rose: well, i got otis all signed up for daycare today. he starts tomorrow. we've also submitted an application for a childcare subsidy, which would save us about 40% of the cost. which would be fantastic. we also had a really nice dinner celebrating otis' first birthday with b's side of the family. i really love how otis' personality is coming out, and he's getting so fun and interesting.

thorn: all this time, since deciding not to return to bbd, i've had it in my mind that i'm not leaving him to return to work. maybe it's because working at next doesn't feel like work, but is rather a labour of love. or maybe because it's only 15 hours a week, rather than 40 hours (plus commute). or maybe because i'm used to daycare at this point, with eamon, that it didn't seem like a big deal. but now that i have a little bag for him packed, and (especially) now that the plan is that brendan will drop him off (leaving at 7:30), it suddenly feels like a separation. and i could spend loads of time thinking about this, and getting upset about how we will never spend this much time together again. but i don't want to delve into that, especially since this new routine will soon become our new normal, and we'll all feel ok about it. i feel like i've done a good job coming up with a scenario that meets my desire for non-parenting work that uses my skills, that also allows me plenty of time with my kids. i have felt dread and concern for otis, who is particularly attached to his momma. it's my hope that it won't go as badly as it could (worst case scenario... he will scream and cry for two weeks or more). i'm also worried because i really want his caregiver to like and enjoy him. but i suppose, even if he does cry a lot at first, i know she will eventually. i've noticed, having started eamon at two daycares, that the staff are polite and welcoming from the get-go, but not ever as loving at the beginning as they are later once they get acquainted – once a relationship is formed. i've felt a little sad all day, knowing that his little world is going to be disrupted tomorrow, and he doesn't know it yet :(