chaperon

well, the end of our trip is near. we have one more night of club dance and one more breakfast with yummy croissants. it's been a good trip. i have some hilarious stories to tell you and i'm looking forward to posting my photo album. good times were had by all.

 

we leave on the bus tomorrow at 6. catch our plane at 10:30, and meet andrew and brendan at the arrivals ramp at 1:30 am (or around that, depending on how long it takes to go thru customs).

 

it's hard to imagine that in a little over 24 hours we'll be arriving back to winter with sun burns, sand in our hair, and seashells in our backpacks.

 

i should go. i have very few minutes left on this card. i hope to see you all soon. i hope you're well :)

blood on your face (big disgrace)

the weather is GREAT today. we're extra thankful since yesterday was so stormy. it's crazy hot, and the ocean is ripe for swimming. we just arrived back from havana, where shannon bought cigars and lesley managed to not befriend streetdogs or cuban men.

 

we've been drinking a lot. rum punches to be exact. we're made our way thru 8 different kinds. we're hoping to catch some live entertainment this evening. that is if we don't pass out at 8:30 like we did yesterday.

 

well, we're off. lesley needs to find some pinapple to meet her daily quota and shannon needs to find some shells on the sea shore. and get naked..... 

 

ciao amigos/amigas! 

turquoise

just a quick note to say we've arrived.

the trip was good.

i forgot my wallet at home :S which means i don't have my credit card, debit card, or drivers licence. but i do have money, so it should be ok.

our resort is great. super cute and colourful. we have this awesome little villa, it came with sandwiches in the refrigerator. when we first arrived we sat on the floor in our underpants and ate pineapple.

it's CRAZY raining right now. and unfortunately it's forecasted to rain all week. i'm crossing my fingers that they're wrong. we're gonna make the most of it anyways, and will probably just plan to be wet the whole week. i figure i'm waterproof, so it's a-ok

i think that's all for now. our internet access is limited.

 

ciao for now!

fortune

we're leaving in less than an hour. perhaps even in a half hour. the morning has gone by a lot faster than i had anticipated, and i hope to get my dishes done, so i shouldn't ramble.

it's pretty hard to believe that by bedtime i'll be in the caribbean. i've never been to the caribbean before and i'm pretty psyched. shanno and i had a pre-cuba chat at the goat the other night and it got me all revved up and excited. we've been planning this trip since june!!!! i'm certain we're going to have a FANTASTIC TIME!! oh course, it's shannon and lesley!

andrew and brendan are giving us a drive to the airport. that'll be a lot of fun and they're gonna hang out with us for quite a while there, until we have to go thru security. they're going to come pick us up next sunday too.

well, i should go. b's coming over for some pancakes, so i should get started because time is passing quickly. i'll keep you posted about our adventures!!!

these streets will make you feel brand new,
the lights will inspire you.

sight

i was planning to buy a new camera before i went to cuba. bought my current camera back in 2005 right before my trip to paris. i knew at the time that technology would change quickly and decided to buy one then that would be sufficient for the time being, then later buy something more substancial. that little camera is only a 3.2 megapixels and has served me well, now a days cameras are so inexpensive and the number of megapixels so much greater that it makes sense to replace it. however, brendan was given a camera for christmas, and he offered to share it with me. it seemed silly to go out a buy my own when there's one for free available to me, and when we go to cambodia we're not going to need two cameras, so i agreed. b likes to take his camera everywhere with him, and takes crazy random pictures. i've noticed that he has a real gift for capturing me in the most unflattering moments. it's made me wonder if i've become significantly uglier since turning 30. yesterday b brought over his camera so we could transfer custody of it. this morning before work i happened to notice it sitting on my desk (in it's super awesome camera case), so i picked it up and snapped a few photos. what i discovered was rather alarming.... i think it's the camera that takes unflattering photos of me, it wasn't brendan's photography after all! this is alarming because it's highly possible that all my vacation photos in sunny, beautiful cuba will be ruined by my face. i've decided to take my kodak camera with me just in case.

i love that it's within our ability to decide what our story will be. i like that we are our own storytellers. we can't control all elements of the story, but we can change the affect those things have on our lives. so we have to ask ourselves "what do i want my story to be?" and then work towards it. maybe the hardest part is deciding on the path, and the actual journey is much easier. it's good to know that we have choices, we're not completely the product of our environments. i know the story i want to tell, now i just need to live it.

I let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees

 

 

procrastination

i kind of can't wait for my hair to grow back. i love super long hair. the way it waves around in the breeze on summer night. or the way it gently rests on my shoulders and falls down my back. i'm counting down the years. i figure my hair grows 6 inches a year, so by next february it'll be at my bra strap, and another year after that it'll be at my ideal length (mid-back). i have good hair days and bad hair days with it at it's current length. i find it's kind of hard to make it look playful without making me look childish. i was actually really liking my hair today, it was wavy and full, but now that i'm home i just want to throw it up into a long flowing ponytail, only i can't because it's too short. i've come up with a compromise, but it's not really what i want. oh well. i'll try to enjoy each unique stage, recognizing that part of the fun is the anticipation. besides, it's also fun trying to come up with new styles and up-dos.

flow it,
show it,
long as God can grow it,
my hair!

mustard

this is the first time all week i've had a second to just stop. it's been a very dense work-week, but as the end of thursday draws near it's thinning out.

i've been thinking a lot about my trip to cuba next week. planning what i need to take with me, what things i need to pick up from the store, etc. i have to admit, there have been many occasions where i find myself saying the wrong country name. "mexico... peru... cambodia... where am i going again?" i find that's funny, but i think brendan finds it mildly pretentious because teasingly responded with a "oh privileged little white girl, where are you going next??"

i'm looking forward to having my backpack strapped on once again, to having a layer of salt-water film on my skin, to wearing flip-flops in february, and drinking pina coladas at 10 am. i think we're going to have a blast. that shanno is hilarious, and no doubt will push me to brave new things like salsa dancing. i've never salsa danced before :S i'm also eager to speak in spanish once again. my spanish is poor at best, but it's fun to learn and it's exciting when i can figure out how to piece together a 3-word sentence :D

one thing i've recently noticed about getting a little bit older each year is that my body pops and cracks a little more. when i'm walking or standing up or whatever, joints will pop a little bit, i can both feel it and hear it. i have a feeling it will the be the unusual things that surprise me the most about aging.

getting up at 6 am continues to be both a joy and a challenge. the odd thing about it is that after being awake for about 10 minutes i'm generally ok, but it's those first few minutes that are so hard. it's been a little over one week and i can definitely say it's a very positive experience. i was curious about the kinds of things other people give up for lent, the main ones i know are coffee, sweets, caffeine, etc. but i wonder what it was traditionally - a millennium or so ago. i tried looking it up online to no avail.

earlier today i returned to my desk to find that my right monitor had something smeared on it. i have no idea where it came from, because usually no one else comes in here. so did i splatter something on it and not notice?? well... when i tried to clean it up, it just got more spread out. i really should get a paper towel and clean it properly. i find smudgy monitors and glasses lenses unbearable.

i'm never as tired as when i'm waking up.

blasphemy

jill's in town and she came over for dinner!! she's so great, i'm so happy that we had the chance to get together and get caught up. i would love another opportunity to travel with her. personally, i think we'd make great amazing race partners. her dreads are looking fantastic. it made me miss mine, but i know i made the right choice at the time. BUT i'm totally going to get them again in a few years. it felt weird not having dreads with jill. but we do both have nose ring hoops now, so we're still the same :)

remember how i told you about yoga chair? at work on tuesdays we do mat yoga, but on thursday we do chair yoga. i found chair yoga very strange. no one i know of has ever heard of it, and it seemed like the instructor was constantly apologizing for it. so i decided to look it up on wikipedia. it turns out that chair yoga is done by senior citizens and those with disabilities!!! i find this really odd because although my work place has a large number of baby boomers, they're not seniors, and for the most part are relatively healthy people. so i've decided to rebel :p i'm going to bring my mat on thursday and do the asanas the regular way. maybe it'll cause a revolt.

the waves are just a frothier version of the skies.

rose

it was really hard getting up this morning. mostly because there wasn't particularly anything to do, i had no reason to get up other than getting up. i was going to have a nap around 10, but i've become more lucid, so i might stay up. i made some pancakes and read stuff on the internet. i got the questions done for living room for when i'm away, so that was productive. i might get in the shower soon.

today is family day. i have to admit, i've developed a gag reflex for the word 'family'. it bothers me a lot. i think it's partly this glorification of the traditional family – it rubs me the wrong way. it's very insular. i believe in community, which involves families, extended families, friends, acquaintances, etc. man, if today was called "community day" i'd be all over that. in truth, i have no issue with families, or people having kids, or spending time together. it's just that word, it's like a swear word. the WORST context i can think of is "family night" it makes me want to barf. the idea of spending time together is great, i dunno it just gets under my skin. when i reproduce, i'll use a different phrases (like movie night, or game night, or craft night, or baking night, or a pizza party, or dumpster diving night) just so i can avoid the word 'family'. that being said, i need to desensitize a little. i'd like to have less of a knee-jerk reaction to that word. it's kind of hard because i've felt oppressed by it for a long time, and when they named today "family day" i found it offensive. not everyone has a family their part of, it's extremely exclusive and it confirms social expectations. but, i heard someone say that its the government trying provide some emphasis on the need for healthy homes. and that's something i can get behind. so this isn't really a rant about the stat holiday, but rather about how gross i think the word family is. i dunno, probably most of you have families, and i hope you understand what i'm saying even if you don't agree. maybe you really like the term "family night" and fair enough, we all have different experiences with it. you know?

yesterday was valentine's day. this is the first time in.... 11 years that i've had a real partner to celebrate with. and before that i was a teenager so it was never a big thing. i'm not super romantic, but i thought it would be nice to mark the occasion somehow. sunday was really very full, so it passed with very little attention given to st valentine, but this evening we're going to make butter chicken, which should be great. i'm looking forward to it.

i'm praying,
that you'll find me,
and that you'll see me,
that you run and never tire.

brendan is taking me out on a surprise date in one hour. i have no idea what he has up his sleeve. i'll let you know later tonight....

cauldron

well here i sit, early on a saturday morning, writing to you folks. it was very anti-intuitive to wake up so early on the weekend, but now that i'm up i kind of like it. i think my morning is going to fill up before i know it.

this week was busier than i would've liked, and work on friday was downright stressful. i had to cancel some plans with shanno and cas because i was stretching myself too thin. instead i stayed in with my dad, then went to bed at 10:30. we watched the olympics opening ceremonies. it was interesting, but i only got it see half of it, so hopefully it will be on again today. as i watched some of the footage of the protesters i got thinking about the two points of view. i'm torn because i love the olympics, but realize that it is not without it's fair share of corruption and exploitation. i came to a conclusion, that instead of getting rid of it – destroying it completely, i hope we can make it better. cars pollute, so instead of discontinuing them the car makers are forced to be creative, and reduce/eliminate their pollution. i hope that thru the protesters making their voices heard and keeping the IOC honest, that they can make a difference. because i think we need to protect this activity. we need to keep (while improving) this one event that brings 76 nations under one roof where they celebrates together. i'm thankful for the protesters because their message is true, and real, and hopefully they can bring about change. and i see the beauty in the olympics too.

well... now that i've said that it's still only 6:52 am. haha. well, i'm going to write some emails, prepare the questions for living room, then go to the Y. it'll probably be pretty quiet in there. then i'll have the rest of the day to relax. ooh! i can see that it's starting to get light outside!

the time i recognize this moment,
this moment will be gone.

relive

well... let me tell you about how it went this morning. really well! it was great. i got so much done and i felt super, plus i got to work early (ok, maybe it was just on time, but that's an improvement!). it was pretty easy, but that's because it was my first day and i was really excited. in fact, i was awake in bed pretending not to watch the clock because i was giddy. it will definitely get harder, but this was a good start. it will help on the mornings when it's hard getting up that it's worthwhile. as i drove to work i reflected on the experience and definitely felt confirmed that i'd made the right choice. i've concluded that a sacrifice should be worth it, when you give something up it should be a positive experience with positive ramifications. so, i'm pretty pleased that day one of forty went well – so far so good.

i should run. i have a bored meeting in 4 minutes here at the pad. after that i'll have to get into bed, so cheerio for now!

in the morning
helps me find my way back in
from the place where i have been.

avoid

it's that time of year again. ash wednesday is approaching and i've been contemplating lent once again. i reflected on last year's experiences, considered what other people give up, and thought long and hard about the practice of lent. i came to some conclusions for myself. i wanted something that was a challenge – that would be a true sacrifice, but not something that i was giving up just because i liked it. i don't see the point of giving up drinking tea for example just because it's something i enjoy. i wanted more significance than that. i feel that in giving something up, it should have a positive impact on my life. i also didn't want to give up something that i wouldn't care about and i didn't even notice it's absence. so i decided to give up sleep. well, more specifically i decided to give up sleeping in. i'll get up at 6:00 every day, even on weekends. technically i'm supposed to be up at 6:30 anyways, but i never do it, i usually get up closer to 7. it will be enough of a challenge that it will be effective. now, the only hurdle is that i'm going on vacation to cuba with shannon in a week and a half. so i've decided to start lent a week early so that i can sleep in proper while on vacation. i'll do my full 40 days starting tomorrow. i'm kind of looking forward to it. it means living my life with more intention, and taking care of myself better. that being said, i'm going to start getting ready for bed very soon.

i really enjoyed lunchtime yoga today. except my skin was extremely dry and it seemed to crack apart in certain positions, which resulted in constant itching. it was terrible. i think i'm in need of some warm cuban air.

lately it feels like i'm asleep and i just can't wake.

spasm

yesterday i did something i've never done before. i watched the superbowl. it seemed that the off week for living room fell on the same day, which meant i had no prior obligations. BUT i decided to embrace it and take long my new knitting project. brendan and i were joined by jay, tori, and ben at b's parent's house to watch on their big wall projection tv. nancy went all out on food - just as i expected she would, and everything was tasty. the game was interesting, i was mostly fascinated by the number of football players with long hair and found the commericals intriguing too. although, jay and i agreed that we were going to fall prey to the continuous dorito placements. i'm ticked off about the focus on the family advert, but i won't even get into that because it would be an unpleasant rant. as i watched the game, i couldn't help but think of all guys i was friends with in youth group 15 years ago were all gathered around their tvs watching the superbowl too. what an odd thought, that a large number of my acquaintances were doing the exact same thing as me at the exact same time. interesting. i've decided that i'll watch the stanley cup this year too, i might as well do all the big sporting events in 2010. although, i tend to be more intrigued by sport culture than i am in sports.

i had a short night's sleep last night and i've felt exhausted all morning. i look like i've aged several years just from the lines under my eyes. i made the mistake of having a small glass of cola (which made me wired from the caffeine), then a glass of wine (which makes me drowsy). so i was in this bizarre state of sleepy and not sleepy, which resulted in me being extra tired this morning. i've managed ok, but things at work have been full lately. i've been more occupied in the last few work days than i have been in the last few years. i'm not "busy" just occupied. i like what i'm doing which is cool.

so much wasted in the afternoon.

i like how beets taste like the earth. and i don't mean dirt, but the earth it's self. so earthy. it's almost heavenly.

live

sometimes shannon and i go to the movie theatre and waste 2 hours of hour lives that we'd never get back. we probably would've been better off sitting in a laundry basket in the dark. i feel kind of dirty.

i've been thinking a lot about comparison lately. why do we compare ourselves with others?? things like: success, weight, income, size of house, romantic relationships, children, talents, social skills, number of friends on facebook, looks, ability to parallel park. i don't know why we want to be better than the people around us. why can't we look at the house beside ours and think "what a nice house for them, it suits them perfectly!!"? i don't know about you folks, but it's something i struggle with. maybe it's just an insecurity that i'll grow out of as i mature. maybe it's ignorance, maybe it's jealousy. i don't know, but it's something that frustrates me and causes me much unnecessary hardship. maybe i'm more competitive than i thought, or maybe i fall prey to social expectations more than i thought. i just don't understand it, and i hate that i was so gleeful tonight that i was a better parallel parker than the girl in front of me. which is pathetic. the reality is that it's not about the other people at all. maybe it all just boils down to feeling reassured that i'm ok, that i'm doing just fine. it's my hope that i'll get over it and in a few years become more gracious and at peace that i feel nothing but admiration for others.

i was really enjoying my hair today, i thought it looked fantastic. then i realized this past sunday was the anniversary of me getting dreads. it was on january 31 of last year. wow. hard to believe. i still feel excited about it even if i don't have them anymore. it was a great experience :)

you tell me that time never waits,
that's ok cause i don't wait for time.

read

so i says to b as we sat at the kitchen table reading local flyers "have i told you how i feel about yogurt?". "no, you have not" he replies. i then launch into a lengthy in depth story about the woes and joys of yogurt. he wanted to hate my story because it was long, involved and a little boring, but in the end couldn't resist finding it entertaining. i've recently discovered vanilla yogurt and it's fantastic. i would forsaken all other flavours of yogurt just for that. although, that's not saying much because traditionally i have not been a fan of the yogurt. to my disappointment, the yogurt pack that i bought had 4 vanillas and 4 raspberries, so i'm stuck eating the crappy raspberry ones. i can't decide if i should rotate between the two flavours or simply devour the ones i like and make myself suffer thru the berries later this week. mark my words... i won't be making THAT mistake again. it's vanilla or nothing from now on.

last evening i dedicated myself to the tidying and care of my little second floor home, and oh man, does it look good. what a radical difference it makes to my psyche when it's clean. and this morning i did all my dishes before leaving for work. the only thing i have left to do is fold my laundry and put it away. i can't wait!!

my performance evaluation went well. i basically got a B+ (which according to my sister the teacher a B average is actually the target. she says that A's are supposed to be for exceeding expectations, but have been used incorrectly over the years). i got: 2 "results achieved", 2 "superior results", 2 "satisfactory", 2 "role models" and 1 "owl". ok, i didn't get any owls :S i'm kind of surprised with my results because 2009 was, from my point of view, my most negative year of employment here on the farm. but i'm glad to see that i skill excelled in spite of feeling disgruntled. having a new boss has been great, and right away i felt that 2010 was going to be hugely different.

oh how she rocks,
in keds and tube socks.

smock

well... i managed to give myself nightmares last night because of my book. i woke at 4:30 disturbed from a frightening dream and couldn't fall back asleep. partly because i was going to default back into my dream, but also because i was listening to every house-sound to make sure no one was breaking in. i'm highly sensitive to such things, i'm careful about the kind of movies and book i ingest because of it.

buzz

this is doppelganger week on facebook. everyone told they look like a famous person is using the celebrity's face on their profile picture. i kind of wish i had one, but i haven't come across anyone that bears my resemblance. my brother in law is using the heinz ketchup kid – which is perfect. that made me laugh.

i've been dreading this day for about 3 weeks now. thankfully it went way better than i thought it would. hopefully tomorrow will go as smoothly, then i'm home-free.

time to hit the hay. i just read a disturbing part of my book, so i hope i'll be able to rid it from my psyche and fall asleep peacefully.

you’ll be the minivan,
i’ll be the jeans you think make you look young.

STET

when i was in grade 9 i made friends with a girl named christine in phys' ed class. she was friendly and a bit of a loner like me. soon, another girl started hanging out with us, her name was lindsay. i soon got it in my head that they didn't like me, i felt awkward and began to disconnect myself, and avoided them. for the next 8 months i saw little of them, until lindsay invited me to join them and their larger group of friends at lunch time. i suddenly felt connected again, and spent the rest of high school with those friends. looking back i can see that my paranoia was unfounded, that i distanced myself from them for no reason. i still do that. i still get those knee-jerk reactions where i read into things and misinterpret stuff. sometimes i need a smile, a hug, a laugh, or for someone to ask me a question, for me to remember that everything is ok and for me to know where i stand for with him or her. i'm feeling awkward today, and i'm slipping into the realm of self-doubt and fear. i'm beginning to wonder if i've done something wrong and my friend is upset or bothered with me. this can cause me to want to overcompensate in order to make things better. but i need to remember that 1) it could be completely in my head, and 2) she has things going on in her own life and any disinterest in me/our friendship may actually be completely unrelated to me. this is where i can be self-centred - assuming that anything distressing or difficult in other people's lives is actually about me, when the world is much larger than that. i guess i'm afraid. afraid of doing something unintentionally that puts a friendship at jeopardy and not making amends. and i'm afraid of being in space where i'm not wanted and being too dense to take a hint. i'm sure everything's ok. i need to just chill.

b tells me that i take things too seriously, i think he's right. he easily identifies it because he has that tendency as well. it's our biggest hurdle.

i finished the camera case i was knitting. it looks AWESOME. i feel renewed excitement about knitting. i'm looking forward to finding a new knitting recipe (aka pattern) and diving right in. how exciting :)

i'm having my 2009 performance evaluation at 2:00 today. it feels like i'm getting my report card. it's like i'm perpetually 7 years old. i'm still getting the hang of sharing.

you'll be the leftist student punk,
i'll be the accountant you'll become.