brown vent

it probably wasn't until i was pregnant that i really thought about what it's like to be a next kid. it's definitely a distinct thing, like being part of a family. i like that éamon belongs to a community beyond our family that care about him, enjoy him and watch him grow. nexters, myself included, get the privilege of watching these kids grow up. i like that as a group we can recall things about them, remembering quirks or things they did when they were smaller. i like that they're all different and that they're diversity reflects the diversity of the bigger world. they make us laugh, and often make us wonder.

my dad asked me the other day "did you know him well?" and i said "as much as the other kids at next. they're all like nieces and nephews". i love my actual nieces and nephews in a different way than the next kids, but i enjoy having them as part of my life just as much.

next weekend, we're going to echo lake for this year's next retreat. i'm really looking forward to it. these days it's easy and convenient to spend my evenings at home alone (or with b). and while i am enjoying this as a novelty, i am looking forward to long conversations with a variety of folks, spending time doing dishes together, eating together, sitting around on couches together, playing games together. connecting. i think it will do us all good <3

we are like windows,
stained with colours of the rainbow.