i'm still feeling really sick. i wish i knew what was wrong, i haven't barfed so i'm not convinced it's the flu. i sure hope i'm 90% better tomorrow because in the state i'm in right now i don't know if i could/should go to work. my sister and i have this weird concept of "sickness" in our heads. my mom always sent us to school unless we were barfing, barfing was the discerning factor on whether or not we were actually sick. so as an adult i've been trying to get that out of my head and equate feeling terrible with being legitimately sick. i always feel quite guilt ridden for not going to work, knickers is never sick and i think she finds it quite inconvenient when we are.
today i got up at 12:30, watched "hardball" with keanu reeves & diane lane on the t.v., then a variety of sitcom re-runs (seinfeld, friends, fraser, will & grace), OH and i watched the ellen show. i knitted too, i got most of the heel done on my current sock. melinda stopped by to give me some camomile tea and chicken noodle soup. she also brought me some flowers which was nice of her. i always hate being sick alone, so i appreciated that someone was "taking care of me".
my life is getting a little blurry. i want to i sit down with the old lady version of myself and have a serious conversation about why things happen the way they do. part of me thinks everything will work out ok, but i'm not convinced what's ok is at all what i want. i just don't understand anymore. it's so much easier when you look back years later, even though reflecting often minimizes the hurt and frustration. my courage is dwindling. and i just don't understand anymore.
i think i'll go have some soup. and maybe go to bed. i'll set my alarm and decide in the morning if i'm well enough for work.
just promise that you'll try to give me all you can,
i'll never ask for more.
3 comments:
Yeah I have the same thing about being sick, doesn't count unless you've got real proof! (ie: barf)
Anyhow, not sure what your last (big) paragraph is talking about, but hope you feel better. You're awesome!
I thought that maybe I was the only person I know that claims to "feel like ass" when I feel sick, but am quite happy to share that space with you. That being said, I hope that you stop feeling like ass soon...
Get better, miss Lesley!
haha bud, i'm sure you and the majority of people couldn't quite grasp what i was getting at. don't think you're the only one, sometimes i just ramble.
oh really? i didn't realize "feel like ass" wasn't a common term. haha, that's funny. thanks rachel! hope you're feeling alright too.
Post a Comment