she hasn't spoken to me in two and a half years. two years? is that right?... yes... two and a half years.
i don't think she'd recognize me if she saw me today. my person, not my physical self. perhaps the same is true of her as well - that i wouldn't know her at all. and that it would be like starting over. only there's no starting, only over. it's funny that in this half-half decade (i suppose the correct term is quarter decade) i have not bumped into her in this small city. well, we've passed on the street once or twice, but we haven't exchanged words at all. that being said, if i know anything about coincidental timing (irony? serendity?), i wouldn't be surprised if we will cross paths very soon now that i've made this statement. i wouldn't mind speaking with her, just getting up to speed a little. having some polite conversation in the grocery store aisle, but i suspect her resentment will never cease and my name will never be erased from her black list. there have been times when b has seen her, or thought he saw her around town. but they don't actually know each other, he just knows of her, so there's no telling if he saw her at all or if it was another.
sometimes it seems that i am a piece of stone, that is slowly being smoothed out - turning me into what i'm supposed to be. i believe it was michelango who used to say that his scupture existed inside the marble already and it was his job to uncover it. in a way i think that's what life is. we spend our days uncovering ourselves from the raw material so that we can fully expose the beauty of creation. a new area of myself is being uncovered. in the process of being smoothed out kindness has started to emerge. perhaps i was not unkind before, but kindness seems to be taking over my life in a very tangible way. i have a desire to be kind, a desire to have kind interactions. to speak kind words, and think kind thoughts. this is extremely new for me, and it's taking me by surprise, probably because it's happening without trying. in considering this i've realized that kindness is the predessor of love. i dig love. it's definitely something i value. but i'm struck by the reality that unless i'm kind, love is not expressed and it's not experienced. it's pretty much impossible to be kind without being loving. while in contrast to that i can think of oodles of instances where love is declared but is not followed by kindness. unlike love, it can't really be faked - either i'm kind or i'm not. i'm looking forward to exploring this more. i hope other rough spots are smoothed over in the process.
i don't think she'd recognize me if she saw me today. my person, not my physical self. perhaps the same is true of her as well - that i wouldn't know her at all. and that it would be like starting over. only there's no starting, only over. it's funny that in this half-half decade (i suppose the correct term is quarter decade) i have not bumped into her in this small city. well, we've passed on the street once or twice, but we haven't exchanged words at all. that being said, if i know anything about coincidental timing (irony? serendity?), i wouldn't be surprised if we will cross paths very soon now that i've made this statement. i wouldn't mind speaking with her, just getting up to speed a little. having some polite conversation in the grocery store aisle, but i suspect her resentment will never cease and my name will never be erased from her black list. there have been times when b has seen her, or thought he saw her around town. but they don't actually know each other, he just knows of her, so there's no telling if he saw her at all or if it was another.
sometimes it seems that i am a piece of stone, that is slowly being smoothed out - turning me into what i'm supposed to be. i believe it was michelango who used to say that his scupture existed inside the marble already and it was his job to uncover it. in a way i think that's what life is. we spend our days uncovering ourselves from the raw material so that we can fully expose the beauty of creation. a new area of myself is being uncovered. in the process of being smoothed out kindness has started to emerge. perhaps i was not unkind before, but kindness seems to be taking over my life in a very tangible way. i have a desire to be kind, a desire to have kind interactions. to speak kind words, and think kind thoughts. this is extremely new for me, and it's taking me by surprise, probably because it's happening without trying. in considering this i've realized that kindness is the predessor of love. i dig love. it's definitely something i value. but i'm struck by the reality that unless i'm kind, love is not expressed and it's not experienced. it's pretty much impossible to be kind without being loving. while in contrast to that i can think of oodles of instances where love is declared but is not followed by kindness. unlike love, it can't really be faked - either i'm kind or i'm not. i'm looking forward to exploring this more. i hope other rough spots are smoothed over in the process.
sim sala bim on your tongue.
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