gold

someone actually had to audacity today to say they'd like to see me settle and happy. at first that sounds nice, until realizing the implication that i am unsettled and unhappy. which is actually far from the truth. it got me so angry i could scream, how dare that person belittle me in that way. no wonder i'm so defensive, i'm always having to prove that i'm content, it's not assumed. as i drove home, i steamed over this. i instinctively felt i should just push those feelings away, that it was wrong of me to feel indignant about it. but then i thought "no, that was rude and hurtful of that person. i am legitimately angry over this, and i'll ride it out until i'm over being upset about it". too often i feel unentitled of being angry, but that's wrong. sometimes people do or say inappropriate things, and being angry or upset about it is legitimate. i did confront the person about it, so it's not like i'm just stewing in resentment. and i think that was the right thing to do. you can't expect someone to abide by boundaries if you don't indicate where the lines are.

just for the record, i am a very settled and very happy person. i am complete in my being. not like YOU didn't know that, you're clever enough to put two-and-two together, but just thought i'd say it explicitly to be safe. and because i'll have to keep reassuring myself of this to repair the damage done by someone not thinking.

sometimes i learn things that i wish i hadn't.

i hear everybody that you know is more relevant than everybody that i know.