mezzanine

much of last night was taken up with talk about mortgages, property lines, renovations, and house prices. it's beginning to look as though this house idea was just another blip on the radar that will soon disappear. after researching the house's value, we've come up with an offer that i'm fairly certain will be rejected without much consideration. that's ok. this has been a good trial-run. it makes me wonder how many times i will almost by a house before actually doing it. it makes me feel a little frustrated that i was right before when i concluded we weren't in the position to buy. frustrated may not be the right word, because it's truly by choice. we are happy with how we have our finances divided up. we want to only buy a house if it means our committments/lifestyle doesn't have to change. or at least if we did, it would have to be something remarkable and not just something that's 'good enough'. discouraged. discouraged is probably the right word.

for the sake of my future self, i will jot down some things i want in a house:
- good location
- good price
- 2 to 3 bedrooms
- an eat-in kitchen (or dinning room large enough for a farmer table)
- a front porch
- hard wood floors
- a shed
- some kind of foyer
- ample storage space
- a driveway
- a backyard with room for a big garden and a laundry line
- laundry facilities
- barber shop flooring in kitchen and/or bathroom
- white-painted trim and doors

at this point i don't have a lot of hope that we'll find something like that.

all that i hoped would change within me stayed.