bewitched

b and i went camping again this weekend. this time we went to bon echo. it was FANTASTIC! we had the best campsite in the place. you could do a complete 360º and not see another campsite. we're totally going to book site 453 again. it was really reclusive and the forest just kept going and going, and it had these two big boulders among the trees. we loved it. we hung out there most of the time, only leaving once to buy some propane (because we left our supply at home).

we spent the evening stoking our campfire. the wood was unfortunately damp, so it didn't catch very well, but we did eventually get a nice fire roaring. it required excellent teamwork to get it really going. as night fell we sat chatting under the cover of night. sometimes we sat in silence, other times we had really deep and meaningful conversation that could not be contrived or conjured. sitting at the edge of that campfire i was struck with the thought "God knew what he was doing when he invented marriage". i'm very thankful for b, i have the best time with him.

in the night time, when we were in the tent i was afraid of bears. bren told us that hardwood hills had a bear sighting this summer, which of course made me paranoid. i'd hear sounds outside the tent and immediately fear "bear". i regretted not bringing pots and pans into the tent with me to frighten a bear away with. also, it turns out that having other campers farther away is if i heard them at all i got rather freaked out. b slept soundly :S all that to say, no bears or people entered our site, but i do think a deer visited, and we did have a run in with a mouse in our picnic basket. i couldn't help but wonder why our cats weren't there when we needed them. honey would've been ALL OVER that mouse.

it rained this morning, but we still managed to get a good fire going. after breakfast i roasted the rest of the marshmallows while it drizzled. i figured i might as well roast them because camping season is ending for another year. b didn't like the rain so he hung out in the tent reading. the sugar got me kind of wired.

when we got home this evening andrew came over and i gave him his first standard driving lesson. he needs to learn before his wedding in 3 weeks so he can drive the truck their borrowing. he did very well. we drove for about an hour and a half. i forget sometimes how it's not instinctive at first, until i'm teaching again. andrew did very well, he's getting the hang of it. it's fun to see someone learning to drive stick because it's a really great watching them gain confidence and feel empowered. that's awesome :)

all i need is this right now.

goblin

when i was a kid there was a prison break. i remember very distinctly helicopters flying overhead looking for the escapee. to this day i can't see a low flying helicopter without some level of fear or concern. conditioned i guess. on thursday i sat in the grass under a tree on my lunch break reading my book. as i sat i heard the sound of a helicopter, then it came into sight. it was no more than 50ft above the ground, it circled our buildings several times and lingered in the air before flying off. my office is very close to millhaven prison and escapees have entered our premises before. all i could think is that maybe i should go back inside, but i didn't. there was never any news as to why the chopper was there, but i was struck by the fact that helicopters hold such a specific meaning for me. i find that very interesting.

i hate it when i buy a cd because i like a particular song by the singer, only to discover it wasn't included on that album :S

i've been having some chronic pain in my left foot the last 4 months. specifically two of my toes. after seeing a masseuse and a doctor, i've finally figured out on my own what the problem is. it seems those toes are coming out of joint. before (when i didn't know what the problem was) i lived with pain for several days at a time before it went a way for no clear reason. but now i've learned how to pop them back into place and the pain vanishes immediately. i don't know how long this will go on or what's causing it, but at least i know how to fix the problem right away. yay!

if you only knew what the answer is worth.

culture

there are times when its easier to love someone who's farther away.

i remember a sermon a few years ago at church. i think bren spoke that day. she gave us a piece of paper and asked us to think of someone who's easy to love (i chose a good friend who lives in another city) and to think of someone who's hard to love (i thought of someone from work who i was forced to be with everyday). i think it's partly the individuals, but partly the amount of interaction i have with them. it's easier to not notice strenuous issues when you never see the person in real life. i was told yesterday that i shouldn't have people on facebook if i'm not willing to have an in-person relationship with them. and while i feel that is a valid point of view, it makes life very cut and dry. either you're friends or your not. but in my experience life is filled with relationships of a sliding scale. it's true that there are some people that i'd prefer to be an arms length away, and other i don't want to out of arms reach. i think that's valid. while i believe we should love everyone, i don't believe we have to be friends with everyone. in terms of facebook, i feel that just because we know one another and are acquainted on facebook, that doesn't increase our level of intimacy. so i guess the question is how do we live in peace with one another.

i think for starters, if people don't understand my facebook status, or outrightly disagree with them... then don't comment on them. heck, you're also capable of hiding my updates or deleting me from your list. while we're on the subject of voluntary reading... people don't need to read my blog. it's not required reading, so again, if the contents of pspd rub you the wrong way, or you don't agree with my opinions, please discontinue reading it pronto. over the life span of my blog i've been confronted less then a handfull of times over something i've written. i find this funny (and irritating). just because people read my blog doesn't mean they know me or even understand me. my closest friends know the context of my written word, or at the very least what's at the heart of it. while acquaintences who happen upon it misunderstand and then get bent out of shape. if visiting pspd makes it harder to love me, then maybe you should some space between us. besides, if you're seeing yourself in what i'm saying then it's not really me that's bothering you, but your own situation.

all that being said, the reality is that sometimes we bump into people we'd rather keep at a distance. or we lose touch with people we want to be close with. i suppose we just need to roll with the flow. it's an unfortunate but true reality that we can't always only be surrounded by our favourite people. so in response to that, i want to live more graciously.

my brain's repeating
"if you've got an impluse let it out",
but they never make it past my mouth.

so it seems that doctors give hamsters viagra to help them recover from jetlag.

i'm not even kidding!
you can't make this stuff up.

feature

mayelin and i got together for dinner and a movie last night. but unfortunately, the film we went to see did not have the correct time listed on the website and we showed up a half-hour too late. there was nothing else i was interested in seeing, so we made a plan to go see it next week. that was disappointing.

after i dropped off mayelin i swung by and picked up b because it was around 8 and he was just getting off work. i like surprising him. when we got home we popped some popcorn and watched "food inc" because we'd rented it from classic the other day. when i mentioned to bren the other day that we were going to watch food inc, she said "you'll never want to eat again". needless to say, i was quite disturbed by what we learned, but was encouraged to know there are options. i know that for me, i'm so used to seeing certain things in the grocery store that it's never occured to me that their presence there is actually against nature. it's difficult to say how the american food industry differs from the canadian food industry, because the meat brands there that dominate the country do not exist in canada or at least this part of canada. i tried to keep all my comments to the end, because i wanted to talk with b about it at the end without revealing any of my opinions so that we could see if we had naturally come to the same conclusion. that being said, there were times in the film when i had to shield my eyes which meant it was pretty obvious what i thought.

when it was done i turned to b and said "well?". we both agreed that we would begin by buying meat from only local butchers - either old farm fine foods or john's deli. secondly, we'd learn how to eat more seasonally instead of the same all year round. i guess i always thought that tomatoes were grown in greenhouses, but instead they are being shipped from far away places, picked when they were green and matured to red thru exposure to chemicals. thirdly, i'm going to get on with my plans to have a herb garden inside during the winter. i've been wanting to have an indoor herb garden for a long time, but didn't have a space where the cats wouldn't eat them. when we were at nancy's place on saturday i saw she had a little shelf hung across a window with plants growing on it. i'm going to try to do that.

one of our favourite people from the film was a guy named joel salatin. i looked him up on wikipedia. he's an unconventional farmer, who uses traditional farming methods - free range, grass feeding, etc. it was awesome, he was super clever. b and i both wished we could hangout with him in real life.

i dreamt about corn filled ketchup last night. did you know they grind up corn and put it in everything??? it's cheap and filling, but has next to no nutrience.

i'm glad that we learned some valuable things, and that b and i were on the same page about it. documentaries are awesome :)

close comes the winter.

trinity

one of my favourite things to do is dreaming and scheming. my plans come and go, but it's the imagining them that's the fun part.

yesterday, after $750 car repair :S i had to let go of the dream of going to costa rica this christmas. i feel ok about that. i hold my schemes pretty loosely. and i had some fun dreaming, it was a good run.

however... b and i ARE planning on going to cornerstone music festival next year. it's a big christian hippie music festival with lots of great workshops. it will be our big trip of the year. i'm super excited because jill goes every year and it will be super fun hanging out with her there. i just came up with the totally awesome plan to stop at the rock and roll hall of fame in cleveland on our way to illinois (which is where cornerstone is). heehee. i'm giddy with excitement. when i made my suggestion to brendan about the hall of fame he went "oooooh" which is the extent of his ability to express excitement. but i knew i'd hit a homerun with suggestion from his reaction, so i'm pretty happy.

yup, the mojomobile robbed me blind this week, but that's ok. it's running really smoothly and beautifully so it was worth it. i don't recall it driving this well in years, if at all! i'm having to make up the time i missed from coming in late. i don't mind though. it's pretty relaxing after regular hours. no one else is there and the place is pretty chilled. then after work tonight i'm going to the movies with mayelin. it will be great to get caught up with her.

 

i feel like i'm building friendships that will last a life-time. which is my favourite part.

how should i know we were going nowhere?

animosity

i'm currently at home waiting to hear from the mechanic. my muffler is shot. it was only mildly shot as of saturday, but then on the way to work today it became completely shot and i just couldn't drive it like that. so i turned around was arrived just as the garage opened for business. i've called work saying that i'm hoping it'll just be the morning and i'll make up the time.

i wanted to write on friday and tell you about the end of an era. i finally closed the joint bank account with my mom. as i left the bank and got into the car it really truly hit me that i'm married. the only bank account i know have is joined with b. we made the decision to join our account for a lot of reasons but primarily because of something we learned on my favourite show "til debt do us part". gail vos-oxlade always tells her clients that in order to overcome financial challenges a couple has to approach their finances as a team. she takes it further and says that you can't be at team if you have separate accounts. that may not be true for everyone. if you and your partner have separate accounts i'm not saying you're not a team, but we could understand the logic behind what gail said and decided to take that approach. we also do our banking together so we have a shared understanding of what our situation is.

yesterday i preached for the second time. it was fun. i learned things yet again about how to present a talk and how to do a few things differently. everyone's feedback was very helpful and encouraging. for a number of people what i said really hit home and they appreciated it - and i appreciated that. i was concerned that what i had to say would not translate well thru my mouth. i'm pretty comfortable standing in front of a crowd speaking, but i don't believe myself to be as articulate as i am in the written word. preparing a sermon is a great learning experience. i remember hearing years ago that you learn 70% of what you teach, so it's a good opportunity for personal development for me too.

after it was over i felt so elated. it was like i was walking on sunshine, like i was beginning a permanent vacation. it took some time for me to remember i had to get up and go to work in the morning.

it was a nice weekend. on saturday we had the chance to connect with rach, jase, joanne, meg, bethany, sarah k, our neighbour ben, tim and tracy at the gertrudes show. on saturday we had dinner with nancy and gerry, then had a visit with mike and bren. on sunday i got to see melissa and michelle at church, then my mom came for lunch and we hung out with andrew and shannon in the evening. the whole weekend was very lovely.

hm, it's now quarter to 9 and i haven't heard from the mechanic yet. i hope it's not too much longer.

don't let it bring you down.

release

there's not a lot to be proud of when it comes to an office job. their kind of dull, you're cooped up in an office all day, people tend to over eat out of boredom, and in general they tend to get a bad rap. however, there is one thing that really thrills me about being an office worker. one thing that makes me giggle and feel plesant. i know how to transfer calls on my telephone. i do it well and i do it with etiquette. i like that. not just anyone knows how to transfer a call, and if they manage to do it it's rather clumsy. yes indeedy. this is one way that office workers are a tiny bit superior to those working folks who have fresh air, change of scenery, get to use their body instead of sitting around all day. ok fine, it's really our only bragging right so i'm going to live it up :p

i've hit a snag with my garter knitting. the girls at book club told me to rip it out and start over. jordin very kindly lent me a book with lingerie patterns, but it turns out there's a difference between a garter belt and a garter - i didn't know that. so i won't be able to use the pattern. however, the book has a cute skirt in it that i might knit. the wedding is in less than a month (4 weeks tomorrow) i'm feeling the pressure, that's for sure.

i wonder about music and poetry. the writter can tell us things that in regular circumstances would not be appropriate or classified as too much information. it's nice actually. it eliminates a lot of barriers and social constructs. in that sense i wish i had that liberty. i can't even use the term "bedroom project" without people getting bent out of shape.

life springs eternal.

idem

woo-hoo! i'm a frickin genius!!!

hooray!

ok, let me explain. when i was around 12 i developed seasonal allergies. typical hay fever stuff in the spring and summer. it soon became apparent that allergic reactions were triggered by certain fruits and sometimes vegetables (apples, pears, plums, strawberries, fresh green beans, however citrus, bananas, melon are ok). when i was 17, on a camping trip with my youth group i decided to eat an apple, there was a big bushel and i couldn't resist, and i was fine. which lead me to believe i was no longer allergic to apples. the next spring i discovered that was not true and my allergies flared up once again. by trial and error i deduced that my allergies were ok and the fall and winter, and active in the spring and summer. i also discovered that drinking water helped soothe my allergy attacks and halted my sneezing. these attacks are not life threatening, but they're uncomfortable and annoying (very distruptive to those around me too). so that's how i've functioned for many years, thankfully apple season is in the fall so i don't miss out on that. i remember telling melissa about my seasonal allergy to fruit and she did not believe me. so i've been planning on eating an apple in front of her in the summer and then again in the winter to prove it.

cooked fruits and vegetables are a-ok.

thru my own wits, i concluded that there was a connections between the active pollen in the air and the pollen in the fruit. my theory became... that my body could handle a certain amount of pollen, but an excess of that lead to allergy fits. so in the fall and winter when trees are not pollenating (i'm allergic to trees) i am ok. now, i'm just a lay-person, i don't know about fancy "science" stuff, i didn't even know if fruit actually had pollen in it, but that's my theory and i've lived by it for a number of years. it's served me well.

this morning after my mid-morning snack i ate two kiwis (they're a great source of vitamin C), and oddly enough i had a reaction to them. this has never happened before, and it's annoying because the kinds of fruits i'm able to eat are becoming less and less. so i googled "seasonal allergies to fruit" and found a very insightful article!!!

basically.. it's called "food-pollen allergies". it explained that during allergy season (hay fever season) the body misinterprets the fruit as pollen and therefore reacts to it. the reaction doesn't occure when the food is cooked. it also explained that these kinds of food-pollen allergies appear with age and are not like true food allergies (nuts and shellfish) that appear when the person is a child. AND it said that drinking water helps wash the pollens out of the mouth. YAY!! affirmation! i love affirmation. i'm excited to finally understand my allergies and it's neat to see that i'd figured it out myself thru trial and error. i feel kind of relieved to understand this allergy, that's great!

they build it up just to burn it back down.

full moon

you know that expression "where there's smoke there's fire"?

well i've come to the conclusion "where there's fruit-flies there's rotting fruit".

TWICE within the last week i've discovered fruit-fly colonies on decomposing fruit that had been completely forgotten about. it's sad really :S i have a major aversion to specifically fruit-fly magets and the black banana i found this morning was covered in them. i put the bowl out on the front balcony then went into the bedroom to ask as sleeping brendan to deal with it when he gets up. he grunted yes, i hope he remembers. i kind of feel sorry for the banana. it's unfortunate that one day it was growing proud and strong on a banana tree down south somewhere - full of potential. only to meet it's demise in the lorimer kitchen without fulfilling it's destiny. poor unfortunate banana.

things are progressing with my sermon. last night i started working on my powerpoint slides. my title slide made me giggle with delight :)

in the last year i've started to get the hang of the nuturition facts on the side of food containers. high fibre = good, high sugar = bad, low sodium = good, high calories = be cautious. i'm feeling healthier these days. i've been drinking a TON of water. i realized that i drink water more when it's readily available. so i took a pitcher to work with me and and dole out water constaintly. over an 8.5 work day i'll drink 6 glasses of water! awesome!

i used to sign my name.

toast

we were given a breadmaker for our wedding from bren. we now use it on a weekly basis to make our supply of bread. i like this. for some reason i find it very satisfying to be off the grid for bread.

when i was 24 i started scrap-booking. in hindsight it was art-therapy. i spent ours sorting out my life and pasting it into a small journal. i created some beautiful pages. in early 2005 my scrap-booking came to an end. i think it ran it's course and i no longer needed it. i reluctantly browsed thru the book this evening. i don't like to do that because i put in that book everything i needed to leave behind. looking at it brings back everything that's better in pages of history. it got me thinking though. blogging is my new scrap-book. and probably my new art-therapy too. i like that i've documented so much of my life on this thing. it's going on 5 years old! hard to believe.

what i wanted most was to get myself all figured out,
and what i figured out was that i needed more time to figure things out.

nomadic

lately i've been forgetting to wash the conditioner out of my hair. it won't be until i'm dressed and ready to leave that i notice the residue in my hair. it's really annoying.

when i was getting a cup of tea, there was a man at the coffee station who likes to give me a hard time about getting/being married. he think's he's being funny. this morning he asked me "how's married life?" so i said "it's going fine" and he said "oh come on, tell the truth". i didn't respond after that, thankfully other people arrived at the coffee station. i got thinking about my answer "it's fine", and wondered why i was so vague - it's going great and i could've said that. after thinking about it i concluded that i don't like virtual strangers asking me about my marriage. it's pretty strange that just because we're newlyweds people are intrusive like that. i don't mind when my friends ask me, because they genuinely want to know and i appreciate that. but superficial colleagues, no thanks. i think next time he or other acquaintances ask me that i'll say "it's good, how's your marriage?"

i went jogging yesterday evening for the first time since mid-june. it was nice because i did it voluntarily, and the weather was not too hot and not too cold. however, since it had been so long i was clearly out of routine and missed a number of my landmarks (where i switch from running to walking and vice-versa). it will take some time to get back into the swing of things.

ugh, sour mike got spilled on me and my desk this morning. i don't know if the word spill is correct really. the milk cup leaked all over us (me and the desk). and now my cubicle stinks like sour milk :S

quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.

plaid

nancy and i drove down to mississauga for megan's bridal shower today. we yaked, yaked, yaked on the way there :) the shower was at meg's aunt's place, it's was a totally beautiful house, and the food was great. it was really super getting the chance to get to know meg's family a little bit. it was pretty complicated, she seemed to have an abundance of aunts and it was difficult which ones were sisters, which ones were married into the family, and which side of her family (mom or dad) they were from. we also got to meet her sister-in-law, christine, who is also in the wedding party. she recently had a baby so everyone was very excited to talk with her so we just briefly interacted. besides the fact that nancy and i represented ben's side of the family, i'm also really happy that when i see these people again in 4 week's time they'll be familiar and such. i like making memories :)

on the way home nancy and i listened to the fiddler on the roof soundtrack and we sang and sang.

it was a long drive, but it went by quickly. it rained a lot, but nancy did very well driving. she brought along their GPS which would bellow instructions at us. the electronic woman frightened me a little bit, but i couldn't find the volume so i would try covering the speaker with my hand to muffle the sound. too funny.

it was a good day. i'm very fortunate to have such a great mother-in-law and sister-in-law :)

seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers.

time travel

sometimes i read a book and i hate the ending. on occasion i'll even toss the book across the room. BUT for some reason i'll find it unforgivable when in the film-version of the book changes the ending. i HATE THAT! hm. i'm left feeling unpleasantly tingly and kind of disturbed.

today's been a funny day. everyone is out of town and brendan's consumed with his sermon. i think this is the first time i've felt lonely in a long time. i've done a lot of chores, which is good, but also kind of unsatisfying. i wish i had cable tv. i want to just mindlessly channel surf my evening away. that would be good.

i kind of like that i feel restless tonight. it kind of feels normal. the last year has been big and busy and distracting. i like that i'm settling in to this new normal to discover i'm still the exactly the same. i've often been afraid of changing, of losing touch with myself, but it's assuring to know that i'm still me. that i remain me amongst transition.

their colours match the tone of my skin.

mellow

this evening i'm going to start writing my sermon. it seems that the maxi pad is currently sermon central, because brendan's writing his sermon too. he's preaching this sunday, and i'm preaching next sunday. i feel less nervous than last time. i have a better idea of what i need to do, and i feel that this topic writes itself. b on the other hand was given the most predictable passage ever (love is patient, love is kind...) and is struggling to find something insightful and interesting to say about such a worn out passage. i'm all about applicable faith. if i can't apply my beliefs to how i live then it's pointless. so my sermons tend toward making the bible make sense to the average post-aughties person (yes! i used that word in a sentence! brendan is convinced it's not going to catch on).

i've started a new knitting project. shanno has asked me to knit her a garter belt for her wedding. i took a shot in the dark and googled "wedding garter belt knitting patterns" but not surprisingly... there are none. so i said to b "what is LIKE a garter belt" and he said "a headband" - ooohh, good one. so i googled that and found some nice headband patterns, but they are no longer available online :S annoying. so i'm using my sheer wits to fashion this belt. it's going ok, but i feel the stitch that i selected is more difficult than i'm used to, and it doesn't help that i knit backwards so i have to mirror the instructions instead of follow them exactly. i feel a lot of pressure because i want it to turn out awesome, but i'm trying to just relax about it because i want it to be fun. on the bright side, i think i've finally figured out how to properly measure something to fit properly. AND i've FINALLY (after 5 years) learned how to properly select the correct type of yarn for a project. man, i feel a little like a dummy, but i do enjoy the thrill of learning something new in an activity i've been doing for a number of years. it keeps things interesting.

this weekend is the first one in a while that i don't have any big plans (for the saturday). i was going to think of something awesome to do, but then concluded i've done my fair share of awesome things this summer, so instead i'll just stay home and do housework. i have clothes and papers everywhere, and it's time i did something about that. it's supposed to rain tomorrow, which is good. rainy days are perfect for stay-at-home days.

here in my own skin i can finally begin.

km

so i just got some sponsorship info from the tex fox run people. if you are interested in sponsoring my ride and giving to a really important cause, you can click here: http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=2697968

cannabis

a few years ago i adopted my "do one new thing each month" policy. i declared 2008 my year of doing things i'd never done before. that carried over into 2009. what i find really neat is that by 2010 doing new things became part of what i do. i no longer need to think up new things that i've never done before, but i naturally seek new opportunities. i'm really happy about that.

yesterday, for the first time, i participated in the united way bus tour. it takes people to visit 4 different organizations within downtown kingston who benefit from donations thru the united way. it was really great! we all met up at the memorial centre, which was really convenient for me because the m centre is practically my front lawn. to be honest, i felt rather uncomfortable joining 45 strangers for the tour, i felt awkward and invisible. regardless, i really tried to participate to my fullest because i was pretty excited about the opportunity to learn more about our community. at one point while on the bus i had to listen to two women sitting around me about how "it's so stupid that they're doing so much work to the arena. no one uses it anymore". i really pissed me off and i wanted to interrupt them and say "actually, i live across the street from the memorial centre, and people use it all the time. there's a whole community that lives around it, and the improvements are being made for THOSE people, not for people from the west-end". it really made me feel hurt that they would completely discount the whole downtown population like that. i really regretted not speaking up, but i didn't want to seem like i was eavesdropping. anyways, on the tour we visited the CNIB (which was really neat. it made me feel like if i was a young person going to college i would totally be interested in working at the CNIB), the elizabeth fry (e-fry) society, the youth shelter, the boys and girls club, joe's mill music lending library, and the youth diversion program. as i reflected on the tour i felt disappointed that we didn't visit anywhere that provides services to regular men in need of support. we visited places for the disabled, women, teens, and children, but there wasn't a place for men to go for help. it made me wonder if it was just a coincidence or if services for men are really lacking. i totally believe that the needs of women, kids+teens, and the disabled are important FOR SURE, but a lot of the time the brokenness of women and children is caused by the brokenness of men. i really hope that they are not being ignored or expected to fend for themselves, there needs to be support for men if we are going to change our entire community. the most prominent service for men in this town are the prisons, and sadly those individuals are being TAKEN FROM these days because of the closing of the prison farms. this is NOT the way it should be.

while i was on the city bus for the tour i happened to see a poster for the terry fox run. last year i decided i wanted to participate in the "run" (on my bike) but missed the event by a few days. so now i know that it's the 19th of september. i'm going to look into it and see how to join, etc. i'd have to collect pledges right? :S i'll feel a bit awkward about that, but at least it's an organization that's well known and respected. would any of you want to sponsor my ride?? i don't really know how it works. do i just show up on the day? i registered, and received fundraising info, but will i receive anything telling me what the route is and other information necessary?? i'm kind of nervous. just like i was on the bus tour yesterday. fear of the unknown i guess. this is why i started my "do something new every month" initiative - so i would push has the hard emotional hurdles that i erect myself.

when mail comes from a place like cambodia it tends to take a long time. it's not a reflection on canada post, or even the other countries mail system, that's just how it is.

my mind is open wide,

now i'm ready to start.

alliteration

it seems strange to me that i've learned this in 2010, because it would've been very useful in the decade that just passed.

apparently... the decade 2000-2009 is referred to as "the aughties". aught meaning "zero". it's currently in the "open dictionary" which is a dictionary for up-and-coming words that will soon graduate into the regular dictionary. for some reason i feel a great deal of peace to have learned this tidbit. it has plagued my mind for the last 15 years.

we used to wait.

séancé

sometimes andrew, shannon, brendan, and i sit in a cemetary in the dark on wolfe island sharing scary stories of christian rock bands from the 80s. we ate ice cream.

shanno and b are having a difficult time getting their minds around their upcoming birthdays. i totally know how they feel. i've never liked that age is something that just keeps changing. i've often thought we should just go by the year we were born "1979". we'd all have a handle on how old that is compared to 1963 or 1987. then it would be a nice stationary thing in a life full of changes. being in one's early 20s is hard. it's a very confusing time. it's kind of like emotional puberty - all these big new changes, experiencing strange new feelings, not really understanding what's going on in your own life. having gone thru it i empathize with what my dear friends are experiencing. andrew's just turned 29, and as you know i'm 30. andrew and i feel excited about life, i think i can speak for andrew when i say that we feel like we're coming more alive as we get older. it's kind of exciting to experience the 20 something puberty with someone else. it's so easy for me to say and feel like IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK! JUST YOU WAIT... IT'S ONLY GETTING BETTER! but since that's unhelpful for someone in the thick of it, i'll instead try to help them out and encouragement them. enduring these waters is a wonderful accomplishment, and one that is best appreciated when fully experienced.

there's something about life that requires us to relearn to live every once and a while. i've been thinking a lot about my mom these days. she has a defeatest attitude and looks at herself as though she's unable. i want so much for her to grasp the potential of her life. to really take her situation and life it to the fullest. unlike with shanno and b, i'm not very sympathic with her. i'm trying to be patient, but i too have experienced life as a single woman who was lonely. i chose to fully embrace that phase of life believing that it was not permanent and i wanted to be able to look back on that time and be thankful and glad with how i spent my time. that's not to say i didn't experience my share of crappy times, because i did. but being sad, and frustrated, and alienated, and despondant for a significant period of time has only made me all that more appreciative of this new phase of life. i want for my mom to be happy. i want to see her help herself, and make steps in a positive direction. every life phase has it's challenges. and really, when it all boils down to it, it's probably good that we have to keep relearning and changing, it keeps things interesting.

if i was scared, i would.
if i was bored, i would.

batman

on saturday as we drove to toronto we stopped at a tim hortons just off the highway. we needed a beverage to tide us over until we arrived at licks. i ordered at the drive-thru gave the fella a 20 and 6 cents, and took our drinks, it was a pretty straightforward exchange. as we arrived in scarborough about an hour later b said to me "where's the change from tim horton's?" and i realize that i'd driven away without our 14 worth of change! ARGH! so annoying! man, i felt bad.

that night when we drove home we stopped at a mcdonalds for their $1 soft drink deal, and i gingerly said to b and beck "this time i'll try to not forget the change". but that time, it was the poor employee who kept screwing up our order. really... it was a very complicated interaction for 3 mid-night pops. we did pay with exact change so at least that part went smoothly. the three of us had a very difficult time not busting at gut at the misfortune of the fast food worker. i think we kept it together ok.
coke zero. fruitopia? no, coke zero.
3 mediums. 3 large? no, 3 medium.
3 medium coke zeros and 1 large root beer? no 2 medium coke zeros and 1 medium root beer.
and so on and so forth :S

take it from your heart,
put it in your hand.

olympic

the arcade fire concert last night was amazing. beck, brendan and i all feel it was the best concert we've been to. we had an amazing view, i'd say we were within 40 ft of the stage. the crowds and crowds of people behind us were unbelievable. the performance was great, music and entertainment were awesome. really wonderful.

afterwards we had to wait for at least an hour, if not longer, for the ferry back to toronto. they did their best to shuttle people back to mainland but there were just so many people that it took AGES. by the time we got out of toronto it was 1:45 and we had another 2 hours to go. driving was ok, and i did alright at feeling fully awake. however, by the time we got to trenton we had to stop for an hour nap. we got in to ktown at 4:45, i had to wake up at 9:15 for church (i had to do the powerpoint stuff). it's been a full day, we had lunch with my family and then went to the women's art festival.

the festival marks one year with brendan. the day we accidentally went on our first date. when i went to look at my blog entry from this day last year it made me really happy. i mentioned 2 times that i had a really fun time with him, and that i enjoyed his company. to me, that just goes to show how much i enjoyed myself because i tend to downplay those types of things on pspd. funniest part is that i named the entry "uh-oh" that was because i was feeling very conflicted and confused about this young man who'd been just my friend of many years.

we did manage to go to lick's in the beaches yesterday before the concert. it was just as good as we remembered it and that was very satisfying. yum.

count the headlights on the highway.

recess

you know what i think is kind of neat?

how nowadays, even with all our high tech devises, courtroom cases are still depicted thru illustration.

i find that quite fascinating. partly because it's bending the rules (it's not TECHNICALLY a photo, but it distributed the same way), but also because it's nice to see in this modern age there is still need for artists.

the lost art of art.

sapo

last night i decided to stay home from book club because i was feeling tired and needed a night of doing nothing. i fell asleep at 8:30! i was reading and passed out. brendan kept coming into the bedroom and saying "you're still sleeping?" my response was something like "grrrrrrrmmm" it was nice to just sleep. it was one of those really nice deep sleeps too.

lately work has been draining. i feel like i'm biding my time til i can go home. there's always something else i could or should be doing outside of these walls. it's hard to sit here. for example, i need to get my oil changed in car before i forget. i'm overdue for a change and we're driving to toronto tomorrow to see ARCADE FIRE! our tickets came in the mail yesterday (although i'm not sure where brendan put them - hopefully in a safe place). b is super crazy over the top about it. i'm pretty excited too. we're going to go to licks to get a burger on our way to the ferry (we've been fantasizing about licks burgers for a couple weeks now). the concert is on toronto island, which is kind of funny because we took a ferry to an island for a concert last week too! beckie is going to join us in TO for the show, which will be fun. i'm glad b and her are getting the chance to get to know each other better. i hope the drive home saturday night isn't too difficult, we have to be back for church in the morning (we're both doing stuff there).

i have this problem that i lose things in the house. i may have mentioned this before, but i'm becoming quite distressed about it. i currently can't find my capris or my diaphragm :S i couldn't find my yoga pants either, but then i found then in the bottom drawer of the dresser this morning..... i'd been puzzled for weeks as to where they were but then found them in the more likely of places. hmph. i wish i was more skilled at finding things or at least remembering where i left stuff. i'm pretty annoyed about my diaphragm. i know i brought it back from cambodia with me because i thought before i packed it "i can't forget this!" but i haven't seen it once since being back in canada. really annoying. brendan refuses to help me find stuff because he says i always do eventually, he thinks the more frustrated i become the closer i am to finding whatever's lost.

you never trust a millionaire quoting the sermon on the mount.

tiny maple

THANK GOODNESS!!

after 9 months of sharing a computer with brendan, we've FINALLY got a router that works. this means his computer gets wireless internet from the living room. he likes to watch john mayer clips while i'm in bed. the room gets filled with the glow from the computer screen and it's hard to sleep. now he can do that elsewhere. phew! it's so nice not having one another underfoot, and having to sign out of each other's accounts to have access to our own things. i can't even tell you how many times i accidentally commented on someone's status on facebook using b's profile instead of mine. this is our third router, the other ones didn't work for various reasons. plus i'm really happy because tomorrow the speed of our internet is increasing. when i spoke to cogeco the other day i had our phone plan reduced and our internet increased, so it still works out to be less then what we're currently paying. yay! i'm so happy about the internet today!

all the kids have always known that the emperor wears no clothes.

mailman

thing have been on the busy side at work lately, so i haven't had the chance to write as often.

this morning i had a dentist appointment. i had to have 2 fillings :S it turns out that they were just two leaky fillings from before and no new ones, so that's good. i didn't take care of my teeth enough as a young lady. i was under the impression when i had my original 8 fillings a couple years ago that once you have a filling you can't have a cavity in that tooth again. but i was wrong. i'd like to really take care of my teeth well from now on.

do you ever listen to cfrc?? well, my new brother-in-law ben has a new show on monday afternoons (2:30). it's pretty good and his commentary is extremely funny. i listened to it online while at work on monday. i would giggle in my cubicle.

i want to learn to listen better. better in general not specifically. when i'm talking with people i have lots of questions or interject with comments and affirmation. but i'm starting to realize if i just kept my mouth shut then they're likely to say all sorts of interesting things. things i wouldn't get out of them by asking. see... the problem with asking is that it can sometimes lead the conversation in alternate directions. i'm suddenly intrigued by what is said when i wait and listen.

i finished the girl who played with fire on monday evening. i had planned to do a ton of different things around the pad, but ended up just reading. reading and baking smores. it was such a great book. it's funny that even though i knew how it ended (because i saw the movie) it was STILL a page turner. i really want to go out and buy the final book of the series, but i've decided to read a book that devona suggested - we're seeing her again in september for our final session and i think it would be wise to take the counselor's advise and read the book she suggested. it's called "highly sensitive people" - as it turns out both b and i are HSP types. the term highly sensitive people seems to be a misnomer. it implies that they're sensitive to getting their feelings hurt, but it's actually referring to people being highly sensitive to the environment around them then becoming affected by it. the author regularly talks about HSP's being over-aroused. it's probably more actuate to call the book "highly aroused people", but that just sounds rude. although, saying highly sensory or highly simulated people would work just as well. as much as being addictive to reading is kind of debilitating (because nothing else gets done), it's also really wonderful. i was on a roll and i hope it doesn't slow to a stop because i'm reading non-fiction (which is not the type of book i'm drawn to).

i need the darkness, someone please cut the lights.

aka

while at the music festival i accidentally made up a fancy band name for me and brendan. if we were a music group, we'd be called "the lorimer bedroom project". so that's who we'll be, even though we're not a performing song and dance duo.

jones

wolfe island music festival was great as usual.

the weather was great, the music was good, and the company shared was phenomenal. it's very possible that the music is really just an excuse to sit outdoors all day on an island with friends. i liked that at one point the blanket was covered by such a wide variety of friends, all gathered together in the sun. my mom always says that i'm not good at mixing friends, but i really enjoyed myself on saturday! maybe i'm beginning to get better at it (it's hard to juggle so many people and help them feel included).

i got a gross sunburn that is giving me a great deal of discomfort. thankfully, it's no where near as bad as shannon's sunburn from last weekend that left her bedridden for 2 days.

you'll never believe it, but i ripped my pants twice!

the funniest part of the day was during the last act. we were standing watching and listening to the weakerthans when 2 couples came and stood right in front of us blocking our view. i hate it when people are inconsiderate of other behind them. tall people should be smart enough to check if their blocking shorter people. anyways, we were able to see around them ok, but they were all over each other! rubbing and kissing, swaying and grinding. one of the couples inparticular began to really get hot and heavy. it was pretty embarrassing. i was quite puzzled because it was pretty dark out, they could easily find a hidden place slightly out of the way to get it on, but instead they stood among a crowd. no doubt they were drunk or impaired in some way, but still! we all continued to try to ignore them until they were suddenly on the ground in front of us! him on top and her legs wide open! at that point we moved slightly to the right to disassociate with them. i was certain clothes were going to start coming off. thankfully they got up again after a view minutes, but carried on making out without missing a beat. it was highly amusing.

it was brendan's first wolfe island festival. it was nice having him there eventhough i gave him a hard time about it beforehand. i'd tried to convince him not to come because it was always something i'd done with my girl-friends before and didn't really intend for that to change. but shannon wanted him to come and it was an opportunity for him to get to know beckie better. in the end it worked out quite well since his friends unexpectedly showed up and sat with us too - three friends from highschool were accidentally right behind us, and one of his bandmates & wife arrived and sat with us. it gave us the change to be together but still with our respective friends. it was fun having him there, i especially enjoyed when my favourite acorn song came on. i immediately perked up with excitement, when i looked his way he already had a huge smile on his face because he knows how much i love dents. i love being known by him.

beckie crashed at our place that night. we got an inflatable bed as a wedding gift specifically for when we have guests. it worked out GREAT! it turns out to be a queen size, which means it's bigger than our bed. we plugged it into the wall and turned the knob on the auto-inflate and very quickly we had a full-size bed (the height of 3 mattresses) with a pillow-top to boot! it was awesome. when we deflated it yesterday honey was on top of it, she sat there very confused as the mattress began to sink more and more around her. it was very funny. b and i like to tease our cats a great deal.

so there's yet another wolfe island music festival come and gone. it was great as usual.

if i could have back all the time that we wasted,
i'd only wasted it again.

arcade

i think i've finally realized why i hate feeling controlled so much.

it makes me feel small.

not even belittled, specifically it makes me feel small. the other person becomes big and overwhelming then i slowly lose my nerve to speak up. what's the point? they can't hear my anyways.

i hate feeling suddenly out of the driver's seat on something that was my own initative. i know that no one (or at least next to no one) is intentionally controlling, often people are just so enthusiastic that they get carried away. when that happens i usually conceed because i can't think of any logical reason why their way is not also a valid approach. so i go along with them, then end up feeling like a fifth wheel in my own enterprise. maybe it's a question of boundaries. maybe my expectations of boundaries are here, but the other participant's boundaries are much bigger, and i'm suddenly enveloped into their scheme of things. i think i keep my circles quite small. compartmentalizing fragments in separate functions. sometimes people with bigger broader circles don't like how i keep myself in such confined spaces. but the thing is that i live one step at a time, i can't be looking all they way over to your stepping stones when i'm trying to walk the narrow rocks placed out for me.

when i'm not good at stuff or when i'm new at stuff it's hard but i like to figure it out for myself. my mom has tried to explain to my sister for the last 30 years that i need to learn things for myself. my mom and joy look around them, observe other people and proceed with caution along what they perceive to be the best course of action. i on the other hand, step out into treacherous territory, make my way, slip and fall down, then look back at the path i've taken and come to specific conclusions about what i would do next time. that's how i work, and that method serves me well.

now that we've established that, i don't know what to do about feeling small. i think i'm a good team player when i know my role. i expect other people to know their roles as well. that's not always the case. i guess it's a live and learn thing. hopefully next time i'll be able to relax about it or speak up. the reality is that some people are planners, and other people are last minute organizers. that's just the way it is. so i suppose if i'm going to be last minute about things i'm bound to end up feeling controlled by people who are more forward thinking.

it cares not for your pyramid schemes.

the annex

august has become a flurry of social activities. i can't recall a month that was so full...

this weekend is wolfe island music festival, on sunday we're going to camp iawah, then home again for brendan's nana's birthday celebration.

next weekend we're going to see arcade fire on toronto island, and on sunday we'll have lunch with my family before going to women's art festival in city park - which is the anniversary of me and b's first date.

the 3rd weekend on august i'm driving up to mississauga with nancy to attend megan's bridal shower

the 4th weekend i'm preaching at next - my second sermon ever. i've been thinking on my topic since june, but i really need to start forming it on paper.

then the first weekend on september us lorimers are going camping again, this time to bon echo. we were clever enough to not wait til the last minute to book a site.

for the most part we'll still have time on weekends for relaxing, and i'm hoping to go to visit beckie's cottage at some point. my lovely northern friend has found a job in lower canada. in quebec city to be exact. it's a one year contract at an english high school, but she's been wanting to break into the quebec circuit for quite some time, so this is EXCELLENT. i'm glad that she'll be closer by and visiting her will be less expensive and less unpredictable.

yes indeedy, august will be a full month, but extremely enjoyable. in amongst all our activities we need to find time to get caught up with friends and family. so to start we're going to joy's place for dinner. we haven't seen them since that day in june.

they've begun renovating the m centre's front lawn. they've been doing a lot of digging. i'm looking forward to the end product, i think it's going to look fabulous.

it's not about the money.

wesley

so lorimer and lorimer went camping this past weekend. i would've written earlier than this, but i was at home sick yesterday for unrelated reasons.

camping was very fun. i was really proud of us because considering it was our first time we were remarkably well prepared. it was a good learning experience. we discovered that we overlooked a few things (like garbage bags), and completely forgot the stove (we both thought the other had packed it, but we had the bbq so we were a-ok), but all in all we did very well.

our campsite was pretty nice. it was actually much bigger than we needed, so next time i don't think we'll get such a big one. we were surrounded by a very large muslim family which made for very interesting people watching. i was just wrapping up a book called "girls of riyadh" which is actually about muslim girls so i found it particularly interesting to see how some of them wear hijabs while others did not. i learned from my book that it's a reflection of how devout a girl is to her religion. brendan noticed that only 2 of the men adjourned to the tent for prayers (they knelt in the mesh part of the tent so we were able to see them). considering there were so many of them (at least 25 with kids. taking up 3 full campsites) they were not especially loud and when they were, they didn't speak in english which allowed for some privacy for both them and us.

when camp got set up we walked down to the beach and i went swimming. brendan is not a fan of swimming, while i on the other hand love swimming. i had to swim alone for years during family vacations, and i did look forward to a partner who would join me. so this is something that we'll have to find some middle ground on. when we told this to brendan's aunt later she laughed at us and said "oh you newlyweds, by my age i just yell 'GET IN THE WATER!!' ".

we ate a super great dinner that brendan made on the bbq, not long after i was finished the washing up did we start our campfire. it was so lovely. we roasted marshmallows for a long time. b was super thrilled to discover that he was going to introduce me to s'mores for the first time because i'd never had one before. after my first one i suggested other ways of doing it, he was unimpressed by my techniques and said that i'm too progressive.

i kept wondering what time it was, but b said that when camping time is of no consequence, so we just rolled with the flow. however, i did peak at the clock before i fell asleep and it was 11:20. we slept in the following morning. it was much warmer in the tent than i had expected. i had all these layers of clothes to keep me warm, but didn't end up needing my socks and hoodie. our new sleeping bags are super cozy. when we got up we had a lovely breakfast, followed by another swim and a walk about, then it was time to pack up.

after leaving silver lake we went to brendan's aunt nancy's cottage. it was fun hearing stories from her and having a better sense of what that side of the family is like. she took us out on a boat ride to see sharbot lake and fed us dinner. it was fairly late before we headed out. b got showing his cousin how to play "here comes the sun" on her guitar. it was funny because we brought his guitar along with us camping but he didn't end up taking it out of the car. meanwhile as soon as he touched quinn's guitar it was difficult to get it out of his hands so we could get going.

we've decided to go camping labour day weekend too :) it worked well on a long weekend, so we'll probably do that pretty frequently :)

it's gonna take time,
a whole lot of precious time.
it's gonna take patience and time,
to do it right child.

sidewalk

beckie and i went to see the girl who played with fire at the screening room. and oh man it was SOOOO GOOD!!! i CAN'T WAIT to read the book! i haven't had the chance to read it yet, it's the sequel to the girl who played with fire. i would have to say, that it was the best sequel i've ever seen. it's not this outlandish plot that is a bit of a stretch to happen to the same group of characters. it was just a really beautiful continuation of the story. it's wonderfully weaved together.

lisbeth salander is probably the most amazing literary character i've ever read. she's just so interesting. it blows my mind. wow.

so yes, i think i'll pick up that novel before heading up to silver lake tomorrow.

it's a great feeling to have just seen a really great movie. i don't know when i saw such a great film last.

i think i'll go eat some cucumber slices. i miss tv :( it would be nice to eat cucumbers and watch mindless television as a means of unwinding.

there's something in you that brings so much out of me.

flush

i like that sometimes things just suddenly click. that's what we've been waiting for, needing. last night, after my latest blog entry, brendan and i had the best evening together since we returned from cambodia. funny that after i decided to document the bumpy transition on the internet we finally turned a corner and are back into our regular groove. i really really enjoyed my time with him and it makes me feel so happy! we did our banking and made bread together in our new bread maker. when we sat down for dinner the doorbell rang unexpectedly, so brendan's best friend robb joined us around the table.

for many years i would lie awake in bed thinking about my osap loan. dreaming about paying it off. i lied in bed while brendan watched john mayer clips on the internet. i rambled to him about if we save this much, and that much, and combine it with whatever, we'll have such and such saved within 2 years for a downpayment on a house! heehee. i think it's funny that i've got a new financial goal to work towards. it's super important to me that we save a lot because i want to have low monthly payments. not unbelievably low, but it would be nice if our mortgage was around how much we currently pay for rent.

all us girls from book club gathered at rach g's place last night. we drank some kind of blueberry alcohol out of a pop bottle and shared some laughs and stories. i love those girls. i'm so glad that we get together so often. it's true that we don't get a lot of reading done, but it's the gathering together part that's so great. i like the rhythm of it and their good natures and positive energy.

it's amazing how much easier it is to keep a house tidy when it's tidy. i feel so much more motivated. this morning i peaked out on the balcony is see a trashbag full of dirt that has been sitting there since i planted my garden in may. i suddenly felt super motivated to gather it up and toss it to the curb before the garbage truck came by. i rushed around in my nighty, dragging this heavy filthy bag around - it slowly rubbing it's dirt on my leg as i walked. as i came down my back stairs i hear the truck drawing nearer so i rushed and dashed down the path to the curb. feeling a great deal satisfied with myself i dumped it beside the recycling and brushed my hands clean.

i also did laundry! what a good start to the day :)

 

well i have known all these things
and the joys that they can bring
and i'll share them all for a cup of coffee
and to wear your ring.

polite

now that we've been back in k-town for about 10 days, life feels like it's resuming to it's regularly scheduled programming. b and i are beginning to find the adjustment to living together difficult. it's funny because all the things we were expecting to be hard have turned out to be easy! and all the things we expected to be easy have been hard. this realization has not come without it's share of discouragment. in some ways i'm really excited to see that we prepared ourselves for some things so well that they've been very smooth. yay team lorimer! but it makes me feel like we gave so much attention to this or that, that other things didn't reach our radar and are therefore much more challenging than their contemporaries.

i guess we're finding ourselves on that proverbal learning curve. are we ready for this? 'all passengers please keep your arms inside the ride...' i do like a good challenge, i'm the kind of person who likes to set my attention on one thing at a time, accomplish the task at hand, and then check it off my list:
dishes - check
vacuuming - check
bathroom - check
be a good wife - tbd...

i like that we're making stories. first it was the b+l hook up story, the b+l dating story, the b+l proposal, the b+l engagement story, the b+l wedding story, the b+l honeymoon story. now it's b+l learn and live and grow and be in the maxi pad story.

yes, it's called the maxi pad. we decided that i would take his name, and he would that my apartment's name.

so how is this story going to unfold i wonder. i suspect with fun and fights. spooning and snoring. teamwork and thoughtlessness. music and malady. and as usual, i'll celebrate the awesome stuff, i'll manage and learn thru the hard stuff, and at the end of each day be excited about everything that makes up my life with b.

of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you.

misnomer

the first summer i lived in toronto was 10 years ago, in the year 2 thousand.

i had an office job for the first time where i worked with my future housemates bonnie and leslie. i drove thru toronto traffic each morning and evening making my way to the industrial park in markham. our office was near a spice factory. the air was thick with the smell of spices and soon, due to the summer's heat, the seats in my car began to absorb the scent. for the rest of that summer when it rained i'd leave the windows down in my VW jetta (named asher) in hopes of the rain washing away the odor. it never really worked. so for the next 2 years my car continued to smell like spices when the temperature got just so.

thunder only happens when it's raining.

bodacious

so brendan and i decided yesterday that we'd go camping overnight on the long weekend. we picked two possible provincial parks, but when i went to make a reservation they were fully booked and had no vacancy. and so did the next 5 places i tried. i ended up finding a semi ok site at a place called silver lake. i have no idea what it's like because i've never heard of it before. however, it's slightly north of sharbot lake which is where beckie's cottage is and that's a nice area so i feel ok about it. we did leave it a little late so we can't be too picky. i kind of think it will make for a funny story if it goes badly. i've never done regular camping before, only group camping. i think this will be fun. we can take all our new camping goods with us and have a grand ole time. there were a number of sites available at this campground, and the site descriptions involved words like "poor" and "severe". i managed to get one that says "average" in a few places and "slight". it has a fire pit in the back, oh man... i hope that brendan brings his guitar and we sit around the fire roasting marshmallows while he plays. i wonder if that would be uncool for the neighbours. it's live music, who doesn't like GOOD live music?? it's not like it's a radio blaring or some obnoxious garage band. i have to admit... it was more expensive than i had expected. are the rates better for week-long camping? it doesn't feel much cheaper than a hotel. frig! we could get 2 hotel rooms in cambodia for that price :p

oh speaking of rooms in cambodia. i found the website of our hotel in siem reap - EI8HT ROOMS. remember how i told you that i was pretty sure it was a gay hotel?? well check out their site and tell me what you think. i think it was owned by gay people, it wasn't specifically a place for gay travelers, but they're welcome. it was a really great place, we loved it and the staff were super attentive and helpful. two thumbs up from the lorimers!

i had a super lovely time with melissa and mark last night. i went to their (her) place around 6:15 and didn't get home til 9:15! it was really nice getting caught up and sitting in her backyard.

pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man.

i love melissa.
she's a super and special lady!

water lily

it's odd how hair can change from one week to another, or even one day to another. today i feel like at the rate my hair is growing, and in the manner in which it's growing... it will some day be quite the mane! i a little bit like that!

it was a full weekend. saturday was taken up by domesticity. i worked on the bedroom, brendan worked on the backroom. then we went out to sears to purchase items off our registry and we came home with a vacuum and a coffee table! b is quite enamored with the vacuum. i've never seen him so blissful over a bissel! then on sunday we went up to little long lake to spend the afternoon with david and sue. we went swimming and canoing, had a lovely dinner. it was very nice. the perfect day for the cottage. their country road is quite hilly and curvy. at one point we were driving up a steep hill and it became clear that i was in too high of a gear. at nearly the top i had to stop. i took a deep breath and said to brendan "get ready to see my mad skills of starting on a hill". i released the clutch and pushed the gas and after a bit of spinning tires on the gravel we got up and over the top. to be honest, i'd been a little afraid. but brendan was so impressed that he said he'd never been more attracted to me in his whole life. hahaha :D

i was feeling a bit whiny on saturday night. i was feeling sorry for myself that i no longer have cable, and that i'm cutting back on sugar and salt :( i'm enjoying tea less than usual. however, after last evening when i sat reading in the new listening station corner of the living room (b has a vast vinyl collection and record player, so we got that all set up on saturday), i felt very content. i'm encouraged, maybe i'll end up really enjoy having no tv after all.

i love corn on the cob. it tastes like summer goodness.

today was my mid-year performance evaluation. once again, i passed with flying colours, which is encouraging. it's very nice to know that i'm good at my job. the change of boss is just great, and emma was very impressed that i continued to be highly productive at work while still managing to plan a wedding. this has been one very full year - this time last july i was in peru with jill! there's part of me that thinks there'll never be another year as full as this one. it's been a special one that's for sure.

lovers, keep on the road you're on.

tonle sap

an article about the khmer rouge caught my eye on google news this morning: genocide in cambodian

the first of the 5 cadre has been convicted of genocide and crimes against humanity. while we were at the genocide museum in phnom penh i read that this particular person became at christian after the regime was over. situations like that can be difficult for me to wrap my brain around - justice and grace. grace and justice. without spending some serious time thinking about this dilemia, and without knowing this man's personal faith or whether he is repentant of his heinous acts, i've concluded that in cases like this grace is justice. does that make sense? forgiveness does not necessarily mean exemption from punishment. there are concequences for actions. i believe anyone who is truly repentant would willingly accept their penalty.

that being said... i hope that this conviction, and the ones to follow will not only bring long awaited justice, but will bring healing to that nation. they are a very broken people, and i truly hope for restoration for them.

imagine all the people living life in peace.

dark

i'm excited that it's almost the weekend. we have lots to do around the house tomorrow, and i'm kind of excited that it's someone else's mess too!

i'm really liking having brendan as my housemate. although, his tolerance level for tidiness is much lower than mine. this morning i did the dishes while he was sleeping, i was really happy about it and was hoping that he'd be delighted to find a clean kitchen without having to ask me! he always mentions the mess before i have the chance to clean it. so i was pleased do chores without being promped. so far my favourite part of having brendan as a resident of 330 york street is getting to see him before work. i tend to pester him in the mornings by getting back into bed for 10 -15 intervals in between things like breakfast and shower. i unwittingly poke and prod at him as he sleeps, and he responds with moans and whines. this makes me giggle and it delights me to no end. i'm reminded of how i acquired the nickname "pest". i also really like it when he picks up groceries. one thing i've missed about having housemates is the lack of other people's food in the house. i swear nothing tastes better than other people's food. i remember taking a bite of my friend's sub at lunch in college, and they always tasted better than the subs i ordered for myself. packing my lunch for work is an adventure, i like finding leftovers in the fridge or bringing spare fruit into the office. shared food is great.

in other news... since taking out my dreads i've discovered that my hair is now wavy. this is extremely strange after having silky smooth hair for all those years. when i mentioned it to my hairdresser she said that people's hair changes during their lifetime. she thought it was good or else we'd get tired of the same old thing. i suppose that's kind of true, but i liked my smooth straight hair, i knew what to expect from it. i don't know what to think of my wavy locks. i can't wait for a year from now when my hair will be semi-long. and i really can't wait for a year and a half when it's really long! as much as i miss my straight hair, i also miss the fullness of my dreads. i think what it comes down to is this middle of the road haircut, it bores me. i dyed my hair the other day because i needed my hair to be just a little more edge.

whatever colours you have in your mind.

stegosaurus

the folks at storytellers last night were asking us our highlights and lowlights of cambodia. it was a good way to summarize our trip, so i thought i'd include them on pspd.

HIGHs:
1) ta prohm temple
my favourite by far. it's engulfed by the jungle, the trees grow all over the old stone structures. the strength of their roots lift and move parts of the temple and look like muscles strangling the old ruins. it was much bigger than i thought it would be and we spent a long time waundering around there amazed at what we saw.

2) the bus ride
i sat for 6 hours looking out the window at the unusual and amazing country of cambodia. i saw cows bathing, tiny children riding big bikes, flat plains covered with scattered palm trees.

3) the fish massage
in siem reap they have these fish tanks out on the street. you sit at the edge and countless tiny fish come up and kiss your feet. it feels like tiny bubbles and it tickled so much!!! it made me laugh and laugh. it was 3 dollars for 20 minutes!! brendan took a video, we'll be posting it on facebook soon.

LOWs:
1) our fight at angkor wat
a disagreement in the sun. frustration and defensiveness. sweating in the heat, waundering around looking for a place to finish our conversation, while trying to stay on the path because of the potential for landmines. it was crappy, and the timing sucked. i get over stuff fast, while brendan takes some time to process. we eventually sat on the ledge in the shade in the temple. b stared into space while i drank water and bided my time until he was ready to carry on. we weren't in a rush, so i waited for him to shake it off.

2) getting driven into by a bicycle while we were homeless in siem reap in the dark (after arriving later into town than we expected)
the hotel we'd been looking forward to staying at did not have our reservation. we got a tip from another traveller about 2 other good hotels so we headed off into the night to find a place to lay out heads. a guy on a bicycle drove up behind me and hit me with his bike. the front tire seriously went thru my legs. i have no idea how he didn't see me, i had a huge backpack on.

3) brendan being sick
i've never had a fever before, and i was rather freaked out that his was not going away. one night i became very discouraged and felt very overwhelmed because we were so far away from home, and he was solely my responsbility, so i had a little cry. i was afraid that something would happen to him and it would be my fault. plus, with him being sick we missed out on activities that i'd been looking forward to.

i'll draw three figures on your heart.

meant

my cable is being disconnected today :(

when i called to cancel the service, the lady was skeptical. i told her that my husband doesn't want a tv. she said "at all?", "yes" i told her. she went on to say that i've had it all this time and yada yada yada. so i had to explain to her that i'd only just got married and he'd only just moved in. "oh" she said. brendan is rather proud of the fact that he's the reason for our service termination. when i was growing up cable was my only luxury item. we were fairly poor, but my parents splurged on cable because it allowed us to receive the christian radio station (i'm not sure how, but i gather it was not a free station or something). we had a black and white tv, it was years before i discoverd that penny (on inspector gadget) had blond hair.

i've only just discovered that sherlock holmes' first name is sherlock. hahahaha. i always thought that sherlock was a title like 'doctor' watson.

every year around this time my garden starts to whilt. this morning as i ate a banana out on the balcony i noticed the dead plants were isolated to the pots that have no drainage. i put pebbles in the pots, but that doesn't seem to be doing the trick. so next year i'll have to invest in 4 new plant pots. truth be told, most of my pots are crock pots that i bought at value village :S i was trying to be stingy. i have a year to keep my eye out for some more practical plant holders, so i should be able to find something suitable.

the soul travels on foot.

traffic, paper, strawberry

on saturday b and i spent the afternoon in hong kong. when we were there the first time we walked around in the stifling heat (hk is unbelievably hot and humid, we were unprepared for that). near the end of our time there we came across a hop-on/hop-off bus tour. we didn't have the time, and wanted to limit how much money we spent before reaching our destination, so we decided against it. but on our return trip we knew where the tour company was, we knew how much it cost, and we had plenty of time, so after arriving in the city via the train we beelined it to the big bus tour office and hopped aboard. it was really great because we got to see all of the island, while at the same time learning about what we were looking at. it was very cool. hong kong is an impressive place.

when we got back to the airport we had a fist full of money left over, and when we browsed the bookstore we both found magazines that interested us. brendan is a big fan of the new yorker, and i like glamour magazine. however, they were $81 and $53 respectfully (hong kong dollars - which is 1/6 american). so we counted up our dollars and had just enough for both. as we sat in the lounge reading i came across an article about sugar. i discovered that (as a society) our intake of sugar has gone up 34% in the last 30 years, and that sugar is added to everything, even bread! this is a problem because sugar is the greatest cause of weight gain. so, being a person who wants to lose some of my extra weight, this was valuable news to me. this morning i googled how much sugar we should have each day, it said that aside from naturally occuring sugars (in fruit, milk, etc) we should only have 40 grams (8 teaspoons) a day. up until 2004 i had 4 teaspoons of sugar in each cup of tea. i wanted to cut down my sugar intake so i cut it back to one, but gradually worked myself back up to 2. on average i have 4 cups of tea a day, so that's my 8 teaspoons right there! so i'm going to retrain my pallate. i'm scaling it down to half a teaspoon, i may increase my milk content to compensate. i'm glad i came across that article.

the thing about weight loss is that it involves a certain amount of obsession to make headway. a person has to be very dedicated and diligent if they're going to change their eating or exercise habits. when i've really given it a lot of attention in the past i made a lot of progress. a friend of mine from college lost 60 pounds in one summer because he was so obsessed with losing weight, he didn't keep it off in the long run because he went back to school and well.. simply... life happened. certain stages of life lend themselves to things like weight loss or reading or sports or cooking classes. i'm hoping to find a balanced life-style, i don't want to neglect working out, but i don't want it to be my first priority either. i'm happy that limiting sugar intake is something i can do fairly easily, it'll work with my life-style pretty well.

we are collapsed in the act of just being here.

return

after a 15 hour flight thru 11 time zones and one mini day, we arrived in toronto. at customs the man asked us if we had a good trip, and in a travel-daze brendan informed him "ya, we just got back". we collected our luggage, then came thru the doors and down the ramp to the smiling faces of andrew and shannon. they got up at 2 am to drive to toronto to pick us up. it was so nice of them, and it was a great warm welcome home. we listened to 90s music on the satellite radio as we drove the 401 in our massive dodge ram truck. when we stopped at a service station for breakfast b and i told them all about the genocide museum we visited, hearing about it seriously made shannon cry. i'll tell you about it later.

we did our laundry and watched some of the office season 6 (we bought it at the russian market in phnom penh for 6 dollars - the complete 4-disc season), and fell asleep by 4:30. we slept 12 hours, i got up at 4, did some things around the house, then headed to work for 7. it was kind of nice, but it means the day is going INCREDIBLY SLOW, because i've done so much already and it's only 9:45 am.

b and i both felt good to be home. being in the maxi pad, getting re-aquainted with our space is nice. we feel pretty rejuvinated, and i feel like our trip was very energizing.

videos and photos to follow on facebook soon.

time will hold its promise.

lady

we rode on the bus back to phnom penh today. it was another grueling 6 hours or so, but it was ok. i sat looking out the window listening to my ipod the whole time. i have to say... that trip has a mighty fine sound track. we passed rice fields, and rural cambodian houses, palm trees and ponds full of cows. it was a beautiful sight, and one that made the long trip pass in no time.

i spent much of that time thinking about my life. life in general, but specifically my life. this new adventure of marriage to brendan puts things on a different road than i was on before. i feel excited, and eager to know how things will unfold. i'm surprised at my desire to rush to every milestone asap. i want to know what our house will be like, what we'll decide to name our kids, what kind of parents we'll be, how we'll interact with our friends and families as the years pass. inspite of my eagerness to hit the fast-forward button i have to remind myself that there's no rewind. plus, i don't actually want all those things at once, or even right now. it's best to tackle one thing at once, and my excitement is just that... excitement. i feel like my life is a good novel. it's a page-turner that i want to rush thru in order to know what's going to happen next. what a huge mystery it all is :) but i'll pace myself. i want to experience all phases in their own time.

we're on the final leg of our time here in cambodia. unlike in past trips, i'm not sad to head home. i was telling b the other day how my life was often made up of having one thing to look forward to, and then another. usually when a trip is ending i have nothing else to look forward to until my next trip. but things are different now. i'm looking forward to getting into a routine with b, figuring what our life is going to look like together. we've been sharing funds for the last 2 weeks and already find that that makes life WAY easier. i suppose that's the first change of many, and i'm sure they won't all be that easy.

beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads.

painted

tomorrow we head back to phnom penh. we've been in siem reap for over a week. we've spent the last 3 days with brendan feeling sick, feeling better then feeling sick again. brendan having a fever and brendan's fever subsiding, then returning. brendan barfing, and me not feeling great. but today we ventured out for one last trip to the temples. on our way in the tuk-tuk b said to me "'i'm going to miss this ride"', me too. it's unfortunate that between bouts of sickness we missed opportunities that we'd been looking forward to. activities we'd been greatly anticipating ended up not working out and we can't just do them tomorrow because our time here is done. i was bummed out for a portion of the afternoon. i've decided to not mention them by name so that i don't hold tight my disappointment. but instead i'll take hold of the wonders of our trip, the time spent with b, our nice hotel, our relaxing stay. the chance for us to further connect and come together as a unit, to share in an experience we've never shared with anyone else. it's lovely really. the things we missed out on can be done at another time, in another place. but this first trip together, our honeymoon in the south pacific can never be duplicated, it's special on it's own, even without the bonus experiences.

part me of feels like writing is the best kind of art form.
i'm reading yet another don miller book, and am thankful he exists.

bikcycle

brendan is feeling worse than before. we had a plain breakfast then decided to take a short visit to the temples. while we were there i was keeping tabs on his health and he said he was feeling a 5 (out of 10). but since returning i think he's feeling more like a 3 or 4. i got the shower working, but he doesn't feel well enough to stand so i'm trying to keep him cool with a wet cloth. we're not concerned, we're quite certain it's heat exhaustion. i keep insisting that he drink lots of water. he said he got a fever in dominican and that he just slept it off and was ok again. i've never had a fever before so i'm just going to trust him on that.

it's an odd feeling taking care of someone else. i've never done this before. no one else has ever been my responsibility before. it's interesting, i hope i do a good job at it. i think i'm doing ok. this is a new beginning - being someone's somebody. it's nice to know that as i am here for him, he'll be there for me too. that's one of the many wonders of partnership.

when i'm confident that he's feeling a little bit better i think i'll go to the market and do some looking around. there's a few things i'd like to pick up and it would be nice to be able to take my time - since b does not like to shop. we've already bought a number of nice things, such as a summer bedspread, a photo album, i bought a new purse.

i'm growing suspicious that our hotel is run by a group of gay cambodians. brendan thinks this must be a drink come true for me, since i like gay men so much. but i'm finding it a little odd, if not surprising. why are they all congregating at the same place of work i wonder?? our room comes with a dvd player and we can borrow from the selection of movies in the lobby. we really like that set up, and think it's a great asset. the first thing that tipped me off was that half of the movies are gay films. one or two is not surprising, but half i tell you! i'm not quite sure what to think! well, i don't suppose i need to think or conclude anything, it just is.

well i'm going to go check on b.

******************************
ADDENDUM:
when i got back upstairs, i helped brendan into the bathroom for a shower, but when we got there he said "'you should leave, i'm going to throw up"' but i stayed, because he's my 'band and he needed my help. so he barfed and barfed, and is feeling much better now. he was really surprised that i watched him barf, but that's what i'm here for - you know... the whole sickness and health thing. he was really quite touched, and i feel like we've crossed yet another bridge of intimacy :p in a way it seems fitting that he'd throw-up on our honeymoon, since he threw-up the night of our first date. he laughed and said he'll throw-up to mark every special occasion :p again, we're doing alright, no need to worry.

alice

we're both feeling a little unwell. my stomach is bothering me, and i'm having a tooth problem. brendan feels on the verge of a fever (just as our shower decides to stop working). we're doing well, but spent most of yesterday sleeping in our air-con room. hopefully we'll feel better today. i think we're dehydrated, so the plan is to drink lots of (bottled) water in hopes of our physical selves feeling better. plus, we have next to no appetite due to the heat. no need to worry, we're just changing gears a little.

on a brighter note, we saw some apsara dancers last night, which was really neat! we're planning on going back to the temples today, and hoping to take an elephant ride!!! so exciting! elephants are my favourite animals :)

hope all is well where you are!

democapitalist

the funny thing about brendan is that he's rubbing off on me. we're both excited to get up at 1 am tonight (we've been falling asleep before 8 every night) to watch the soccer game. i would never have imagined that. and we've been getting pints of beer for 70 cents (he's also rubbed off on me with the whole drinking beer thing).

today was another super sweaty day where we rode around on a tuk-tuk (it's a motorbike with a carriage attached to the back for passengers) and saw three great historical temples. after that we went to a mexican restaurant for $1 tacos (cambodia is full of every kind of food imaginable, and they do a great job at it too!), followed by relaxing in a place called "peace cafe" where i had a mango lassie and ice cream. at restaurants they give everyone a cold wash cloth to wipe your face. at peace cafe i sat with the face cloth on my head for an hour or more. it was nice. while we hung out there i read about pol pot and the khmer rouge. man, that's a complex history that is too much to explain in one blog entry. basically... after the vietnam war the khmer rouge imprisoned its own country, forced them to be slaves and killed people by the thousands. it was basically genocide and a holocaust in one. totally horrific. it's a complete understatement, but the khmer rouge were just jerks. they filled the countryside with landmines to kill their own people, that to this day people are still stepping on and losing their limbs. we see a half dozen landmine a day at least, many of them are young adults. the khmer rouge fell from power in the 80s, and they've been rebuilding ever since. one thing we've found about cambodia is that it's quite a progressive nation. i'm sure a lot of their principles fall short in practice, but they have signs everywhere about responsible tourism (ie anti-child sex trade), and anti-drugs, they have laws about equality for women, and are open to same-sex relationships. i would imagine they have a long way to go, but we are glad to see they are so progressive in their outlooks.

we've been a little disappointed that the other gringos (white people) are not very friendly. jill and i chatted with lots of other travellers, but the people here are not very friendly. they don't even smile at us on the street. we''ve noticed that besides white people there are lots of westerners in general. it's quite easy to spot people who are of asian descent but who live in north america (or other wealthy nations). so we''ve stopped referring to tourists as white people, but rather as westerners. most of the gringos we've been able to overhear are aussies or kiwis, not many canucks this part of the world it seems.

hope you're doing well! we are doing fab :) it's hard to believe we've only been here 6 days!

pretty lazy

we've overcome the hurdles of yesterday. our hotel is really very lovely. it's called EI8GT Rooms (but it how has 16). they're super accomodating, which is refreshing after the jerks from yesterday. the funny thing about our hotel is that the shower is in the middle of the bathroom. there's no curtain and everything is tile. basically the bathroom is the shower stall and the sink and toilet are in it. hilarious! the two single beds pushed together worked out last night, brendan snuck over onto my side, which was nice because he finds it difficult sleeping with a buddy. so that goes to show he's starting to really take to it :)

thanks to everyone who commented! i wondered if no one was reading because i was away on my honeymoon and they thought i wouldn't be blogging. i've discovered a lot of people have funny concepts of honeymoons - one being regular emails are abnormal. but i like to write and i like to process my experiences thru writing. we have free internet at our hotel, which is GREAT! oh, and jordin... i won't be able to upload any photos until we get home. but try this..... to give you an idea of what we're doing and seeing. we took a tuk-tuk to our first bunch of temples today. it was a long ride, but the temples were amazing. we're having the funnest time. the sites we went to today were not very busy, in fact, the second one was empty except for us which was great.

the food has been amazing. we had indian last night, and it was oh so tasty. we''re going for dinner soon and are hoping to try some more local cuisine.

everyone speaks english very well and all the dealings is in american, so that makes transactions very easy. we've been drinking lots of bottled water and coca cola. the caffiene isn't negatively affecting me at all! i think that's because i'm really relaxed.

golden

today we took the bus from phnom penh to siem reap. it was supposed to take 3 hours, and it took 6.

then when we got here the hotel we were super looking forward to staying at didn't have our reservation and was booked up. so we waundered the streets in the dark looking for another place. we found one, but didn't like it. it was crappy. so we left that room and waundered again. we found one, it's more expensive, but we like it. unfortunately, it only has two twin beds, so they pushed them together into one double. we might stay here for the next 10 days if we can get a different room.

all in all it's been a bit of a rough day. and a waste of day. we're going to go scavenge some dinner now. we haven't eaten a meal in 12 hours.

:S

tuk-tuk

is anyone reading this thing? it seems no one comments anymore, so i don't know if anyone is tuning in. that's ok, it's nice to keep a record for myself.

things are going great here in phnom penh. it's stinking hot and i can't make it thru the whole day without stopping for a shower midway thru the afternoon. we're learning to navigator ourselves pretty well. we accidentally scored with the location of our hotel. it's in a prime spot close to everything. traffic is CRAZY. we've seriously never seen anything like it in our lives. motos (motorcycles) just drive right at each other thru intersections and yet they don't crash. it took us some time to learn how to cross the street.

i'm nearly out of time, so i'll right tomorrow! we're going to bed soon, but have a nice day!

ting-ting

we're in hong kong at the moment. we went into the city this morning (10 hour layover) and walked around for several hours. it was super hot and humid, and unfortunately our summer clothes are in our checked baggage. we were dripping with perspiration when we caught the train back to the airport.

 

before we left kingston i wisely told brendan "pack a toothbrush in your carry-on" then proceeded to forget to take my own advise :S i'm dying to brush my teeth, and brendan won't share. i reminded him that we're married, but he said that kissing and sharing a toothbrush are two totally different things.

 

we're having a really great time. we're totally amazed and regularly say to one another "we're in china!" i don't think it really sunk in for either of us that we would be spending time in hong kong. it's pretty awesome. the mountains are amazing and the ocean. oh man. when we were on the train going into the city i turned to b and said "THIS is why i work in my cubicle. it's for moments like this" it's good to be remindedof that.

 

we got some sleep on the plane last night, and so far we're managing pretty well. it's 1 am at home right now, and we seem to be doing well believing ourselves to be in the early afternoon instead of night. we're hoping to stay a wake until a reasonable time this evening before going to bed. we'll probably walk around PP for a bit after getting settled in. we're having fun :)

 

tonight's gonna be a good night.