intrepid

to my disappointment, my trip to pittsburgh got cancelled, or at least delayed. the vp we were going to have meetings with has to be in las vegas for contract negotiations so there's no point in going. oh well, it's not like i was super excited about going, i was actually annoyed about it interfering with my social life, and i didn't want to have to get up at 4 am to catch my flight. however, i was looking forward to at least feeling like i was DOING something with my time instead of the same-old same old. i fear the life unlived. i worry i won't be able to go skiing because i can't find anyone to go with. that upsets me because it's the story of my life. although d might come with me, but he wants to snowboard and i don't know if that'll work if i'm gonna ski. jo thinks it would, so maybe i shouldn't give up on that idea so quickly. i'm a little too fast to resign when facing difficulty. i don't have any ski clothes either. hm, this is getting overwhelming...

i think the secret to a good life is moderation. i'm still trying to get the hang of that, but when i listen to her speak it reeks of unbalance and it disturbs me. people who don't have a firm grasp on reality can be very convincing. it's easy to be swayed by them, to take on their outlook. i'm starting to realize that with certain people i need to filter what they say, and disregard the garbage. i stopped at joy's place to see liam on the way home tonight, i hadn't seen him since he was born. i had a good talk with her while i was there, and i left feeling so much better, she helped me regain perspective. liam's so little and has a super distinct nose, it's incredible, i've never seen a baby like that before. caleb seems huge compared to him. liam looks more like a mcknight baby i think.

do you ever find that you work for years to get to where you want to be and then when you arrive it makes you antsy being in one spot? that's how i get sometimes. i get restless. i've decided to allow myself the liberty of just doing what i want for the next little while. i won't burden myself with obligations, if i don't feel like vacuuming or doing dishes, i'm just not gonna do it. instead tonight i read my book. that was very enjoyable. it was very centering.

i've had enough of this thing for tonight. i'm gonna post this entry then shut down for the night. until tomorrow... stay fit and have fun.

surprises always help.