godfather

it was one year ago today that the black star of secret significance found its resting place on the inner wrist of my left hand.

to commemorate the occasion, shanno and i went to the casino in gan. we each had 10 dollars and after having a free beverage from the drink stand we set off to find a machine with a lever to pull.

before leaving, shanno's housemate brendan, gave us a lucky disc and letter of good fortune for us to keep on our bodies. he pretty much promised us a new million-dollar lifestyle. it quickly became apparent that the disc was a ploy, instead of good luck it robbed us of success. even after we rubbed it on one of the slot machines and i kissed it, we still lost :S the most i won was $1.50, it was exciting while it lasted, i flapped my hands around with delight. last time i left with an extra 30 bux in my pocket, so i'm certain that disc was a ruse. we hate that cd. we had pretty crappy luck, one machine most definitely mugged me.

the casino is a fascinating place to be. it's also really sad. the way people mindlessly sit there hitting the same button over and over. the way they fork over hundreds of dollars for one round of roulette. the way the sharps container in the bathroom was half-full in plain sight. the casino is full of really mixed up people. one of the things that amazes me is that they look pretty normal, most of them baby-boomers, and not unsimilar to my parents. but my parents don't gamble. i'm so puzzled by these people, i would love to research them, to interview them, to get some kind of understanding of their story and why they do what they do. it's not life-giving, it's life-sucking.

the security guard didn't believe me that my id was actually mine. when i handed it to him he said "you've got to be kidding me", i offered to take off my glasses, he accepted, then after further scrutinizing my face he permitted my entry.

i've really enjoyed my tattoo. it's crazy to think it's been a year. it's been fun. when i think back i'm so happy that shannon came with me when i got it.

i thought i would know what to do when the time came,
i was wrong, i didn't know anything at all.