this afternoon, brendan and i went to see the latest star wars film, and left out kids with b's parents. it felt really good to be out and do adult things. i realize that this time last year i was feeling pretty buried by the daily routine of parenting, so maybe it's just that time of year again. but i'm struggling to keep perspective of the best parts of this stage with my kids. i'm really loving 4.5, and i'm finding myself eagerly looking forward to otis being 4.5 and eamon being 7, so we can do stuff like go to museums, the movies, read novels and other kid stuff together. i think i'm just tired, and feeling tired of always navigating and negotiating life the hard way.

i really want to have some good perspective, and to really cherish all the stuff that i'll miss and remember fondly. but for now, i guess i'm too tired to fully appreciate the stuff i take for granted.

i guess i'm also disappointed because brendan's having second thoughts about us taking a trip to NYC with the fellas this summer. he doesn't quite feel up to it (having experienced our trip to the UK with a 20 month old). i don't want to rush this stage, but i want to live my own life too.