adjusting

i've heard it said that women cut their hair after having a baby because their hair is something they can control. for me, it's tidying my house.

today was pretty much my first full day on my own with my two kids. and after being on my own (with different degrees of support) all week, i reached my breaking point around lunch time today and had a bit of a melt down. yesterday, when nancy was over, i got a lot of tidying and cleaning done, but by bedtime the house was messy and chaotic again. so after not being able to find my bus pass, and being unable to make it to the hospital to visit my dad (who is recovering from surgery), and having a crying baby who doesn't like to be set down while i wanted to make some lunch, i knew something had to give.

keeping the house tidy helps a lot. even all the little things that i don't normally notice, have been bothering me in my current stage – things like dust on the toaster. i suppose it's not a bad thing, wanting to keep the house tidy. i know that things are going to balance out, and if a clean house helps keep me sane, that's a good approach.