day

i like bon iver. he reminds me of a boy version of tegan & sara.

 

i'm not naturally a very organized person. i feel at my best when i'm organized (prepared, ready, well and at ease), but it's not my default behaviour. sometimes when i'm thinking ahead b will say to me "you're going to make a great mom some day", which makes me smile because i've never thought of myself as particularly maternal. he thinks our relationship, the permanentness of it has triggered my maternal instinct. he might be right for all i know. anyways, despite my disorderly natural, i seem to be maturing into someone who is organized. i gather that its a learned skill - like cooking or accident prevention. there's a lot of house details that i need to collect all together and avoid losing. for the sake of my mental health i've developed a paper trail so whatever i need is easily accessible. downloading my mental tasks onto bits of paper is soothing.

there was a fire drill this afternoon. while everyone grabbed their coats and headed outside, i took a few extra minutes to get myself a cup of tea. i was beautiful outside. that short afternoon recess was exactly what i needed.

i'm easily jarred by unexpected things.

 

at once I knew I was not magnificent.