i'm trying to drain my cell phone's battery so i can recharge it. it's a new battery. anyway, i'm kind of offended because my phone's default screen has a little symbol and text that says "do more". and i feel like saying "screw you phone, i do enough. don't tell me what to do."
do you ever regret opening certain conversations with your mother? oh frig, i do. especially when it's done at a vulnerable time, and then it's brought up again later. seriously, like if i haven't volunteered information to her i wish she'd take that as a "don't ask". because i talk too freely, and once i get talking there's no telling what's going to come out of my mouth. i don't trust myself, too often i say more than i should. sometimes i hear my own voice and wonder about what i'm saying, because i'm not accurately representing what i'm actually feeling about something. and i think "these people are going to totally get the wrong impression" because i'm not eloquent enough to formulate my thoughts.
sometimes i want to tell people "don't hate me because i'm different to you, i don't hate you". but when i'm honest with myself, there ARE people i know that i get annoyed at because they're different to me. i guess i need to work at accepting that not everyone can/will have the same perspective as me, no matter how much exposure they get to something. i guess the ideal thing is to have a little understanding. i have some friends who are different than me in one way or another, and we understand our differences. it's a matter of saying "i understand your reasons, even though i don't feel the same way". i guess the people i feel frustrated with are the ones i haven't been able to reach an understanding with. why can't we all just get along!?!? ;)
few words could open me but you knew them all.
4 comments:
Les, I think you're one of the most self-aware people I know.
thanks rach. i think that's a compliment, right? i've been made fun of before for that.
i've been told that by several people and it always surprises me. i just assume everyone is as introspective as i am.
it's partly that i'm sponge, i absorb everything. so when a person tells me "you're afraid of change", "you can't admit when you're wrong", etc. it impacts me, imprints on me.
i think you admit when you're wrong. nobody wants to do it in the moment, that's embarrassing. but i think part of your self-awareness is that you recognize when you've been wrong. besides all that, it's not the confession of your wrongness to other people that counts, as long as you can admit it to yourself.
I was definitely not making fun. I think most people (myself included) could stand a little more self-awareness.
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