i've concluded that interns are similar to angsty teens. at first at least. everything is foreign and new, their outside their comfort zone, they don't have a lot of confidence yet, and i constantly want to say "it's alright, this really isn't as scary as it seems".
my intern started today. she's very nice and i think we'll work well together. it's interesting because it's quite a learning curve for both of us. i've never supervised anyone before. it's difficult doing my own work when making sure that she has enough to do and is managing ok. i think i'll get used to it. she's with me for 4 weeks, maybe 5. i think she'll do great though. i think i'm more confident in her than she is in herself at this point. it's been a LONG time since i started a job. i'm sure it was a nerve-wracking day.
this past weekend was great. lots of time hanging out with friends. a reading date at the goat with b. a shiny new wagon for carting home groceries from the store. i feel pretty lucky.
i've been wanting a wagon for a long time. well... not a long time really, a few months. but still. i wanted a retro looking one – red with wooden railings. when i first told my mom i wanted a wagon she laughed at me. it seemed so peculiar to her. but i can't fault her for that, our brains don't work the same way. putting it together was slightly more complicated then i thought, but b and i hungout on the front stoop working as friends and neighbours came along and we chatted with them about this new rad addition. hanging out in front of our house is great. i always liked doing that at the maxipad, so i'm glad to continue at the exile. it's a great social bridge. after we were finished i carted it down to food basics to buy groceries. it felt so delightful. i never had a wagon as a kid, but i found it so quaint :) it was super easy to navigate around the grocery store too! on the way back the one bolt and nut fell off, but i found it 15 feet behind me and repaired it right away. just wasn't tight enough.
i did cartwheels in your honour.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
slow jam
oddly, i'm discovering lately that i'm a person heavily reliant on expectations. that sounds weird. what i mean is that i get super thrown off if when reality is different than what i expected. my sister used to say that i'm not a flexible person, while that's not quite accurate i can understand where she gets that from. i had a bit of a meltdown a couple weeks ago when i arrived home to find that brendan had done work around the house in a different order than i had expected. (WHAT!?!? WHAT?!?! THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED!) and it's weird, because there's nothing wrong with the change of plans, and there's nothing essential to how i expected things to play out, but it's super hard for me to adjust. at first, i think b thought i was just making a big deal out of nothing, but i think he's starting to get it. this is how i'm wired. on occassion i'll find myself in a situation where things are better than i expected, which i like - so it's not that i'm unflexible. there's just part of me that relies on expectations the way other people rely on consistancy. the only solution i can think of is to try to hold my expectations loosely so that i don't rely on them so much. but at the same time, i get a sense of security of knowing this is this, and that is that, and never the two shall meet. i dunno, maybe this doesn't require a solution at all.
i'm super proud of brendan. yesterday he finished this first year of college. he's now officially 50% finished. and he passed with flying colours. i have him a pack of 5 pabst beers. why five you ask? well i needed one myself. it's a little tradition of shanno and mine to have a pabst beer after a papsmear. it's handy that my doctor's office is across the street from the beer store. i got carded :)
i could really go for a tomato and artichoke salad right now. oh man. yum.
sometimes following knitting/crochetting patterns just doesn't work.
i'm super proud of brendan. yesterday he finished this first year of college. he's now officially 50% finished. and he passed with flying colours. i have him a pack of 5 pabst beers. why five you ask? well i needed one myself. it's a little tradition of shanno and mine to have a pabst beer after a papsmear. it's handy that my doctor's office is across the street from the beer store. i got carded :)
i could really go for a tomato and artichoke salad right now. oh man. yum.
sometimes following knitting/crochetting patterns just doesn't work.
we were light and paper thin.
Monday, April 23, 2012
flirty
with a uhaul truck and a handful of friends, andrew and shannon moved into their new apartment above our heads. they've deemed it 'bel-air'. the move went pretty smoothly, except their couch wouldn't fit (it got up the narrow stairs but wouldn't go any further) and their box spring didn't fit either. however... andrew cut the box spring and managed to get it in, and they've found a two-seater couch so they're back on track. it's pretty exciting. i like having them upstairs. it somehow feels complete and the house fills full in a really good way.
after a morning as movers, b and i headed off to TO for dinner and a show. we went to the burger's priest. brendan had heard about it a long time ago and has been eager to go since he first got wind of it. it was pretty good, but wasn't amazing. it was neat because it was clearly hand-made with fresh ingredients and it was a good price, but not mind-blowing. we continue to like lick's burgers best.
it was b's first time seeing ani difranco and my second. the show was in the winter garden theatre which was probably one of the most surreal venues i have ever been to. the whole place has foliage on the ceiling like you're in a forest. the pillars were made to look like trees. the whole thing made me feel like i was at some kind of shakespearean theatre. ani called it "potpourri". i'd left buying our tickets until quite late so the pickings were slim. we were in the last row of the balcony and i was worried that our view would suck. however, we were in the centre of the back and the view was tremendous. the opening band, called pearl and the beard, are totally worth checking out. they were very talented and awesome. the crowd was a lot more diverse than i expected. there was definitely a larger queer and feminist crowd than at a typical show, but they were pretty balanced with couples and families (adults there with their grown children).
after a morning as movers, b and i headed off to TO for dinner and a show. we went to the burger's priest. brendan had heard about it a long time ago and has been eager to go since he first got wind of it. it was pretty good, but wasn't amazing. it was neat because it was clearly hand-made with fresh ingredients and it was a good price, but not mind-blowing. we continue to like lick's burgers best.
it was b's first time seeing ani difranco and my second. the show was in the winter garden theatre which was probably one of the most surreal venues i have ever been to. the whole place has foliage on the ceiling like you're in a forest. the pillars were made to look like trees. the whole thing made me feel like i was at some kind of shakespearean theatre. ani called it "potpourri". i'd left buying our tickets until quite late so the pickings were slim. we were in the last row of the balcony and i was worried that our view would suck. however, we were in the centre of the back and the view was tremendous. the opening band, called pearl and the beard, are totally worth checking out. they were very talented and awesome. the crowd was a lot more diverse than i expected. there was definitely a larger queer and feminist crowd than at a typical show, but they were pretty balanced with couples and families (adults there with their grown children).
there was one lady there with gray dreads, and it made me think of you, jill. you have your whole life ahead of you to regrow your dreads and keep them for 50 years if you'd like. it's going to be awesome :)
we arrived back home at 2 am. i took out my contacts and crawled into bed fully dressed. i would've felt fine the next day if it wasn't for my stupid acid reflux. i've realized that my weird throat thing in january was an acid reflux episode as well. i hope it goes away soon. however, in the meantime i quite like my scratchy voice. sometimes i talk to myself just because i find the sound amusing.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
bonus
you may remember last summer, me talking about a book i was reading called "reading lolita in tehran". it was an interesting book, unlike anything i've ever read before. it immersed me in a world that was so foreign and caused me to feel quite deeply in new ways. that said, it was also incredibly difficult to follow and would often leave me bored. so when i went camping for a week i decided to leave it behind in favour of something more engaging. i next to never quit books, so from time to time i'd pick it up on my lunch break or in between books, and yesterday after the better part of a year, i finally finished it. yay! what a relief. it was slightly painful and i won't miss it, it was like a constant cloud hovering above me. anyways, when i went to mark it as complete on my visual bookshelf (on goodreads.com) i counted how many books i've read since i started it and when i completed it. SEVENTEEN. i started reading lolita in tehran 17 books ago!
my eyes have been really runny lately. it's super annoying. it makes me look like i've been crying and i haven't been. people kept asking me at the blood clinic if i was ok. i was fine, it was just a long day and i was ready to go home. the vacant look on my face was that of eagerness to get home.
last evening i was lying on the loveseat with my legs in the air and noticed my leg hairs. they're now over a quarter inch long and i found that i quite like it. this might seem odd, but i think i like my leg hair more than other legs. the reason why i say this is because i was looking up pictures of hairy girl legs online and i didn't like the pictures at all. it kind of grossed me out a bit. but that was early on. maybe i'll grow to be more accustomed to it as i become more accustomed to my own. so far i like that this is making me one step closer to being low maintenance.
i was digging around in the basement the other day trying to find a throw pillow i'd stowed away. while down there i could hear andrew and shannon talking. i tried to mind my own business, but it was difficult to ignore their conversation. in hindsight, i think they would've appreciated me making my presense known so at least they could be aware that i could hear them. i told b "it's probably good practise to just say 'i can hear you'". b thought that might embarrass them, which is not what i was hoping for. in fact, the opposite. at least if i identify myself they can stop themselves from saying something that could embarrass them. it's funny that i can only hear them when i'm in the basement. in the main level (the sandwich between the basement and their apartment) we can't hear them at all.
my eyes have been really runny lately. it's super annoying. it makes me look like i've been crying and i haven't been. people kept asking me at the blood clinic if i was ok. i was fine, it was just a long day and i was ready to go home. the vacant look on my face was that of eagerness to get home.
last evening i was lying on the loveseat with my legs in the air and noticed my leg hairs. they're now over a quarter inch long and i found that i quite like it. this might seem odd, but i think i like my leg hair more than other legs. the reason why i say this is because i was looking up pictures of hairy girl legs online and i didn't like the pictures at all. it kind of grossed me out a bit. but that was early on. maybe i'll grow to be more accustomed to it as i become more accustomed to my own. so far i like that this is making me one step closer to being low maintenance.
i was digging around in the basement the other day trying to find a throw pillow i'd stowed away. while down there i could hear andrew and shannon talking. i tried to mind my own business, but it was difficult to ignore their conversation. in hindsight, i think they would've appreciated me making my presense known so at least they could be aware that i could hear them. i told b "it's probably good practise to just say 'i can hear you'". b thought that might embarrass them, which is not what i was hoping for. in fact, the opposite. at least if i identify myself they can stop themselves from saying something that could embarrass them. it's funny that i can only hear them when i'm in the basement. in the main level (the sandwich between the basement and their apartment) we can't hear them at all.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
redacted
on sunday, i spilled hot tea all over my lap and it burned in upper inner thighs. it sucked. my legs are ok now, but i have learned the dangers of tea.
as i drove into work this morning, i had this internal debate about whether or not i'd put in my contacts. i couldn't remember and couldn't tell from looking around. everything seemed clear-ish. any difficulty with reading signs was assumed to be because it was early and my contacts were still settling. however, after 5 minutes it finally stuck me that indeed i had NOT put in my contacts and i had to return home again. thus i was significantly late for work. i found it noteworthy that things appeared "clear enough" that i didn't realize that life was blurry. i feel there's a good analogy in there somewhere. afterwards i could see clearly that i had not seen clearly.
andrew and shannon are moving in this saturday. b and i still have some work to do and i'm eager to get things wrapped up. i booked an appointment for this past weekend for 'just junk' to come pick up a driveway's worth of junk. it's AMAZING to be able to see our driveway and picnic table again.
lately... i've been doing a great job of keeping things tidy. i've been doing the dishes every day - something i've never willingly done. it makes me feel super awesome. i'm pretty sure it's because of the boundaries i put around my computer time. i suddenly have time and i find that i'm proactively doing chores because my head is not in the world-wide web but very presence in my house. i think that weeks of renos have given me a taste for doing stuff and not just lazying around. last night i took a walk because i felt like it. it was great. dusk + ipod + outside + alone = awesome. a thin space.
as i drove into work this morning, i had this internal debate about whether or not i'd put in my contacts. i couldn't remember and couldn't tell from looking around. everything seemed clear-ish. any difficulty with reading signs was assumed to be because it was early and my contacts were still settling. however, after 5 minutes it finally stuck me that indeed i had NOT put in my contacts and i had to return home again. thus i was significantly late for work. i found it noteworthy that things appeared "clear enough" that i didn't realize that life was blurry. i feel there's a good analogy in there somewhere. afterwards i could see clearly that i had not seen clearly.
andrew and shannon are moving in this saturday. b and i still have some work to do and i'm eager to get things wrapped up. i booked an appointment for this past weekend for 'just junk' to come pick up a driveway's worth of junk. it's AMAZING to be able to see our driveway and picnic table again.
lately... i've been doing a great job of keeping things tidy. i've been doing the dishes every day - something i've never willingly done. it makes me feel super awesome. i'm pretty sure it's because of the boundaries i put around my computer time. i suddenly have time and i find that i'm proactively doing chores because my head is not in the world-wide web but very presence in my house. i think that weeks of renos have given me a taste for doing stuff and not just lazying around. last night i took a walk because i felt like it. it was great. dusk + ipod + outside + alone = awesome. a thin space.
i'm starting to get itchy feet. it feels like it's been a while since i packed up my backpack and headed out to unknown places. i'm counting down... four months til costa rica.
you are the morning when it's clear.
you are the morning when it's clear.
Friday, April 13, 2012
mantoux
and another thing....
i really appreciate that at work i know my place. there's no confusion about where i rank, what my value is, if i'm crossing lines or letting people down. i know what i'm good at, i know what my role is, other people know what they're good and at what their role is. there is generally no cross over and i don't feel slighted when important people don't know who i am (that said, the usually do because of the nature of my job, but i don't expect them to sit with me at lunch or give me special attention). having a clear sense of self at work has always given me a sense of confidence that i don't have in my personal life. elsewhere lines are blurred, expectations aren unclear. outside of bbd, i feel that i have to earn my place and that place is constantly changing.
it's odd to me that in a way it's the freedom of regular life that makes me feel like i'm failing, and the structure of the work environment that makes me feel like i'm succeeding.
i really appreciate that at work i know my place. there's no confusion about where i rank, what my value is, if i'm crossing lines or letting people down. i know what i'm good at, i know what my role is, other people know what they're good and at what their role is. there is generally no cross over and i don't feel slighted when important people don't know who i am (that said, the usually do because of the nature of my job, but i don't expect them to sit with me at lunch or give me special attention). having a clear sense of self at work has always given me a sense of confidence that i don't have in my personal life. elsewhere lines are blurred, expectations aren unclear. outside of bbd, i feel that i have to earn my place and that place is constantly changing.
it's odd to me that in a way it's the freedom of regular life that makes me feel like i'm failing, and the structure of the work environment that makes me feel like i'm succeeding.
as every color illuminates,
we are shining
and we will never be afraid again.
fahrenheit
dalton mcginty came to my office today for a visit. we all gathered around him for his daily photo-op and he gave a big speech about how awesome ontario is and how bbd is known around the world. it always makes me laugh when politicians tell us how international we are like they're telling us something we don't already know. during his speech they put a crowd of people around him and i was placed in the front row to make us seem diverse. they were trying to make the women more prominent. anyways, dalton is a lot taller than i thought he'd be - he's over 6 ft - and his ability to talk with such ease without notes reminded me of robb, as he is the only politician i know in real life.
a few days ago i was listening to a conversation on cbc about 'jobs for life'. i found it quite interesting listening to the different callers. there was a very noticable difference in the point of view of people in their 20s and people in their 50s. and i don't even think it's a result of the culture they grew up in, i think it's because of their maturity. the one caller, who i found to be the most obnoxious, was 25 and said that he equates the thought of a 'job for life' as being in hole. now, i think it's not a stretch for me to say that having a job for 30 or 40 years is not the same as being in a hole. now, if he's the thought of having one job for his whole life makes him feel trapped and imprisioned that's a whole other issue, and i think he's not the kind of person who will stay in one place very long. another guy (26) talked with dismay about how he feels stuck in his job and as though he hasn't really experienced other options. what i wish i could have said to these guys and their generation is "it gets better!". the grass is always greener... but eventually you'll stop comparing yourself with those around you.
i remember being a working stiff in my 20s and regularly feeling stuck, that i was a slave to my osap and i didn't have the freedom to explore other things. i used to say "i've given this company my 20s". but now, in my 30s... i don't feel that way AT ALL anymore. that's not to say that there aren't days where i wish i was outside, or working downtown, or at least outside my 8x8 blue cube, but i feel a lot more peaceful now and looking back i can see how working away my salad days grew me into the person i am today and i'm really happy with where i'm at. who knows, maybe it was the shift of my boss, or maybe me just becoming accustomed to the custom of working. but i've come to believe that even if i work this same job until i'm 67, that what i do in this job is going to change drastically. it won't be like digging a hole. i dunno, i guess the job-insecurity we have these days makes me thankful and instead of resentful. it makes me feel that if i have the option to work my job for the next 35 years i'd be a pretty lucky person.
a few days ago i was listening to a conversation on cbc about 'jobs for life'. i found it quite interesting listening to the different callers. there was a very noticable difference in the point of view of people in their 20s and people in their 50s. and i don't even think it's a result of the culture they grew up in, i think it's because of their maturity. the one caller, who i found to be the most obnoxious, was 25 and said that he equates the thought of a 'job for life' as being in hole. now, i think it's not a stretch for me to say that having a job for 30 or 40 years is not the same as being in a hole. now, if he's the thought of having one job for his whole life makes him feel trapped and imprisioned that's a whole other issue, and i think he's not the kind of person who will stay in one place very long. another guy (26) talked with dismay about how he feels stuck in his job and as though he hasn't really experienced other options. what i wish i could have said to these guys and their generation is "it gets better!". the grass is always greener... but eventually you'll stop comparing yourself with those around you.
i remember being a working stiff in my 20s and regularly feeling stuck, that i was a slave to my osap and i didn't have the freedom to explore other things. i used to say "i've given this company my 20s". but now, in my 30s... i don't feel that way AT ALL anymore. that's not to say that there aren't days where i wish i was outside, or working downtown, or at least outside my 8x8 blue cube, but i feel a lot more peaceful now and looking back i can see how working away my salad days grew me into the person i am today and i'm really happy with where i'm at. who knows, maybe it was the shift of my boss, or maybe me just becoming accustomed to the custom of working. but i've come to believe that even if i work this same job until i'm 67, that what i do in this job is going to change drastically. it won't be like digging a hole. i dunno, i guess the job-insecurity we have these days makes me thankful and instead of resentful. it makes me feel that if i have the option to work my job for the next 35 years i'd be a pretty lucky person.
while dalton was shaking hands with the crowd he got close to me, so i ran away because i was too shy.
i did cartwheels in your honour.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
central
yesterday, wanting to show off his new non-violent intervension skills, b eagerly said to me "punch me". so wanting to test his response to the element of surprise i punched towards him right away. unfortunately he wasn't ready and i ended up punching him right in the chest. hahaha. oops. it turns out he wanted me to punch slowly towards his face. his hold was effective, albeit in slow-motion. i'm pretty sure if i was trying to get out of it i could've :p
we've been really into parks & recreation lately. a few episodes ago it made b laugh the hardest i'd ever seen him, and both we sat there laughing to near tears. last night while we were watching it on the loveseat i noticed how long my brendanawicz's upper arm is. his arm is so frickin' long! from his shoulder to his elbow it's got to be close to 15" long. in my surprise i checked to see if my fore-arm was as long as my upper arm, and it is. i didn't realize that before. weird! when i commented to b about his long long arms (i always knew his arms were long, he had to get his suit arms extended for our wedding, but had never noticed in actuality before), he told me that the girls in his class had a difficult time practising on him in their non-violent intervension class. and that because he's so lanky he escapes easily and that he told them that he'd beat them all up. which made me laugh because i know he didn't mean it the way it sounded.
we've been really into parks & recreation lately. a few episodes ago it made b laugh the hardest i'd ever seen him, and both we sat there laughing to near tears. last night while we were watching it on the loveseat i noticed how long my brendanawicz's upper arm is. his arm is so frickin' long! from his shoulder to his elbow it's got to be close to 15" long. in my surprise i checked to see if my fore-arm was as long as my upper arm, and it is. i didn't realize that before. weird! when i commented to b about his long long arms (i always knew his arms were long, he had to get his suit arms extended for our wedding, but had never noticed in actuality before), he told me that the girls in his class had a difficult time practising on him in their non-violent intervension class. and that because he's so lanky he escapes easily and that he told them that he'd beat them all up. which made me laugh because i know he didn't mean it the way it sounded.
Monday, April 09, 2012
jelly beans
i don't have anything in particular to write, but i just wanted to touchbase. i woke up with a tummy ache, but went to work since i realized everyone was off today and i had no one to call in sick to. i decided i could always leave again if i felt ill. by 3ish i was in pain and felt like i was going to throw up so i went home. i was a little worried i wouldn't make it home in time, but i did. thankfully. it might be period related. i'm sure i'll be well again soon. i can eat unspicy foods. i mostly just feel like my stomach has been kicked in.
it was a good easter weekend. a lovely sunrise service. productive friday and saturday. i enjoyed hanging out with shanno upstairs while the boys were at band practice. eating two easter meals. the whole weekend seemed to last a long time. i liked it.
on saturday i invented a two tier dish rack. we have a chart that we keep the dishrack on, and i've placed our camping dishrack on the second shelf for maximum dish drying. it's pretty awesome. i'm extremely enthused about this.
last week i found myself hoping for a glimmer of hope in regards to b's job search, and today seemed to bring a healthy dose of it. job searching is tough, but we worked together to produce a quality cover letter and feel pretty confident that things will pan out in due time. i've just got to become more comfortable with waiting patiently.
i'm not really tired, but my body is aching and silently whining to be put to bed. in spite the fact that i suspect i'll lie there sleeplessly for quite some time.
you are the silence in between.
it was a good easter weekend. a lovely sunrise service. productive friday and saturday. i enjoyed hanging out with shanno upstairs while the boys were at band practice. eating two easter meals. the whole weekend seemed to last a long time. i liked it.
on saturday i invented a two tier dish rack. we have a chart that we keep the dishrack on, and i've placed our camping dishrack on the second shelf for maximum dish drying. it's pretty awesome. i'm extremely enthused about this.
last week i found myself hoping for a glimmer of hope in regards to b's job search, and today seemed to bring a healthy dose of it. job searching is tough, but we worked together to produce a quality cover letter and feel pretty confident that things will pan out in due time. i've just got to become more comfortable with waiting patiently.
i'm not really tired, but my body is aching and silently whining to be put to bed. in spite the fact that i suspect i'll lie there sleeplessly for quite some time.
you are the silence in between.
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
squeeze
each week day, i eat a banana for my morning snack. on monday brendan picked me up some banana's from metro because i'd run out and needed some for tuesday. unfortunately all the banana's at the store were green. in desperation i thought maybe they're more ripe then they appear. after all i do like banana's best when they're just past green. my struggle to peel it should've been my first clue, because when i bit into it it actually crunched. IT CRUNCHED! A BANANA! ugh. it's been several days and there's still no sign of them turning yellow.
i keep getting a distinct swif of maple syrup. perhaps i'm going crazy.
we're making great progress with the renos. i've discoverd that realistically, i need to start asap when i get home or else i run out of time or don't even get started. so this week we're not cook'in. last night we got wendy's (drive thru - not some friend named wendy), and tonight my incredibly thoughtful mother-in-law is bringing us some supper. we made serious progress last night. maybe in part because i drank coca cola with my dinner and was wired until after midnight. andrew and shannon are starting painting on friday so we're aiming to be finished by end of day thursday - with the exception of a few doors and other details. i'm so very pleased. people keep asking if we want to move up there now that we've completed the renos. i always find that a strange question since we already live downstairs and we like it there. i think the upstairs is great, but it's not our home, it's just part of our house. maybe next time some asks me that i'll explain that would be like moving into their kids room just because they paint it.
so far my leg hair growing experiment is going well. i've been able to avoid the discomfort leg hair getting caught on my pant legs by wearing long tight socks. so far the hair is fairer than i expected, it's kind of a light light brown. it makes me think it won't be as noticable as i thought. i think people's body hair changes with time. i remember my old landlord's leg hair was completely worn off, it was like he shaved, only he didn't.
i keep getting a distinct swif of maple syrup. perhaps i'm going crazy.
we're making great progress with the renos. i've discoverd that realistically, i need to start asap when i get home or else i run out of time or don't even get started. so this week we're not cook'in. last night we got wendy's (drive thru - not some friend named wendy), and tonight my incredibly thoughtful mother-in-law is bringing us some supper. we made serious progress last night. maybe in part because i drank coca cola with my dinner and was wired until after midnight. andrew and shannon are starting painting on friday so we're aiming to be finished by end of day thursday - with the exception of a few doors and other details. i'm so very pleased. people keep asking if we want to move up there now that we've completed the renos. i always find that a strange question since we already live downstairs and we like it there. i think the upstairs is great, but it's not our home, it's just part of our house. maybe next time some asks me that i'll explain that would be like moving into their kids room just because they paint it.
so far my leg hair growing experiment is going well. i've been able to avoid the discomfort leg hair getting caught on my pant legs by wearing long tight socks. so far the hair is fairer than i expected, it's kind of a light light brown. it makes me think it won't be as noticable as i thought. i think people's body hair changes with time. i remember my old landlord's leg hair was completely worn off, it was like he shaved, only he didn't.
it's hard to dance with a devil on your back,
so shake him off.
Monday, April 02, 2012
what the... beets?
so, some of you may have noticed that i accidentally posted an email to bren on pspd. that's the hazards of publishing via email, the publishing address comes up like any old email address and i selected the wrong recipient. it's since been deleted but in case you read via a blog reader site it may still appear on your radar. as they say... "the internet is permanent". it will probably always been in circulation.
i'm obviously pretty embarrassed. not that i said anything damming or anything. but it's still pretty embarrassing to have a private convo be published publicly by my own self. i truly am an idiot. or at least that's how i feel.
anyways, i just wanted to clarify what happened, since i don't usually write emails to pals on pspd.
i'm obviously pretty embarrassed. not that i said anything damming or anything. but it's still pretty embarrassing to have a private convo be published publicly by my own self. i truly am an idiot. or at least that's how i feel.
anyways, i just wanted to clarify what happened, since i don't usually write emails to pals on pspd.
please pardon me.
Friday, March 30, 2012
versatile
yesterday i was reflecting in an email to bren about the clutter in my life. i want to declutter not just the clutter in my home but the clutter in my time as well. i ended up concluding that the amount of time i waste on my computer or even watching shows is quite significant, and that something needs to change. i found that i need some boundaries around my screen time. i'm great at coming up with plans, but i stink at following thru with them. i know that coming up with a chore schedule for myself would not work. what i really need to do is change my habits. i come home, i turn on my computer, i waste time, i eat supper, i get caught up in life and chores get neglected. years ago i used to turn on my computer each morning when i woke up, until i found it was making me late for work and wasn't really adding anything to my life. i've changed that habit. so i've concluded that i will post-pone turning on my computer until after one chore is done. and really, cleaning the bathroom or putting away laundry doesn't take a long time, i just lack the motivation. but if my evening is on-hold until i take 5 minutes to do clean that washroom, then i have reason to buckle down and get it done. last night it worked excellently. in fact, i got a lot accomplished simply because i spent less time online. decluttered. this might just be the dawning of a new era for me.
i'm very pleased at the announcement that the penny is being abolished. i've been at odds with the penny for years. they are useless. you can't use them in vending machines and you can't leave them as tips, there's no way to get rid of them so they pile up. frequently i throw them in the garbage. frig, talk about getting rid of the non-essential. i think our change purses will be much lighter. or else they will be filled with useful currency.
it was all so strange and so surreal
that a ghost should be so practical.
i'm very pleased at the announcement that the penny is being abolished. i've been at odds with the penny for years. they are useless. you can't use them in vending machines and you can't leave them as tips, there's no way to get rid of them so they pile up. frequently i throw them in the garbage. frig, talk about getting rid of the non-essential. i think our change purses will be much lighter. or else they will be filled with useful currency.
it was all so strange and so surreal
that a ghost should be so practical.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
foam trays
i had a dentist appointment this morning. while the hygenist cleaned my teeth i watched the tv mounted on the wall above me. first i watched canada am then i watched live with kelly. now that i've without tv for a year and a half, what really struck me this morning was that EVERYTHING was an advertisement. on canada am, they were interviewing their weather man who'd recently been a contestant on the price is right. the price is right is a fairly entertaining show, and i find the retro feel pretty cool, but that show was created strictly to showcase new products. it's one big advert disguised as a game! they also had a segment all about 'must have accessories for spring', which involved bringing in a fashion consultant to go over all the things people need to buy to stay trendy this spring. this sort of thing used to be interesting to me, i always found it neat to see the latest gadgets and so on. but all it is, is marketing. i know that not all shows are built around buying stuff, but it really bugged me and i'm really glad that we don't have television anymore. this is saying a lot since i really resisted it when brendan didn't want tv.
i think i'm starting to see advertising everywhere since this whole shaved legs thing. why should some companies, some people i don't know, influence my choices and tell me what i need or like?!?!
trips to the dentist are uncomfortable and my mouth remains sore afterwards. however, i usually enjoy all the other aspects, such as sleeping in a little bit later, not being rushed, going into work late, having a shorter work day. since we moved i've COMPLETELY forgotten to floss my teeth. out of sight, out of mind. i'd really like to floss more often. it seems simple enough, but piling a bunch of small tasks on top of one another ends up taking a long time. b is ALWAYS in bed way faster than me and i'm crazy jealous.
last night i attended an NA meeting in support of a friend reaching a significant milestone of sobriety. it was a pretty amazing experience. that kind of environment appeals to me in several different ways. it's an incredibly affirming atmosphere. people clap and encourage someone with 60 days clean just as much as someone with 13 years. i think it's because they recognize the value and effort at every stage of recovery. most people are also very frank about their lives and struggles. it's refreshing. i think the world would be a better place if we were more transparent about our vices and hurts. i know that NA and AA groups don't work for everyone, but i think there's a lot that can be taken from their approach even if people resist certain elements. even i feel better having gone last night, it was positive and supportive. they do a lot of reading and the one slogan that really made an impression on me was 'one time is too many, and a thousand is never enough - ever'. to me that speaks volumes of self-awareness. plus people hug a lot, and men cry freely. there's a lot we could learn from such groups.
i think i'm starting to see advertising everywhere since this whole shaved legs thing. why should some companies, some people i don't know, influence my choices and tell me what i need or like?!?!
trips to the dentist are uncomfortable and my mouth remains sore afterwards. however, i usually enjoy all the other aspects, such as sleeping in a little bit later, not being rushed, going into work late, having a shorter work day. since we moved i've COMPLETELY forgotten to floss my teeth. out of sight, out of mind. i'd really like to floss more often. it seems simple enough, but piling a bunch of small tasks on top of one another ends up taking a long time. b is ALWAYS in bed way faster than me and i'm crazy jealous.
last night i attended an NA meeting in support of a friend reaching a significant milestone of sobriety. it was a pretty amazing experience. that kind of environment appeals to me in several different ways. it's an incredibly affirming atmosphere. people clap and encourage someone with 60 days clean just as much as someone with 13 years. i think it's because they recognize the value and effort at every stage of recovery. most people are also very frank about their lives and struggles. it's refreshing. i think the world would be a better place if we were more transparent about our vices and hurts. i know that NA and AA groups don't work for everyone, but i think there's a lot that can be taken from their approach even if people resist certain elements. even i feel better having gone last night, it was positive and supportive. they do a lot of reading and the one slogan that really made an impression on me was 'one time is too many, and a thousand is never enough - ever'. to me that speaks volumes of self-awareness. plus people hug a lot, and men cry freely. there's a lot we could learn from such groups.
but just don't try to disengage me.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
sheriff
i'm toying with the idea of taking a sabbatical from shaving my legs. this line of thinking only started this morning, but since then it's progressed significantly.
to fully understand where i'm coming from, i should say that i really enjoy having shaved legs. i shave my legs every 3 days year round and have done for i don't know how long (not always, but definitely the last while). having shaved legs is very soft and smooth, and makes me feel good. in contrast to that, when my leg hair gets long and catches on my pant leg i am deeply troubled with discomfort.
as a child i was always extremelly self-conscious of how hairy my legs and arms were. having dark hair, my leg hair was more pronounced than that of my contemporaries. around age 9 and 10 i started to eagerly long to shave my legs and in the spring of grade 5 (around when my parents split up actually, probably not related but still interesting to me) i started baggering my mom about it and she finally conceeded and said "fine go shave your legs". so i did, but i found they looked so odd and exposed so i let them grow back in. funnily enough, i remember the new hair had a bit of an auburn tint to it. anyways, soon after a boy in my class said to me "why are your legs all hairy" and after that i began shaving regularly.
i have been quite happy with my routine and my legs. the thought of even considering something else had never really crossed my mind, even in the company of women who forgo shaving. it wasn't until the other day when brianne mentioned that razor manufacturers started marketing to women so they could broaden their customer-base that it occured to me that this is a custom INVENTED by someone. how odd that seems. how odd that i've never questioned this activity before. slowly it's been occuring to me the benefits of not shaving my legs and stiring in me the desire to give the other option a try. i'm realizing that my arm hair is pretty much unnoticable - significantly less noticable than it was when i was a child. perhaps if i let my leg hair return to it's natural state it may be less apparent than i remember. i'm pretty sure i could get thru the discomfort by moisturizing a lot.
if i do this. if i experiment in this way, i need to commit to a lengthy time frame. i feel that end of march may be a good time since it will allow me the privacy of pants to explore this option. i think i'll give myself until the end of may to assess things, and recognize that i might even need to go to the end of june.
basically, this is not a political statement or even a judgement on the practise of leg shaving. but i feel i need to give natural legs a try to see if i've been selling myself short. i respect beards for being what they are. maybe i should give my own legs a chance too.
to fully understand where i'm coming from, i should say that i really enjoy having shaved legs. i shave my legs every 3 days year round and have done for i don't know how long (not always, but definitely the last while). having shaved legs is very soft and smooth, and makes me feel good. in contrast to that, when my leg hair gets long and catches on my pant leg i am deeply troubled with discomfort.
as a child i was always extremelly self-conscious of how hairy my legs and arms were. having dark hair, my leg hair was more pronounced than that of my contemporaries. around age 9 and 10 i started to eagerly long to shave my legs and in the spring of grade 5 (around when my parents split up actually, probably not related but still interesting to me) i started baggering my mom about it and she finally conceeded and said "fine go shave your legs". so i did, but i found they looked so odd and exposed so i let them grow back in. funnily enough, i remember the new hair had a bit of an auburn tint to it. anyways, soon after a boy in my class said to me "why are your legs all hairy" and after that i began shaving regularly.
i have been quite happy with my routine and my legs. the thought of even considering something else had never really crossed my mind, even in the company of women who forgo shaving. it wasn't until the other day when brianne mentioned that razor manufacturers started marketing to women so they could broaden their customer-base that it occured to me that this is a custom INVENTED by someone. how odd that seems. how odd that i've never questioned this activity before. slowly it's been occuring to me the benefits of not shaving my legs and stiring in me the desire to give the other option a try. i'm realizing that my arm hair is pretty much unnoticable - significantly less noticable than it was when i was a child. perhaps if i let my leg hair return to it's natural state it may be less apparent than i remember. i'm pretty sure i could get thru the discomfort by moisturizing a lot.
if i do this. if i experiment in this way, i need to commit to a lengthy time frame. i feel that end of march may be a good time since it will allow me the privacy of pants to explore this option. i think i'll give myself until the end of may to assess things, and recognize that i might even need to go to the end of june.
basically, this is not a political statement or even a judgement on the practise of leg shaving. but i feel i need to give natural legs a try to see if i've been selling myself short. i respect beards for being what they are. maybe i should give my own legs a chance too.
that they should all have to pretend.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
scotch tape
yesterday was a big day at the exile. with pekoe regularly using the cat door to the basement, we felt it was time to move the litter box downstairs. we're pretty sick of there being kitty litter everywhere, so we spontaneously decided today was the day. we imagine that we feel similar to how a parent feels taking the step towards potty training. only on a significantly smaller scale. nevertheless we are excited about this new found freedom for saw dust covering our floor (we use flushable sawdust kitty litter).
brendan went out for schooners with ben last night. i can't recall exactly how much beer a schooner is, i think it's a litre or something. anyways, he came one a little bit tipsy, which was highly amusing because that's never happened before.
brendan went out for schooners with ben last night. i can't recall exactly how much beer a schooner is, i think it's a litre or something. anyways, he came one a little bit tipsy, which was highly amusing because that's never happened before.
i'm super excited because rach and jill put the idea in my head to take a trip to stratford to see a play and visit jill's new apartment. i mentioned this to b last night and we're now hoping to go for our anniversary in june. how exciting! brendan wants to see a shakespearen play because apparently as a youth (8 or 9 years old) he became obsessed with reading shakespear's tragedies. during indoor recesses he'd read king lear. what an odd kid. thinking back he's not sure why no adult found it strange. it's funny because it seems to explain why he's such a unusual 23 year old.
Monday, March 26, 2012
cornfield
oh man, the upstairs apartment is really starting to come together. we got all the flooring done on the weekend and it's starting to resemble an apartment again instead of a construction zone. everything remaining just feels like icing on the cake. it's pretty crazy actually. it's already looking really different to when we first started. when we're done it will barely resemble the apartment lived in by fang and xi. we gave andrew and shannon the choice of not seeing the apartment again until we're finished. they've agreed to that, so it'll be pretty exciting to show them the final product. the funny thing about improvements, they're often unnoticable. when something looks good or right it doesn't draw attention. there are features that i wonder if they won't notice because it looks natural, and we'll have to point it out.
every week we receive 2 communist chinese newspapers in the mail. it's called "the people's daily overseas". that, and the address, are the only parts in english. the rest is all chinese. we're collecting them to use as wrapping paper. i'm curious to see how long we keep receiving them.
it's weird that it's already the first week in march. i keep thinking we're still at the beginning of the year, but we're almost in the second quarter.
every week we receive 2 communist chinese newspapers in the mail. it's called "the people's daily overseas". that, and the address, are the only parts in english. the rest is all chinese. we're collecting them to use as wrapping paper. i'm curious to see how long we keep receiving them.
it's weird that it's already the first week in march. i keep thinking we're still at the beginning of the year, but we're almost in the second quarter.
you are subtle as a window pane.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
steps
at work today i got featured in an online publication called "Employee Spotlight". it's this weekly segment on our intranet interviewing a person about their role in the company, the challenges they face, etc etc, and what they like to do with their spare time. the funny thing about me being featured is that i'm the one who publishes it online every week. i wasn't scheduled, but they asked me to be a filler when the pre-arranged person bailed last minute. i have to admit, it was kind of fun. it felt funny though, being in front of the lens for a change. i'm used to my work being distributed to an audience of 1,600 people, but it was the first time that i was the subject of their attention. i'm really glad that i had the opportunity, because i feel there's still some fogginess around what i do exactly and it was nice to have an opportunity for more visibility. i feel this will result in more support from my colleagues instead of me having to hound them – which is usually the case. although i publish the interviews each week, i generally just skim it and then read the part about what they do outside of work. that's what interests me the most. i really enjoyed my answer for that. if you're interested, let me know and i'll send it to you to read. i had to publish a picture along with it. thankfully i took an updated 'professional' looking photo of myself recently for work stuff.
coincidentally, i was also asked today by emma if i'd like to let me name stand as her successor. she's not going anywhere, but it's part of their protocol to be grooming a successor. this is quite the honour and something worth giving serious thought. i told b about it when i got home today and we had a lengthy conversation about it. it's less about me moving into her job if she were to fall ill or leave the company, but more about developing potential in me and providing me with new opportunities and leverage. i think i'll agree to accept the role of co-successor with my colleague susanne. i have 33 more years to go before i retire, and i feel that anything that provide me with new experiences and new qualifications is a good thing. who knows what will happen in the next three decades. right now i have a college diploma in graphic design to my name, and 8.5 years of experience in a high-level communications team. the more on the job training i can get the better position i will be in if i ever need to find work in my field in the future.
since i'm on a roll talking about work stuff... next year i get one additional week of vacation! hooray!
their voices rang with that aryan twang.
coincidentally, i was also asked today by emma if i'd like to let me name stand as her successor. she's not going anywhere, but it's part of their protocol to be grooming a successor. this is quite the honour and something worth giving serious thought. i told b about it when i got home today and we had a lengthy conversation about it. it's less about me moving into her job if she were to fall ill or leave the company, but more about developing potential in me and providing me with new opportunities and leverage. i think i'll agree to accept the role of co-successor with my colleague susanne. i have 33 more years to go before i retire, and i feel that anything that provide me with new experiences and new qualifications is a good thing. who knows what will happen in the next three decades. right now i have a college diploma in graphic design to my name, and 8.5 years of experience in a high-level communications team. the more on the job training i can get the better position i will be in if i ever need to find work in my field in the future.
since i'm on a roll talking about work stuff... next year i get one additional week of vacation! hooray!
their voices rang with that aryan twang.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
trust me
why is it so funny when people accidentally go in the opposite sex's washroom!?!?! i dunno what it is, but it's quite humourous to watch and embarrassing to endure.
so i says to b the other day "do you want to go see the hunger games with me this weekend?" (it's been a while since there was a film in the theatres that interested me). he said "no, i'm not really into things that have hype" (which isn't entirely true, since he himself can get pretty hyped up about the things he digs). i tried several approaches to convince him to come, but envitably failed. however, about an hour later he yelled out to me from the other room "the hunger games is opening this week and it already has 100% on rotten tomatoes!!!! now i have to see it!!" THANK YOU ROTTEN TOMATOES! i danced around the living room in delight. FINALLY rotten tomatoes leaned in my favour. then i remembered that the lead actress was in winter's bone and had gained brendan's respect at that time. so i threw that into the mix to deepen b's commitment even further. that man is stubborn, but when he has suction there's no slowing him down.
with the spring like weather i've started walking at lunch time again. it's been a great escape from the ceiling tiles and flourcent lights.
so i says to b the other day "do you want to go see the hunger games with me this weekend?" (it's been a while since there was a film in the theatres that interested me). he said "no, i'm not really into things that have hype" (which isn't entirely true, since he himself can get pretty hyped up about the things he digs). i tried several approaches to convince him to come, but envitably failed. however, about an hour later he yelled out to me from the other room "the hunger games is opening this week and it already has 100% on rotten tomatoes!!!! now i have to see it!!" THANK YOU ROTTEN TOMATOES! i danced around the living room in delight. FINALLY rotten tomatoes leaned in my favour. then i remembered that the lead actress was in winter's bone and had gained brendan's respect at that time. so i threw that into the mix to deepen b's commitment even further. that man is stubborn, but when he has suction there's no slowing him down.
with the spring like weather i've started walking at lunch time again. it's been a great escape from the ceiling tiles and flourcent lights.
and i'm not even close.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
booster
i need some new music. any suggestions? i feel that lately i hear a song here or there that i really like, but not entirely new albums. i definitely need an influx. the playlist on my ipod reminds me of years gone past and not life as i currently live it.
having a suspicious nature, as i do, can really come in handy. i tend to pick up on cues and details that many folks overlook. the downside to this is that i also read into things that are not there. i need to make sure that i don't let my imagine run away on me. i don't need to borrow worry, that's for sure. my skepticism is going to get on b's nerves if i don't tame my alertness.
i made a big list of what's remaining on the pad upstairs. when i finished i felt that we needed another week off just to wrap everything up. *exhale* it's like eating a horse, right? one bit at a time. its tough since b's now back at school (with only 4 weeks to go in this semester) so he doesn't really have time to commit to renovation activities. i'm looking forward to being finished. in a way, it feels like we've made very little progress. but that's probably because when i'm up there i just see everything that still needs doing.
i picked the kids up at awana tonight. in the car on the way home, caleb asked me why everyone knew me. i found this funny. not EVERYONE knew me, just some people. but being a kid they tend not to realize that i have an identity beyond just being auntie lesley.
lets call our friends
and pretend
we've got ages till the sun comes along...
till the end of the this song.
having a suspicious nature, as i do, can really come in handy. i tend to pick up on cues and details that many folks overlook. the downside to this is that i also read into things that are not there. i need to make sure that i don't let my imagine run away on me. i don't need to borrow worry, that's for sure. my skepticism is going to get on b's nerves if i don't tame my alertness.
i made a big list of what's remaining on the pad upstairs. when i finished i felt that we needed another week off just to wrap everything up. *exhale* it's like eating a horse, right? one bit at a time. its tough since b's now back at school (with only 4 weeks to go in this semester) so he doesn't really have time to commit to renovation activities. i'm looking forward to being finished. in a way, it feels like we've made very little progress. but that's probably because when i'm up there i just see everything that still needs doing.
i picked the kids up at awana tonight. in the car on the way home, caleb asked me why everyone knew me. i found this funny. not EVERYONE knew me, just some people. but being a kid they tend not to realize that i have an identity beyond just being auntie lesley.
lets call our friends
and pretend
we've got ages till the sun comes along...
till the end of the this song.
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