it's been a while since i wrote. largely because i've been shutting down my computer earlier during lent. it's been a positive change, but a bit challenging at times.

i'm finding myself with some spare time and at loose ends at the moment, because we put our kids to bed early tonight. otis wouldn't nap, then started falling asleep at the dinner table. eamon was grumpy and aggressive, so we thought an early bed would be good for him.

blogging is good for self-reflection. and i don't have much time for that luxury these days. between my own kids, my job at next, and afternoon childcare, being self-aware gets neglected. but one thing has been a consistent theme lately... unstable people with their own issues make direct or indirect attacks (either rude comments or full-on harassment) at me, and i don't have the discernment in the moment to let it go.

there was recently a woman, who i see around town often. she walks with her boyfriend and is pretty snarky. she's made rude comments before like "obviously you aren't from around here, or you'd know that u-turns are illegal". to which i responded "actually, they're not, as long as there isn't a sign that says 'no u-turns'". brendan just groaned at me and said "i don't know why you bother. she's obviously mentally ill". so i learned from that, and the next time that i passed her, and she grumbled "hey lady, could you walk any slower" (i was walking a normal speed, definitely faster than her), i didn't engage and just kept quiet.

i wonder if this is a matter of maturity, and with time i will lose my desire to correct the other person and point out the error in their argument. that will time, i will lose the piss and vinegar that fuels my fight or flight instinct. or is this just my personality and i will always fall into these traps with people of unsound minds. i usually end up looking like the asshole because i should've known better. what really bothers me is that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

i'm disappointed and feel a little let down. i was hoping to find some internal relief as i licked my wounds, but none really came.