+3

it's been a LONG weekend without any plans. eamon's in a weird pesty mood these days, and it's tiring us out. thankfully, nancy offered to have him for a bit today, and after breakfast, he immediately got dressed and put on his shoes saying he was going to nana's. so i gave her a call and she was more than happy to have him.

so i got to sleep in til 10. then we went to the collins bay flea market. it was my first time there, which was ironic because i grew up in collins bay and had never been there before. it's been a flea market for ~25-30 years. before that it was a john's deli. i went there when it was john's deli and bought mini-chickets. anyway, after that we went for a long long walk at lemoine point. it was nice. more relaxing than it would've been with eamon.

this is a funny time in life. well, not funny 'haha', but funny as in interesting and unique. as far as i know, this is my final time waiting for baby. and that makes this really nice and special. it naturally dominates my thoughts. i feel torn between enjoying this familiar and predictable existence, and longing for my baby's arrival – and all the excitement and joy that can bring (and relief too).

i know that there are things you can do to bring on labour, but i'm actually opting to wait it out, rather than trying to influence something i can't/shouldn't. i'm quite convinced that all the interventions last time (great and small) only interfered with eamon's birth, instead of helping.

i have a lot of fears too. fears that they'll have to end up intervening if or when he goes way over due (when talking with a friend the other day, she told he how ratty and falling apart her placenta was when her baby was born 10 days late). i've been trying to avoid being induced, so i would be very said if they end up breaking my water. i'm also worried that my body will be slow to act – too slow. i can't say it's given me a lot of reason to be confident in its readiness to begin labour. then again, rach and alyssa both keep saying how well i dilated, even when induced. so maybe i should have more faith in my body's ability to birth well. i dunno. we'll find out eventually, i guess.