thunder

the tree of life is probably one of the most confusing films i've ever seen. i can honestly say it was the equivient to watching a foreign film without subtitles. that's as much of the story that i was able to decipher. all that being said, it spurred a lot of discussion between b and myself on the way home.

i've taken to watching a lot of 'how i met your mother' online lately. in fact, i've taken to staying up to watch it after brendan goes to bed. this makes him grumpy. but that does not diswade me.

after a year of feeling uncomfortable in my body, and a year of my clothes not fitting as they are intended to.... i've emerged from that phase feeling more than comfortable - pleased even. what a relief. i'm not quite "there" yet. my BMI calculation still says i'm A LITTLE overweight, but i don't feel overweight though, and i feel that's more important. it's been a neat process. watching my clothes go from tight to loose. in the last 9 months i've learned a lot about food, and intake, and balance. i've learned to avoid foods that have little to no nutritional value, and a sometimes simply consume less. i think i've been changed by this experience, and as a result feel confident that i will be able to avoid weight gain in the future. that's a relief :)

i read a quote in my book the other day that really struck me... "poshlust is not only the obviously trashy, but mainly the falsely important, the falsely beautiful, the falsely clever, the falsely attractive". it made me feel concerned that we live in a world that can no longer decipher the difference between what is false and what is actual. we've accepted the artificial for so long that it's accepted as the norm. i think we're selling ourselves short.

 

day two of my morning chore routine is going very well. i even went on to do the dishes too! yay for mid-year resolutions!

this rubbermaid's had better days.

victorian

my mom spent her teen years living on the coast of england. i literary mean ON THE COAST, the sea was right across the street from her home. her parents owned and operated hotel there. i've written about this before actually. one of my earliest entries: harry potter and the sexual innuendos. what a fine blog post title, if i may say so myself :p anyways, she was an unpaid maid in her own home/hotel. and as a result is very very conditioned when it comes to housework.

(allow me put this thought on the back-burner one moment.)

so as i'm trying to do small steps towards tidy living, in order to avoid chaos, i came up with great idea.

(original thought back on front burner).

due to my mom's deeply ingrained housekeeping lifestyle, she cleans the bathroom each morning - or at least the sink. so i paired that with my small tasks idea and have decided to make cleaning one item in the bathroom as part of my morning routine. this way it's just one small thing at a time, and its done and out of the way by 7 am. this morning i scrubbed the tub. i felt very satisfied, and even now as i sit thinking about scrubbing the tub before leaving the house, i feel a great sense of satisfaction. i hope i'm able to keep this up. some days will be easier than others, for example tomorrow i just have to wipe down the mirror. easy!

beckie is back in english-speaking canada for the next couple of weeks. she joined us for dinner last night, then we went out to browse thru english books at indigo. i like her. life just feels best when she's around. as we drove home i felt super content. i like that i feel completely comfortable speaking and being silent with her. i'm very grateful that she and brendan get along well. saturday i'm going to drive up to her cottage for a day of country life. we'll probably read books separately on the dock or go canoeing or play board games. lovely.

 

she feels uncomfortable in the clothing of her ancestors.

doily

after a year on the bench, i was called back in to donate blood. our trip to the south pacific disqualified me for one year, but now i'm back on track. in the past the nurses have had difficulty finding my veins. my mom has that problem too, and nurses often have to resort to taking blood out of the back of her hand instead. the nurse yesterday told me that my veins are very small and the needle is very big. in fact, the needle is the same size of my veins, which makes it very difficult. that being said, they did find one that worked well and managed to get a complete pint of my body. one time they were only able to fill half a pint. my lean and handsome 'band has the most beautiful veins i've ever seen. they expose themselves, raised on his arms and hands like lines on a map. no doubt he could give blood very easily, but has not, as of yet, developed the proverbial thick-skin to stomach even the thought of such a procedure. in the meantime i will enjoy all the juice and cookies i want. apparently i'm the brave lorimer with my tiny veins and low iron :p

being at the clinic reminded me of all the things i look forward to doing some day when i'm retired. maybe if i'm lucky before then. i'd totally volunteer at the blood clinic. i feel that it's a good sign that my life is at a good pace when new activities appeal to me. that i have the energy to take on projects and enterprises.

i picked up a copy of reading lolita in tehran at value village the other day. ferrence suggested it to me years ago, so i thought i'd give it a whirl. within the first chapter i was hooked. it's so beautifully written. so wonderfully engaging. it is a nice change from the tragic and impersonal great gatsby. i didn't mind the great gatsby. it just seems incomplete. like entire sentences were missing. characters would arrive and depart without mention. significant plot happenings would take place without my notice because they were subtly suggested rather than out rightly stated. i was reading about it on wikipedia after, and finally pieced together what exactly happened at the end. it wasn't a bad book. i'm definitely glad i read it, just very vague.

you know what's amazing? the thesaurus. frig... it's partly cool just because it sounds like the name of a smart dinosaur. but mostly it's simply cool because it essentially defines a word using one single other word. i write a lot for work these days. newsletters and brochures. i really love it - writing for work that is - and find myself referring to the thesaurus constantly. oh thesaurus, you are one fine device.

after hearing in detail the story behind the guess who song "american woman" i was a little startled at how little has changed in 30+ years.

 

i don't need your war machines,
i don't need your ghetto scenes.

muskoka

at the grocery store i've taken to scoping out abandoned grocery carts for quarters. then i return them properly and reap the rewards.

it seems that i'm in a new phase of life. not because i'm married, but because i'm 31 and life has stablized. in my mid-twenties life was much more transient. because of this, i was constantly on the brink of many things, including many new friendships. as the years have gone by i've matured into lasting friendships and now seem to be past the phase of making new pals (or at least many in a short period of time). i'm very happy with my friendships, they are rich and meaningful. and i would not trade this phase to go back to the beginning. i suppose in many ways friendships are like romantic relationship. the way they change and grow. they are novel and exciting at the beginning, then mature into something beautiful and deep. this phase in life is new to me, and the part of me that is used to constant change is feeling displaced and a little bit lost. i'm not accustomed to maturing in my home, job, friendships; so i feel a little out of my element. part of me feels no longer novel and truth be told i feel a little bit threatened by those who are. i'm not proud of that, but it's my instinctive response. i suppose i'm still immature in my maturity. i'm not quite ready to be arrived yet, in many ways i feel like i'm still just arriving - or at least feel like i should still be arriving. i've lived in the maxipad for 5 years already. it simultaneously feels like home and like recent a new discovery.

b and i watched the godfather part 2 last night. when we first started dating he was shocked that i haven't seen the godfather or the rocky. i like it when i go to classic video and for our 3 for 5 bux deal select 3 completely different films. this time it was... walk on water (a hebrew/german film), the godfather part 2, and anchorman :D

do you remember the time when i shared about the cool crowd at work and me feeling ostrosized by them? oddly enough, pretty much every since i wrote that entry things have been getting progressively better. they even make small talk with me. one girl asked about my weekend! that was nice, i appreciated that. i've kind of concluded that (some of them) are more afraid of me than i am of them. they don't quite understand me (someone who prefers spending time alone at lunch, is not trendy and doesn't share their collective hair-style) and as a result they don't really know how to interact with me. one by one they're figuring out that i'm just a regular person. that's nice. i'm glad things are getting better.

 

let the silence settle in our bones.

quarters

rumour has it that knickers eloped. this has yet to be confirmed. regardless i'm rather amused by this news.

the freedom sale at next turned in to a great opportunity to chat and get to know people better. sales were a bit slow, which allowed for ample time to visit. i left feeling like i knew a handful of people much better. it was a great day to be outdoors and left me feeling fully satisfied with my use of a summer day. i snagged a number of handy things at the sale, plus a few fixer-up-ers that are coming together really nicely after a few coats of paint and some T.L.C. i sat out on the balcony painting and listening to my audio book, growing increasingly frustrated with the motorbike festival taking place across the street. at one point they seriously had a "revve your engines" competition that was so loud i couldn't hear the sound of the book reading right beside me. on the whole, the patience of the neighbourhood was greatly tried over the full week of bikefest. ugh.

shanno and i ventured over to the new leo lefleur waterpark yesterday. it was super fun! the water was a little chilly at first, but it was nice once we got used to it. we were there for a full 2 hours :D the lazy river (which wasn't particularly lazy, so when i told brendan about it later he said "sounds more like a lazy rapid") was really fun, it was so crazy and a little confusing! i also went down the big big slide! it was a little bit scary because i was waiting to hold my breath for the water at the bottom but had no way of guessing how close i was to the bottom. it reminded me of luge.

my trip to berlin has been pushed back by approximately 2 weeks to accommodate another (more important) meeting taking place the week we were supposed to be there. these new dates fall in mid-december and mean that i'll be in berlin on my 32nd birthday. that will be neat, and very memorable!

you may or may not recall that i've been taking a sales marketing writing course by correspondence. it's gone very well and i've enjoyed it a great deal. while i've always enjoyed writing and obviously feel a compulsion to write frequently, i didn't realize how much i would love writing professionally. i'm starting to wonder if i find it more satisfying that graphic design. it's hard to say because it's something new, meanwhile i've been designing for 10 years. anyways, i got my final mark today... 95% to be fair, it was an easy course. however i don't want to downplay my own success, so i'm pleased. i did very well :D

brendan helped me take my stitches out last night. in fact, he took them out while i squirmed and whined. it was creepy and gross. my toe seems to be healing well, it had got to the point the any remaining discomfort was the result of the stitches and not from the cut itself. i can walk normally again, which is great :)

all of these words whispered in my ear.

fake meat

you know the adage of "be yourself"? it's a positive message and one that is very affirming. however, i'm beginning to wonder if it's a flawed mantra. let me explain...

i can think of a handful of movies, perhaps even more, that tell the tale of an uptight woman who learns to cut-loose and enjoy life. i wonder sometimes if 'who we are' can actually box us in and make us unintentionally miserable. the control-freak who is in bondage to her own order and routine. the pack-rat who is bound by his own clutter and chaos. i guess we're all in some ways our own worst enemy. it makes me think again of moderation. everything in moderation.

one of my favourite things about the new year is that january provides a fresh start. an opportunity to channel my efforts in one area that needs change. this year i planned to learn to eat smaller portions, and i have. now it's july and i thought "why not create a mid-year resolution?" it would help me take another bite out of the horse of life. i've decided to take little mini steps towards undoing my own chaos. brendan tells me that there's no such thing as a kind of tidy. you are either tidy or you're not. you put things away or you don't. but i beg to differ. i can put SOME things away and leave others misplaced. if i try to eat the horse in one big gulp i will choak. SO my first plan is that i will change the toilet paper roll immediately instead of placing a new roll on top of the old roll. AND (??), AND (!?!) i will try to put my clothes in the drawers. but that's a big 'AND'. maybe i should start by putting just my shirts in the drawers or something. then when i conquer that i'll move onto pants. when i fall off the wagon with these types of things i REALLY fall off the wagon, so i don't want to push myself too close to the edge.

andrew and shannon invited us to the house that they're sitting last night for a bbq and bonfire. we made delicious smores and watched the flames under cover of night. i liked that when it was time to go andrew used the garden hose to put out the fire :D we're going camping in one month tomorrow, and i can't wait!!

 

shake your hips move your feet.

kickstand

ok... exciting news!!! i'm going to berlin this november on business. now, in the past i've been invited to berlin about 3 different times (our headquarters is there), but knickers would never let me go. BUT emma is the exact opposite. she said that marilyn and i must attend the meeting or the rest of our team won't go either :) so we're all going - yay! we'll be there for the whole work week and will travel on the sunday and return on the saturday. marilyn and i may extend our trip a few days on our own dollar so we can do some fun touristy stuff. wow, this is going to be so rad. we'll get to travel business class and have our expenses paid :D i haven't travelled on business since 2008, so this will be a nice change. i'm quite delighted that i'll be going overseas again this year :D it will be something fun to look forward to in november.

all that being said... i will miss my b - we've spent one single night apart since we were wed. and i hope he won't be too lonesome in my absence. last time i was away for a week (trip to cuba) he was pretty miserable. BUT he'll be in the thick of school by then and will be quite occupied. plus, we've been together longer and spending time apart may be more comfortable by then.

we saw deathly hallows part 2 last night. it was great. but man oh man... was it stressful! i'd have to say i was stressed out for about the second half of the film. i'm toying with the idea of re-reading the books. they are so clever and complex, and yet entertaining and fun. my only reluctance is that it's a big commitment, and i'd want to read it in order. beckie has always been able to pick up any of the books and start reading, but i don't want to miss anything so i'd need to start at the beginning.

i got 1984 on audio book yesterday. i'm quite pleased. i'm really enjoying audio books. especially when its a book i'd never read in real life.

our cats have fleas :S i found one this morning. they're indoor cats so they shouldn't get fleas! except they go on the balcony, and i suppose fleas get around. ugh. i'll have to pick up some anti-flea stuff asap.

my toe is on the mend. i'm still limping but i think that's more to do with the fact that i usually need to crack the toes on my left foot every morning to pop them back into their joints, and i haven't been able to do that.

 

let it sunshine on my mind.

thrive

i passed a fiat on the way into work today. it was from new york state. this made me happy. i like the idea of fiat entering the N.A. market.

adaptability didn't used to appear on my radar but it's starting to grab my attention. it seems to me that cultural and personal adaptability is an important part for growth. to not only learn to do things differently, but to see the value in changing with one's environment. being unwilling or unable to adapt can be dangerous and detrimental. i know i'm not the quickiest adapter, it takes time but i get there. like with most things, i'm a bit of a late bloomer. i bloom at my own pace but get there eventually. i dunno. i feel these things are particularly pivotal in issues like politics and religion. when people don't change with and adapt with new information and new eras they're just asking for trouble. begging for it. because new expressions and perspectives grow and swell under pressure and will eventually explode under a glass ceiling of oppression.

she might break eventually. she's not an adapter and is trying really hard to fit everything in the comfortable box of status quo.

world view is a big factor in things like adaptability and acceptance. i just finished reading (aka listening to) a thousand splendid suns. it was shocking. it was honestly jaw-dropping. the oppression was unreal and illogical. as i think about it i feel slightly suffocated, it's enraging. i'm super grateful that i live in a place where, as a woman, i have the freedom to walk down the street without a male relative, have a job, and access medical attention.

 

you slept in your overalls.

lapidary

last night was stinking hot. the heat kept building pressure then finally errupted into a massive thunderstorm. while i get that sleeping in excessive heat is unpleasant, i can't help but really enjoy it. there's something special about coping with extreme heat (or extreme cold); i like that it makes opportunities to create memories - "remember the time we slept head-to-toe in the bed because i found it easier to sleep closer to the fan?" i remember sleeping on the floor of our hallway when i was a kid because we had one big square fan to blow into all three rooms. i remember in my first apartment i had to shower twice a day to keep cool and i tacked a towel over the door into the corridor so that i could get a cross-breeze. i don't remember moderate weather. i remember nights that are so hot that i don't need any covers and i lay splayed out on the bed. these are my favourite nights. this is in part why i love summer so much. it's not so much about comfort, its about doing things outside the norm in order to find comfort. running thru the sprinklers at the water park. wearing unusually revealing clothing - if any at all! doing nothing all day but lie on the balcony listening to an audio book along side the kitties.

yesterday i glanced over at honey. she was lying on her favourite chair with this look of complete and utter contentedness. it made me happy. in the winter she often whines and scratches at the patio door pleading to be let outside. sometimes, to prove a point, we open the door and let her experience the cold and the blowing snow. she then looks crestfallen and whines some more. when i saw her face yesterday i knew that... right there, her lying in the sun with the summer breeze blowing over her... THAT was exactly what she longs for.

i know that summer is not everyone's favourite season. which is fine, to each their own. but it's mine.we are in the deep and thick of the season i love. i am most at peace in the summer. in a season like this it's almost impossible to feel anything other than everything is going to be ok.

 

barefoot on a summer night.

jugglers

last night we were supposed to go for a walk, but we left it too late and i was tired so b went on his own. he likes walking, it makes him feel grounded and revived. i like that about him. while he was out i thought i'd help myself to a bowl of sherbet. as i closed the refrigerator behind me a glass pitcher fell from the top of the fridge, hit the counter then fell to land on my foot and shatter. the pain was unbelievable. similar to an extremely stubbed toe. i wondered if the toes were broken. i tried to be brave and not freak out so i went into the living room to sit down. as i tried to calm down i noticed it was bleeding and dripping onto the carpet. i was so sad that brendan was not home, both to help me but also because i knew he would be upset that he wasn't there when i was hurt. i hobbled into the bedroom and updated my facebook status to "Lesley McKnight Lorimer is bleeding all over but brendan is out for a walk and can't help me. a glass pitcher fell of my foot." when i was finished typing i discovered a large puddle on the carpet so i called my mom. she encouraged me to get a cloth to stop the bleeding, and offered to come help me. but she lives in amherstview and b would probably be home before she arrived. i decided to try calling bren. but it was late and i got the answering machine. once i hung-up from her the phone rang and it was meg offering to come over. she and ben arrived and set to work dressing my cut and sweeping up the glass. i wanted to wait for brendan before we went to the hospital. i didn't want him to arrive home to broken glass and piles of blood, but meg managed to convince me it was time to go. we drove down albert street since i know that's the route he always takes to come home, and sure enough we bumped into him a block from our house. he was confused and didn't realize i was with them. he was just waving friendly and asking how they were doing. finally he clued in and we managed to coax him into the van so we could get to the KGH.

the wait in emerge wasn't too bad. we had a few giggles because meg is 8 mos pregnant and people thought she was in labour. i was feeling ok but was worried that i was wasting everyone's time. maybe it wasn't serious. maybe it was and i'd need stitches – also not an appealing option. i've had stitches twice before – in the same spot, on my face, between my eyes – but can't remember it since i was just a toddler. so stitches were essentially new to me. the doctor was very kind and very impressed with meg's bandaging. she confirmed my toes were not broken but that i would lose the nail. b guessed i'd need two stitches and in the end she gave me 4 – including one thru my toenail. the needles for freezing was the worst part. but i quite liked the feeling of a frozen toe. it was still frozen when i woke up today :)

we were home by 12:00. it worked out well that it didn't take too long so that ben + meg could just give us a lift home. i was super thankful that they were able to come and help out. meg is a great caretaker, ben was a great human crutch, and b was very supportive and told me i was brave.

i went to work today because i needed to do a presentation to the sales team. i couldn't drive because i can't press down hard on the clutch. brendan gave me a drive then went to work himself. by lunch i was feeling some discomfort and had regained the feeling in my foot. i suspected my toe was bleeding again but wasn't sure since the doctor told me to wear socks and shoes. so i thought i'd just check on how it was doing. i found it was in fact bleeding again and had bled thru the bandage and into my sock. my colleague told me that it was probably bleeding because it wasn't elevated. so i got a drive home with someone and have been lying down for most of the rest of the day. except for when we went out for indian food (yum).

well. it was quite the experience :p i have to take out the stitches in a week to 10 days. good thing i'm not going to the beach this weekend after all! i'm glad i went to work even if i didn't stay the whole day. the presentation went well. i was told that i spoke very authoritatively. which is good – i wanted to gain their respect. i'm not the 23 year old that i was when i first started working there. i have a lot to offer and i wanted them to understand that. all in all it wasn't a half bad day, especially the part when i got to lie on the grass under a tree :)

you were bleeding all over the place and i rushed you off to the hospital.

old-fashioned

there was a time when i felt that my life was boring and frustratingly redundant. i don't feel that way anymore. at lunch i was sitting on a grassy nole reading the great gatsby, feeling incredibly content. life is slowing down. i have fewer commitments and less activities. i'm not rushed and i'm not overwhelmed. i spend time knitting, reading, watching tv online, and am quite satisfied with this low-fi life. i like it a great deal.

having once been a stupid 20-something, i have little patience for young stupidity. i wonder why it's so hard for some people, in some situations to make good decisions. why was it hard for me i wonder. is self-destruction like a drug or is it more like a spiral staircase? either way it seems to begat more bad choices. watching and/or being affected by a domino affect of bad decisions is painful for me. in my 30s i'm drawn to health and wellness. and as a result to people who thrive and flourish. who have stories of adventure and overcoming. life doesn't have to be constantly difficult. toxicity is so done. give me redemption and peace of mind + heart any day.

it's official, it's mid-july and all the herbs in my garden are dead. yup... right on time.

to my surprise i may be turning into a foody. i didn't think that was possible. i figured people were either foodies or they weren't. i'm sure many factors are playing off each other to create this new interest in cooking and tastiness. whatever the reasons, it seems the right mix have come together to create yet another surprise. getting older is amazing, there's so much to learn and explore.

 

you sleepwalk through the rooms where you grew up.

thrifty

it's interesting how people change. over a few decades we can experience, understand and live out life in a variety of ways. i remember bren telling me once (perhaps twice even) of a conversation she had with a group of women about things they used to believe and now don't. very interesting. i'm really thankful for the ability to adapt. the fact that we change and grow is really important. we develop more informed perspectives, we become more gracious with ourselves and others.

things i used to believe:
- dr seuss was evil
- facebook was lame
- dating younger guys was desperate
- christian faith was about some day leaving earth
- argentina was an american state and that aspen was in europe
- marriage is only between a man and a woman
- collins bay penn was disneyland
- someday i'd go to space as an astronaut
- women got pregnant by sleeping in the same bed as a man
- spaghetti sauce only came in jars from the store and couldn't be homemade
- i was born in an elevator

a couple years ago my colleague michel referred to me as granola. i thought that was interesting but wasn't convinced that label particularly fit well, but i'm finding that it's growing to be increasingly true. maybe he saw something i didn't. i like that which is simple and uncomplicated. things that are neccessary vs things that are unneccessary. i have no desire for that which is unneccessarily artificial. some artifical things are necessary: like heating in winter, refrigerators, toilets, eye glasses. these things are very helpful. but i'm growing discontent with the unneccessary garbage that is pushed at us to consume: fast food/junk food, box-stores and over-priced merch, ipads, teeth-whiteners.

i know several people who don't like to be labelled. i don't mind labels if i feel they either fit me or parallel with the direction i'm moving in. i feel that labels can be very helpful in being more understood. if one word can summaries me well then that i'm ok with that. as i considered the granola label i looked one up online and found this:

granola
An adjective used to describe people who are environmentally aware, open-minded, left-winged, socially aware and active, queer or queer-positive, anti-oppressive/discriminatory (racial, sexual, gender, class, age, etc.) with an organic and natural emphasis on living, who will usually refrain from consuming or using anything containing animals and animal by-products (for health and/or environmental reasons), as well as limit consumption of what he or she does consume, as granola people are usually concerned about wasting resources. Usually buy only fair-trade goods and refrain from buying from large corporations, as most exploit the environment as well as their workers, which goes against granola core values.

this fits quite well indeed! i'm comfortable with that label. the few things that don't quite fit i feel it's fairly safe to assume they will eventually as i continue to grow and become mindful about my consumption. there's part of me who feels that by saying this, by parking myself in one specific camp, i'm opening myself up to cricitism - "but les, what about your 'suv'? what about your large carbon footprint caused by trips abroad?" haha. that's funny. come on, nobody's perfect... nor is my granola living. i guess it's important to recognize that this is how us lorimers are growing, and i don't really expect everyone to be drawn to simplicity. i'm really happy about these changes in me.

 

we want to feel ya!
we don't mean to kill ya!
we come back to heal ya!

superfluous

i've been second guessing myself a lot day and feeling kind of stupid in the process. i've had to change my self-talk in order shake the icky feeling of it. i haven't been able to shake it completely but i'm making progress.

when tim and tracy had their baby micah, i remember tim telling me and shanno how he taught mialana in advance to be gentle with the new baby. he said whenever she was close to his (tim's) face he would tell her "gentle, gentle" and she'd softly pat his cheek or ear. i found this very clever and i liked that it in itself was a very gentle way to correct behaviour. sometimes i get loud and worked up about stuff. brendan has taken to comparing me to a peanuts character who flings its arms in the air and yells "argh!". after talking with tim and considering his gentle adjustment to mialana's behaviour i suggested it to brendan. when i'm loud or excited or worked up or overwhelming, he simply says "gentle... gentle" and almost instantly i calm down and speak at a normal level. i have to admit, i'm rather amazed by this. for the majority of my life i've had mom family telling me that i'm too loud. i think it works because i want to get my point across and i know that if i don't change gears my message is going to get lost or ignored. it's completely sincere too. the funny thing is that it worked from the first moment he tried it and wasn't something i had to slowly condition myself to.

 

i like to cut my sandwiches into two halves. it makes me feel like i'm eating more than i actually am. it's a simple way to make me gleeful.

 

we're free to fly the crimson sky.

metallurgical

this morning an old man with a hat on merged into my lane and forced me off the road. i've heard before that statistically that old men with hats on are the most dangerous on the road. i dumbfounded by this interchange that i mostly just watched with my jaw dropped then managed to get my wits about me enough to honk at him. unfortunately it came out as a friendily "toot toot" and not as hey watch it "HONK". i kind of felt embarrassed for him. i know he didn't mean to.

after hearing about a very angry and uninformed anti-midwife rant, i got thinking... what IS an opinion? is an opinion a conclusion drawn to thru thorough investigation? is it a biased belief based on one-sided information? is it a world view, is it something taught to us? when people have really strong, passionate and angry opinions (about anything) i don't wish to change their minds, but if i could i would change how they came to those opinions so their views could be well informed. at the very least i wish people could be fair and honest about how they came to their opinions. i wish they'd say "i'm afraid of the unknown", "I feel threatened by strength and abilities, and that authority in my favour is being questioned", "that is inconvenient to my agenda and my world view". i remember once bren telling me that "why?" is a dangerous question. that people get their backs up and it causes defensiveness. she suggested "how?" as an alternative. hm. i get that, but i really want to ask people why. i guess i could say "why do you feel that way?" it creates some accountability and in some ways is even neutralizing. belief is always the root of opinion. i believe X so i'm stating or living Y. by asking why or how, i hope to uncover what's at the core. at least that way we may discover commonality or simply expose the simple bare bones rather than inflated emotion. yup, i think this is a stellar idea, just remembering to do it will be the tricky part.

gonna blow right through you like a breeze.

electrolytes

while i am not one to quit books, on occassion i will abandon books to be read later if i'm not very far into it. sometimes indefinitely, but they are still on hold. after reading franny and zooey on the weekend i moved onto cat's eye by margaret atwood. by the 4th chapter (and they were short chapters) i didn't feel compelled to read it at every opportunity. this lure to reading is what i want these days, a book that always has me pining for more. so i decided to put cat's eye down and pick something else. there was nothing in our home that appealed to me, so suddenly at 8:30 last evening i announced to brendan that i was going to the book store and would try to spend as little as possible on a book. i wanted a good one. i wanted a broad selection. he said "ok, but don't spend very much". deal.

so i waundered up and down the aisles. i noticed a few that were a bit too expensive. i saw several books i've already. i kept searching. eventually i came across the F section, and books bearing the name "F. Scott Fitzgerald" caught my eye. what a name. i almost makes me wish i went by my middle name just so i was L. Meredith Lorimer. although L is less enchanting than F. say it, give it a try... EL. El. eL. L. vs EFF. Eff. eff. F. it's softer. L is rather abrupt. ANYWAYS. as i admired the name F. Scott Fitzgerald i happened to put together the fact that this is also the author of the great gatsby - a book that brendan and i had just been talking about when we were in westport last week. you see, b loved it when he read it. although, he was in the throes of a teen love triangle when he read it, but still felt it was a strong read even for those not undergoing such personal adolescent angst. i have never been interested in reading the great gatsby since one of my friends in highschool (who i considered to be a very well read person) referred to it as "the great crapsby". both opinions being considered i felt it would be worth looking into myself. so i read the first page, and found the style of prose quite appealing, and the price was right - 10 bux. the sales girl raved about it as she rang it thru, thus confirming i'd made the right choice.

i've started reading reviews online about books i'm interested in. and while i find it very interesting and will probably continue to do so, i feel that book reviews aren't really that helpful. they're purely subjective and what one person hates i may love, and vice versa. it's almost completely hit and miss. i've never written a book review myself. perhaps i should.

our big fat gray tabby tomcat, who goes by the name pekoe, is such a scaredy cat. he got spooked yesterday and ended up gouging my foot in an attempt to run away from me as i attempted to walk past him. it seemed like just a surface cut at first, but it not. it will most likely scar.

i'm pretty much fully recovered now from my tummy problems and have regained my interest in food. i've been reminded at how delightful i find having small snacks thoughout the day. i had 3 snacks this morning! i'll probably have two between now and dinner. it makes me realize how silly it was back when i had big meals and no snacks. no wonder i'd get so hungry between meals :S

 

you're a siren's song.

pale

it's been a while since i wrote (5 days-ish) and a lot has happened!

on friday i went strawberry picking with andrew and shannon in the morning. then in the afternoon, bren, brendan, me and the couple affectionately referred to as shandrew piled into the mojomobile and we drove to peterborough for cas and matt's wedding!! one the way we were guessing/betting on different wedding elements: colours, flowers, music, cake, bible passage, if garry was going to have an inappropriate ramble, etc etc. that was quite entertaining, and it was neat to see what they'd selected after all our speculating. going there we knew it would be both very classy and modern, and it totally was. the food was super and we all had a fun time. then we piled back into the crv and drove back to k-town.

the next morning i slept late. around 11 i opened my eyes to discover brendan had left for work and honey was lying on his side of the bed with her head on his pillow. at that moment i decided that i needed to buy a bicycle basket. so i made a list of things to do and headed out to canadian tire. while there i found THE most DELIGHTFUL basket for my bicycle. it's a retro-style basket, that matches the colour of my bike. it just snapped onto my handle bars and i headed off around town. it was awesome. i love my basket so much. it makes me want to ride my bike more, partly because it's so handy, and partly because i want to show it off :) so i spent a good chunk of the afternoon riding around filling my basket with all sorts of neccessary items. the trouble was... i am very suspicious of other folks and their possible schemes to steal my things. so each time i made a stop i was concerned that someone may happen to look in my basket and see my delicious cupcake or my contact solution or my spray paint and claim them for their own. i tried to take my basket with me (since it has a handy handle) but it wouldn't come off (which i took to be a good sign that passerbyers couldn't steal my beloved basket). so it turned into an exercise of trust. could i leave myself vulnerable and open to the sticky fingers of strangers? i have to admit, it was a rather nerve wracking experience for me. b has often commented on this and finds it odd that i'd be so paranoid. it stems from the fact that i often see situations (such as an open trunk when people are moving or packing a car) when someone could steal items from the car, but since i not one for theft i don't take advantage of the vulnerability. but it does make me aware of when i'm vulnerable to other people choosing kindness rather than cruelty. the interesting thing about trying to hide my things in the basket is that at my last stop (john's deli) i was so preoccupied with covering the basket that it completely slipped my notice that my bike was unlocked when i went in the store! silly lesley. hopefully that has increased my trust in my fellow citizens.

anyways that afternoon i started on my contribution to the song lyric art project at next. we're covering the walls with song lyrics that reflect faith in some way. i've been excited about this project, it combines all my favourite things: art, lyrics, faith :) so i slaved away in the driveway, spray-painting fabric, in the hot summer weather. by the time i finished i was SO beat! i couldn't for the life of me figured out why i was so tired. i felt like my whole body was made of led. bren, skye and ruth passed by as i was wrapping up and they invited me to join them at the splash pad. i felt a bit silly being the only adult in the water park without children, but bren told me to attach myself to her kids and i'd be fine. thankfully both skye and kieran were very gracious to let me play with them and i had a great time. it was super refreshing and i will indeed do that again. my tiredness continued so i went to bed quite early.

by morning i was feeling quite sick to my stomach, but had to drag myself out of bed to hang my art contribution on the walls at next. i got myself on my bike and peddled with my fabric pieces in my fancy new basket. nailed them to the wall then lied down on the couch. halfway thru church i excused myself to go home, where i lied around for the rest of the day, with the exception of having a cold bath. i'd concluded that the heat and my physical activity the day before had given me heat exaustion. i tried to lay-low and drink lots of liquids. monday morning i was not much better and spend the day lying around until mid afternoon when i felt inclined to get dressed and had a growing interest in food. both good signs i thought.

so now i'm feeling much better, but not quite 100% yet but i'm on the mend. i'm taking it easy and drinking lots of liquids and eating hearty gentle foods.

 

daddy gives you as much as you can take.