i was chatting with rach today at michelle's pampered chef party about something i realized most people don't know/understand about me: i'm SHY!
i know most people don't realize this about me because for all appearances i don't seem to be shy, but i am. the thing is, i'm well practiced at social interaction. i can typically make conversation with just about anyone, i can talk an ear off any ole stranger, but it's not because it comes naturally to me. it's actually quite hard! i usually ramble when i feel most uncomfortable, it masks my insecurities. this can also give the wrong impression that i'm not shy.
shyness has and will remain to be one of my biggest hurdles. a lot of my past decision were made directly or indirectly because of it. part of me is afraid that i'll live in kingston my entire life because my last experience of moving away was so painful. don't get me wrong, i love kingston, but i don't want to live here only because i'm too shy to go some place else. there are so many things i wish i could go back and change, and i'm afraid i'll regret some of the decisions i'm currently making. i'm missing out on the things i want to be doing.
so when i'm weird, awkward, clumsy, tense, or inappropriate, if i skip out on social events or chicken out of activities, please excuse me. because i'm already feeling terrible about it.
my internet is wonky today. i think it's from the bad weather.
it's been a long long winter,
don't remember them this cold.
5 comments:
No...i totally get that about you.
Michelle
well that's good. i'm glad some people do.
Come to California! It's a good place to check out...
The last time I saw you in person, I thought that I'd overwhelmed you with my greeting (because I can be quite overwhelming!!) It occurred to me in that moment, after I stopped thinking how I should calm down sometimes, that you might be shy... despite how not shy you seem in your blog. Nice that you can own your shyness - it's often the first step to overcoming it!!
was that the day i was leaving to go to kenya by myself? because that could have been a factor.
i'm quite outgoing and boisterous once i get to know a person, but i suppose that's what shyness is. i think this is why i don't appear shy on pspd.
sometimes i lose touch with my shyness when i've spent months at a time with people i'm acquainted with. then it broadsides me later when i'm out of sorts. it comes and goes. i hope it eventually goes more often than it comes.
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