yesterday i met a girl who cried out upon our introduction "i know you! you're JOY'S sister". that statement is like fingernails on a chalkboard, like biting wool, like shoes that aren't broken in rubbing against blisters. i've spent my entire life running from that statement. distancing myself from that identity. i tried not to be rude to her, but i really didn't want to speak to her after that, and i was trying to change the subject, but she kept on about it. i felt awkward and resentful. it's nothing against the girl at all, it's just a major sore spot for me. thankfully joy knows this, and has tried her best to work around it, to phrase things different. i appreciate her effort. however, it doesn't eliminate my feeling of being overshadowed by my domineering older sister in the presence of others. i would've thought by now i'm know by my own gifts, talents, and being, but in that instant all that i am evaporated and i was nothing again.
when i saw him at the Y i asked him how he was doing. he said "i'm a little sad, but that's life". i was kind of taken aback because i hardly know him, but at the same time found his frankness quite refreshing.
i was invited to the house famous for dinner this evening. we ate BLTs. it was really fun. i like being with people, it was especially nice after the dreary day i had at the office. sometimes i wish when i was alone that i'd remember how much i like people. if i did, i probably would be with people all the time. i sometimes have memory blocks. probably because i really enjoy time alone too :S i'm not nearly as straightforward as i wish i was.
to take the cup,
to fill it up.
5 comments:
Both my older and my younger brothers were outgoing in high school. I was the introverted, anti-social, church-going guy. I have occasionally met people who have said something like "You're not Ron and Dave's brother, are you? I didn't even know there was another brother!" Nice.
I had heard of you for years before finally getting to meet you face to face... I'd heard of Joy to (through Nicole). I always wanted to meet you more!!! (no offense to Joy at all!!!)
awwww, thanks rachel! that makes me feel nice :)
That's funny because when I was babysitting you.... wow that hurts to write... I remember Joy as being the quiet one and you being more of a outgoing whirlwind.
haha, not to worry steph, you're only about 5 years older than me :)
you're right, i was more of the monkey between me & joy. i think that's usually after people get to know us though. so a lot of acquaintances don't really notice me compared to joy because she's more extroverted than me and really likes to be the centre of attention.
Post a Comment