sometimes i'm stupid, and sometimes i have mental problems... beckie just came over and gave me a swift kick in the butt.
so melissa gave me an interesting topic to discuss today "what do we want to tell ourselves and others through our choice of clothes?" intriguing question... it has always been the opinion of me and my wife melinda that clothes is a means of self-expression. for ten years now i've been wearing nothing but bellbottoms for pants. we quickly discovered that once you cross then line to bells you can't go back. wearing "tappered" pants is difficult for me, they make my ankles feel like their choking. but also, i feel more like myself in big bells similar to feeling more like myself as my hair has grown back. but what am i trying to express via my bells? hmmm, i'm not quite sure. for a long time it was "non-conformity", but as flares became more mainstream that message was lost. clothes are very revealing, they can place people in a certain genre, you can often identify a person's interests, career, taste in music by what they wear. i highly doubt anyone would be surprised to hear i'm a graphic designer by seeing how i dress - normal lesley, not business lesley... i have to admit, business lesley is a bit of a bummer. although, being a designer gives me certain liberties, that's how i can justify getting a nose ring. people will say "oh that's lesley, she's artsy" frig, my families been saying that for years!! artsy fartsy, artsy fartsy.
tomorrow, michel is coming down from st. bruno to do some training with me (st. bruno is a suburb of montreal where we have an office). i'm excited because he's gonna be training to do more work for group, which is good because it increases my value. however, i'm a little nervous because i've been working with him for 2 & a half years over the phone & over email and have never even seen a picture of him. will he be how i expect? will i live up to his expectations? he's really excited about meeting me which is really interesting. for along time i didn't think he particularly liked me, but its a french thing i think. actually he's from switzerland originally. yay! i got it right, i get switzerland & sweden confused all the time. never fails.
maybe somethings wrong with you that makes you act the way you do. maybe i am crazy too!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
avocado
you know when you're just going along in life, things are going well and you've put something behind you that's been difficult to let go of. then out of the blue, life throws a wrench in your spokes?? argh, i hate that!!! but you know what?!?! i've been doing really good and i won't let this unravel me. i'm not gonna "2-step back" this time. i won't entertain the "what does this mean?" question because i know in my head it doesn't mean a thing, no matter how it looks. history & past patterns need to play a role here in reminding me to stand firm.
it's weird that doing weights at the Y is giving me callouses on my hands. its gross!! i'm not a fan of callouses, i keep hoping they're gonna go away like a blister does. they were my main deterrent to learning to play the guitar, i tried but it hurt, and my hands are kind of little. my mom was teaching me, she's very musical. she plays the guitar, piano and can play the accordian too! hahahaha. for years and years she wanted to learn how to play the drums and did a couple years back. she hasn't played the guitar (or according for that matter) for ages. its a shame i didn't take after her. i took piano lessons as a kid, but when my mom asked mrs. slack if i showed any talent she said "no" and that was the end of that. but that's ok i have other talents, maybe... joy used to make fun of me and say i didn't have any gifts or talents. then recently realized that was a horrible thing to say and appologized. i'm one of those people who was always just mediocre at everything and didn't excel at anything. but i guess as i've gotten older my skills have become more obvious. like i'm particularly good at stomping on that koopa in the castle in super mario 3... i can start driving on a hill in my standard car without needing the parking break... umm... well i'm a good designer, but i only ever got average grades in college. but graphic design is very subjective, and the people in my class who had the highest marks aren't even working in the industry, so who's laughing now?!?!? i don't mean to sound down on myself. i'm a really nice person, i'm fun and lovely (as pam would say). i guess my "soft skills" make up for my lack of "hard skills". its ok, i accept that. i'm me, and i wouldn't want it any other way...
you can't find nothing at all, if there was nothing there all along.
it's weird that doing weights at the Y is giving me callouses on my hands. its gross!! i'm not a fan of callouses, i keep hoping they're gonna go away like a blister does. they were my main deterrent to learning to play the guitar, i tried but it hurt, and my hands are kind of little. my mom was teaching me, she's very musical. she plays the guitar, piano and can play the accordian too! hahahaha. for years and years she wanted to learn how to play the drums and did a couple years back. she hasn't played the guitar (or according for that matter) for ages. its a shame i didn't take after her. i took piano lessons as a kid, but when my mom asked mrs. slack if i showed any talent she said "no" and that was the end of that. but that's ok i have other talents, maybe... joy used to make fun of me and say i didn't have any gifts or talents. then recently realized that was a horrible thing to say and appologized. i'm one of those people who was always just mediocre at everything and didn't excel at anything. but i guess as i've gotten older my skills have become more obvious. like i'm particularly good at stomping on that koopa in the castle in super mario 3... i can start driving on a hill in my standard car without needing the parking break... umm... well i'm a good designer, but i only ever got average grades in college. but graphic design is very subjective, and the people in my class who had the highest marks aren't even working in the industry, so who's laughing now?!?!? i don't mean to sound down on myself. i'm a really nice person, i'm fun and lovely (as pam would say). i guess my "soft skills" make up for my lack of "hard skills". its ok, i accept that. i'm me, and i wouldn't want it any other way...
you can't find nothing at all, if there was nothing there all along.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
constant
i love dancing alone in my house. when we saw feist a few weeks ago i was watching some drunk people dance and thought "ah, that's exactly why i dance at home".
ok enough dancing, time to get down to some serious writing. you know what i think is very interesting?? several people have told me that i'm a good writer. that surprises me because even though i enjoy writing, i've always been told by teachers and my boss that i was a crappy writer. so i wouldn't have thought that's something i'm particularly good at, but other people see that quality in me. that's why relationships are so important, friends and family can identify things in us that we can't see in ourselves. it was melinda and my mom who encouraged me to become a graphic designer. i would never have considered it, i really appreciate their support and push in the right direction. i've also been told that i'm very articulate, which is another thing that surprises me. i tend to stumble over my words or combine words. i get that from my dad, i don't know if its genetic or a habit i picked up from him. its one of those nature vs. nurture questions. oh another thing (i'm apparently on a roll here), laney has said a number of times "you know yourself very well". what an interesting observation, i didn't realize that was an unusual quality. the way i see it, i spend more time with myself than anyone else, so i tend to analyse myself a great deal.
well i made some spaghetti this afternoon and packed it up for my lunch tomorrow. i'm all set for another week of work. i couldn't find any pomegranates in a&p today. oh no!! what am i gonna do?? i only have a quarter pomegranate left :(
i'd like to give a big hello and welcome to dawna! and congratulations on the birth of your baby, maya. her name is maya right? very pretty name.
i listen to the wind of my soul, where i'll end up well i think only God really knows.
ok enough dancing, time to get down to some serious writing. you know what i think is very interesting?? several people have told me that i'm a good writer. that surprises me because even though i enjoy writing, i've always been told by teachers and my boss that i was a crappy writer. so i wouldn't have thought that's something i'm particularly good at, but other people see that quality in me. that's why relationships are so important, friends and family can identify things in us that we can't see in ourselves. it was melinda and my mom who encouraged me to become a graphic designer. i would never have considered it, i really appreciate their support and push in the right direction. i've also been told that i'm very articulate, which is another thing that surprises me. i tend to stumble over my words or combine words. i get that from my dad, i don't know if its genetic or a habit i picked up from him. its one of those nature vs. nurture questions. oh another thing (i'm apparently on a roll here), laney has said a number of times "you know yourself very well". what an interesting observation, i didn't realize that was an unusual quality. the way i see it, i spend more time with myself than anyone else, so i tend to analyse myself a great deal.
well i made some spaghetti this afternoon and packed it up for my lunch tomorrow. i'm all set for another week of work. i couldn't find any pomegranates in a&p today. oh no!! what am i gonna do?? i only have a quarter pomegranate left :(
i'd like to give a big hello and welcome to dawna! and congratulations on the birth of your baby, maya. her name is maya right? very pretty name.
i listen to the wind of my soul, where i'll end up well i think only God really knows.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
buttons
when i was a kid we'd go to morrisons for lunch on saturdays pretty often. every time i'd just get a plate of french fries because i was too scared to branch out. i'm still like that, but not the same extent. anyway, everytime we went the owner (who works the till) would be like "oh, you're such a cute little girl. would you like to come home with me??" everyone would laugh and think awww, but i was really shy and never knew what to say. its kinda confusing for a little kid. today melinda and i went there for breakfast and he was still there working the till but had no idea that i was that kid grown up. it was kind of trippy.
speaking of me branching out... i'm going out for curry tonight. i'm not a huge curry fan, its that dang british palette. but i'm trying to broaden it. i've been told you have to try something 10 times to acquire a taste if you don't like it immediately. so this will probably try number 5 or 6.
i've been finding it hard writing entries lately. well actually, only yesterday and today. i think its because i have all this stuff on my mind that would actually not be appropriate or fair to talk about.
i need you so much closer.
speaking of me branching out... i'm going out for curry tonight. i'm not a huge curry fan, its that dang british palette. but i'm trying to broaden it. i've been told you have to try something 10 times to acquire a taste if you don't like it immediately. so this will probably try number 5 or 6.
i've been finding it hard writing entries lately. well actually, only yesterday and today. i think its because i have all this stuff on my mind that would actually not be appropriate or fair to talk about.
i need you so much closer.
Friday, January 27, 2006
wedge
some people are stupid, some people have mental problems.... its a harsh reality. i may get frustrated, i may not be able to fathom other people's minds. but it doesn't matter. i just have to shrug my shoulders and think "some people are stupid, some people have mental problems". what can you do?
tis the season for cinnamon hearts. oh yes, cinnamon hearts are one of my seasonal obsessions. today i ate so many that they made my tongue the same colour as my neon-pink hat. it was AWEsome.
i'm a little tired right now. i've been having a really hard time getting up in the morning. so much so that when i first get out of bed i feel like vomitting. oh man, its brutal. i am NOT a morning person. but hurray!! tomorrow is saturday and i will sleep and sleep and lie in bed until i feel like getting up. which means anytime between 12:30 and 3:00. right on!!
i like holding a pencil when i'm thinking. today, after thinking, i stuck the pencil in my hair and walked around the office like that for the entire afternoon. people kept looking at me funny, and one woman laughed at me. it wasn't holding up a bun or anything, it was just sticking out the side. i don't know why i did it. i just wanted to.
when we went to the knock knock ginger concert a few weeks back irina had a paint brush in her hair. it was awesome, like "hello... this is my housemate irina. she's in fine-art." it was great. she's in ottawa with her parents, they took her to see the ballet. it house seems lopsided without her around. irina has only lived here a few months, so i find it interesting that my brain is clueing into the fact that something's just not right without her here. i like that i talk about my brain like its a seperate entity.
one way or another we're always bound to touch the issues we try to skirt around.
tis the season for cinnamon hearts. oh yes, cinnamon hearts are one of my seasonal obsessions. today i ate so many that they made my tongue the same colour as my neon-pink hat. it was AWEsome.i'm a little tired right now. i've been having a really hard time getting up in the morning. so much so that when i first get out of bed i feel like vomitting. oh man, its brutal. i am NOT a morning person. but hurray!! tomorrow is saturday and i will sleep and sleep and lie in bed until i feel like getting up. which means anytime between 12:30 and 3:00. right on!!
i like holding a pencil when i'm thinking. today, after thinking, i stuck the pencil in my hair and walked around the office like that for the entire afternoon. people kept looking at me funny, and one woman laughed at me. it wasn't holding up a bun or anything, it was just sticking out the side. i don't know why i did it. i just wanted to.
when we went to the knock knock ginger concert a few weeks back irina had a paint brush in her hair. it was awesome, like "hello... this is my housemate irina. she's in fine-art." it was great. she's in ottawa with her parents, they took her to see the ballet. it house seems lopsided without her around. irina has only lived here a few months, so i find it interesting that my brain is clueing into the fact that something's just not right without her here. i like that i talk about my brain like its a seperate entity.
one way or another we're always bound to touch the issues we try to skirt around.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
stains
marilyn bought me these mitts and a toque. they're really colourful and the wool is very stringy. she saw them in a store and thought "lesley would like these, and knickers would hate them!!". that's totally awesome!! i love that she did that.
irina and i were just watching "top ten tragic deaths in rock n' roll" on much more music. i was surprised at how many i guessed ahead of time. and as expected, john lennon was number one. john is my favourite beatle. and that's saying a lot because i'm a mad beatles fan.
i find it interesting that some people are just born old, and other people stay young their whole lives. there are people who as they get older they seem more like themselves, and other people leave you thinking "what?? that person is 62??" seriously. joy's a little bit like that first option, where i'm like the second option. being a mom suits her. i'll settle for the fave aunt who will take joelle to get her nose pierced and will give caleb a mohawk. i gave joel a mohawk once, twice maybe. sarah, do you remember that? it was when he was going through that blond-hair stage. man, that joel, he's a character.
i'm toying with the idea of creating a website. i think i'll have to talk to tim forbes for some advise. but seriously, as a designer it would be a good idea. what if i get laid off and need to find a job? having a website would be a good way of showcasing my work. also, i don't know a lot about web design, but am starting to dabble with in via work, and creating a webpage would be a good way to practise that. expand my ability a little. however, the question is... what will i have on this site? i don't really know. but i got thinking about ed today, this guy i went to college with. he's a good friend of matt's (they both have small wrists, so they formed "the small wrist possé"). he has a nice little and rather vague website for self-promotion. its actually really nice. i like the photography section inparticular. here have a look see. i'm gonna brain storm on this one for a while.
i wish that i knew what i know now when i was younger
irina and i were just watching "top ten tragic deaths in rock n' roll" on much more music. i was surprised at how many i guessed ahead of time. and as expected, john lennon was number one. john is my favourite beatle. and that's saying a lot because i'm a mad beatles fan.
i find it interesting that some people are just born old, and other people stay young their whole lives. there are people who as they get older they seem more like themselves, and other people leave you thinking "what?? that person is 62??" seriously. joy's a little bit like that first option, where i'm like the second option. being a mom suits her. i'll settle for the fave aunt who will take joelle to get her nose pierced and will give caleb a mohawk. i gave joel a mohawk once, twice maybe. sarah, do you remember that? it was when he was going through that blond-hair stage. man, that joel, he's a character.
i'm toying with the idea of creating a website. i think i'll have to talk to tim forbes for some advise. but seriously, as a designer it would be a good idea. what if i get laid off and need to find a job? having a website would be a good way of showcasing my work. also, i don't know a lot about web design, but am starting to dabble with in via work, and creating a webpage would be a good way to practise that. expand my ability a little. however, the question is... what will i have on this site? i don't really know. but i got thinking about ed today, this guy i went to college with. he's a good friend of matt's (they both have small wrists, so they formed "the small wrist possé"). he has a nice little and rather vague website for self-promotion. its actually really nice. i like the photography section inparticular. here have a look see. i'm gonna brain storm on this one for a while.
i wish that i knew what i know now when i was younger
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
some people have beards
HELP, HELP, THIS WOMAN NEEDS HELP!!
will someone please point me in the direction of the path of MOST resistance??
i have a problem... and he wears a red t-shirt.
i find it interesting that my sister is always telling me "just be yourself", but what if yourself is someone who's incredibly neurotic??
i'd like to get into the habit of flossing regularly. is once a day enough? perhaps i should floss after every meal? i wonder what the dentist would say? well not my dentist because he's a lunatic. oh, that reminds me, it was about this time of year a couple years back that i got my wisdom teeth out. i should post a pic. its very scary. prepare yourself, what you're about it see is shocking and not suitable for the faint-hearted....
you know what i just realized?? i used to have this crazy superstition about january. i could think of something bad that happened in january for about 5 years straight. but you know what?? last year nothing bad happened!! so i guess that's done. i think its partly to do with making better decisions. yay, for making better decisions!! life is what you make it. good decisions or bad decisions, ultimately up to you.
oh i do believe in all the things you say
what comes is better than what came before
will someone please point me in the direction of the path of MOST resistance??
i have a problem... and he wears a red t-shirt.
i find it interesting that my sister is always telling me "just be yourself", but what if yourself is someone who's incredibly neurotic??
i'd like to get into the habit of flossing regularly. is once a day enough? perhaps i should floss after every meal? i wonder what the dentist would say? well not my dentist because he's a lunatic. oh, that reminds me, it was about this time of year a couple years back that i got my wisdom teeth out. i should post a pic. its very scary. prepare yourself, what you're about it see is shocking and not suitable for the faint-hearted....you know what i just realized?? i used to have this crazy superstition about january. i could think of something bad that happened in january for about 5 years straight. but you know what?? last year nothing bad happened!! so i guess that's done. i think its partly to do with making better decisions. yay, for making better decisions!! life is what you make it. good decisions or bad decisions, ultimately up to you.
oh i do believe in all the things you say
what comes is better than what came before
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
crack addicts
i went to "the banff film festival world tour" tonight with kristen. it was really narly!! most of them were about extreme sports, like free-ride biking, white-water rafting, parachuting, skiing and so on. it got me all pumped. not like i'm going to go out there and try some extreme sport. i'm way too clumsy and accident prone for that. i got wondering "who are these people, and how can they afford this sport? don't they have jobs? how can they spend all their time traveling around jumping off high things??" i couldn't do that, i have to go to work. i'm all a slave to my osap loan so even if i wanted to be adventurous i'm hindered. however, i realized... one day soon (well not soon exactly, but in a few years) i'll have that osap loan paid off, i'll have enough years experience under my belt as a designer that i could take off and do something different and radical for a while. now i'm all glad i didn't buy that house, because after my osap i won't have any ties or obligations and will be FREE!! hurray!! oh, kristen didn't realize i bailed on the house thing. obviously it's been a while since we talked. actually, talking to KT was an inspiration in itself, she's talking about moving to far off places and was convincing me my nose isn't too small for a nose ring. well much to think about. maybe its not "life in a convent" for me after all.
hey melinda stop reading over my shoulder as i write. and yes, i will leave this sentence in my entry...
i told someone something a long time ago i meant it at the time but now i just don't know.
hey melinda stop reading over my shoulder as i write. and yes, i will leave this sentence in my entry...
i told someone something a long time ago i meant it at the time but now i just don't know.
Monday, January 23, 2006
wake up
ok so, i performed my civic duty today by voting for the Marxist-Leninist party. hahahaha. don't ask...
i finished my 10" square for the student's against poverty quilt on saturday, but had unfortunately missed the deadline. so i emailed the girl and she said the date had been pushed back so i could still drop off my square at the gray house before 9:30... now, i didn't go to queen's so i wasn't EXACTLY sure where the gray house was. ah, the infamous gray house. i've definately heard about it, but didn't know where it was located. so after leaving the Y – still on a post-workout high – i ventured down to queen's to drop off my square. i parked outside stirling because that's where tim works and so it's semi familar to me. i started walking around and realized i had no idea where i was going but somehow sensed i was sort of in the right area. i got thinking "i know a lot of students, where's all these students i know to help me out??" but realized i probably know less than 1% of the student population (actually its probably more like 0.1%. i think i was over-estimating because all the students i know seem to know each other. weird.) so anyways, i was right about stirling, however, i was on the wrong side. the thought did cross my mind "why would the students i know be hangin out around stirling?? i don't know any physics geeks!" oh, except tim. he's a physics geek. he's going back to do his PH.D in medical physics. ooh, he's so brainy. he's the smartest brother-in-law you could ever have! he graduated 12th in his class!! yup, i'm bragging about timmy. its all good, he brags about me too ;)
you may not realize when its done or why, but it may be the best thing.
i finished my 10" square for the student's against poverty quilt on saturday, but had unfortunately missed the deadline. so i emailed the girl and she said the date had been pushed back so i could still drop off my square at the gray house before 9:30... now, i didn't go to queen's so i wasn't EXACTLY sure where the gray house was. ah, the infamous gray house. i've definately heard about it, but didn't know where it was located. so after leaving the Y – still on a post-workout high – i ventured down to queen's to drop off my square. i parked outside stirling because that's where tim works and so it's semi familar to me. i started walking around and realized i had no idea where i was going but somehow sensed i was sort of in the right area. i got thinking "i know a lot of students, where's all these students i know to help me out??" but realized i probably know less than 1% of the student population (actually its probably more like 0.1%. i think i was over-estimating because all the students i know seem to know each other. weird.) so anyways, i was right about stirling, however, i was on the wrong side. the thought did cross my mind "why would the students i know be hangin out around stirling?? i don't know any physics geeks!" oh, except tim. he's a physics geek. he's going back to do his PH.D in medical physics. ooh, he's so brainy. he's the smartest brother-in-law you could ever have! he graduated 12th in his class!! yup, i'm bragging about timmy. its all good, he brags about me too ;)
you may not realize when its done or why, but it may be the best thing.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
hobo
i feel very mediocre today. this evening beckie came over and between her, melinda and irina they had all these really crazy stories about their weekends. now, i didn't feel mediocre in comparison to them, however hearing their stories only emphasized to me how dull my life is. poo.
that was a very tongue-in-cheek statement, my life isn't actually dull. its just feels very dry right now. i feel like i need something spicy to happen. you know what i'd like?? i'd really like to get some kind of mysterious valentine card from a secret admirer. but here's the catch... it has to be from someone who is NOT creepy. argh. not gonna happen...
well i suppose i need to get used to having an uneventful life if i'm going to join a nunnery. i wonder if i'll still be able to wear my accessories or they'll make me remove them. i don't think i'd make a very good nun. however, i'm already celibate so that wouldn't be the problem. i'm just not much of a conformist and being told what to do really irritates me.
leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment
that was a very tongue-in-cheek statement, my life isn't actually dull. its just feels very dry right now. i feel like i need something spicy to happen. you know what i'd like?? i'd really like to get some kind of mysterious valentine card from a secret admirer. but here's the catch... it has to be from someone who is NOT creepy. argh. not gonna happen...
well i suppose i need to get used to having an uneventful life if i'm going to join a nunnery. i wonder if i'll still be able to wear my accessories or they'll make me remove them. i don't think i'd make a very good nun. however, i'm already celibate so that wouldn't be the problem. i'm just not much of a conformist and being told what to do really irritates me.
leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment
Saturday, January 21, 2006
sweet dark
so for those of you who don't know... my church has just released a cd. all the songs were written and performed by people at the church, as well as recorded at a church member's studio and the cd case was done by tim forbes in collaboration with shari doseger. wow, that's pretty impressive. there really IS a lot of homegrown talent in this church.
aside from that, its a really awesome cd!! all the songs are really good. its funny because when i first heard the cd, and thought "wow, this sounds so different than when we sing this song at church!! this is how its SUPPOSED to sound". its too bad that we really slaughter some of those songs on sunday mornings.
when i picked up the cd from rhonda she mentioned "its nice having a little piece of next at home". and that's exactly how i feel. i was listening to it at work yesterday and got all 'homesick' for next. man, i'd much rather go to next everyday and only go to work for one hour a week. but alas, that's not how life works. but seriously, i got all nostalgic, thinking over my last year and how great its been. i love been a part of this community, and i really feel like i belong. i've felt that since my first day there. aww, i love my church (gush...).
well i'm gonna go change my sheets, then go to bed so i can wake up on time and go to next! hurray!! ;)
aside from that, its a really awesome cd!! all the songs are really good. its funny because when i first heard the cd, and thought "wow, this sounds so different than when we sing this song at church!! this is how its SUPPOSED to sound". its too bad that we really slaughter some of those songs on sunday mornings.
when i picked up the cd from rhonda she mentioned "its nice having a little piece of next at home". and that's exactly how i feel. i was listening to it at work yesterday and got all 'homesick' for next. man, i'd much rather go to next everyday and only go to work for one hour a week. but alas, that's not how life works. but seriously, i got all nostalgic, thinking over my last year and how great its been. i love been a part of this community, and i really feel like i belong. i've felt that since my first day there. aww, i love my church (gush...).
well i'm gonna go change my sheets, then go to bed so i can wake up on time and go to next! hurray!! ;)
penance
what does it mean to be sorry? and how sorry do you have to be until its ok again? how would it feel to live your life continually paying for mistakes you made 20 years ago and never escape the skeletons in your closet?
Friday, January 20, 2006
rock of ages
no one can see me, hear me, tell me, touch me, push me or pull me. no one can take away what you can give me. make me clean again.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
bonfire
it ain't easy being a girl...
does anyone else feel that being a woman should constitute you as certifiably insane?? man, i feel that way sometimes. with all these emotions and conclusion jumping... i dunno.
i'd like to mellow out a bit. i remember talking to my mom once, telling her i'd like to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and be more mysterious. and she laughed at me. she literary laughed at me and said "hahaha, YOU be MYSTERIOUS!!!" hahaha, what a funny reaction. maybe i should just accept the constant drama of my life. that's just me i suppose. actually, its NOT just me, i'm surrounded by over the top women!!!
i wouldn't mind being certifiably insane. actually, i have this fantasy about living in some kind of institution. like prison or a nunnery or an old folks home. well we all have our crazy fantasies. andrew fantasizes about vandelizing electronic signs. hahahaha. and melinda has fantasies about FANTA. ahahahaha.
well i should go. ciao.
i'm nearly missing all my marbles, this is not a perfect plan.
does anyone else feel that being a woman should constitute you as certifiably insane?? man, i feel that way sometimes. with all these emotions and conclusion jumping... i dunno.
i'd like to mellow out a bit. i remember talking to my mom once, telling her i'd like to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and be more mysterious. and she laughed at me. she literary laughed at me and said "hahaha, YOU be MYSTERIOUS!!!" hahaha, what a funny reaction. maybe i should just accept the constant drama of my life. that's just me i suppose. actually, its NOT just me, i'm surrounded by over the top women!!!
i wouldn't mind being certifiably insane. actually, i have this fantasy about living in some kind of institution. like prison or a nunnery or an old folks home. well we all have our crazy fantasies. andrew fantasizes about vandelizing electronic signs. hahahaha. and melinda has fantasies about FANTA. ahahahaha.
well i should go. ciao.
i'm nearly missing all my marbles, this is not a perfect plan.
dirt road
our internet was down all day yesterday. how annoying.
last night i went to see feist at a.j.'s. i've never actually been there before so that was an interesting experience in itself. i went with melinda & andrew and met up with chelsea & todd. in typical kingston fashion, i saw hords of people i knew. when i first got there, i spotted cas and alison, which was a total riot because i saw cas at the knock, knock ginger concert on saturday. they're super great girls.
andrew and todd were sharing some of the mysteries of the male psyche. it was most informative. did you know that most guys assume that ALL girls like them? and that they think they're in so much demand that they have a whole list of girl to choose from? well, i find that pretty disgusting. and aggravating. and frustrating. and annoying. and good to know ;)
so who else did i see last night? well, i saw one of beckie's co-workers from minotaur. i saw Jeremy from my last life-drawing class (who i've seen at church about twice. next time i see him there, i'm gonna get up the guts to talk to him). i saw mike gowing. saw melinda's old crush with his "little girlfriend". some girl from frontenac (who apparently kept staring at us).
i like that me and feist have the same name. that's so cool. she's so rockin'. although, her facial expressions kept reminding me of this girl i used to know and it was hitting a nerve. but whatev. i had a really good time, and i wasn't even tired!! i had a nap in the afternoon. i'm usually a bad napper because i wake up angry, but yesterday i was alright. so inspite the fact that i went to bed at 1:30 last night, i'm doing ok this morning. felt like throwing up first off, but after that i was fine. i even was alert enough to have a conversation with irina at the breakfast table.
last night i went to see feist at a.j.'s. i've never actually been there before so that was an interesting experience in itself. i went with melinda & andrew and met up with chelsea & todd. in typical kingston fashion, i saw hords of people i knew. when i first got there, i spotted cas and alison, which was a total riot because i saw cas at the knock, knock ginger concert on saturday. they're super great girls.
andrew and todd were sharing some of the mysteries of the male psyche. it was most informative. did you know that most guys assume that ALL girls like them? and that they think they're in so much demand that they have a whole list of girl to choose from? well, i find that pretty disgusting. and aggravating. and frustrating. and annoying. and good to know ;)
so who else did i see last night? well, i saw one of beckie's co-workers from minotaur. i saw Jeremy from my last life-drawing class (who i've seen at church about twice. next time i see him there, i'm gonna get up the guts to talk to him). i saw mike gowing. saw melinda's old crush with his "little girlfriend". some girl from frontenac (who apparently kept staring at us).
i like that me and feist have the same name. that's so cool. she's so rockin'. although, her facial expressions kept reminding me of this girl i used to know and it was hitting a nerve. but whatev. i had a really good time, and i wasn't even tired!! i had a nap in the afternoon. i'm usually a bad napper because i wake up angry, but yesterday i was alright. so inspite the fact that i went to bed at 1:30 last night, i'm doing ok this morning. felt like throwing up first off, but after that i was fine. i even was alert enough to have a conversation with irina at the breakfast table.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
pyscho alpha disco beta
today is ask a "question day" here at pspd.
if you have a question HIT ME WITH IT!! come on, i know you have one in there somewhere. think over the entries you've read, has there be anything that made you wonder about the background story? or maybe there's something about me as a person or my life you'd like to know more about.
here's some examples...
"when did you live in T.O.?"
"what caused your bum knee?"
"why did you decide to go into graphic design?"
i don't know. whatever you want. come up with a doosy. i dare you.
darn, i hope this idea doesn't flop. come on people, don't leave me hangin. frig, if you're embarrassed of your question, submit it anonymously. i don't care. i just want to answer the questions weighing on the minds of the general public.
Tell me what you wanna know
Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on
if you have a question HIT ME WITH IT!! come on, i know you have one in there somewhere. think over the entries you've read, has there be anything that made you wonder about the background story? or maybe there's something about me as a person or my life you'd like to know more about.
here's some examples...
"when did you live in T.O.?"
"what caused your bum knee?"
"why did you decide to go into graphic design?"
i don't know. whatever you want. come up with a doosy. i dare you.
darn, i hope this idea doesn't flop. come on people, don't leave me hangin. frig, if you're embarrassed of your question, submit it anonymously. i don't care. i just want to answer the questions weighing on the minds of the general public.
Tell me what you wanna know
Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on
Monday, January 16, 2006
blindness
so is anyone else going to the feist concert on wednesday?? i understand their selling 900 tickets. wow. impressive. no doubt i'll see some people i know. i always see nexters at concerts. we're well represented on the concert front.
i've continued to be good at resisting the urge to check my email at work. it's getting easier now. yay!!
hahaha. when i wear my pink toque with a ponytail it makes me look like i have a mullet. and strangely enough.... i kind of like it. that's surprising. to me at least.
a couple weeks back i came home to find an NDP sign on our lawn. i went inside and asked melinda if she knew it was there. she did and wondered if it was ok. i told her "MELINDA! YOU KNOW I DON'T SUPPORT CANADIAN POLITICS!!" (full of passion, not rage) argh, i hate canadian politics... grrr. i vote green, not particularly because i agree with their stance on things, more because i think its the better choice among well recognized parties. joy tried to convince me to vote for the christian hertiage party since she knows i hate the mainstream parties. but that defeats the purpose. the point i'm trying to make is that i don't like our options, not that i'm religious. regardless... our NDP sign has gone missing and ironically i think one of our neighbours stole it, because an NDP sign coincidentally appeared on his lawn the same day ours went missing. who steals a free sign!!! our nutty neighbour gloria has a green party sign on her lawn. i'm thinking about pinching it and putting it on our lawn ;)
i don't much like thinking of myself as a cup of tea made in a bucket, but i suppose in a way it must be true.
i've continued to be good at resisting the urge to check my email at work. it's getting easier now. yay!!
hahaha. when i wear my pink toque with a ponytail it makes me look like i have a mullet. and strangely enough.... i kind of like it. that's surprising. to me at least.
a couple weeks back i came home to find an NDP sign on our lawn. i went inside and asked melinda if she knew it was there. she did and wondered if it was ok. i told her "MELINDA! YOU KNOW I DON'T SUPPORT CANADIAN POLITICS!!" (full of passion, not rage) argh, i hate canadian politics... grrr. i vote green, not particularly because i agree with their stance on things, more because i think its the better choice among well recognized parties. joy tried to convince me to vote for the christian hertiage party since she knows i hate the mainstream parties. but that defeats the purpose. the point i'm trying to make is that i don't like our options, not that i'm religious. regardless... our NDP sign has gone missing and ironically i think one of our neighbours stole it, because an NDP sign coincidentally appeared on his lawn the same day ours went missing. who steals a free sign!!! our nutty neighbour gloria has a green party sign on her lawn. i'm thinking about pinching it and putting it on our lawn ;)
i don't much like thinking of myself as a cup of tea made in a bucket, but i suppose in a way it must be true.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
kamasutra
they say revenge is sweet. but its actually quite disappointing. they also say living well is the best revenge. but the thing is, you can't have revenge on someone if they don't care two pins about you. it just doesn't work. they really couldn't care less if you live well or not. argh. i just wanna point and laugh!! but that's just not gonna happen, the opportunity will never arise.
i'm procrastinating knitting right now. i've been really excited about this new knitting project i have up my sleeve, i went and bought this really nice wool today. and when i sat down to start, i discovered how difficult this pattern is. melissa told me it wouldn't be too hard, and i could do it, so i figured she must be right. however, i think she's overly confident in my ability. it's too hard. i'm going to have to disregard the instructions and just go by the picture. well seriously, i already bought the wool and i'm all jazzed about it...
last night i went to that concert at the grad club i told you about. it was really great!! it was so funny because i knew hords of people there. everytime i turned around there was someone else i knew. like seriously, everyone and their dog was there. well not exactly their dogs, and not exactly everyone, because unless you are meghan or melinda you weren't there. meghan's gonna put me on the guest list for "fake prom". hahahhaaha. isn't that hilarious??
i wanna give a shout out to paul & sarah butler, who i understand are frequent visitors to pspd. and a special mention of kathryn, my homie keeping it real in dryden - we miss you!!
you know... today at church brenda was saying a large number of people feel deep inside "if you really knew what i'm actually like, you wouldn't like me". i was giggling to myself in my head, because i'm the opposite. i feel like "if only you knew how AWESOME i am..." hahahha. i think some people are replused by myself confidence. but i can definately relate to self-degradation. i've totally been there, but it can be overcome.
take power in the power of the word
i'm procrastinating knitting right now. i've been really excited about this new knitting project i have up my sleeve, i went and bought this really nice wool today. and when i sat down to start, i discovered how difficult this pattern is. melissa told me it wouldn't be too hard, and i could do it, so i figured she must be right. however, i think she's overly confident in my ability. it's too hard. i'm going to have to disregard the instructions and just go by the picture. well seriously, i already bought the wool and i'm all jazzed about it...
last night i went to that concert at the grad club i told you about. it was really great!! it was so funny because i knew hords of people there. everytime i turned around there was someone else i knew. like seriously, everyone and their dog was there. well not exactly their dogs, and not exactly everyone, because unless you are meghan or melinda you weren't there. meghan's gonna put me on the guest list for "fake prom". hahahhaaha. isn't that hilarious??
i wanna give a shout out to paul & sarah butler, who i understand are frequent visitors to pspd. and a special mention of kathryn, my homie keeping it real in dryden - we miss you!!
you know... today at church brenda was saying a large number of people feel deep inside "if you really knew what i'm actually like, you wouldn't like me". i was giggling to myself in my head, because i'm the opposite. i feel like "if only you knew how AWESOME i am..." hahahha. i think some people are replused by myself confidence. but i can definately relate to self-degradation. i've totally been there, but it can be overcome.
take power in the power of the word
Saturday, January 14, 2006
flaming finger
this has been an eventful day.
joy and my dad have been in the lion, witch and the wardrobe play at bayridge (alliance church) and i went to the matinee today. i took rhonda and isaac with me. it was really nice to have them along. although i didn't leave that church on back terms, i still felt like i needed a cushion. i hate going there. i don't know why. i can't pin down my exact reason. but anyway, rhonda and isaac agreed to come along. the one problem turned out to be getting there. my backseat belts are stretched out to the max and would only safely protect a horribly obese person. so isaac's carseat didn't properly fit, and he couldn't go in the front either. so after many different attempts we ended up straping him into the middle seat with the lap belt. i was very nervous as i drove, because i know that isaac means the world to rhonda. but we arrived just fine, and only a few minutes late. the play was actually quite fabulous, and they did an excellent job. joy and dad were in the white witches army all dressed in black & scary to the max. i'm really surprised that my dad was in the play, it was so strange seeing his name in the program. the truth is... i was proud of him. seeing him made me giggle, and i shrugged it of saying "oh he's a weirdo", but the thing is (and really i don't think i could ever say this outloud) my dad is very much a novelity to me. he's been the parent who has always been out of reach. but i love him, and i wish things could have been different for us. i suppose its not too late, and as much as he sometimes drives me crazy, i'm glad that he's in my life. its better late than never.
after the play, we went to chucke cheese! it was so much fun. i'm really glad we went. isaac's so awesome because it doesn't take much to thrill him, and inspite the fact that the games rarely gave him more than just a few tickets he was constantly like "wow!! i got 2 tickets!!" meanwhile, the kid at the machine beside him would be getting like 40. rhonda did manage to find one really awesome/easy game that would spit out hords of tickets. so he ended up with 84, which he's going to save for his next visit. we saw one man get 546!! its crazy!!
you fake just like a woman,
you ache just like a woman,
but you break just like a little girl
joy and my dad have been in the lion, witch and the wardrobe play at bayridge (alliance church) and i went to the matinee today. i took rhonda and isaac with me. it was really nice to have them along. although i didn't leave that church on back terms, i still felt like i needed a cushion. i hate going there. i don't know why. i can't pin down my exact reason. but anyway, rhonda and isaac agreed to come along. the one problem turned out to be getting there. my backseat belts are stretched out to the max and would only safely protect a horribly obese person. so isaac's carseat didn't properly fit, and he couldn't go in the front either. so after many different attempts we ended up straping him into the middle seat with the lap belt. i was very nervous as i drove, because i know that isaac means the world to rhonda. but we arrived just fine, and only a few minutes late. the play was actually quite fabulous, and they did an excellent job. joy and dad were in the white witches army all dressed in black & scary to the max. i'm really surprised that my dad was in the play, it was so strange seeing his name in the program. the truth is... i was proud of him. seeing him made me giggle, and i shrugged it of saying "oh he's a weirdo", but the thing is (and really i don't think i could ever say this outloud) my dad is very much a novelity to me. he's been the parent who has always been out of reach. but i love him, and i wish things could have been different for us. i suppose its not too late, and as much as he sometimes drives me crazy, i'm glad that he's in my life. its better late than never.
after the play, we went to chucke cheese! it was so much fun. i'm really glad we went. isaac's so awesome because it doesn't take much to thrill him, and inspite the fact that the games rarely gave him more than just a few tickets he was constantly like "wow!! i got 2 tickets!!" meanwhile, the kid at the machine beside him would be getting like 40. rhonda did manage to find one really awesome/easy game that would spit out hords of tickets. so he ended up with 84, which he's going to save for his next visit. we saw one man get 546!! its crazy!!
you fake just like a woman,
you ache just like a woman,
but you break just like a little girl
Friday, January 13, 2006
matchbook
frig, i love sinéad o'connor.
believe it or not, i was called "untalkative" today. wow!! when i got to the Y tonight the guy behind the counter said to the other guy behind the counter "here's my favourite untalkative person. she never wants to talk, but just keeps going". that made me smile and blush, and of course, keep going. i didn't realize he wanted to talk to me, i figured that it was their job to try and make conversation with the members. after that, i thought to myself "why didn't i notice how cute he was before??" i'd say on the 'lesley attractiveness scale' he's a 9. which is very high. i don't usually give such a high rating. he's handsome. now, does it sound like he was flirting with me? lately i can't differeniate between flirting and friendly.
it was interesting having mim and ron over for dinner last week (they were the leaders of our youth group when we were teenagers), ron was saying i was quite the flirt. he's probably right.
i was noticing at the Y i have nicknames in my head for everyone... hairy neck guy. sweaty guy. maybe gay guy. curly-hair-guy-who-i-hate. earring guy. blind guy. tirnanog girl. butchy girl. girl-who-doesn't-like-me. the co-dependent girls. skinny girl. pregnant girl. and so on. well obviously not for EVERYONE. you can see the influence of seinfeld on my life. its my fave show. well sitcom. hmm, i wonder what name i'd give me. oh i know "keeps to herself girl".
its like a breeze blowing deep beneath my skin
believe it or not, i was called "untalkative" today. wow!! when i got to the Y tonight the guy behind the counter said to the other guy behind the counter "here's my favourite untalkative person. she never wants to talk, but just keeps going". that made me smile and blush, and of course, keep going. i didn't realize he wanted to talk to me, i figured that it was their job to try and make conversation with the members. after that, i thought to myself "why didn't i notice how cute he was before??" i'd say on the 'lesley attractiveness scale' he's a 9. which is very high. i don't usually give such a high rating. he's handsome. now, does it sound like he was flirting with me? lately i can't differeniate between flirting and friendly.
it was interesting having mim and ron over for dinner last week (they were the leaders of our youth group when we were teenagers), ron was saying i was quite the flirt. he's probably right.
i was noticing at the Y i have nicknames in my head for everyone... hairy neck guy. sweaty guy. maybe gay guy. curly-hair-guy-who-i-hate. earring guy. blind guy. tirnanog girl. butchy girl. girl-who-doesn't-like-me. the co-dependent girls. skinny girl. pregnant girl. and so on. well obviously not for EVERYONE. you can see the influence of seinfeld on my life. its my fave show. well sitcom. hmm, i wonder what name i'd give me. oh i know "keeps to herself girl".
its like a breeze blowing deep beneath my skin
Thursday, January 12, 2006
100 sq ft
i concluded today... da. dadada DA.... i'm a late bloomer. i think that's why all this girly stuff is just kicking in now. but that's ok. it kind of makes a lot of sense to me. i'm also finding that this make-up and big earring stuff is making me look more my age. i probably won't get the "oh, i thought you were 21" comment anymore.
well i don't seem to have a lot to say. at least nothing that i think is interesting enough to post on my blog. things i'd freely bore you to tears by sharing with you in real life. but we have standards of quality here at pspd. believe or not....
oh, i'd like to say. please, if you visit, leave a comment!! i love when people leave comments. it makes this more of an interaction. now some of you say stuff like "oh i don't know how" or the like. so i'll quickly give you some directions. for those of you who are frequent commenters, you can skip down to the highlighted section below... ok, so now that we've gotten rid of those jerks, i'll give you your instructions. ;) click post comment. type in your ever-so-witty thoughts. then click the 'other' circle. enter your name. web page is optional. there. that's it. easy-peasy.
hey frequent commenter! you're so rad. you freakin' rock my world!
last night when i was watching bridget jones, i noticed something very startling. one of her best friends is the same actress who played moaning myrtle in harry potter. that really creeped me out because myrtle is a 14 year old girl!! here's the proof: in the pudding.
truth or dare i don't care. tell the truth i dare you.
well i don't seem to have a lot to say. at least nothing that i think is interesting enough to post on my blog. things i'd freely bore you to tears by sharing with you in real life. but we have standards of quality here at pspd. believe or not....
oh, i'd like to say. please, if you visit, leave a comment!! i love when people leave comments. it makes this more of an interaction. now some of you say stuff like "oh i don't know how" or the like. so i'll quickly give you some directions. for those of you who are frequent commenters, you can skip down to the highlighted section below... ok, so now that we've gotten rid of those jerks, i'll give you your instructions. ;) click post comment. type in your ever-so-witty thoughts. then click the 'other' circle. enter your name. web page is optional. there. that's it. easy-peasy.
hey frequent commenter! you're so rad. you freakin' rock my world!
last night when i was watching bridget jones, i noticed something very startling. one of her best friends is the same actress who played moaning myrtle in harry potter. that really creeped me out because myrtle is a 14 year old girl!! here's the proof: in the pudding.
truth or dare i don't care. tell the truth i dare you.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
art deco
ok so melinda has another gig. i'd like to once again invite you all to come and hang out with me there. i think meghan's gonna be there. so the melinder-mark wilson duo are opening for knock, knock ginger. which is her friend milosz's band. they're actually really good. and they're good performers. click the link below to melinda's bloggario and acquire the data. hahahaha.
for a good time
i must go. my bed is beckoning me.
les + sleeping = true love
awwwww
the revolution wasn't bad, we hit the streets with all we had.
for a good time
i must go. my bed is beckoning me.
les + sleeping = true love
awwwww
the revolution wasn't bad, we hit the streets with all we had.
gestopo
holy crap, i'm in such a good mood right now. i just watched briget jones diary (the first one), and it was soooo funny. man...
well, life is good. i'm doing well. i'm very happy. so la-dee-da. what more can i say??
on the downside (where we won't dwell long), i was right in my suspicion that knickers is planning on going to pittsburgh when i go (feb 8 to 10) this totally sux ass!!! said she wants to be there to "play mother hen". what the hell does that mean!?!?! i think she just wants to keep an eye on me, that i dress appropriately and don't do anything that would "shame the department". argh. i'm so annoyed about that!! what a bummer! that totally takes away from the whole experience. i know how to behave properly, i just choose not to. most of the time.
on the upside of things at work... i've now made it through 2 days not chronically checked my email!! hurray!! i didn't check it at all. and ironically, i'm finding i have WAY more time to talk to my colleagues because i'm not spending time emailing my friends on the job. i remember saying to laney the other week "i just don't seem to talk to my co-workers the way i used to". but the last two days frank and i have been chatting up a storm!! it was funny, yesterday this man came by to see him and saw i was in his office so was about to walk away but frank was like "its ok, we're jus shooting the shit". and that's exactly what we were doing. we have a very unusual friendship, not a lot of 26 year old girls are platonic friends with 56 year old men. like, we're good friends! today in the caf, i arrived to find mayelin not there, and april is at home with her daughter who has the chickenpox, so when frank saw i was by myself, he offered to have lunch with me so i didn't have to eat alone. i thought that was so nice.
my knee seems to be doing MUCH better. i've even stopped wearing the knee brace. for now. i'm still gonna stay off the eliptical for the next couple of weeks.
i seriously think you should reconsider the length of your sideburns
well, life is good. i'm doing well. i'm very happy. so la-dee-da. what more can i say??
on the downside (where we won't dwell long), i was right in my suspicion that knickers is planning on going to pittsburgh when i go (feb 8 to 10) this totally sux ass!!! said she wants to be there to "play mother hen". what the hell does that mean!?!?! i think she just wants to keep an eye on me, that i dress appropriately and don't do anything that would "shame the department". argh. i'm so annoyed about that!! what a bummer! that totally takes away from the whole experience. i know how to behave properly, i just choose not to. most of the time.
on the upside of things at work... i've now made it through 2 days not chronically checked my email!! hurray!! i didn't check it at all. and ironically, i'm finding i have WAY more time to talk to my colleagues because i'm not spending time emailing my friends on the job. i remember saying to laney the other week "i just don't seem to talk to my co-workers the way i used to". but the last two days frank and i have been chatting up a storm!! it was funny, yesterday this man came by to see him and saw i was in his office so was about to walk away but frank was like "its ok, we're jus shooting the shit". and that's exactly what we were doing. we have a very unusual friendship, not a lot of 26 year old girls are platonic friends with 56 year old men. like, we're good friends! today in the caf, i arrived to find mayelin not there, and april is at home with her daughter who has the chickenpox, so when frank saw i was by myself, he offered to have lunch with me so i didn't have to eat alone. i thought that was so nice.
my knee seems to be doing MUCH better. i've even stopped wearing the knee brace. for now. i'm still gonna stay off the eliptical for the next couple of weeks.
i seriously think you should reconsider the length of your sideburns
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
sweet sounds
ooooh, i'm super excited/nervous. i've just bought the mac os x tiger upgrade.... its super exciting, but i'm also scared i'm going to botch it somehow. i'll keep you posted on how things go.
so i'm having a really good day. its as though a cloud has lifted and i feel more like myself than i have in several months. its really nice. i don't like doing things/being things make me feel rotten. this is hard to explain. so i won't bother. i know this is confusing. oh, here's one example... i made it through the whole day at work not checking my hotmail once!! yay!! i wanted to break myself free from this crazy "email co-depencey" problem i've been having. seriously, there's nothing that can't wait until i get home. besides, i don't like doing it, it's very unprofessional and it distracts me from the task at hand. so that's one day down, i'm sure i can do it again tomorrow. i hope.
sometimes life is about making little steps to becoming who you want to be, or steps to disgarding who you're not.
today at work i got an urge to get big earrings. hahaha. i think that's so funny. so right after work (after buying my tiger upgrade) i went down to modern primitive and bought some new big wooden earrings. a little while ago i tried on my old silver earrings that have a colourful ball on them, and concluded although i love those earrings they don't suit me. dark coloured earrings match my hair and eyes better. so i now have these big brown earrings. one step closer to being a girly girl. its like 2006 is the year of the whole new lesley. i feel kinda like a little girl growing into shoes that are too big, and they're gradually fitting better.
minimize expectations to avoid being disappointed
so i'm having a really good day. its as though a cloud has lifted and i feel more like myself than i have in several months. its really nice. i don't like doing things/being things make me feel rotten. this is hard to explain. so i won't bother. i know this is confusing. oh, here's one example... i made it through the whole day at work not checking my hotmail once!! yay!! i wanted to break myself free from this crazy "email co-depencey" problem i've been having. seriously, there's nothing that can't wait until i get home. besides, i don't like doing it, it's very unprofessional and it distracts me from the task at hand. so that's one day down, i'm sure i can do it again tomorrow. i hope.
sometimes life is about making little steps to becoming who you want to be, or steps to disgarding who you're not.
today at work i got an urge to get big earrings. hahaha. i think that's so funny. so right after work (after buying my tiger upgrade) i went down to modern primitive and bought some new big wooden earrings. a little while ago i tried on my old silver earrings that have a colourful ball on them, and concluded although i love those earrings they don't suit me. dark coloured earrings match my hair and eyes better. so i now have these big brown earrings. one step closer to being a girly girl. its like 2006 is the year of the whole new lesley. i feel kinda like a little girl growing into shoes that are too big, and they're gradually fitting better.
minimize expectations to avoid being disappointed
Monday, January 09, 2006
science
guess who found her puke toque in her gymbag when she got to the Y tonight?!?!? yay!! i'm so glad i found it. i was worried it had fallen in the garbage and i'd never see it again. melinda pointed out that i'm always worried things have fallen in the garbage. its one of those reasonable/unreasonable fears.
today at work i received a belated christmas gift from my colleague in taipei, taiwan. its this t-shirt that says taipei. its pink. and i got a tin with a train on it. she sent us several different gifts for us to decide between, i got the t-shirt kind of by default because i can fit in it, but i like it so its all good. its a little cheesey, but since when have i shyed away from tacky shirts?? the unfortunate thing is when ever i wear it people will always be asking me "have you been to taipei?" no. no i haven't!! argh, stop asking me that!! hahaha. but exciting news!!!! i'm going to get to go on a business trip to pittsburgh!! yay!! my first business trip!! and all by myself. i think. oh crap, i hope knickers doesn't schedule a trip there when i'm going. darn!! well it didn't sound like that was her plan. true, there are more exciting places than pittsburgh, like taipei for example. but i'm stoked nontheless. they do have an andy warhol museum that i've been planning on visiting if i get the chance to go there. check it out. oh crap, the hours of operation kinda bite. how will i make it there in those hours!?!?! well i'll have to do something cool while i'm there. i'll get to stay in a fancy hotel, and fly business class. oh, i'm so excited!!!!
i think this will be an interesting year as far as work is concerned. like, i'm going to pitts to train this girl to use photoshop. frank and i are going to be working more closely with the pitts bids department. and i've started doing some work for bombardier group. now, how do i explain what group is?? its confusing. well first there's bombardier inc, made up of both aerospace and transportation (planes and trains), within the transportation section there are about 8 divisions. bombardier group is the section that takes care of all 8 divisions. so me, doing work for group is a very valuable career opportunity. way in the back of my mind there is some hope that i'll be able to work for group someday. their headquarters is in berlin. how cool would that be? but for now, i'm happy to be in kingston. living in toronto was a difficult experience. it was rewarding, but through trials. so when i moved home, i felt as though i didn't want to move away again until i'd recovered from that experience and until i was ready and wanting something different.
well this was a long entry. my entries have been quite long lately actually. i hope they're not boring. oooh, this entry only took 13 minutes to write! wow, a new record!!
you say i talk so all the time, so?
today at work i received a belated christmas gift from my colleague in taipei, taiwan. its this t-shirt that says taipei. its pink. and i got a tin with a train on it. she sent us several different gifts for us to decide between, i got the t-shirt kind of by default because i can fit in it, but i like it so its all good. its a little cheesey, but since when have i shyed away from tacky shirts?? the unfortunate thing is when ever i wear it people will always be asking me "have you been to taipei?" no. no i haven't!! argh, stop asking me that!! hahaha. but exciting news!!!! i'm going to get to go on a business trip to pittsburgh!! yay!! my first business trip!! and all by myself. i think. oh crap, i hope knickers doesn't schedule a trip there when i'm going. darn!! well it didn't sound like that was her plan. true, there are more exciting places than pittsburgh, like taipei for example. but i'm stoked nontheless. they do have an andy warhol museum that i've been planning on visiting if i get the chance to go there. check it out. oh crap, the hours of operation kinda bite. how will i make it there in those hours!?!?! well i'll have to do something cool while i'm there. i'll get to stay in a fancy hotel, and fly business class. oh, i'm so excited!!!!
i think this will be an interesting year as far as work is concerned. like, i'm going to pitts to train this girl to use photoshop. frank and i are going to be working more closely with the pitts bids department. and i've started doing some work for bombardier group. now, how do i explain what group is?? its confusing. well first there's bombardier inc, made up of both aerospace and transportation (planes and trains), within the transportation section there are about 8 divisions. bombardier group is the section that takes care of all 8 divisions. so me, doing work for group is a very valuable career opportunity. way in the back of my mind there is some hope that i'll be able to work for group someday. their headquarters is in berlin. how cool would that be? but for now, i'm happy to be in kingston. living in toronto was a difficult experience. it was rewarding, but through trials. so when i moved home, i felt as though i didn't want to move away again until i'd recovered from that experience and until i was ready and wanting something different.
well this was a long entry. my entries have been quite long lately actually. i hope they're not boring. oooh, this entry only took 13 minutes to write! wow, a new record!!
you say i talk so all the time, so?
Sunday, January 08, 2006
foreigner mcdee
i just got home from spending time with matt. yay!! i haven't seen him since october. its funny how so much can change in such a short amount of time. there was much to fill him in on. he's such a weirdo. he offered tips on curing my acid reflux by taking spoonfulls of vingar and gave me my birthday present. man, he's place is soooooo chaotic. i get super overwhelmed by it, it helps put the disorder in my room in perspective. i used to clean his apartment for him a couple times a year. he even paid me to do it a occassionally.
he's so funny. a lot of who i am is because of him. i'd say other than my family, matt and melinda have been the most influencial people in my life. but ya, a large chunk of my sense of humour was rubbed off of him. and some of my sayings and a few of my various laughs are from him too.
i admire how he finds everything funny, and that's one thing i picked up from him. at one point today i was saying "oh i just don't care... or i don't know, do i care? ya, i guess i do" and he laughed hysterically at this because he said it was like i was interviewing myself. like "i don't know les, i'll get back to you on that one..."
today when i was at my mom's for sunday lunch and was leaving to see matt, she said "we've missed matt, we haven't seen him in a while", so that just got me on a tangent about how frustrated i am that i never see him anymore. i think i've been so angry about that because it makes me sad and i've missed him. while we're kinda on this topic... i think its really weird how she always says "we don't approve of this" or "we feel that" or "we blah, blah, blah". it took me
a long time to realize that her words didn't actually represent joy and tim thoughts, and it got me wondering "who the heck is this WE she keeps talking about?!?!?!" i still have no idea.
here's a pic of me and matthew at camp one summer. oh i guess that was in 2002. which would mean i was 22 and he was just turning 24. you can kinda see in this picture how long my hair was.
when we fall, love will catch us everytime time.
he's so funny. a lot of who i am is because of him. i'd say other than my family, matt and melinda have been the most influencial people in my life. but ya, a large chunk of my sense of humour was rubbed off of him. and some of my sayings and a few of my various laughs are from him too.
i admire how he finds everything funny, and that's one thing i picked up from him. at one point today i was saying "oh i just don't care... or i don't know, do i care? ya, i guess i do" and he laughed hysterically at this because he said it was like i was interviewing myself. like "i don't know les, i'll get back to you on that one..."
today when i was at my mom's for sunday lunch and was leaving to see matt, she said "we've missed matt, we haven't seen him in a while", so that just got me on a tangent about how frustrated i am that i never see him anymore. i think i've been so angry about that because it makes me sad and i've missed him. while we're kinda on this topic... i think its really weird how she always says "we don't approve of this" or "we feel that" or "we blah, blah, blah". it took me
a long time to realize that her words didn't actually represent joy and tim thoughts, and it got me wondering "who the heck is this WE she keeps talking about?!?!?!" i still have no idea.here's a pic of me and matthew at camp one summer. oh i guess that was in 2002. which would mean i was 22 and he was just turning 24. you can kinda see in this picture how long my hair was.
when we fall, love will catch us everytime time.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
memoirs of a lesley
i bought a new toque today. its pink. no wait its beyond pink, its vibrant pink. it practically glows. actually, i think i'll classify it more as magenta. its too big for me. it engulfs my head. its looks as though its swallowing me whole. this new toque by no means replaces my other toque. i just can't find it. its lost somewhere in my 8 x 12 room. i'm very attached to my other toque. although, i had the misfortune of barfing on it when i first got it, so have since referred to it as my "puke toque".
i saw my favourite teacher from highschool at indigo tonight - mr. switzer. he was my philosophy teacher. i did really well in that class. i guess it pays to actually have a belief system and be able to defend it with reasonable arguments. it was sort of unusual. most of the discussions were between me, an atheist, and an agnostic. everyone else fell pretty much silent. philosophy class is an interesting environment because you have the freedom to actually discuss controversial opinions without the fear of being judged or criticized.
i'm almost done my hot-water bottle holder. i'm just doing the finishing touches tonight. then i'm starting on buddy's nalgene bottler holder. i think i'm going to knit & purl it. that's a new exciting challenge. i'm such a geek.
i'm looking forward to church tomorrow. it feels like ages since i've been there. i've missed seeing everyone as well. i enjoy that community.
well my feet feel a little damp. so i'm gonna go change my sox and than do some knitting. catch you later!!
you can't say to the sun "more sun" or say to the rain "less rain".
i saw my favourite teacher from highschool at indigo tonight - mr. switzer. he was my philosophy teacher. i did really well in that class. i guess it pays to actually have a belief system and be able to defend it with reasonable arguments. it was sort of unusual. most of the discussions were between me, an atheist, and an agnostic. everyone else fell pretty much silent. philosophy class is an interesting environment because you have the freedom to actually discuss controversial opinions without the fear of being judged or criticized.
i'm almost done my hot-water bottle holder. i'm just doing the finishing touches tonight. then i'm starting on buddy's nalgene bottler holder. i think i'm going to knit & purl it. that's a new exciting challenge. i'm such a geek.
i'm looking forward to church tomorrow. it feels like ages since i've been there. i've missed seeing everyone as well. i enjoy that community.
well my feet feel a little damp. so i'm gonna go change my sox and than do some knitting. catch you later!!
you can't say to the sun "more sun" or say to the rain "less rain".
Friday, January 06, 2006
2 steps forward. 1 step back
i should be tidying the house because mim and ron are coming for dinner in approximately 16 minutes. but i have a lot on my mind that i need to unload in order to have a good time tonight.
have you ever reached the point in a relationship where you realize "hey, that person doesn't really consider me a friend", or you realize that what was once a really tight friendship has somehow folded like a house of cards? or heard about a friend's wedding that you were not invited to? i'm sick of one sided friendships where i make all the effort. i've been really restless today, borderline crabby. poor laney kept getting random moody emails from me while i was at work. it took me all day to put my finger on what was bothering me. and when it hit me it was like "wow, that person doesn't care about me AT ALL!!!" it left me feeling so aggravated and frustrated that yet again i've been duped by a "false friendship". now this may be too haste of me. i recently had written off a friend, saying "clearly he doesn't care about me, he never calls, never makes time for me and only write these short reply emails". but then he called me to say he had a birthday gift for me. and with that all my frustration went. maybe i'm fickle. no, its not that, he knows how much a simple jesture of a gift means to me. its because it means the person was thinking of you. it really surprised me because even after all these years i thought for sure he wouldn't remember. or maybe i was trying to prepare myself for that possibility.
maybe i'm too trusting so i get hurt too easily. maybe i have too high expectations of what a friendship SHOULD be. but if you really cared about someone wouldn't you make more of an effort? maybe i should be more understanding. i'm just feeling tired. and weary. i must be pmsing. oh sorry male readers. aw, who am i kidding i don't really have any male readers. lets see... tim forbes, paul, buddy, al. i think that's it. well i appologize for any "too emotional" content.
cya.
have you ever reached the point in a relationship where you realize "hey, that person doesn't really consider me a friend", or you realize that what was once a really tight friendship has somehow folded like a house of cards? or heard about a friend's wedding that you were not invited to? i'm sick of one sided friendships where i make all the effort. i've been really restless today, borderline crabby. poor laney kept getting random moody emails from me while i was at work. it took me all day to put my finger on what was bothering me. and when it hit me it was like "wow, that person doesn't care about me AT ALL!!!" it left me feeling so aggravated and frustrated that yet again i've been duped by a "false friendship". now this may be too haste of me. i recently had written off a friend, saying "clearly he doesn't care about me, he never calls, never makes time for me and only write these short reply emails". but then he called me to say he had a birthday gift for me. and with that all my frustration went. maybe i'm fickle. no, its not that, he knows how much a simple jesture of a gift means to me. its because it means the person was thinking of you. it really surprised me because even after all these years i thought for sure he wouldn't remember. or maybe i was trying to prepare myself for that possibility.
maybe i'm too trusting so i get hurt too easily. maybe i have too high expectations of what a friendship SHOULD be. but if you really cared about someone wouldn't you make more of an effort? maybe i should be more understanding. i'm just feeling tired. and weary. i must be pmsing. oh sorry male readers. aw, who am i kidding i don't really have any male readers. lets see... tim forbes, paul, buddy, al. i think that's it. well i appologize for any "too emotional" content.
cya.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
i hear you call, i will run
ugh, i ate too much for dinner. i feel like barfing.
anyway. how are you? i'm doing well. so tim sent me a visual explaination to this whole elephant-ontario thing. its TRUE!! wow.
i finished "Our Lady of the Lost and Found" and have started "Bridget Jones' Diary: The Edge of Reason". its the funniest book i've read ever, or at least as far back as i can remember. when i was sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office yesterday i was literally laughing out loud and hiding my face in the book. it was amusing to me because i don't think i've ever laughed out loud at a book in public before. hahaha, what a riot.
i did some clothes shopping yesterday and when i got home i showed melinda my purchases. she was all like "ooh, so feminine!! maybe by the end of 2006 you'll be a full-fledged girl!!" she was just teasing me, not trying to insult me. its true, i have become increasingly girly over the last few months. i don't know why really. i secretly like it. well i guess its a secret shared with you, me and everyone i know now.... but ya. i'm wearing my hair differently, and the make-up adds feminity. pierre from the screening room didn't even recognize me the other day. he was all like "oh lesley, i didn't recognize you... maybe its the glasses" and i was like "but pierre i'm not wearing glasses" which i wasn't. but maybe it was the make-up. april has that picture of me, her and mayelin (see entry "kick in the teeth") and 3 people have asked her "who's the girl in the middle" Ahahahahahaha. i find it a little offensive that when i'm dressed up or looking pretty people don't know its me. what does that mean do you think?
you know what i've JUST concluded? there's no "trick" to life. there's no definate "thing" to do that will make you're life "just fall in place". its not like a door that's hard to close and you can be like "oh there's a trick to this door, you need to hold the handle this way, then push it down". what works for one person, won't necessarily work for another person. i find that encouraging. just because suchandsuch doesn't work out the way its "supposed" to in "theory". it doesn't mean it won't at all. it just means you're different to the person beside you or whatever. every person is unique, so how/why expect an a+b=c life?
if the magic of the adverture overcomes we won't cry because it could be fun.
anyway. how are you? i'm doing well. so tim sent me a visual explaination to this whole elephant-ontario thing. its TRUE!! wow.
i finished "Our Lady of the Lost and Found" and have started "Bridget Jones' Diary: The Edge of Reason". its the funniest book i've read ever, or at least as far back as i can remember. when i was sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office yesterday i was literally laughing out loud and hiding my face in the book. it was amusing to me because i don't think i've ever laughed out loud at a book in public before. hahaha, what a riot.
i did some clothes shopping yesterday and when i got home i showed melinda my purchases. she was all like "ooh, so feminine!! maybe by the end of 2006 you'll be a full-fledged girl!!" she was just teasing me, not trying to insult me. its true, i have become increasingly girly over the last few months. i don't know why really. i secretly like it. well i guess its a secret shared with you, me and everyone i know now.... but ya. i'm wearing my hair differently, and the make-up adds feminity. pierre from the screening room didn't even recognize me the other day. he was all like "oh lesley, i didn't recognize you... maybe its the glasses" and i was like "but pierre i'm not wearing glasses" which i wasn't. but maybe it was the make-up. april has that picture of me, her and mayelin (see entry "kick in the teeth") and 3 people have asked her "who's the girl in the middle" Ahahahahahaha. i find it a little offensive that when i'm dressed up or looking pretty people don't know its me. what does that mean do you think?
you know what i've JUST concluded? there's no "trick" to life. there's no definate "thing" to do that will make you're life "just fall in place". its not like a door that's hard to close and you can be like "oh there's a trick to this door, you need to hold the handle this way, then push it down". what works for one person, won't necessarily work for another person. i find that encouraging. just because suchandsuch doesn't work out the way its "supposed" to in "theory". it doesn't mean it won't at all. it just means you're different to the person beside you or whatever. every person is unique, so how/why expect an a+b=c life?
if the magic of the adverture overcomes we won't cry because it could be fun.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
post-script error
just call me limpy. or hop-a-long. i am at the mercy of my bum knee. stupid dumb knee. i went to the doctor today... no wait, first i called telehealth and the male nurse said he thought it was degenerative arthritis. but then i went to the clinic and the doctor said i have fluid on my knee. he described the side effects of that and it sounds about right. he told me no excerising so i asked for how long and he said "i can't say. i don't want to scare you but it could be 6 months". so i went to the Y anyway. i thought "i don't need my knee to use the weights" i've been meaning to increase my use of the weights anyway. i've been avoiding it because i'm intimated by the large-tattooed men. but now i'm afraid that'll work mostly my upper body and will result in me looking top heavy.
i went to laney's tonight to bake a cake for kathryn's going away party tomorrow night. kathryn is moving to dryden. its north of thunder bay, west of kenora. here's a map: ontario map. tim forbes thinks ontario looks like an elephant when looked at from a certain angle. hmm. never noticed. let me take a look at that map again: ontario map again. i'd have to admit... i don't see it. but anyway, i'm sad to see kathryn go. i wish i'd had more time to spend with her. however, we're gonna write each other letters. like real letters. the kind you send in the mail. i love writing letters/getting letters. i like sitting in indigo and writing to my cousin pam. no doubt i'll love writing to kathryn too.
i'd like to make a public service announcement. for those of you who are unaware... i am a very moody person. i can feel 100 different ways in one given day. ok, maybe not in one day, but in one week for sure. i'd been suspicious of my moodiness for some time, but it finally hit me when i realized my co-workers have no idea what kind of mood i'll show up to work in each morning. its different every day. good thing they're all pretty good tempered. well i'm NOT a morning person so that probably contributes to the situation.
i have a rule of thumb, i don't write a blog entry when i'm grumpy, cranky, crabby etc. true i have made a few entries when i wasn't at my finest, but those are few and far between. the way i see it, no one wants to read someones blog if they're gonna end up depressed.
when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.
i went to laney's tonight to bake a cake for kathryn's going away party tomorrow night. kathryn is moving to dryden. its north of thunder bay, west of kenora. here's a map: ontario map. tim forbes thinks ontario looks like an elephant when looked at from a certain angle. hmm. never noticed. let me take a look at that map again: ontario map again. i'd have to admit... i don't see it. but anyway, i'm sad to see kathryn go. i wish i'd had more time to spend with her. however, we're gonna write each other letters. like real letters. the kind you send in the mail. i love writing letters/getting letters. i like sitting in indigo and writing to my cousin pam. no doubt i'll love writing to kathryn too.
i'd like to make a public service announcement. for those of you who are unaware... i am a very moody person. i can feel 100 different ways in one given day. ok, maybe not in one day, but in one week for sure. i'd been suspicious of my moodiness for some time, but it finally hit me when i realized my co-workers have no idea what kind of mood i'll show up to work in each morning. its different every day. good thing they're all pretty good tempered. well i'm NOT a morning person so that probably contributes to the situation.
i have a rule of thumb, i don't write a blog entry when i'm grumpy, cranky, crabby etc. true i have made a few entries when i wasn't at my finest, but those are few and far between. the way i see it, no one wants to read someones blog if they're gonna end up depressed.
when there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
exacto
i have a bum knee. it hasn't bothered me in years, but it started aching last night. it got worse at the Y tonight. now i'm wearing an old knee brace. i feel as though some cartilage is rubbing against something hard. hmm, not good. what do my nurse friends think it could be? melissa? rhonda? oh wait, rhonda told me yesterday it might just be the weather. lets hope that's all it is.
the survey says?? out of all the residents of 162 pine street, melinda richka has kissed the most men/guys/boys. there's a certain level of irony there. several levels actually.
i heard recently "the true meaning of ludicrous is repeating the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result" i think that's a really interesting thought, and i wanted to present this notion for your pondering. so ponder it already!!
while i was shopping with laney the other day i got this crazy notion in my head that i badly want a nose ring. we went into tribal voices and i was bombarded by accessories. and i totally love accessories. but my problem is i don't have any room on my body for accessories. all my limbs and lobes have been filled. then i saw this tiny little nose ring and that just fueled a fire that burned many moons ago. however, knickers would go ballistic! she freaked out when i got my cuff and that's not even a piercing. but alas, when i got home and saw my nose in the mirror i remembered the reason why i decided against it 10 years ago: my nose is just too small.
its interesting that my boss would be more freaked out by me getting a nose ring than my mom. i think my mom has more coolness inside her than she lets on. but when it comes down to it, my mom knows me so much better than knickers ever will. we're made of the same stuff, and the stuff that's different well that's my dad's stuff and she understands that too. actually, my mom is dating again. i'm really glad for her. the man has an earring!! hahahaha. she said it didn't bother her at all, and maybe she's more like her younger daughter than she thought!! hahaha, that's awesome!! i think this give me a lot of liberties....
i have eaten
the plums
that were in
the ice box
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
~William Carlos Williams~
the survey says?? out of all the residents of 162 pine street, melinda richka has kissed the most men/guys/boys. there's a certain level of irony there. several levels actually.
i heard recently "the true meaning of ludicrous is repeating the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result" i think that's a really interesting thought, and i wanted to present this notion for your pondering. so ponder it already!!
while i was shopping with laney the other day i got this crazy notion in my head that i badly want a nose ring. we went into tribal voices and i was bombarded by accessories. and i totally love accessories. but my problem is i don't have any room on my body for accessories. all my limbs and lobes have been filled. then i saw this tiny little nose ring and that just fueled a fire that burned many moons ago. however, knickers would go ballistic! she freaked out when i got my cuff and that's not even a piercing. but alas, when i got home and saw my nose in the mirror i remembered the reason why i decided against it 10 years ago: my nose is just too small.
its interesting that my boss would be more freaked out by me getting a nose ring than my mom. i think my mom has more coolness inside her than she lets on. but when it comes down to it, my mom knows me so much better than knickers ever will. we're made of the same stuff, and the stuff that's different well that's my dad's stuff and she understands that too. actually, my mom is dating again. i'm really glad for her. the man has an earring!! hahahaha. she said it didn't bother her at all, and maybe she's more like her younger daughter than she thought!! hahaha, that's awesome!! i think this give me a lot of liberties....
i have eaten
the plums
that were in
the ice box
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
~William Carlos Williams~
Monday, January 02, 2006
dominos
i'm spending some time reading. and just reached the end of this chapter. i'm struck by the writing style of this author. its very similar to my own writing style. i like reading about this woman's life, all the mundane details she includes in her book. now in her 40s, never married, she reflects on her life as it was in her twenties. and about the men she dated back then. i feel overwhelmed by the familarity of her words. i feel as though she's been spying on my life. its a little scary. its also a little comforting.
why am i writing this? why am i telling you this? because there is something i want you to know. and i want to say it now so i can't take it back.
as i read and think of her now in her mid-forties. single. that doesn't frighten me. it doesn't bother me. i told the girls last night "next new year's eve i'll probably still be single". to be honest, i said that to prepare myself for that possibility. but now i think about it and realize that's ok. i'd say chances are slim that i'll meet someone i like, that i could eventually love, who would be good with me, who will like/love me back. it does seem kind of a lot to ask. i honestly feel, right now, in this moment, that i don't really care. and i will be happy. as i am right now.
i've been single for 2 years.
i haven't been kissed in a year and a half. and that wasn't some random stranger. it was my exboyfriend. will it bother me if i never get kissed again? ya, probably, sometimes that will bother me. will i be worse off? no, not at all.
i will continue to have fantastic friends. i will continue to have a great, close-knit family. and i will lack nothing.
i do realize, there is a slim possibility that i could in fact meet someone who is dazzled by me and whom i am equally dazzled by. and you'll say to me with a smile on your face "les, remember that time when you said you'll never marry?" and we'll probably laugh at my impulsive statements. but this isn't about me swearing off men. or declaring spinsterhood. its more, i'm ok with remaining single.
i am content.
why am i writing this? why am i telling you this? because there is something i want you to know. and i want to say it now so i can't take it back.
as i read and think of her now in her mid-forties. single. that doesn't frighten me. it doesn't bother me. i told the girls last night "next new year's eve i'll probably still be single". to be honest, i said that to prepare myself for that possibility. but now i think about it and realize that's ok. i'd say chances are slim that i'll meet someone i like, that i could eventually love, who would be good with me, who will like/love me back. it does seem kind of a lot to ask. i honestly feel, right now, in this moment, that i don't really care. and i will be happy. as i am right now.
i've been single for 2 years.
i haven't been kissed in a year and a half. and that wasn't some random stranger. it was my exboyfriend. will it bother me if i never get kissed again? ya, probably, sometimes that will bother me. will i be worse off? no, not at all.
i will continue to have fantastic friends. i will continue to have a great, close-knit family. and i will lack nothing.
i do realize, there is a slim possibility that i could in fact meet someone who is dazzled by me and whom i am equally dazzled by. and you'll say to me with a smile on your face "les, remember that time when you said you'll never marry?" and we'll probably laugh at my impulsive statements. but this isn't about me swearing off men. or declaring spinsterhood. its more, i'm ok with remaining single.
i am content.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
thyme
well its the new year, and once again the calendar was hot on my trail. i turn 26 and it has to go and change to 2006. freakin calendar... such a copy cat.
so my plans for last night kinda got muddled, but devious, little r and i (eggs) rang in the new year with determination! yay for us!! it was an interesting evening. we got kicked out of the tirnanog, we saw earring guy from the Y (uh-huh, ya, i know...), and saw one of my friend's fathers with another woman. the girls had to talk me out of calling up the friend and ratting him out. its really none of my business and i have no right to get in the middle of that mess.
poor "d" and little r had to sit through one of my crazy rants about "does time exist??!?" and "joelle hold the secrets of my future!!" hahahaha. those poor girls. i feel bad for putting them through that. frig, i'm worse sober than most people are stoned/drunk!
there were a couple things from our conversation that really struck me. one thing was "you can't make other peoples decisions for them" and the other was "you can't push things, things happen only when you're ready". i'll use myself as an example here. like this make-up thing. my family teased me and tried to coax me for years upon years to wear make-up but i just wasn't ready. i had to get to that point myself. same with drinking. and cooking (argh, cooking i'm still alittle unsure of that one).
i've decided to open a flickr account. people are always sending me cool pics and there's just not enough room on pspd. so i'm gonna have a flickr account to post them all there. so stay tuned, i'll probably post a link to that later tonight.
awww, this is my last night of being able to stay up super late :( oh well, i'll have to make it a good one :) well i'm off to help melinder make a poster for the station.
love cures all cynicism ~ m.l. richka
so my plans for last night kinda got muddled, but devious, little r and i (eggs) rang in the new year with determination! yay for us!! it was an interesting evening. we got kicked out of the tirnanog, we saw earring guy from the Y (uh-huh, ya, i know...), and saw one of my friend's fathers with another woman. the girls had to talk me out of calling up the friend and ratting him out. its really none of my business and i have no right to get in the middle of that mess.
poor "d" and little r had to sit through one of my crazy rants about "does time exist??!?" and "joelle hold the secrets of my future!!" hahahaha. those poor girls. i feel bad for putting them through that. frig, i'm worse sober than most people are stoned/drunk!
there were a couple things from our conversation that really struck me. one thing was "you can't make other peoples decisions for them" and the other was "you can't push things, things happen only when you're ready". i'll use myself as an example here. like this make-up thing. my family teased me and tried to coax me for years upon years to wear make-up but i just wasn't ready. i had to get to that point myself. same with drinking. and cooking (argh, cooking i'm still alittle unsure of that one).
i've decided to open a flickr account. people are always sending me cool pics and there's just not enough room on pspd. so i'm gonna have a flickr account to post them all there. so stay tuned, i'll probably post a link to that later tonight.
awww, this is my last night of being able to stay up super late :( oh well, i'll have to make it a good one :) well i'm off to help melinder make a poster for the station.
love cures all cynicism ~ m.l. richka
stewart
what am i doing?? how was i tricked into thinking that cooking was a good idea!!
argh!! i suck!
argh!! i suck!
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