bruised

i had some serious difficulties untangling my hair today after i teased it for the 80s party i went to last night. it was like one massive dread.

recently rachel L gave me a book called 344 question. she said that i'm always working thru some sort of existential question and the book might help. plus it's well designed so she thought i'd enjoy the layout too. it was timely since i'm on the cusp of another existential journey, trying to make sense of things that seem to have no real meaning or value in them. things like this bring to the surface different personalities and held beliefs. there are those who are confident that there is reason and purpose in misfortune. and others who feel life is a series of cruel jokes. and then a spectrum of others in between. right now the last thing i want is for people to reason away my feelings, pass along sayings or tell me to 'trust in the lord'. sometimes i just need people to say "this sucks, les. it's crappy and there's no way around it." just give me time to soothe and let me feel like my feelings are legitimate.

i've had some interesting dreams lately. you know me with my dreams. i feel a little excited since they represent new beginnings. i'm excited to see what will happen but feel pretty gun-shy. i'm afraid to let myself hope these days.

i'm going to drink a cup of tea and eat some chocolate with brendan now. g'night!

seeing the train roll away, i'm going out of my head here.