2016

just after last christmas, (december 28, 2015), brendan and i were working on a puzzle. while we worked, i said to brendan "my period is late, i might be pregnant". so i took a break to go pee on a pregnancy test. i brought it out, we sat it on the table where we worked as we waited 2 minutes, then he checked it. it was positive. after pausing a few minutes, we went back to working on our puzzle. it was pretty surreal. with that, we started off on a journey towards a new baby in 2016.

that pretty much dominated most of my year.

my winter months were consumed with nausea, exhaustion, and vomiting (with some occasional pant-wetting). i felt that i became isolated, like i was hibernating. i didn't see many friends socially. i wasn't up for many activities. our house was cold, and i mostly hung out in our bedroom when i wasn't actively parenting. the summer months were hot and i was very pregnant.

at work, my titanic of a company began foundering. slowly filling with water. people evacuating as the ship limped along. the end is nigh. it was sad and unpleasant to be there to watch it fall apart from the inside. it was a weird end to my 13 years there. my bakers dozen. that company, that role, those workmates, and that environment, shaped and formed me in my formative adult years. it definitely changed me, and i think for the better. i had opportunities, learned skills and discovered things about myself that i didn't know i was capable of. i will always be a bbd expat. it will always be part of me.

brendan and i worked through "the marriage course" at home. it was basically some relationship distance-learning. it was productive, yet disruptive. it uncovered certain dynamics that we were unaware of, but always exposed compatibility that we can easily take for granted.

eamon grew from a toddler into a preschooler. becoming interactive, engaging, and more and more independent. potty-training was touch and go at first, but eventually we did get there a few weeks shy of his 3rd birthday. giving us 2 months diaper free before baby number 2 came along.

otis. my sweet baby boy. just like his birth, he often resembles eamon quite closely, yet is also a very distinctly different experience. he has been a joy and a delight. sweet and gentle. i am forever grateful that i was able to birth him myself. overcoming challenges, and letting me reclaim my birthright as a woman. he is my VBAC baby, and a symbol to me of that special achievement.

i've talked in depth about eamon's infection, and subsequent stay in the hospital. i'm so grateful that the medical staff identified the problem, and interventions were made before he became unable to breathe.

i've had disappointments, and there are many aspects of my current state of being that i'm dissatisfied with. i'm trying to be gracious with myself and know that my circumstances and habits will improve in time or as my life stage changes.

it was not the easiest year, but it was a significant one.