fabric

when the perils of planning a wedding get you down, it's best to draw your attention to something else.

one time...

i was in cuba with my friend little shanno.

it was a beautiful cuban afternoon. the sky was deep blue as we rode in the back of a deep blue jeep with the top down. we wore adorable hats and colourful bikinis. the day began with a hike into the depths of the earth, into ancient cuban caves. it was humid in the earth's crust, and our tour guide was a ladies man.

we drove on with madeline (that was her pseudonym, as shanno and i could never recall her actual name), took a brief swim in the cool waters of yet another cave, before retiring to a ranch for lunch. the old coffee plantation was a beautful place. it was rich in history and yesteryear. beyond the gate stood a huge glorious tree that groups of people would join hands around while chanting. lunch was fantastic. we ate seconds. and visited the washroom where we had to pay for toilet paper. when the moment was right we headed off for some horse-back riding. it had been about 12 years since i last rode a horse. although i'm not a horse person i remembered from last time being delighted that unlike cars horses don't need to be steered. one can just sit and enjoy the ride. before the first time i rode a horse (at age 16) i'd been afraid of it biting me, but i realized how ludicrous that was and told shannon about my naive younger self. the rest of our group was still eating, so shanno and i alone mounted the horses and headed off with two spanish speaking ranchers. the path was wide and the horse moved slowly. i rode slightly a head of shannon on my white horse, hers was brown. as we trotted around i smiled; pleased both with the horse ride and with myself for getting shannon to ride a horse. shannon has hated horses her whole life, and inspite of her vegetarian convictions has claimed she'd eat one. i giggled as she rode, and would regularly call back to her "you're doing it shannon! you're doing it!" just past the mid-point of our ride, her horse started to gain on me. it seemed my white horse noticed this and did not like it. as she came closer he turned his head and took a big bite out of her knee. screams of anguish came from behind from as shannon yelled "lesley, your frickin horse just bit me!!". that's when the laughing started. we both began laughing hysterically. i laughed so hard that no sound was coming out and tears were streaming down my face. i was worried that the ranchers would think i was crying because it could easily be mistaken for weeping. but as shannon and i laughed the ranchers showed no concern or even any interest in what had just happened. we completed the ride, were helped down off the horses, then took our laughing selves a few feet away where we fell to the ground in hysterics. we were quickly surrounded by our mid-aged group of tourists, who did not see the humour in the situation. blood was streaming down little shanno's leg. the group of 50-somethings brought us to the jeeps where they could get their first-aid kits and insisted she get the polysorin in" real good". a few people mentioned tetanus, others mentioned the hospital. we kept giggling, while the most bossy lady insisted we were just in shock. we weren't in shock, we just thought it was funny. thankfully our guide javier also thought it was funny, and showed no concern about getting her to a doctor. there was a big jaw mark on her leg, and two cuts on either side of her knee where the teeth had broken the skin. it healed without any complications, but the scabs did turn black and left behind purple spots to always remind her of that beautiful day in the carribean.

it's time you start...
packing up.

embarrased

i feel like i'm being pulled in many opposing directions. i just want to be left as i am. i want to be seen as ok as i am. the sky is blue. the earth is round. my teeth are crooked. pekoe is afraid of the vacuum. life is life. i shrug my shoulders, and hope i can shrug it off.

as much as i don't believe in being conservative for the sake of being conservation, i also don't believe in being liberal for the sake of being liberal.

i'm just about finished the initial layout of hatch issue 9. it's been quite a pleasure to work on as usual. although, there were a lot more poems than usual, about every other entry was a poem, and they're not quite as fun to layout than stories. they're less versatile and they're ragged right.

it'll be just fine,
it'll be ok.

ok

one of the hardest parts of planning a wedding is enduring all the unsolicited advise from well meaning folks. sometimes from pure strangers. sometimes from loving family members. this afternoon i had a heated conversation with my mom. she is rather put off that i have not needed any advise, nor have i sought her input on wedding details. the problem is a difference in perspective and a difference of expectation. i've been seeking to include and inform her (along with many other people) to the best of my ability, but the need for help in decision making is pretty non-existent. brendan and i are really getting into the swing of things, and are working together as a well-oiled machine (which i consider a good sign). because this is going to be a simple and simplified wedding, it's pretty easy to organize ourselves. at the appropriate time, and in the appropriate ways we are seeking help from others. i have no qualms about asking for help. what really came to the surface during my conversation with my mom is that i don't see this wedding as a democracy. it's brendan and my wedding, it is important that WE agree on all the details. we value other people's input, but we are ultimately the ones who decide on the end product. it's a wedding. a party. a celebration. i don't see what the big deal is – why so many people want to throw their opinion into the mix. it's hard. it's hard because it's relational. i don't want to hurt others, but we don't want our wedding to be anything we're not. i don't know if it's right or wrong. my mom accused me of being controlling, but i disagree with her, this is not a community event. it's not a democracy where everyone get's their say and all their votes are equal. it's our wedding. we are going to do it our way. it will be a reflection of who we are. i hope that our guests will enjoy it and have a fun time, but we're not aiming to please everyone – that's simply not possible.

brendan is totally passed out sleeping on my bed right now. i can hear his heavy breathing. for me, that's what the wedding is all about. i'm signing up for a lifetime of that. it's the days, weeks, months and years, after the wedding that's important. i don't really care about the actually day, i just want it to be simple, and in our style.

in other news... bren and i went to the potter's guild sale yesterday. she didn't find much that tickled her fancy, and there wasn't a lot that appealed to me either. BUT i did end up finding a vase that i really like by my favourite kingston potter. i'm super predictable when it comes to her things, i just love them. the neat thing is that they let me keep the flowers that were in it! that was a fun bonus that look great in my kitchen :D

your body has been honest
but here again it lies.

cut

b and i are starting pre-marital counselling next week with a woman in k-town named devona. she comes highly recommended by many different people, and brendan has met with her during a group event with the house famous. we feel pretty good about this choice. we had a lot of options - plenty of qualified people to choose from, but we ended up deciding on devona because she seemed like the right fit here and now. she does a lot with the myers-briggs personality stuff, which i'm glad about. i wasn't sure what we'd get out of pre-marital counselling because we've already jointly gone thru a book called "10 conversations you must have before getting married". when we read that book we touched on all the major topics, and then some, so i wasn't sure how a counselling session would expand on that. it's my understanding that part of counselling before marriage was to help investigate things like money, sex, kids, family, careers, etc, all of which we've already talked about in depth. so anyways, it sounds like devona will help us figure out how our personalities will relate together in a marriage, how to resolve conflict, how to be sensitive to each other's needs, etc. i'm glad about that, i'm sure that kind of input will go a long long way. before handing over my myers-briggs profile, i wanted to do an online quiz one more time. i feel that i've come to a deeper understanding of myself since dating brendan, because he's confirmed or validated certain traits and behaviours that i used to just ignore or falsely identify. i thought i'd get more accurate results now than i would've before. i've realized there's a difference between what i want to do and what i actually do - and the key to such a survey is actually answering based on your instincts as opposed to behaviours. so anyways, i did the quiz and came out as an ISFP, and having read the description i feel it's a bang-on description of myself. it's kind of exciting! i feel like i understand myself so much better. why my cubicle rubs me the wrong way, why i'm shy, why i enjoy working with my hands, why i'm fairly unique. i read brendan's too, it was also hilariously accurate, i think it gives me a better understanding of how he works. here's mine.

i'd have to say that planning a wedding is a good team sport. we have to be stragetic, we have to play on our strengths, we have to be mindful of the other players. it's a challenge, but i think it's really quite a good team-building exercise. in a way it's a shame that each couple only gets to do their wedding once because we've already learned a lot about the process and we've only been engaged 19 days! it feels way longer.

day in day out,
stay in stay out,
you'll see, you'll be free.

felted

well... my dad and my fiance got together for a cup of coffee today. i've heard from both parties that it was a great time. and i quote (from my dad) "i really really liked brendan. i thought he was terrific". not too shabby huh? what can i say... i think he's pretty terrific too. b enjoyed himself as well. i'm happy that he's had the chance to get to know my dad first hand. they had plenty to talk about, my dad can be quite a good conversationalist. i myself have enjoyed many good chats with him. before the soon to be father-in-law/son-in-law get together, i was a little nervous. there was no pre-established protocol for such things, seeing as my dad had never done such a thing with tim. but all went very well. hooray!

invitations are just about done. the electronic invites (that are going to approximately 95% of our guests) will be sent out on the weekend, but the paper invites (sent to 10 guests) went out this afternoon. they were a bit of a hassle, but brendan thought they looked amazing. unfortunately, the paper invite i made for andrew (because he's old school and doesn't have email) got mixed in with the rest of the envelopes and i popped it into the mailbox along with the others. which is sucky because it didn't have a stamp on it (b was going to hand deliver it). so hopefully it won't take too long to return to me. the annoying thing is that he lives 3 blocks away, and it's no more difficult for the post office to deliver it there than it is here :S

the fiddler takes his bow
and brings it to the heart strings.

flag

yesterday was a big day for me.

yesterday was the day i went to my doctor to discuss my options for birth control. i debated not getting into this on pspd, but i'm pretty excited about this milestone event, so i decided to get over it and share my experience with you.

ok, so i knew that i did not want to go the birth control pill route. i feel that i've gone 30 years without hormone manipulation, so why bother at this point. i recognize that it's convenient but i feel for myself that just because something is easy doesn't mean it's the best choice. i've heard oodles of negative experiences with the pill, most of my friends have been on it, and most of them have chosen to go off it and find alternatives. so i've been leaning towards the diaphragm. i've been using a diva cup for my period for 2 years now, and the diaphragm doesn't seem like too far of a stretch. unfortunately, i don't know a lot of people who use the diaphragm, except for one good friend who lives far away. my doctor was quite positive about that option, and said it was her method of choice as well. it was neat having that kind of conversation with a female doctor because she was able to advise me partly based on her own experience. i can't imagine having that talk with my old family doctor. she said it's been about 10 years since prescribing a diaphragm to anyone, but is quite happy to do it, we've made an appointment for next week so i can go in for a fitting. after my appointment i strolled down to dairy queen for a blizzard and waited in line for about a half hour. it was trippy, annoying and kind of scary because i was surrounded by students that entire time. students can be frightening because they're so foreign to me now, i'm kind of intimidated by them. as i stood in line at dairy queen i thought about how difficult the idea of pregnancy is for me to wrap my mind around. like seriously, i've spend the last 15 years with no chance of being pregnant. the thought of that being a possibility for me seems completely out of the question, so not only will i have to get used to the diaphragm, i'm going to have to get used to the idea that i need to be meticulous about it because babies can happen. how strange! it's scary to think that one only knows if their method of choice is working when it doesn't.

that evening when brendan came over i showed him the pamphlet i was given by my doctor and together we sat and read thru the entire thing. it was both funny and awkward. sometimes b would make a face, and i would tell him "if you're not mature enough to talk about birth control, you're not mature enough to have sex" to that he'd make an amusing argument about how comfortable he was with a birth control conversation.

has it even struck anyone odd that women spend years trying to avoid babies only to later try anything and everything to have one? we don't want to have kids for a while. brendan is still young, and i'd like to enjoy being just us before adding a menacing baby into the mix. all i know is that i don't want birth control to be stressful, and i don't want conception to be stressful later.

ok, so there's my blog entry about birth control. i'm a grown-up now! all engaged and talking about not getting pregnant. who ever thought it would come to this. can't say i did :p

you're picture is a portrait,
the portrait's never done.

pressure

this afternoon brendan and i booked our hotel accommodations for our trip to cambodia. our trip will be split into 3 separate sections. we'll spend 4 days in phnom penh, 10 days in siem reap, then another 2 days in phnom penh. we easily found an awesome hotel in siem reap (golden temple), but found it much more difficult to find a place to stay in p.p. we spent a long time going thru lonely planet, it seemed that hotels/guesthouses in the capital were mostly high rises and were modeled after western hotels. i didn't want to stay at a place that emulated a best western, so it took a lot of time pick places we liked. in the end we found 2 places we were happy with: river star resort, and amber house. we're pretty excited :D

my dad stopped by this afternoon, and for the first time he was very chatty with brendan. he actually showed interest in our engagement and asked questions, i told him how we'd rearrange my bedroom when we move brendan's double bed in and he offered suggestions as well. he even asked if he could take b out for coffee sometime. that was very nice, i'm glad to see he's making an effort. that's a pretty big deal.

this evening was the last living room study of the season. it was good. this school year has gone by fast, it's hard to believe it's almost may.

the key to you ever since we met
is that you don't lock any doors.

cole

this is my sister.

she is 33 years old,
has 4 kids,
married for 12 years,
and is a teacher on the side.

the things i love about this photo is that she'd JUST has a baby. look closely and you'll see the baby seat up on the top step. erin's sleeping. this is probably one of the things i admire about joy the most – the way she integrates her kids into her life. having kids does not cripple her, they're a fact of life and she carries on, she lives, she serves, she invests, she rakes with baby in tow. she makes it look easy, and no doubt it's much harder than it seems. i aspire to be like that (many years down the road when i reach that phase of life). it's nice to see that it can be done – that life doesn't end when baby is birthed. joy is one of many examples of this that i have in my life, and i'm grateful for the friends that i have who have kids, they do it well.

notice that joy's address is ALSO 330? isn't that funny? that's my house number too :) all the cool kids are doing it :p

the sky is bruised with pinks and blues.

mix-up

exciting news!!!

last week i said to brendan.... "what should we do in the evening we get married?" our wedding will be short and over by 4, obviously we'll have some romantic newlywed time, but that can't possibly last for the rest of the day. so he suggested we go to the movies. i wasn't keen on that idea, but was hard-pressed to come up with any others. until i heard that jerry seinfeld was going to be at the k-rock centre that evening. seinfeld is my favourite sitcom, so this news was very appealing to me. so i looked into it and found that it starts at 7:30. which leaves us plenty of time to walk home from our wedding (we like the idea of a casual stroll home), then walk down to the KRC for 7:30, afterwards we'll stop at next and load up the car with our wedding gifts, then go home again. i think that's a great idea!. on the sunday we'll stay at home all day, open gifts, start packing for cambodia, etc. it'll be nice.

i know that it seems weird to go see a stand-up comedian the night we get married, but most couples have a long dance that lasts until 11 o'clock at night! what we're doing really isn't that much different, except ours will be a date for just the two of us, and not us with everyone we know.

today the tickets went on sale (this is the exciting news part), so i went to the website just after 10 (when the box-office opened) and purchased our tickets. how fun! we're both super excited. i'm quite looking forward to that weekend, i think it will be good. :D i'm super happy to get to spend my life with brendan. we're so on the same page.

heros would've fought for you,
and poets would've thought of you,
had you lived back when they did those sorts of things.

splinter

on my daily commute to and from work i pass a strip of land that has a bit of a swamp close by it. on the shoulder - between the road and the swamp i often see 2 groundhogs. i love those two groundhogs very much and i love that i can spot them from 100 metres away - i see a little spot of brown and when i get closer i can confirm that it's the groundhogs then i cheer. i really do love them. so, it's not surprising that i have been VERY upset by the recent construction taking place on that grassy shoulder where they are so often munching on grass. i can't determine what exactly is being done, but the grass is torn up, and there's pylons and backhoes. for the first time ever i feel compelled to chain myself to the bulldozers and yell "NO! this is their home!! you can't do this!". it makes me sad. i hope they're ok, my two little buddies. i'm also sad that whatever is being done there will probably interfere with my on-going enjoyment of them. meaning... if they're ok, the 2 groundhogs will probably relocate while the construction is taking place, then afterwards i won't get to see them as i did before. that's sucky. my fondest memory was back when carpooler paul used to drive with me. on our way home one night in the car he was showing me some papers that his coworker printed out from wikipedia about badgers (apparently paul didn't know what a badger was, so they printed him off some reading material). as he read it to me outloud, the article said something about groundhogs. he didn't know what a groundhog was (he was french, so wasn't familiar with that name) and asked me to describe it, i was super excited and said "i know where some live" then hit the gas. it made me really happy to show them to someone, and from then on paul was very fond of them too.

lately... i haven't been drinking as much tea as i usually do. on average i have 4 cups of tea during the work day. but lately i've been drinking hot chocolate instead, once in the morning, then nothing for the rest of the day. i kind of don't like it when my favourite past-times don't appeal to me anymore. maybe it's just a phase.

what a sight for sore feet.

joiner

david asked me today if i'm going to change my name when i get married. i am. my name will be lesley lorimer. les lorimer. LESLEY LORIMER. Lesley Meredith Lorimer. my email address will be leslorimer@gmail.com. david thought that was cool, except he thinks it should be spelled/pronounced lortimer – with a T in it. and will now henceforth call me "lorty".

as much as i know that my name will soon change, it's far from sinking in. i've talked about changing my name on pspd before. like here for example. i think changing my name will be one of the most romantic expressions of my life. however, that's not to say it won't be REALLY difficult to get used to. its becoming increasingly clear to me that i will only retain the name mcknight for another 2 months and 13 days, and that's a scary thought. obviously i strongly identify my last name with who i am, but i recognize that i'm joining with another person, so by in large i'm about to change. i figure the name change is valid, because it will be a visible representation of the change in my life. but it's still hard to get my brain around. it logistically makes sense to take b's name, but that somehow doesn't make that transition easier. i'm going to try to fully immerse myself in the new last name as to help it "take" quicker. i figure i might as well jump in with both feet. but i find myself wondering... do i call the cable company before i get married or after, do i put in a request for a new driver's license before or after. i'm still going to have to use my maiden name when we go to cambodia because that's what's on my passport. so do i assume the new name after returning?? i dunno. it's much more complicated than simply taking a new name, officials need to be notified. i wonder how far into the future i'll still receive mail addressed to lesley mcknight. 10 years maybe?

did anyone else find it hard/trippy?

i'm going to start trying to think of myself (for some of the time) as lesley lorimer in hopes of getting a head-start on the transition. hopefully by the time the day arrives it will feel more appropriate. they say it takes 23 days to change a habit. surely that's all it would take to separate myself with 30 years of history with one small word :S hm, unlikely, i think this will be my greatest nuptial challenge.

we'll organize a sort of revolution.

infestation

one of the most surprising side affects of being in a relationship is that i believe i've become more introverted. it seems to me that since my need for human connection is being met regularly, my need for social interaction has gone down. before, i had to purposely seek out connection because i didn't have any natural interaction. so i guess this makes sense, it's just strange, and new, and surprising, and a little disappointing. that being said, i still relish my friendships. i look forward to shanno being done school so we can have some totally rad girl time, and i look forward to melissa coming over for tea this evening, and to having dinner with the melles tomorrow (by way of this post i'm confirming with bren that i'll be joining you for dinner tomorrow). i guess the main difference is i no longer feel a longing.

last weekend (i didn't have the chance to mention this before) i did some major spring cleaning around the pad. i dug 3 garbage bags full of things out of my closet - things i haven't used in 4 years since moving into the maxi pad (my closet is HUGE now). i took them, along with my futon couch to value village. it felt so good getting rid of stuff. my futon took up a lot of space, and the cats would make it covered in hair. that nook in my living room looks way nicer now, and when b moves in at the end of june we're going to put his vast record collection and record player. i bought a chair on kijiji and have a nice little listening station set up for him. all he needs are some vintage headphones and he'll be set. funny thing about the chair i bought, i turns out it was from al! how funny! he gave me a discount and delivered it. all-in-all, the pad is looking great. i'm very pleased.

you're a bright shining star,
my home.

manifestation

i've been enjoying yet another saturday of getting things done around my house. i really like this new routine. and it was all sparked by one little washing machine.

however, my morning was not good. you'd think being able to sleep in for the first time since mid-february would be a delight, but it wasn't...

yesterday evening i had a nap because brendan, shannon and i were going to see megan perform at the mansion. i wasn't in the mood for a nap, but did it because it would be worth it. unfortunately, i was kind of crabby when i woke up to go out, but was fully awake within an hour. while at the mansion i decided to have a coke, i next to never drink caffeine and i forget every time that i shouldn't do it at all. so i had this coke, and was wired all night and didn't go to bed until 5 am. i probably could've stayed up longer, but it was nearing the time i usually wake up at. i slept awfully, it was really shallow and still felt wired the entire time. i woke at 9:40 and couldn't sleep any longer because my heart was palpitating.

thankfully i was able to use that awake-time to work on our wedding blog. we're doing a digital invitation, and i'm very pleased with the site. i kind of wish i could show it to you now, but i'll wait until we send it out at the end of this month. i'm really discovering that with our simple wedding, we're not going to need 3 months to plan, one month would be enough.

i don't know if i've mentioned this before, but brendan's brother's fiancee is a professional musician. megan hamilton. she's about to go on tour across country. she played a great show last night. at one point it really hit me that megan is going to be my sister-in-law. we've talked about it before, but it really sunk in that she's going to be part of my life in 50 years. that she will be my kids' aunt megan, and they will know and love her. that's pretty incredible. i've never had a sister-in-law before, because i only have a brother-in-law on my family's side. strangely though, yesterday i declared to shannon "megan's going to be my first sister EVER!", to which she responded confused with a "but les, you have a sister". oh man, it was funny. my mistake, i meant sister-in-law.

i can see a lot of life in you.

seedling

my car broke down today.
thankfully it happened right out front of a mechanic. it all got sorted out well, but as the end of the day draws near i'm rather exhausted. future car repairs, the discovery of alarming family traits, overwhelming commissions, meeting new people. it's more than i like to deal with in one day.

this evening brendan had his friend sarah over from highschool. it was very interesting, because i watched him in this place as if it was his own (and it will be, so it was good practice). he showed her around, told her tales about the cats, gave her a tour. it was very foreign to me. i haven't shared a space with other people's guests in a long time, and i've developed a weirdness around other people's people in my space. needless to say, i felt stretched, but in a good way.

that being said... all that was today is still crawling all over me, and i think i'll resign and simply get into bed. tomorrow's another day.

why's everything so wrong?

rain

so this evening brendan and i started the planning of our wedding. since we're less than 3 months away from the big day i thought it would be wise to get organized, figure out what needs to be done and when.

since this whole thing is new to us, i googled "wedding checklist" and found a comprehensive list starting at 12 months prior to the wedding. considering we're on a fast-track schedule we were quite behind. however, our wedding is going to be very casual and non-traditional, so together we sat deleting all the crap from the to-do list and whittled it down to 1 page from 3. we also came up with a guest list of 117 people, which doesn't include the 20 names or so we might receive from our moms. it's amazing how quickly the numbers can go up, but i've always known i'd have around that many, that tends to happen when a person is a church-goer. i'm sure the numbers will go down just as quickly because not everyone will attend. on the to-do list, the weirdest item was "purchase wedding gifts for parents", i just think it's weird to give our parents gifts for our wedding. it's a funny world we live in.

i was telling brendan that i'm still kind of in shock that i'm getting married. he told me "well... you were single a long time". has anyone else ever felt this way before? because i've never heard anyone talk about it. sometimes i look at brendan and i think "i'm marrying that guy", like, that's a lot to take in! out of all the men i've ever known, out of all the guys i've ever had crushes on, this is the guy i'm going to marry and spend my life with. that's a pretty big frickin' deal! i think i made a great choice of life partner. it's just a lot to take in. i'm really thankful. he's my best friend!

i'm going to try to keep wedding talk to a minimum on pspd, but it's bound to come up. let's all be thankful that we only have to endure this for the next 12 weeks. well... i say endure, but i do hope that it will be a fun and positive experience, i just don't want to be obsessive about it. and i think if i'm on the ball it won't consume me. i'm crossing my fingers!

i came to this strange world,
hoping i could learn a bit about how to give and take.

gonna

today was fun. news spread pretty quickly around the office and i had large groups of people gathering in my cubicle to hear about my engagement. marilyn kept sending people to my cubicle to hear my big news. i'm going to tell her tomorrow to just tell people on my behalf because i find it really exhausting to retell over and over again. it's the introvert in me, i don't have the endurance to get excited each time i talk about it. that being said, i appreciated everyone's enthusiasm, it was fun. and that's too you all too! we both really enjoy celebrating with you.

while i was at work i came up with a fantastic idea. last week i canceled my Y membership because it's spring and i'd prefer to be outside. but i need to keep my exercise up at the same level that it was at when i went to the gym. so it occurred to me that there's a track right across the street from my house. it's practically in my front lawn. so i decided i'd run the track at the m centre when i got home. brendan was here when i arrived and started cooking dinner when i headed across the street to do my run. traditionally i hate jogging. it's uncomfortable, but i did a run-walk rotation and managed to get around the whole track 3 times in a half hour. the whole site is under construction at the moment so i had to improvise but that was a-ok, it worked out fine. i'm going to try to do that three times a week same as i did with the Y. it's really nice because there's still some set structure so i don't have to think (just round and round) and when i'm finished i'm just a quick jaunt home. i'm kind of surprised that it took 4 years of living here before i came up with that idea. when i got home i had some time to get changed and washed before brendan served dinner, it was nice :) speaking of which, i should probably go do the dishes now.

brunettes not fighter jets

indeed

quite quickly brendan and i identified that we are better together, and that we would get married. we decided that we'd have our wedding in january of 2011. but during the month of march we started to realize that we have nothing stopping us from getting married earlier than that, no barriers, no money issues, no school, no doubts. so we decided to spend a month seriously considering that, praying about it, figuring things out. i was left feeling that we could marry tomorrow and be fully confident that we'd live a good life together. b felt the same way. we decided that we could wait til january, or just get married before going to cambodia and make that our honeymoon. so we looked at our schedules, and decided to get married the saturday before our already planned trip. however, it was our secret. we told no one. needless to say, i was BUSTING at the seams to tell people, but quickly learned to hold my tongue. that being said, i was quite obnoxious with brendan about it and regularly asked him "is there anything you'd like to ask me today??" to that he'd say "not today..." or "just trust me" or "soon", and eventually he began saying "suck it up". i secretly wondered if it would be on april 4th, that was exactly one month from when we decided to consider getting married in june. i waited, i belly ached, i desperately wanted to tell people and start planning! but i waited nonetheless.

this morning brendan, shannon, and i gathered with a group of nexters and the local spanish church down by murney's tower for a sunrise service. when i first woke up i thought to myself "maybe this will be the day!", but after the lovely, beautiful, and symbolic service was over, we headed back to the car and drove shannon home. i left feeling a little disappointed because it had turned out to not be the day, yet again. but after shannon got out of the car b said "can we go back to the water? because i forgot something." i knew in that moment, but tried to keep calm. i was tempted to play a long and pretend that i didn't know, but thought i shouldn't give him a hard time about it. then i tried to not smile by making awkward small talk in the car. we arrived and he asked that i park the car and come with him to get the thing, so i did. we walked down to the waters edge, and found a flat limestone rock to stand on. he made me close my eyes while he started into a spiel in a determined and self-conscious tone similar to when he told me that he had feelings for me. as i stood with my eyes closed i could hear his voice go from above me to below me, then he told me to open my eyes. he was kneeling, presenting the ring, then asked me to marry him. i said yes, and waited patiently for him to give me the ring (i wanted to just take it). my eyes watered and i cried a little bit. it was funny because he reached for my right hand instead of my left, so i had to tell him "this one" – which provided some comic relief :) afterwards we sat talking by the shore for a while, then headed home again.

before going over to next we stopped by the house famous, and i told shannon. she and andrew got engaged on friday, and actually brendan's brother ben and his girlfriend got engaged on thursday. it's been a weekend of proposals. anyways, i told shannon, and she flipped out with happiness. i told her that we weren't going to tell anyone until brendan announced it at church. so we went over to the breakfast at next. i told no one. i had to hide my hand from everyone, just in case – i didn't want someone to accidentally notice it, then the news spread. shanno and i spent a lot of time talking about their engagement and wedding with people, but i didn't say anything :D after the first song at church there was a kid's story, then garry did a responsive reading where we all had to say "that's amazing news!". before the next song, brendan said "speaking of amazing news... les and i got engaged this morning". there were delayed responses all around the church, confusion, excitement, etc. after a little while garry had to stop everything and say "are you serious?" and when b said yes, everyone erupted in excitement. then garry asked "did anyone else get engaged recently?" by way of segwaying into andrew and shannon's announcement. so we were the two engaged girls sitting together.

after that we went to my mom's place for lunch and we were able to tell them. they were all very excited, which was great.

i really like the shock factor, so it was worth holding it in for a month. here's the photo we posted on facebook today.


that's pretty much it. like i said, we'll get married on june 26. it'll be a casual wedding and bbq at next, short, sweet, original. after the wedding, brendan will move in here with me.

let me tell you a bit about my ring. when i was around 17 i found my mom's old engagement ring in her drawer. she'd stopped wearing it because it didn't really fit and it was impractical. we decided then that i would use it for my engagement ring. it's gold, and not really my style because it's so shiny and danty, but i like that it was free and that it's the same ring i saw on my mom's finger when i was little. brendan got it from my mom about two weeks ago and had it cleaned. i think it might actually have two different kinds of gold in it, because there are two different shades. anyways, i'll probably just wear it til we're married, but it's nice to have a ring, that makes it special.

well, it's been a busy and big day. i'm gonna log out now, and just veg for the rest of the night. i hope you're well.

happy easter!

the rule has been disproved,
the stone has been moved,
the grave is now a groove,
all debts are removed.

beer

last evening, beck, brendan and i went to see dragonette at the ale house. we bumped into a very drunk kevin and spent the evening with him. the show was alright, the music was good, it was a decent outing eventhough it wasn't the most entertaining of shows. it was still fun.

yesterday was the day the music died for the house famous. a moving truck was loaded then traveled several blocks away - on the other side of the park. all that remains are three people who will serve the remainder of their time then move on. it's bittersweet. the house brought much to both next and the inner harbour neighbourhood, as a citizen of this world i am saddened by the loss of that intentional community. as a friend of shanno i am disappointed that her dreams were cut short. and as girlfriend of brendan i can appreciate that it is the end of an era, but also feel that it's the beginning of a new one. dating (and other romantic-in-nature relationships) in such an environment is difficult. i feel that we and the other couples of the house will be able to exhale and find a new rhythm. it will mean a lot of change for everyone, how the former housemates will interact with each other, how they will interact with others around them, and how the former house famous will interact with the community at large. i have this hope that much of the goodness will spread. that we'll all pick up the slack and help the people formerly supported by those 8 people. it will be a challenge, but one we are capable of rising to meet. i'm thankful for the way they challenged our concepts and showed us a different way of living. i think the world is a much better place that because it was once nourished by that presense. now as we all try to find our way, try to discover new paths, and travel the road with different companions, let us be encouraged and joyful. all is not lost, it's just transforming.

three cheers for the house famous!
hip-hip hooray!
hip-hip hooray!
hip-hip hooray!!!

it's alright, it's alright, it's alright.