chortle

our kitties have developed odd litter box practices - mostly they're not using it, in favour of the floor space just outside the box. we have no idea why this is happening, but most likely they're not just peeing where they now smell a pee scent. needless to say, we're super annoyed at them and have revoked their basement privileges. they usually access the basement through a cat door, but thankfully the door comes with a lock. we've moved the litter box back up into the bathroom so we can hopefully retrain them on their litter box etiquette. both of them spent the night scratching at their basement door trying to get it to open. they're pretty mad about it, and honey was giving us the cold shoulder this morning.

so it turns out i need to have another ultrasound because in the last one my placenta was too close to my cervix. usually when a placenta is low, it moves higher as the uterus grows, but if it doesn't, it can cause complications and risks on the big day. i've kind of gone back and forth on this - feeling concerned and feeling peaceful. right now i feel peaceful. i was reading about it recently and came across roughly 10 causes for this condition, and i didn't fit ANY of the risk factors (substance use, age, previous pregnancies, etc). which gives me hope that my placenta is normal and that my last ultrasound is outdated. having to consider this though, gave me the chance to consider my feelings about this birth. i've always known my preferences and simply hadn't given much thought to the alternative (how would i feel if my preferences weren't an option). i've concluded that it's very important to me to push this baby out myself. birth is something i want to accomplish rather than be something done to me. accomplishing things is very valuable to sense of endurance. i feel greatly empowered by enduring and completing things - especially hard things, and i know birth will equip me for the challenge of life with a newborn.

it was kind of a funny weekend. saturday i found myself feeling surprisingly at loose ends and kind of lonely. i knew i felt bored and restless while brendan was busy with his own things, and i wasn't able to identify that i felt lonely so i was just crabby. then sunday was very full, so full that there were two functions that we had to skip completely because we had other commitments. in a lot of ways, those two days couldn't have been more different.

i used to tango
but that, that was then.