gwilliamsbury

we drove up to toronto first thing this morning for the funeral of my uncle bill. my dad made it clear that he was going in protest, but we applauding him for going. we stood by him as guardians, providing him inaudible support. as we entered the large catholic church we searched the crowd for familiar faces, and located them all in the front pews. hugs were given, greetings, tears, and smiles.

we took our place behind katie – my sister, me, then my dad on the end of the row beside the centre aisle. my uncle rick came forward in his priestly garb with the alter boys who carried a crucifix. (my uncle rick is a roman catholic priest. he was the first married catholic priest in canada in the 1980s. which is kind of strange because they were not raised catholic and only he and bill became catholic in their later years, so the service was foreign to the rest of the family). as uncle rick bowed to the lit candle my dad leaned over to me and said "this is for the birds, i'm leaving". i scolded him and forced him to switch places with me so he couldn't quickly escape. so he sat between joy and me – it reminded me of when we were kids when my mom and dad would sit between me and joy at church to keep us out of mischief. the roles have reversed. he pouted like a big baby thru the entire service, when we repeatedly stood and sat we had to drag him to his feet and hush him when he whispered loudly. his hearing is quite poor so he couldn't hear a word rick was saying, and missed the part in the homily when uncle rick referenced him – how george had introduced them to c.s. lewis when they were kids. eventually joy pulled out a piece of paper and began playing x's and o's with him, we wrote notes and i told him "if you're good we'll buy you an ice cream cone" – that seemed to do the trick, it was pretty funny. we wished the service made more reference to uncle bill, he was hardly mentioned even though the service was being officiated by his own brother. however, we are glad that we went, i feel it honoured my uncle and my family, and it was a huge support to my dad, i know he couldn't have done it without us. i'm quite certain that anyone who saw us would know that we are two girls who love their dad. at the reception my dad put his arm around me and said "thanks for coming. i love you", i told him "no problem dad, i love you too".

my dad's side of the family is quite dysfunctional, but in spite of that i quite like everyone individually. i find them quite overwhelming as a group, and there's been some awkwardness between us and them since they kind of kicked us out of the family and asked us to stop coming to the family reunions. as bad as that's been, there's no love lost between us, it was always hard going to family functions without my dad anyways. one thing i noticed about today was that it almost seemed normal to be there without uncle bill, because he was the first brother to be excommunicated. it's messy. however, in spite of all that, it was quite a pleasure to see my uncles, aunts, and cousins. people i haven't seen since i moved home from toronto in 2002. it was amazing to see my cousins grown into men, and i had the opportunity to meet my aunt june's daughters (after june died in the 70's they lost touch with the mcknights, i always knew they existed but knew nothing of them). i've changed a lot too since the last time i saw my family, i suspect they will have noticed my conversation skills have improved drastically. after the service we drove up to new market to uncle rick's place for a small reception. my cousin peter (who's my uncle bill's youngest son. peter is a month older than me, and always the cousin i looked most like, but not anymore. however, my dad said he now looks exactly like my grandad) is a well-known chef in toronto, and he prepared a bunch of food for the get-together.

mcknights are a funny bred. strange yet passionate people. they love deeply, and have a fire in their soul. when i was growing up i was always fascinated by my dad and his 4 brothers – how could 5 people be so alike and yet so different. they have a very distinct look, dark hair, small almond shape eyes, all roughly the same height (although, my dad was the tallest of the brothers at 5'9"). they were what made me want to have a big family, i was amazed at the combinations that can result from just two people, and the community they can create. but having a ton of kids is a young person sport, so i've adjusted my expectations to something more reasonable. joy and i agree that out of all the brothers, our dad is our favourite.

well, i could keep talking, it was a compact day. a lot lived and experience in one road trip – but i can talk more about it later, and i probably will. it just feels good to get even this much off my chest.

i've got to push on thru.