best things about my mini summer vacation so far are...

- staying up past my bedtime

- "sleeping in" til 7

- hanging out with my kid all day

- going to the beach at grass creek park

- royal angkor take out for lunch

- going to yellow bike action for a new bike for b

- summer afternoon naps

- visit with rach last night

- dinner with bren and her kids tonight

- finishing my library book a week before the return date

lady books

each time i finish a book with a female protagonist i have the difficult task of trying to find another good book about women. thankfully, i always find something, but it requires much more looking than it should.

my latest book is called "the boston girl", by anita diamant. she's the same wome who wrote "the red tent", which many of you have read and loved. this one is set in a totally different place and time (boston in the early 1900s), but it's really good too. it's like "call the midwife" meets "fiddler on the roof". i really recommend it. it's a 85 year old woman, telling her life story to her adult granddaughter.

it's a library book, so i've been having to read it at a much faster pace, but that hasn't been a challenge because i enjoy it so much.

collection

while at chapters last week, i saw a drinking glass for sale with a russian doll on it – like this. i really liked it, but it was $21 for one! too bad. maybe i'll get one on clearance. but it got me thinking... i like novelty drinking glasses with colourful graphics. so i think i'll start collecting them until our whole glassware collection is an interesting assortment of designs.

i've also realized lately how much i like owls.

i also like feathers and octopuses.

perhaps i'll find some drinking glasses with those things on them.

escape

i'm pretty good at taking care of things. and because of that i don't usually think to ask for help. but tonight, as i tried to organize the house, and prepare/clean up dinner, and do some packing, i felt overwhelmed. so i called my mother-in-law to see if she could help with éamon while i did some stuff around the house. she came down and took him to the park, and i got on top of things.

soon, i'll need to start packing the basement. some stuff is already in boxes, but a lot isn't. it's a bit of an overwhelming task, but things are going at a good pace, so i'm sure it'll be alright.

i'm taking some vacation days this weekend to make for an extra long weekend. and i'm determined to use them to relax and enjoy some time off, and NOT do anything house related. i'll be nice to have that break from everything.

i'm from the suburbs

having grown up in the west-end of the West End, anything past the kingston centre was considered "downtown". so i find it super weird when people refer to kingscourt as "the suburbs". even my own dear brendan uses that label to describe it. "it's like the suburbs..." i don't really get the comparison. yes, kingscourt is a residential area with wider, more quiet streets, and bungalows, but i don't think that makes it a suburban neighbourhood. today's suburbs have oversized houses on tiny lots, which actually kind of makes downtown like the suburbs.

"suburbs" is a term that describes car-dependant neighbourhoods far from the city centre.

believe me, i should know. my place of origin was so deeply in the suburbs that the only thing in walking distance was a beckers, a creek and two (far apart) parks. technically my school was close enough to walk, but we were bussed because it involved crossing train-tracks and in the 70s a ten-year old boy had been killed on the tracks while on his way home from school (he was actually playing 'chicken' with his friends – super sad).

i do find that it gets my back up about the whole "suburbs" label, but i'm just going to have to let it slide. everyone has a different definition of what downtown is. i just think it's an issue of perspective.

electrical tape

we have this colourful stained glass ceiling lamp that i bought at a flea market in PEI many years ago. last week, brendan turned it on and the switch on the wire started smoking. we've been unplugging it ever since to avoid the switch. but today, i went to canadian tire to buy a new wire, and we had it repaired/replaced in 10 minutes. i'm super pleased with us. i'm very intimidated by electrical work. part of my pleasure is that we fixed it almost right away, instead of living with it like that for a long time, which is what we usually do.

mini

i was telling brendan yesterday, that i don't feel sad as we pack up our exile on main street. i think it's because we're not actually saying good-bye to it, but just "see ya later". it'll still be our house, and we'll live in it again some day when we're old. i feel happy about that, and really feel at peace.

this afternoon, while i cycled in the nameless waterfront park on my lunch break, i really relished summer. and i relished being out, bike riding mid-summer day. i concluded that if was at home with eamon, i wouldn't go out for a solitary bike ride daily, and i wouldn't ever make it down to the lake. one of these days i need to pack a sandwich and take it with me on my bike ride so i can eat it down by the water. it's really peaceful down there. it's pretty busy, lots of people take their dogs there or go for walks.

i was noticing today how much wild parsnip we have in millhaven. i knew we had a lot, but it's actually everywhere in large quantities. i cycle through a little bit of grass every day, and i'll have to make sure i stay away from the wild parsnip or it might swipe my leg. if you're not familiar with wild parsnip, it's like poison ivy, but worse because it grows aggressively. i think it's new to this part of ontario. they started sending out warnings about it at work just a few years ago. we get warnings about wild parsnip and bears.

i don't know about you, but i've been eating a lot of corn on the cob this year. it's so tastey. usually i don't eat it a lot because i think "i've only just had corn on the cob, i can't have it again", but i've decided that's silly! it's summer, and if i want to eat it every week i will. i eat watermelon every day, why not corn once or twice a week!?!? there's no rules about that!

tape gun

brendan, shannon, kat, todd, éamon and i all went to mandarin tonight for dinner. i think it's safe to say we all got our money's worth.

we're moving in 3 weeks! CRAZY! so we started packing tonight. i don't want to get overwhelmed by leaving it all to the last minute. so far it's going well. my dad likes to give us his "baxter boxes", which are the boxes he gets his dialysis supplies in. i also got some at the grocery store on saturday. so we're officially in box hunting mode.

sure

well... we had a home inspection yesterday at this second house, and everything went well so we get to move forward :) it's pretty exciting.

last night i posted an ad on kijiji for our current living space and received several inquiries by noon this morning. we have two separate people coming to see it tomorrow. funnily enough, it didn't occur to me that people would be coming to see our house, so it needs to be clean and tidy. like, i knew they would, but i forgot that that literally means them coming into our house and looking around. so i spent all evening tidying and scrubbing in ways and places long neglected. it was good though. i feel ready-ish.

we've been landlords for several years, but have never had to go through the process of meeting potential tenants and choosing people. nor have we ever had to prepare a lease. thankfully brendan found a build-a-lease-agreement website that did it all for us, we just had to click the appropriate boxes.

i hope this is a smooth process. it's stressful. we have a lot to do in the next few months and a lot of expenses. i'm kind of looking forward to mid-september when it's all done. but i don't want to wish away this significant time.

i love summer days like this. where we didn't have to rush off to my mom's after church, and we could lie around in the heat with an oscillating fan on. it's been nice.

i've heard rachel say a few times that she felt things really turned a corner with her kids at 2 years old. i totally get that. eamon's really changed in the last few weeks, really developed and is really engaged. it's nice. especially because he feels easier to manage. ten months to 22 months were the hard bits of babyhood for us. now he's just this little boy – getting more independent all the time.

yesterday we did something very adult and very boring – carpet shopping. i have such distinct memories of carpet shopping with my parents as a kid. it was SO BORING and lasted HOURS. i'd amuse myself by crawling on the rolls of carpet. it's just as dull as a grown up, but really only lasted 15 minutes.

a place to call home?

we made an offer on another house yesterday that was accepted. our home inspection is scheduled for monday. i feel trepidation, but optimisim. the current owner bought the place in 2010, and her home inspection went well. plus, she's done a number of upgrades since then.

i've loved living so close to friends. so has brendan. it's almost hard to imagine living on a street where we don't know anyone. but i remind myself that we didn't know ruth and himansu when i moved in on york street. and they've been a wonderful addition to our lives. i welcome this change.  i think it will be good to get out of my bubble and connect with more people. i certainly don't connect with people at my office. part of me hopes that living in kingscourt will expand the world of our community too, but i don't suppose it will. i was told once when i lived on york street that even that house was too far from downtown. the person didn't like going there because it was "too far".

it's a super beautiful house, and i'm excited about setting in deep roots there. to finally land somewhere lasting. since my mom sold my childhood home in 1998, i've kind of felt like i was drifting from place to place. the longest place i've lived by far was the maxi pad for 6 years. i feel like i'll finally get to exhale.

it's on brant ave if you're interested.

mcburney

this evening i went to the park to do a little photo shoot of eamon for his second birthday. i wanted to give a current picture to his grandparents and aunts and uncles. unfortunately, 1) it was super busy there so he was very distracted, and 2) i must've looked like one of those parents more interested in their devices than actually spending time with their kid ("eamon, look at momma", "eamon, say cheese", "eamon, please just look at momma") :S needless to say, i didn't get what i was hoping for.

while at the park i bumped into a friend of a friend. we got chatting because our boys are about the same age. in reminiscing about birth stories, he told me that their doula was a real champ. i casually said "i'm sure your wife was a champ too". he then surprised me by saying "well, the drugs helped". huh. i'm super glad that brendan's narrative around éamon's birth was that i was a strong, capable woman. things did not go smoothly, but he has never minimized my efforts or my strength.

distracted

every once and a while i'm reminded of the importance of screen time moderation. it's so easy to get sucked into being on devices a LOT. i'm really glad that we (brendan and i) don't have smartphones or tablets because the temptation would be far too strong for us to use them constantly.

brendan sent me a great article the other day about the impact on kids of parents who using devices excessive. not only does it model poor habits, but it also has a negative impact on their relationships (with their kids) and (their kids') social development. it was a good reminder/motivator. so i'm working on not using my computer when eamon is around. this evening, i found it helpful to jot down a list of things i need to do or look up after eamon goes to bed. it worked well because i was able to download onto the list the thing i needed to do, then let it go until later. i often do that at work with chores i know i need to do at home later in the day.

not surprisingly i found i had more energy and time after dinner and i actually tidied the house unexpectedly. one challenge is that i use my computer for a lot of things (music, weather, banking, etc). but it's really the internet that causes me distraction, not these other tools.

a year of work days

well... i've been back at work for one full year now.
it's been a bit of a roller coaster for me. there were times when i really enjoyed it and found the mental challenge really satisfying. there were also times when i found the job itself or being away from my baby/home/community too emotionally taxing and not worth it.

i've feel like, on the whole, i've been doing an alright job at balancing my home life (family, friends, house work, activities/social life, etc) and work life fairly well. i go to bed at a decent time, and have not hated my early mornings. i've seen eamon be challenged by his time at daycare and rise to meet it with strength of character and charm. i've also seen him grow and develop tremendously and i'm grateful for the influence of other nourturing adults in his life. brendan faced unexpected difficulties with his layoff and poorly handled dismissal last summer. he worked really hard to find a job and in the end was such a desirable candidate that he got several jobs. i'm proud of how he used that time and how he confronted that rough patch. i've also had the pleasure of seeing brendan flourish as a dada (oh dear, i'm getting all teary-eyed now). he's excelled as the primary caregiver each morning - getting eamon ready for daycare and tending to his needs. seeing b in that role has been a pleasure and not something any of us would've been able to enjoy had i not returned to work.

it's been a little bittersweet. but i'm sure that as time goes by, i'll remember the sweet more than the bitter. it even feels funny to call it bitter. it was mostly just hard, and the kind of hard that one does out of necessity. but we've made the most of it, managed as best we could, and found plenty to be glad for.

weaned

last night, before bed i realized that i was leaking breast milk because i haven't nursed eamon in 6 days. it made me super sad, and i had a cry on the couch with b. i've been trying not to think about this end of an era, other than focus on the freedom it gives me. i knew if i reflected on it, i'd feel sad. it saddened me that my body didn't know yet, and is still producing milk. i wonder how long it will take to dry up. geez, that's depressing too.

when we get back from cahoots, i'm going bra shopping. i'm gonna get me some nice, non-nurising bras that fit me well. that will help. it will be a nice consolation.

sights

we went for a free swim over at the water park today. it was super refreshing and because it was free i didn't feel badly for not staying for very long.

we're going to see another two houses this week. one of them is a little small, and the other is a little far north. too bad the bigger house isn't where the smaller house is. i'm trying to not to get ahead of myself. which is tricky because buying a house involves some envisioning your life there. apparently there are a few other interested buyers, so i might not work out. OR their realtor might be embellishing to apply some pressure.

it's now been 5 days since eamon nursed. when today, he had opportunities when i thought he'd ask and didn't. as brendan said, "he does have a short memory. maybe he's forgotten already".

sippy cup

after realizing that i didn't nurse éamon for two consecutive days, i decided we were on a roll and to keep it up. so when he woke up from his nap this afternoon and would've normally nursed, we distracted him by going to the park. tomorrow is gonna be tricky because he'll be expecting to nurse when he gets home from daycare. but we've now gone three full days, so we're making progress. i think we're both ready. i wanted to wean him around 2 years, and he turns two in 13 days. he still loves nursing, but usually loses interest and walks off. i think he mostly just likes having the option to nurse, because that kid is all about keeping his options open.

i'm sure if i allow myself to think a lot about this end of an era, i'd get sad. but it's a really positive milestone and i don't think i'll have regrets because 2 years is a good long run. i loved, loved, loved nursing him in the wee hours of the morning when he was a little tiny baby. but we've grown past that now, and we're moving into a new chapter. weaning, potty training, soon a big boy bed!

#myfavourite

this afternoon i lied (laid?) on my bed reading in our quiet house while a breeze gently blew the curtains.

rose-coloured

i've been thinking a lot about asbestos and life decisions. forgive me if i've said this already, but i found that my desire for that particular house was colouring my judgement and i could've easily decided to buy that house despite the asbestos, and then later lived to regret it. someone told me recently "we choose our own reality" and i think that's true. i could've picked the cancer-causing house, and then been sad and sick because of it. i don't fully trust my judgement because i know how quickly i'm willing to abandon what i really what (a smallish mortgage, a large yard and finished basement) for something pretty or available.

this will probably be a collection of random thoughts

i've been feeling pretty wiped lately. just haven't had the chance to get on top of things and to feel at rest. so i'm glad that brendan was working this evening because it gave me the chance to do some stuff around the house and have some alone time.

one of the reasons i'm glad we're staying put for a while, is because that when i think something is temporary i'm more inclined to put up with stuff or not deal with things. even when there is no end in sight, i convince myself taking care of my surroundings are less important.

i made fried rice for dinner tonight. i had no idea what to make for supper, but had decided not to make what i'd originally planned. i was so pleased with myself when i had the idea to make fried rice and even extra pleased when i had ALL the ingredients already. including 3 cups of rice. it was good to use up food that may have otherwise gone to waste. i feel like i'm only just starting to get better at not wasting food. we saw a commercial in the UK about how the average person throws out a third of their groceries. i was shocked by that, but also convicted that i frequently let things go bad, then throw it out.

lately i've been feeling more comfortable in my body. i think that's because i'm eating better and exercising at lunch on work days. i feel like i'm getting stronger and notice a difference when i lift my bike. for some reason, i decided to weigh myself, just to check up on that. the dumb thing is that i KNOW i've gained muscle, but i decided to weigh myself anyway. as predicted, i was 175. i have consistently weighed 175 since eamon was born. sometimes i've lost weight, down to 165 at the lowest, but i always bounces back to 175. that said, this morning i didn't let that bother me. i know i'm a different shape since 2 years ago, and i know my arms and legs at least are stronger. so i'm just going to accept that the weigh-scale is a poor judge of these things

over and out. i'm falling asleep as i type.

hold

i've felt really torn about this whole asbestos thing. on one hand, there are people saying "it's no big deal as long as it's not disturbed". and on the other hand, people in the realty business saying "there's no way of knowing if it's spread into the walls and ceiling. plus, it will affect the resale value". we're landing somewhere in the middle with "it doesn't have to be a big deal, but if we have the option to find a house that doesn't have asbestos in it, that's better". we know we won't regret not buying a house with asbestos in it. i really loved that house and i was so excited to live there, but i know that could affect my judgement and cause me to compromise on something i'd regret. it's the sort of thing that if we found out after we'd moved in, than we'd manage it safely, but it's if we can avoid it that's better.

it's weird that i feel a need to defend this choice, because it's really doesn't affect anyone else.

i had a bit of a cry after we confirmed with our realtor that we were not proceeding. but there's always another house. i like watching the house market and there are always houses coming up. it's just the sort of thing that when you're looking nothing's available. i know that someday we'll find another house that we'll love and think "i'm so glad we didn't buy that other one".