faxed

i gave up drinking coke 2 years ago in order to lose weight. since then, i'll have one a week at the most (as opposed to 6 a day – ouch! i know. i had a problem). but this weekend, due to moving and the need for convenience, i've been drinking a lot of coke. i know in my head that i'll just lay off the sauce for a month, get plenty of excerise and it will all balance out. however, i'd forgotten that since quiting coke i have very little tolerance to caffeine. its 11:11. i've barely slept all weekend, and yet i'm not tired. stupid caffeine.

i'm settling in pretty well. i'm trying to take "the forbes approach" and tackle one room at a time. although, i find myself distracted by other "quick" tasks. regardless, my kitchen is just about done. hurray!! i looks really nice, especially with the orange flowers rhonda & isaac gave me. al's giving me a kitchen table and i need to go to the hardware store and get a different nozzle for the facet because my dishwasher's attachment won't screw on. yes, i said dishwasher. i have a countertop dishwasher. i think tomorrow i'll tackle the bathroom. i'm going to paint it, just gotta decide on the hue.

i've had a number of things running thru my brain the last few days (when i had the rare moment to think of anything other than moving). one thing is: where do you draw the line between being a good friend/co-worker/daughter and being walked all over? i instinctively want to stand-up for myself, but how do i know when to swallow my pride? this question fits in several areas of my life, but the one i'll share with you is this: i was telling my dad that i'm going to use my drill to enlarge the bolt screws in my futon frame. and he said "i can do that for you". my first reaction was "i can do it myself". its not pride, its not arrogance, its not even me trying to prove myself. its actually because i feel like "you left me as a little girl to take care of my mother. i had to figure out all these things on my own – how to be her 'repairman'. i don't want your help now! you have it all backward!!!" so what do i do? i don't know. i know i can take care of myself, but is that really how its supposed to be?? its all going back to that "independent thing" again. argh.

i like my new place. and i like starting a new phase. as i said before, its come at the perfect time. i needed something to dislodge me. its not easy, and there's definate downsides, but nothing worth doing ever comes without some kind of fight. its hard but worth it. this is my new reality. i'm going to absorb it.

it'll be just like starting over.

entourage

well i'm writing to you from my new apartment at 330 york street. the move went ridiculously well, everyone was great. i'm soooooo apreciative, i can't even express it. thanx, you guys, so much!!

my allergy's have come on full force. ugh. its pretty annoying. my lips are sore because i've been breathing out of my mouth all day. today in the van, i had a sneazing fit that involved nonstop sneazing for 10 minutes straight. it was terrible. and to make matters worse i didn't have a kleenex, not even one, not even a napkin. so i had to resort to using the shirt i was wearing, eww... gross.... needless to say, its in the laundry right now.

well one oddity about the maxi pad that really stands out is, all the electrical plugs are upside down. very strange. and funny! also the floor in the living slopes like there's no tomorrow. i've been pretty busy arranging stuff, and part of me is sad that i have this great place and no one to share the pleasure of it with. but i guess that just means i'll have to have people over a lot.

ah man, i just flicked myself in the eye with my ponytail. well i'm sleepy and cold. and a little hungry too actually. i think i'll just go drink some water, i'm also abnormally parched due to my allergies. aw crap, my pjs are all cold. where's the justice??

who wants to bet i'll wake up all disoriented in the night??

peaches peaches i love peaches

mcburney

have you heard of the skeleton park music festival? well there's going to be a benefit concert at the merchant mcliam this sunday. it should be a good time. i'm hoping to find some peoples to go with me. here's some more information: investigative reports

odd

hey! i'm just taking a break from packing. well actually, at this point its more like moving stuff around. most things are in boxes already. my computer will be the last thing to go. i told melinda it'll break my heart to pack up my computer, but at least its just a temporary separation. its all good. i'm a total nerd and booked my cable guy to come set up my internet between 11 and 1 tomorrow which i admit was bad planning on my part. i think i did that because having my computer hooked up really for action will create a feeling of normalcy among all the change and chaos. i hope everything will go well tomorrow. i'm trying to be as prepared as possible. its going to be a late night and an early morning. that's ok, there will be plenty of time for an early night tomorrow.

well i should get back to work. here's some pics from earlier tonight...
oh the secret conversations of girls.



this empty bedroom won't make anything right

sneakers

i'm pretty tired. i like that as a result of all my hard work my high-ponytail has shifted and is now a crooked high-ponytail from an 80s workout video. nothing but class around here at pirates cove. i'm sleepy on top of being tired, so this is gonna be a tiny entry tonight. i mostly want to bring your attention to our cornstarch collection. yes, those are four full boxes of the same brand of constarch. we have a problem.
future. it's a time to think about the past.

dandelions

my walls look dinged up and all shabby. i've started taking down my pictures and posters. i can't get over how impatient i feel to move. i'd move right now if i could. its not that i dislike this house in any way, i think its more like "lets get this thing over with". its like when we're at the airport in england to come home i'm always really anxious to leave. its not that i hate england, because i really love it and want to relish every moment there. its more like, if i HAVE to leave i want to go right away and not look back so i don't feel sad about it.

i can't help wonder... are you growing tried of hearing about my move? i think about my move 75% of the time, which i'm glad about because it stops me from thinking about the other issue that would be clogging my mind if it wasn't preoccupied.

so i finally went and cancelled my Y membership today. is it lame that i went on a wednesday because i knew my problem in the red t-shirt would be there? i agree, i'm a bad person.

knickers tells me today that we're getting a summer student. they always hire employee's children, so i asked "do you know who it is?" she said "so-and-so's daughter" than proceeded to refer to her as IT for the next 10 minutes. so strange. well this should be interesting. i won't be the youngest anymore, as knickers said "you won't be the baby anymore!!!" she also said that this will test my "supervisory skills". ya, SURE it will... but yes, this may work to my advantage. let me fill you in a little on what i've been up to lately careerwise – i asked for a promotion. now i won't go into all the details, but i'm MORE than deserving of an upgrade. this may come as a surprise to you since i've openly admitted to obsessive-compulsively checking my email at work, and from time to time i visit my friends' blogs, BUT i only do that when i need a break or when i'm not busy. so we'll see what happens, she gave me no promises but said she's assess me at my mid-year review, which is in august. although, she made a comment today that implied she won't wait that long. i dunno. i guess i shouldn't get my hopes up. but FRIG! i'm an asset to that company!! i hope i get along with this girl well and that she doesn't annoy me. i can easily tire of the "ooh, i'm a hot-shot student" mentality. no, i don't mean YOU.

i think i'm going to get ready for bed now. i woke up really well-rested after my earily night on monday. i didn't get to work any eariler, but i did have more time to lie around and go slowly.

i'm thirsty but i have nothing to drink. except i have some ribena. i heart ribena, it reminds me of my granny's house. enough about me... so what's up with you lately?

i try to stand up but i can't find my feet.

clark gable

wow, i've have a great day!! my mom told me once that i don't stay down for long but bounce back quickly. at the time i didn't know what she was talking about but now i do. its interesting the things my mom knows about me, i guess its understandable since she's been observing me my whole life. i find i function best when i know what i'm "dealing with". its hard for me to cope with uncertainty, but if something is final or permanent i'll mourn it for a little while but once i've adjusted i'm fine. so now i'm fine, at least i think i am.

i've concluded i need more guy friends. lately when i've been talking with my friends i have little guy-advise to offer. its been like "i don't know if that means he likes you" "i don't know if guys watch the door if waiting for a girl they like" "i don't know if guys can tell when they're about to be dumped" i wish i had some male friends to bounce stuff off of, to get their opinions. buddy's been good for getting the male perspective, along with my brother-in-law and a few of my friends husbands. but you know, its more than that. men just are so different than women and it would probably balance out the girl-to-guy ratio in my life a little. i used to have lots of guy friends, but it can be complicated (see blocks) i don't know if there's away around that. but alas, just because i'd like more guy friends doesn't mean i'll all of a sudden have a bunch.

so today i called every government institution and bank to change my address. this one guy i talked to, his name was jan, kept asking me all these questions and then would follow my answer with "pERFect" i found this amusing. i find everything funny. tonight i used the loo at beckie's new place and laughed hysterically at the toilet because its totally lopsided.

frig, i keep having to unpack things i've already packed because i've been overly eager. oh well. this week is going very slowly. oh crap, i better hurry, gilmore girls is on in 3 minutes, this entry is taking too long because i'm dancing through the whole thing. i'm sure people can see me threw the window and i must look crazy. i don't even care.

heaven sends and heaven takes

asuu

i feel like a huge hosebag when i check my email and there's nothing. why does that bother me so much? and why is it so unusual while becoming more frequent?? i guess i used to be busy sending emails about living room and yada yada yada, and now nothing. i think i'm addicted to my email and to msn too. haha, you know what's funny! when certain people sign online i duck or find myself whispering and i have to remind myself that they can't see or hear me. hahaha. i'm a geek. haha, i bet you're now wondering if i do that to YOU!

i had a mellow day today. mellow is a nice way of putting it, its more like slightly deflated. i'm totally a drama junkie, i like how beckie describes it as "emotionally diverse" that is very accurate. i'm sure you've picked up on that if you're a regular visitor to pspd.

my packing is coming along almost too well, my room smells like cardboard. i'm all pumped and ready to pack, but i'd say i'm already half-way done. one of the major things i'm yet to do is take down all my posters and pictures from the wall. that usually takes much longer than you'd expect, but i'm hesitant to do that because i like waking up and still feeling at home here. i don't want to feel a stranger in my own room. i love my house. i'll miss it. thankfully the maxi pad is also pretty radical.

i went over to beckie's just to chill-out in her room while she did stuff. i like that. while i was there i found myself very snacky, so we eventually decided to walk to the store so i could get some sunflowerseeds and she wanted some hagendaus. it was chillly, so when we stopped at my house for my wallet i put on my winter garb and we went a hunting. i love sunflowerseeds, there the best thing to eat when i just feel compelled to chew. a man yelled at me once for spitting the shells on the sidewalk outside turks while i waited for melinda. i, in turn, pointed out the fact that there were cigarette butts all over the place!!

so knickers is giving me some curtains. she gave me some a few months ago when i was buying the house, and i have to say... i don't know what she was thinking!!! maybe if i was a middle-aged woman living in the 1990s i'd like them. like, they're too out-dated even for her! inspite the fact that i hate them, i don't have the heart to turn them down. but in truth, i'd prefer to have no curtains at all them use those ones. much to the dismay of sarah and joanna, who have mentioned on several occassions that our back door has no curtains and people can see into our house. c'est la vie...

wow, this turned out to be a long entry, i hope it didn't bore you. to close, here's a pic from yesterday's lunch, meghan looks so unimpressed. hahaha. she's funny. well i'm going to take in an early night. i hope my "getting ready for bed routine" doesn't take very long. i should check my clothes that are in the dryer. i'm appreciating the dryer since its the last time i'm going to use one for many years.

whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. unless it gives you post-traumatic shock.

typewriter

it was nice being back at next today. missing that week left me feeling out of wack. i went out for lunch with a bunch of the students afterward, which was fun and a nice way to end the season. i'm pretty sure that everyone around that giant table (and i'm not exactly sure because i didn't conduct a survey) is moving at some point this week. this is an odd time of year. i'm glad though that the majority of them are coming back in the fall. now that i've said good-bye to all the youngins i feel ready to move on to my next stage. that's good and i feel relieved. i also went to big house skateshop with meghan, i've always wanted to go in there but felt i didn't know the secret handshake. she gave me 3 hugs today! i also got one from michelle and melinda, but i think mindy's counts as 2. so i guess that makes me emotionally healthy, for today at least.

i walked home in the rain. it matched my mood. when i walked in the door, melinda said to me "what's wrong?", i started to cry. we sat down to talk over a cup of tea, then rhonda called and i started crying again. i had the two of them telling me in stereo "it's NOT stupid". i guess if your friends are going to gang up on you that's the ideal way. i appreciated that they validated my feelings. i'm going to be ok. its going to be ok. i suppose my move couldn't be coming at a better time. i'll start fresh in a new place. in the maxi pad (i've coined my new place the maxi pad – tribute to my fav movie reality bites). i'm all in a dither how to paint each room. i think what i'm going to do is take photos, then use photoshop to change the wall colours and decide based on the results of that experiment. my instincts tell me that i need to hurry to get my house semi-finished or set-up, but i'm going to try and remember, there's no rush. the process is part of the pleasure. i feel that way about knitting sometimes, i get so excited about my project that i rush to get it done then feel a little disappointed when its all finished because i enjoyed working on it so much. michelle dropped off my completed bag. it looks great, i'm going to really enjoy it. THANKS SO MUCH MICHELLE!

i won't forget you
at least i'll try

walkie-talkie

last night melinda and i went to the fembots concert at the grad club. i'd been listening to her show last week when she was giving away free tickets and no one was calling in for them so i did. its cool, i'm going to do that more often.

we had a really good time. well i'm speaking for both of us here, really i think i enjoyed the concert more than melinder but we both had a good time. the bus driver was there, and we had quite a long visit with him. he's a funny and pleasant guy. i felt comfortable with him, perhaps too comfortable because i ended up telling him the secrets of womankind. oopsy. i don't think guys realize the crazy things girls do when infatuated, and unfortunately i let the cat out of the bag. now if he sees us doing what seems like a casual nothing, he'll know we're in fact up to no-good. melinda also shared with him the theory of the crazy-psycotic girl that's in all women. its interesting how the crazy-psycotic girl can take over and make a usually stable girl do insane things. frig. i was thinking today about the champagne melinda made me drink last night (btw i blame my lack of filter on that) which lead me to think about another memory from years ago and i found my self thinking "HOLY CRAP! i can't believe i told so-and-so that!!! how embarrasing" but i blame it on the crazy-psycotic girl, its her fault.

a few of you may be familar with my "spice factory" story, and i have to say... i've got to stop leaving my car windows open in the rain. i kept sitting on a wet carseat all day and was left with a damp bum. the spice factory was years ago, its time i move on.

tonight i went to chris's 3rd year show at st lawrence. they had some nice stuff, its encouraging to see they're changing with the times and modifying their projects accordingly. i was a little nervous about seeing my old teachers, but figured they may not remember me. then it hit me, i graduated 5 years ago!!! wow! time flies, but really it was a long time ago. if you think about it, meghan was still in highschool when i finished!! shocking. anywayz, i ended up talking to my old teacher michael, he approached me, otherwise i would have slipped by him. conveniently, i went to highschool with his daughter so we had more to talk about than just the show. surprisingly he didn't ask me more about my job, but still i am proud to have told him "i work for bombardier". i'm glad to be using my education, i know it means a lot to them. my teachers at slc are like disapproving parents, who you secretly hate but still desperately want their approval. funny how that is.

my heart is where it's always been
my head is somewhere in between

cheesecake

my mom is leaving for her annual trip to the u.k. on sunday. i thought i'd write pam a letter for her to take with her. so i biked down to murney's tower and penned my note. it got me thinking about things in my life right now and this is what i've concluded.

i'm sitting on the brink of a new phase of my life. true, i'm not like some of my friends who are graduating or moving off to new places, but i'm facing change nonetheless. they are as follows:
• moving to a new place
• living on my own again – not living with melinder & irina anymore
• various friends moving away – both short-term and permanately
• april's contract is up next friday – so i won't have any young friends at work anymore
• living room is over

maybe those things aren't huge, but all compounded i feel a sense of loss. i'm sure after a little while i'll adjust and really enjoy this next stage, but just the waiting and saying goodbye that makes things really hard. i'm not sure how to handle it.

another thing on my mind is this independent streak i have. i think its both good and bad. good that i'm happy spending by myself, but bad because i use it as a defence mechanism. over the years i've found depending on people can result in being let down. i'm talking let down big time. it was interesting talking to my mom tonight, because she's the same way. she shared with me what she's recently learned, that we need people and by being independent its denying that need. she said it more eloquently, but you get the gist. so as much as i'm not willing to give up this characteristic that has become part of my nature, i'm going to humble myself and learn to accept help from others. because i CAN'T do everything alone and there's no reason why i should have to. i've been thinking about my move, and tonight my mom asked me who i have to help me. currently i have al (tbc), but i haven't asked anyone else. i hate asking for help. i told her that its partly because i hate helping other people move, and she pointed out that's the downside of being independent – it makes you selfish. then i got thinking, i'd happily help beckie move, rhonda move, next move. i'm sure there are other people who may need my help too, what i'm saying is maybe i don't mind helping as much as i used to. i've got to stretched in this way or i'll eventually break. well i guess while we're on the topic... if you're available next saturday to help me move, i'd REALLY appreciate it. many hands make light work. besides, i can get some beer and pizza.

How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...

untamed heart

i got a postcard from kristen in the mail today. its really funny!! i love getting/sending postcards.

so anyways, i went to the screening room tonight and saw "the new world". just out of the blue i felt like going there by myself. when i used to volunteer there, i'd see a movie a week, but i haven't been going regularly for some time. there's something about the nice weather that gave me a hankering to take in a flick. i like going there alone. it makes me feel confident & interesting. also, i get to sit in the very front row and take up all the seats. the movie itself was ok, not super. it turned out to be the story of pocahontas which i did NOT except. it was educational and sad. and it made me realize deep down i'm a hopeless romantic. the pocahontas character was beautiful, but at times she kind of looked like a man. strange. it was unbecoming.

i biked down there and back. that was a mistake. it was way too cold for what i was wearing and i felt like i was dying. i kept pushing myself because i knew stopping wouldn't help and if i kept going i'd eventually get home. its probably only 10 minutes on my bike. but jeepers it was cold. i'm a silly girl who lacks foresight.

ah crap, i really need to start packing. i just don't know how long it'll take, so i'm not sure how much time to set aside for it. well i got me some boxes today so i'm all set. when i was at food basics getting boxes i bought some meat and green beans, then actually made dinner when i got home!! wow, craziness.

my dad just dropped by to give me my vegetable bag for this month. i was really grumpy and snippy with him, i felt bad for being such a bad conversationalist.

ok so i'm starving for something exciting to happen, or for some good conversation. if you need someone to vent at i'm all yours.

i give this entry a C.

she is beautiful but she doesn't mean a thing to you.

north street

alrighty, this is my official entry for today, so lets get crackin...

i went to the goat tonight and bumped into the forbes'. that was fun. it was a very pleasant surprise, and laney gave me a hug which i really appreciated. they say "one should have 5 hugs a day to be emotionally healthy", in that case i'm in trouble.

i'm probably more hard on myself than i should be. nah, its more my confusion. sometimes i think i'm totally great and hot-to-trot. i'm not sure what that saying means exactly, i hope its not rude.

well i can't think of anything interesting to share, so have a look at a few of my pics...
top: the teen girl squad at the central park zoo (i proped my camera up on a statue to take this picture on the timer).
middle: the girls eating the cupcakes we got at magnolia's (a bakery in a sex & the city episode).
bottom: me presenting our recycling fanatic neighbour.

i hate when things are over when so much is left undone.

bones

i just got my nose pierced for the second time. yup.

its bleeding more than last time which they predicted and they told me not to touch it for 2 hours. i'm all about following their instructions to a 't' from now on. the problem is that its a beautiful day out and i feel self-conscienous about going out in public since there is obviously blood on my face. oh well. i'll just have to read while i walk and i'm sure no one will notice.

this isn't my entry for today. i just feel a need to tell someone about my bloody nose. i feel disconnected, probably because i just spent 4 days in the constant company of my friends and now i'm alone again. i don't even have any emails to read. and i'm feeling sorry for myself thinking no one will ever be in love with me ever again. darn spring!

take my hand for tender,
i am tortured, ever tortured.

bittersweet

beckie and i went for a really nice long walk down to the water tonight. we sat on big rocks eating our portable dinners pondering why it is that life has to be so complicated. we came to no solid decisions, except to say that there are more shades of grey than we were aware of. when is "the time"? how young is "too young"? how can you be "high-maintenance" and "easy-going" at the same time? why do assholes look like normal people?

i really wonder why our hearts and heads don't get along more. why can't we justify our feelings? why can't we reason with our hearts? i'll never know. i look at my parents and shake my head thinking "it never gets easier". i suppose you can make better decision for yourself. but ultimately i wonder if we're destined to keep falling into the same holes.

i had a rough start to my morning. i swear, if i was able to get back into bed and start today over again i would have. it was infuriating. lets just say i got to work 45 minutes late. ouch.

i got an email from my mom today. she went to pennsylvania dutch country with her small group. i thought that was ironic since i went to nyc with part of my small group. it sounds like they had a good time, she said they had fun and good laughs, especially when visiting the amish town named "intercourse". which made me laugh-out-loud and think maybe they weren't so different to us after all.

i loved walking down the streets of manhattan with the girls. we'd walk in one wide line of four across the sidewalk like the ladies on sex & the city. it was cool. it felt great.

i feel like talking a lot. hmmm. i get like that sometimes. sometimes i just want to socialize and feel like having a job gets in the way. oh! i wonder if kristen is coming home soon. i should email her and find out.

its hard to believe i'm moving in 10 days. i'm excited and overwhelmed at the same time. for someone who doesn't like routine i also seem to abhor change. my mom thinks that comes from the instability of my life. i think that's true. its interesting how life events can affect us way after the fact, although i think i've been purging myself of such things – becoming closer to my natural self.

i hit an iceberg in my life
but you know i'm still afloat

croutonskill

how YOU doing... i'm home from the "teen girl squad in nyc" adventure. it was so amazingly fun. i had a really good time with the girls (laney, linds & lissa), it was nice to spend more than a few hours with them.

well, i don't know if i can fit our whole adventure into this one entry. girls... if i hold back, don't be offended. sometimes there are things i like to keep to myself and not exploit on pspd. its not because i don't care, often its because i care too much.

anywayz, we made it there just fine. safe and in good time. we took the metro-north train into the city and i'm certain it was a bbd train. i was uber excited about that. when we got to grand central station i dragged the girls into the transit museum to look at the history of new york's subway system. it was really neat.

i think i'll point-form-it from here on in:
• our hotel was nice. we got a kick out of the fact that our room's view was "a huge pile of" trash. and we checked daily to make sure it was still there.
• we went to china town for dinner and it rained on the way, but that was the only time. we got soaked, but it wasn't cold so that was ok. the food was awesome and i gobbled it down. after that we went to little italy for dessert, which was a little ritual we developed of going for dessert every night.
• our first night's sleep didn't go particularly well. poor laney had an awful nights sleep and nicknamed me "tossy". i literary rotated "side-stomach-side-back" all night, which i don't usually do, but i think it was a result of my pillow falling on the floor. among all the tossing my nosering fell out and by morning it was too late. i'd lost my piercing... so sad. i was nausous about it.
• that morning we went on a central park walking tour, which was particularly beautiful because the trees are blooming and blossoming (which resulted in an early allergy season for me). we spent some time at the central park zoo and saw the penguins being fed. it was awesome. we also saw puffins, sea lions and red panda's (which made me think of you meghan).
• we also went to strawberry fields and saw 'the dakota' where john lennon lived and was assassinated. john is my FAVOURITE beatle, so that was totally awesome for me. oh, on that note... girls i just looked up the first name of lenin. its vladimir. no wonder i couldn't remember it.
• after a quant lunch on the upper-west side, we went to the world trade center and visited ground zero. that was pretty sobering. my only regret is that i didn't go there in 2000 when i was in nyc the first time so i could have really appreciated the void left behind.
• we did some shopping on canal street (a.k.a. anal street) where i picked up some 'jackie-o' type sunglasses, an awesome belt, a "i heart n y" t-shirt (this is my 3rd one, it seems to fit properly so looks like 3rd time's a charm").
• we also went to various parts of the city – soho, tribeca, gramercy park. saw st. pat's cathedral, radio city music hall, nbc studios, rockerfellar center and so on.
• yesterday we went on this "movie and t.v. tour" and saw the sites. it was neato and really fun, they also gave us 'black & white cookies' from that one seinfeld episode "look to the cookie".
• at dusk we went to the brooklyn bridge which i really liked. i have this fascination with bridges. i wanted to be an architect for a long time and i think that's where that comes from.

well that's getting quite long and i should go to bed. i have to say, its pretty sad to come home to only one email in my inbox :(
am i not loved??
by the way, thanx sarah ;)

girls: here's a quote just for you...
hot as a hairdryer in your face
what's that referring to?

in new york you can forget, forget how to sit still

coffee

well i think i'm packed. that actually didn't take as long as i expected which is worrisome.

i went out to sol latino with rhonda and isaac for dinner tonight. we had the special which was shrimp fajitas with shirley temples. it was pretty darn good. the funniest thing happened. i got a cup of tea and when i poured it, it left a smiley face with the bubbles! it was crazy!! the three of us sat there laughing amazed by it and it wouldn't go away even when i added milk and sugar! it did eventually started to dispurse after a long period of time, which was a bit of a relief because i didn't want to stir his face. he was just so happy! we wished we had a camera.

something i've been noticing lately, and forgive me if i've told you this before. i don't think i have, i think i mentioned it in an email to meghan once so that's what got me thinking i've already blogged this.... anyway, today i got an email from my co-worker, jan, in berlin. we've chatted on the phone quite a bit and worked over email, but we've never met. the thing i noticed about the email was it was addressed as "hi les" which i really like. i always introduce myself to people as lesley, but there's something about when someone calls me les that i really like. i think its usually because they've taken the initiative to call me les since i never told them to call me that. i associate it with a closer, more casual relationship. i remember al has called me les from day one, which i really like. other people are more cautious and use it almost with a question mark. i've noticed recently that some of my newer friendships have been reaching the point where i'll sign emails to them as les as opposed to lesley which signifies a lot to me. there are times when there's a distance between me and a friend or i'm upset with them that i'll revert back to lesley. there was even a rough patch with matthew where i'd sign emails as mcknight which was a very bad sign. basically, i'm saying i prefer les but not in the way that i'd ask people to call me that. its more what it represents to me. and with that being said people can choose to call me whatever they want. i respond to pretty much anything. i think that's conditioning from my dad and my sister who have hordes of nicknames for me. you'd never hear them or my mom ever call me lesley, well not to me directly. joelle called me les one day, but only once and never again. i'm not sure what prompted that in the first place.

well that's it for today. we're heading off to the big apple tomorrow. linds is going to pick me up at around 6:55, so i should probably hit the hay, but first i need to take my jeans out of the dryer. have a nice long weekend!! happy easter :)

you've got an unquenchable thirst for new york.

dizzy

i've had a really awesome day!!!!

i managed to get invited to the butlers for dinner again!! yay, i'm not going to die of starvation. thanks guys! hangin out with the butlers is fun.

after that sarah and i went to the goat, where we bumped into melinda and irina. i like spending time with sarah, i feel very real with her. i think its partly because we're a lot a like. i know she understands me and won't judge me if i say something inappropriate. when it started getting busy we went back to her place and continued our visit. i like that paul was there too and that they both gave me really good feedback and perspective on life. i value what they said and it really confirmed what i was already feeling. i'm on the right track, or was and need to get back there. sometimes that's easier said than done, but with friends like that who have valid concerns and care about me, how can i go wrong. its good to be honest. part of me wondered if i should hold back, but in the end didn't and i'm better off for it. i should hang out with them more often. well i promised sarah that i'd tell her my "big mysterious story", so we'll have to make a date for that.

tara gave me a cookie that she baked, i think i'll take it to work and have it with my mid-afternoon cup of tea.

immediately after leaving the butler's place i went to beckie's and we headed to the merchant. unfortunately, i forgot my id and when we arrived the guy wouldn't let me in. that's so dumb. i'm fricken 26 years old!!! he said the manager was insisting he see everyone's id, but seriously if they're concerned about getting busted for having under age patrons than that's not relievant since like i said I'M 26!!! we had to drive home and get my bag and return where i presented my driver's licence and gave him a dirty look. if i was going to lie about my age i wouldn't pick 26 because that would seem a little far fetched.

i should go to bed. i'm tired.

come stop those little boulders rolling down the hill.

milo

ok.... who wants a postcard from new york city??
send me an email with your 411.

phone call

i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a guy i don't know very well. not about him in a romantic way, just about his situation and how he might have gotten there. in a way i see him in everyone. we could all be him. i think these thoughts are triggered by a song that i keep listening to on repeat. my compulsion to hear this song is connected to this guy – i want to listen to it in part because of him, and yet listening to the song triggers thoughts of him. i find myself thinking i'll solve his problem if only i keep listening, but i know its not that simple.

i had a date with carolyn to go have our nose rings changed. it was exciting. i'm glad she was with me, i was nervous for some reason, more nervous than when i first had it done. maybe because i got my nose pierced on a whim, and now i've had 6 weeks to build up the anticipation of going back. the lady working the desk was scary, and she overwhelmed both me and carolyn. anyway, carolyn went first and i held the mirror. she did really well, she got to take it out and put it in and take it out again. i didn't get to do that because my piercing is newer than hers. but all in all it went well, i like this one better because its smaller and sits inside my nose instead of always sticking out a little. i'm all nervous that it'll fall out in my sleep or something.

i went to the butlers for dinner after our trip to blackstar. it was really nice, i felt like i had a good and complete meal which is a novelty since i've only cooked about 5 times in 2006. its nice to feel full. i really appreciated the invitation.

afterwards i went for a nice long bike ride. my legs and butt felt worked – right on. i biked down to my bank to cash my $6.44 cheque, then wandered down to confed to read. it was beautiful (ah, there's that word again). i like that in the park, this guy had a rope tied between two trees and he was tightrope walking. who does that?? what kind of town has people tightrope walking in a park for fun?? that's awesome. i love this city. i know to some people its just k-hole, but its home to me.

i'm sorry if you end up hearing a lot about my bike rides. i guess i used to talk about the Y a lot too. but i love riding my bike and always feel so invigorated. i just sat there in the park thinking "i'm so happy. i'm so bless. this is good."

changing the world one pixel at a time