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scrolling through facebook and postsecret today, i was struck by the clear dichotomy between them. facebook was full of warm messages about father's day, while postsecret was checked with different experiences and a broad range of messages. i find that i'm drawn more to the story told by postsecret, feeling a little that those on facebook with happy messages are either the minority, or that they're only sharing rose-coloured realities (maybe that's typical of facebook). in my observations, the majority of people have a very complex relationship with their fathers. if not the majority, at least a LOT of people.

thinking back over 30+ years of father's days, i'd have to say my feelings about this celebration of dads has been all over the board. thankfully, at this point, i feel quite healthy and well-adjusted, which is interesting because i know i've written father's day blog posts in the past from a very different perspective.

today, i can look back and see that my past hurts and emotional baggage were the direct result of circumstances, rather than my dad himself. so i can genuinely thank him and love him and wish him a happy father's day. that said, i'll keep my cards close to my chest and won't be posting soemthing shiny-happy on facebook about him. instead, i can scroll through postsecret and fully appreciate the broad range of emotions expressed there. i dunno, i kind of feel like the most honest approach to father's day is on that says "he's not perfect, but i love him anyways". heck, that's probably the best approach to mother's day too (many folks who don't have issues with their dad have issues with their moms).

one new experience for me though, is having peers and friends who are wishing their husbands/partners a happy father's day. and i'm encouraged to see that the young dads i know are good men, many in spite of the father's they've experienced. maybe things are changing. we can only hope, right? i'll hope that pattens of behaviour can be broken, and new generations will grow up to tell a new story.

pretend that love could help you find your way