cleavage

i wonder what percentage of the day i spend trying to behave contrary to my instincts. fighting my emotions in favour of my mind. ignoring the urge to run and hug my friend, repressing my desire to write a certain email, smothering a harsh comment from coming out of my mouth, stopping my craving for junk-food, forcing myself awake when i'd rather be sleeping, making myself do housework. i seriously think i spend most of my time counter-intuitively. no wonder i feel exhausted. don't get me wrong, these decisions are probably good. actually they're probably the best decisions, but it's a difficult practice, and i wish it didn't require so much energy to be good and well behaved. i suppose that's why it's called self-discipline. i just wish i didn't have to inhibit my uninhibited self. *sigh* one of these days, perhaps, my mind, heart, and body may align and become synchronized. then peace and love will reign in my noggin.

i'm hoping for some hope.

i like that you know me by name, because you're still little more than a mystery to me.

we'll cast some light and you'll be alright.