

i'm sick. i'm getting a cold. and with any luck it'll get worse and i'll be able to call in sick. i could use some time off to clean the house and read my book. i didn't get much of a break this weekend. i haven't had a sick day all year. i missed half a day in september when i first discovered my stupid acid reflux. i had a really bad cold in march/april that started right before my trip to europe and lasted the entire time. me blowing my nose was the soundtrack of our trip. i bought some mona lisa kleenex in paris. it felt sacreligious to blow my nose on mona. but i did it anyway. man, that was such a bad cold my snot was brown. hahaha, its funny that i shared that, because i'd probably wouldn't have told most people that face to face.

i considered not going to the y today because of my cold. but frank convinced me that working out when you're sick is good for you. getting all hot and sweaty. he said he always makes sure he plays hockey when he's sick. i had a really good long conversation with frank today. for some reason it feels like ages since we had a big long talk. i like frank. its puzzling to me that we're such good friends inspite our 25 year age gap. but we're both designers so our minds work the same way. we both love macs and we both talk a lot.

i'm gonna hit the hay. i'm exausted and feeling drained - cough due to cold related.

caledonia

i'm so grossed out. fru has fleas. so does dix. oh poor fru fru and dix. poor les, mindy and irina. i'm gonna have to wash all my sheets and clean the house fanatically. but worst of all we're gonna have to give fru a bath. how awful. he's gonna hate me. although, he is a big fan of water. he used to play in the toilet when he was a kitty. maybe he won't hate me. here's hopin.

so i'm on this pomegranate kick. i'm in love with the pomegranates. i go through these stages with fruit. you could almost set the seasons by which fruit i'm really into at the mo. they're kind of expensive though. but i've forked out a pretty penny on many watermelons in my life, so i'm sure it all balances out. hmm, i think i might go have half a pomegranate right now.

bamboo

hello there... i am lesley "snubber of acquaintances".

its so true. i was just downtown and i swear i saw at least 6 people i should have said "hi" to but i blatently ignored them. hmmm, i wonder why i do that. am i rude? or is that a shy part of me i haven't gotten over. i know its partly that i have a really good mind for faces, and i always assume that eventhough i know someone, it doesn't mean they know me. i remember once last spring i was at s&r and saw rhonda & isaac, and i totally avoided them. that seems so funny and ridiculous now since rhonda has become one of my closest friends. man, life is so strange. so if i don't know you very well, be prepared that i might snub you on the street. ahahaha ;)

it came to my attention this week that i have the MOTHER OF ALL COMPUTERS!!! not my MAC at home, but my computer at work (my PC - she says with ounces of shame). but seriously, considering its a PC its probably one of the best computers there ever was. hahahaha. that's funny, and slightly exaggerated. some guy at work the other day was asking me about compy because he wanted to know how it compared to his laptop. hahaha, I can't help but snicker at that even as i type. i didn't know the answers to his questions, the speed, ghz, ram etc. so later i checked and it was more than double what he had. get this... 100 gbs (only 3% left, so I need to buy an external hard drive with 200 gb), 3.75 RAM, and 3.06 something else (ghz maybe?? computer nerds... do you know??). its funny because i don't really understand what all that means. nor do i care. but i can't help but feel pride in my little compy. although, compy's not little. she weights at least 50 pounds, probably more and has two 21" monitors. i'm very nostaligically attached to compy, in the same way i was to my blade and ruler in college.

man, i feel like such a motor mouth lately. i just want to gab and gab. but i know there's no point because if this entry gets to be too long no one will read it. if the computer talk didn't already lose you. does anyone want to go out for coffee with me and let me talk their ear off?

well i'm going to see sarah slean tonight. i wonder if it would be inappropriate to bring my knitting. I just picked up some more wool so i'm all set.

vintage army projector

so is it just me or do you think people are catching perpetual dynamite fever? everyone's trying to get name dropped.
elaine prank called me at work today. david gave me a heart attack on sunday with a hoax. and.... hmmm... that's all i can think of. but there is a patten. sort of. or is it that laney was genuinely calling about taking me to NYC for the weekend? and david was just being a bum? i guess that's more likely...

this week has turned out not at all like i expected. pretty much everything i had planned has fallen through. its probably for the best. i'm too much of a planner. i'm the most unflexible 25 year old ever!!

man, i'm low on material today. i've written and deleted 4 paragraphs. 2 big. 1 medium. 1 small. i was bored just typing them. i can't imagine how dull they would've seemed to you the viewing public. we have high quality standards here at pspd. i appologize.

i'd just like to say that melinda knows me too well. its freaky. considering i don't even understand the inner workings of my own mind, its a little unnerving when she can predict or call me on random things. kudos to melinda. she's a good friend.

fourth of july

i learned a valuable lesson tonight. anything i put on my blog may come back to bite me in the ass.

tonight i went to Nick Wolfe Brown's new job celebration and April let out of the bag that i have a blog. this immediately makes me panic and when i got home had to rush to my computer to delete anything inappropriate before they all go home and locate pspd. this has made me very aware that i shouldn't write anything that i wouldn't want to get back to someone. what a profound lesson. this makes me want to reconsider whether i should share "certain stories". frig, this is my blog i should get to write whatever i want!! i don't want to edit myself. oh wait, i've already set up a some guidelines for myself haven't i? well i guess this is #5 - be very selective about what i say about work. #6 be selective about who gets access to the address.

so to my horror of horrors i bumped into Laurie Lockerbie at the Y tonight. of all the women i wouldn't want to see at the Y I'd have to say she'd be my first choice. the gym is my safe haven where i don't have to talk to anyone. its like CHEERS but only the opposite "nobody knows my name". i spotted her on the treadmill right beside the door and tried, but failed, to keep a straight face. i hope she didn't see me laughing. there i was on the eliptical, knowing i only have a few minutes left, praying "OH LORD GOD!!! HOW CAN I GET OUT OF HERE WITHOUT HER SEEING ME!!??!!" but alas, there's no other way, so i held my breathe and walked past her pretending i was really into my water, and very interested in who was in the opposite direction from her. yes, i realize jason and i broke up 6 years ago. but Laurie and I have a past that started way before i dated her son. seriously, she's the worst of exboyfriend's-moms to bump into. but i don't want to talk to her about how Jay is doing, or Brett and the boys. I don't want to talk about why she left Bayridge. or about her new job at Bethel. but most of all, i don't want her to see me naked in the change room!!! what a horrifying thought. of crap, this is breaking rule #2 and rule #5 (sort of - its more the premiss of not saying things you wouldn't want the person to find out). why did i even bother making rules in the first place!!! maybe i did it just so i could break them. i do delight in doing what i'm not supposed to do.... hmmm. talk about reverse psycology in the bizarriest form...

i feel confused.

tell me no secrets, i'll tell you no lies

i can't be bothered writing anything today ;)

zoo station

i have to confess something to you... there was a time in my life when i was obsessed with pirates. it wasn't that long ago even. it was when i first moved in with melinda. we even had "you have reached pirate's cove" as our answering machine greeting. i'd forgetten about my parley with the pirates. ah good times.

melinda has been teasing me that i'm a "blog keener". but its just my latest kick. like the pirates. before this it was my crossword puzzles. before that it was ummm, knitting. before that the Y. and before that it was volunteering at the screening room. i'll eventually find something else to do, and will do this to a lesser extent. i still do crossword puzzles, knit and go to the Y.

i saw the man who works the elevator of s&r tonight at a&p. i see him everywhere. i bet i've even seen him at next. it seems everyone frequents next at some point. even my old life drawing model comes ocassionally. but i don't talk to her. it's a little awkward.

so i think by this times next year my hair will be almost grown back. but it probably won't be until this time 2 years from now until its as long as it was before i chopped it all off. its funny because some of you reading this probably didn't know that i used to have hair to my waist. some of you probably didn't know i'm in the process of growing my hair out from it being really short. and others of you only knew me with long, long hair. i know Buddy will be relieved to hear its starting to get longer. i think it broke his heart to hear i'd cut my hair. oh Bud, are you coming home any time soon?

ooooh, thanks to laney and jade for posting some comments!! you're so rad.

knit a square & make a toy

ok, who wants me to knit them a stuffed duck, rabbit, camel? joanna lent me this knitting book today that's super basic - although, i have to admit it still looks a little advanced for me. i haven't yet reached pearling. but i'll give it a go. who wants one. there's a list of like 24 different animals to choose from. so get back to me.

after church i went to copper penny with meghan. i'm crazy about copper penny and it was nice to go with someone who shares my love of the c.p. they've actually just built a take-out copper penny in the township and i have to pass it every day of the way to the factory. i feel deep down they've only put it on my route to tempt me since i only get a half hour lunch and i could never make it there and back in time. and of course it's because of me, because the whole world revolves around me. right? ;) of course right.

but really, i do have a center of the world complex. i'm trying to work thru that though. i'm always getting my feelings hurt over dumb things that weren't anything to do with me because i somehow rationalize it to be about me.

another thing i need to overcome is my constant blushing. its obsurd. i blush at the most unopportune moments, when i'm not even embarrassed. i've been told that i'll grow out of it, my mom said she used to be the same way and i've never seen her blush before. actually there are several things i've never seen my mom do - run, ride a bike, chew gum. anyways, i was also told that i shouldn't get embarrassed about blushing because that only makes it worse. i should just be like "let it come, i don't care". but that hasn't really helped before. so if you ever see my blushing don't think anything of it. its probably more that i've been put on the spot unexpectedly.

cribbage

well its official... melinda is INSANE!! she gave me this old U2 mixed tape she made 10 years ago to listen to in the batmobile. today it was playing as i drove around with my windows down and tunes on full blast when i could hear the next song was taped off a record. i thought "that's strange. melinda doesn't have a U2 album on record". then i hear raffi singing "the more we get together, the happier we'll be". WHAT!!! WHAT???? WHAT?!?!?! this cracked me up so much my eyes were watering. and there i was, sitting in my car, beside a public bus, trying to seem as casual and normal as possible with raffi pouring from my open windows.

so tell me... what do you think of light jeans? i'm not sure where i stand on the issue. i bought a pair of silvers the other day on sale and at the time i didn't realize that they're light blue. yes, i know. you're probably wondering "how did you not notice that?" well let me explain... i don't know. it was on one of those days i was incredibly giddy. so apparently i'm going to plead insanity.

my stupid acid reflux is flaring up again. making me feel barfy all the time.

so i was talking to Patty at church today and mentioned that i was shy. it hit me, if you need to explain to someone "i'm shy" and it's not already obvious, are you ACTUALLY shy? well i know for a fact that i WAS shy, but i'm starting to wonder if i'm STILL shy. is shyness something you can overcome? i thought it was apart of me like my brown eyes. but more and more people are telling me "i didn't realize you were shy, you don't seem shy" maybe i've worked it out of my system. maybe it went away with age. aww, aging, what a wonderful thing ;)

Q-tips

i remembered tonight how i LOVE manly men. i have a weakness for manly men. i'd forgotten that. me and the teen girl squad saw the movie "Prime" tonight and i totally fell for the character in the movie (he's v. manly). that might seem lame, but it happens. you can't say its never happened to you. even neil young wrote a song about falling in love with a character in a movie. this topic bends my blog rule #4.
i also discovered that being "the older woman" is very sexy. i'm totally ok with getting old and then hooking up with a 23 year-old man. there are huge advantages to getting older and i've only just started catching on to that.

i think i need to become more "thick skinned". today i had my feelings hurt over something dumb someone said. it wasn't even about me and yet i took it personally. is there a happy median between being sensitive and insensitive? sometimes life calls for being jaded. being calloused. in times like that i just need to think "what would billy joel do?"

achilles' heel

so i just got my new car insurance papers in the mail this week. my monthly payments have finally decreased after the semi-minor accident i had when i was 19. yes, i said 19. i'm turning 26. good thing its only taken 7 years - right on. anywayz, i made an observation... they send you these little tear away cards so you can exchange them with other drivers if you have an accident. i noticed that they provide 5 and then in the place where the 6th one would go it just says "drive safely"... now first of all why 5. who has 5 accidents in one year?? someone who has 5 in a life time has it bad, but i'd hate to be the person who needs to use all 5 in one year. and imagine getting to the 6th accident and only finding a card that says "drive safely". argh. can you imagine!?!? that is so strange.

tonight at rhonda's, kathryn was trying to convince me that next time i'm at the grocery store, when they ask me "how are you today?" i should say "terrible, i just found out i'm barren!!!" hahahaha, even typing that makes me laugh. ahahaha, so inappropriate.

oh i've got to give a shout out to my boob groop who are frequent visitors to the patron saint of perpetual dynamite, but rarely leave a comment. actually i think laney is the only one who's left one (two actually). i wonder if other people have visited my blog without my knowledge. i have a feeling that scott is stalking me via my blog... yup, that's right, i'm on to you.

i've been so hyper this week. it's insane. everything makes me laugh to hysterics. last night i went to bed laughing hysterically while melinda and irina could hear me in the hallway. it's like i'm on a natural high. i'm just so HAPPY!! life is good!

fru fru slept in my room the whole night last night. awww he's a good boy.

well i should go. yay!! its jeans day tomorrow!! oh baby! ah the little things in life.

she was a fool unto herself

well i've finally joined the rest of the world in online banking. how exciting, i almost want to hold a party in its honour. wow, i feel like yelling out "ONLINE BANKING - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!?!?!" its one of many things i've been hesitant to do and than once i crossed that bridge i wondered what took me so long. like with getting a microwave (but lucky i held out so long joy just gave me hers), getting a gym membership, wearing perfume, getting housemates, going to next church, and getting this blog. although, i'm still holding out on gmail.

earlier i was dancing in the kitchen while i made my dinner. i really love rockin out in the kitchen. but tonight melinda was in the living room watching "america's next top model" and could see me through the closed glass doors. it was embarrassing. i tried to ignore the fact that i must have looked retarded and just kept dancing. i don't think she realized i dance in the kitchen all the time. its interesting that eventhough i've lived with melinda for a year and a half, and known her for 20 years she's constantly coming across things she didn't know about me.

smorgasbord

today, argo (my spanish-italian suitor from work - and by suitor i mean 50 year old man who keeps hitting on me and trying to convince me that the woman he lives with only CLAIMS to be his wife when he is infact unmarried) started telling me that eventhough he only has one child (a daughter quite close to me in age) he wanted 2. then assured me that it wasn't because of lack of ability or enthuasium on his side. this promptly made me blush and scurry away from the coffee station as fast as possible.

this morning, i had a craving for the kind of sandwich i used to have at my grandma's house. that got me thinking about my grandma and how she is quite a mystery to me. i'm so disappointed that she lives in england and haven't been able to have a normal relationship with her. i'm also really sad that i'll never see her again. i had a really good time with her in april, but i probably won't be back in england for 3 or 4 years and at this point my granny is 91 so i don't think she'll make it until then. its amazing that this woman who in many ways is a stranger to me is also such an intricate part of my make-up.

ciao

fav. quote
"since when are they allowed hooks and props"
melinda richka
circa 2005