intimacy

it times i've wondered, and been questioned by others, about whether i would've been religious if i didn't come from a religious family. would i have bothered to "find God" as an adult. i think this is a good question, and something important for me to reflect upon. many times i've thought about the fact that yes, i did grow up in a religious family, so christianity was pretty much given to me, but even though i made the decision as a child to follow jesus, i make the same decision every day as an adult. i feel sure that yes i would still be a religious adult even if i'd grown up in a non-religious home. i've faced many obstacles in my life, endured many storms and found the rock is slippery when wet. i can understand those around me who've stopped trying, and those who taken hold of something different all together. sometimes i find myself wondering why i hold on, especially when it seems so many have jumped ship. but i have to be true to myself, and in spite the fact that it's not fashionable these days to claim christ as my saviour, i do and my spirit is awakened by him. unfortunately, this does not answer all the other major questions of the philosopher's mind. why am i here? is there a point to any of this? why is there suffering? am i on the right track or have i somehow screwed everything up? these are difficult things for me to live with and not know the answers to.

last night i went square dancing on wolfe island with a bunch of girls. it was fun, i haven't square danced since camp when i was 12 or 13. although, i didn't particularly like holding hands with strangers; some peoples hands were clammy and other people's hands were scruffy. my allergies have been dreadful and my nose keeps running so i felt bad about wiping my nose then swinging my partner. being over on the island always gets me excited about my plans to move there. it won't be for a couple more years – i'm not ready to leave the max pad yet – but the island just has such a different atmosphere, and i'm thrilled about living someplace different. it's cool that it won't involve me up heaving my whole life. it's gonna be awesome :)

i've got to tell you, i HATE it when good books are made into mediocre movies. they just shouldn't bother if they're going to do such a terrible job of converting it onto a film. it turns out that simon birch was based on a prayer for owen meany. although it said at the beginning "suggested by...." instead of "based on". i guess john irving felt it was a poor representation of his book so he refused to let them use the character names or title. good for him. you know what i love about books? that they're weird, complex, and don't always have happy endings. i'm growing tired of predictable movies that always involve the lousy baseball game winning the series, or romantic comedy's that you can pick out from the beginning who's going to fall in love, but obviously only after some ridiculous misunderstanding. or the bad guy to has a change of heart and turns into a real softy. i'm getting so tired of these films, they're such a bad representation of real life. i suppose there are some people out there who need these pick-me-ups, who want a escape from real-life, but i just need something a little less predictable than that.

we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.