sudden

sometimes when awful things happen in life, i distract myself. like right now.

b and i watched a documentary on netflix last night called "the other f word" about punks and fatherhood. it was interesting. i have to admit, there's a much larger punk underground than i was aware of. it mostly featured guys from punk bands who now have wives and families. i was surprised that most of the wives just seem like regular soccer moms. anyways, it seems that all those dudes are committed fathers. it also seems like they all had really rotten fathers themselves, but were determined to be the kind of dads they didn't get to have. it was hope-inspiring. it was also disturbing that there wasn't a single one of them that had a healthy relationship with their dad. i would ask "what does this tell us?", but i already know.

it's hard to be distracted for long. i just feel sick to my stomach. i'm eager for brendan to get home. i just want him near, even if we're silent.

everything's gonna be alright
rockabye, rockabye, rockabye.