self-preservation

brendan and i had some conflict on the weekend about parking in an arby's parking lot when there wasn't room in the starbucks we were going to.

he wanted to park there. and i REALLY REALLY didn't. especially when i saw the sign specifically stating that the parking lot was only for arby's customers.

when trying to explain my distress about it later, i said "i'm a worse-case scenario thinker", but this isn't exactly true. often times, i can't imagine how things could possibly go wrong, and then find out when things go wrong :p i'm not someone who assumes the worst about everything. instead, it's more accurate to say i am not a risk-taker – at all. i don't park in places i'm not supposed to, i don't let my kid stand inside shopping carts, and i don't call-in-sick to play hookie. if i perceive a chance that something might go wrong, i don't do it. life is full of enough unfortunate incidents that i try at least avoid all avoidable heartache. i can do without getting my car towed, having my kid injured from a fall, and damaging my professional reputation.

obviously, danger is a reality in life. i don't avoid all danger or else it would be impossible to live. but i suppose i view danger and risk as two different issues. and i guess for me, risk involves a element of choice. i remember watching a ted talk once where the woman talked about regret. she mentioned how regret often results from a small decision that could've gone either way – when simply making the alternate decision could have produced a different, more positive result. that's what that impulse is for me ultimately: a quick diagnostic of how much i might regret my decisions.

i don't gamble with what's important to me – my time, my loved ones, my integrity, my heart.