shred

on sunday, the sermon at next was about "love does not delight in evil". together we discussed what exactly that mean, examples and such. the first thing that came to my mind was the times that i get excited or giddy about gossip. sometimes it's because someone else's misfortune was amusing, other times i was just delightful to be in the know. i think it's time for me to get a life. being delighted by someone else's misfortune is the kissing cousin of meanness. it's too easy to observe and the criticize. in a way that's similar to delighting in another person's stupidity. it's actually just a lame-ass way to make one feel better about themselves. i've concluded it's time for me to part ways with meanness. i don't want to take part in mockery (unless it's teasing in good fun and the person is involved) or slander. the problem is that i find i'm very easily influenced in this manner. an atmosphere of meanness sticks to me like stink. it's hard to not get swallowed by toxicity, but i really want to be different from who i have been. i want to be more neutral, to see someone completely objectively and recognize their humanness. mocking is just low-brow kicks that i can do without. it will help me to remain more upbeat and healthy. i need to start by holding my tongue and responding differently in situations. sometimes i'll have to edit myself completely. i learned in pre-martial counselling that when you speak nicely about your partner you feel more fondly towards them. i think the same goes the other way around. when i speak harshly i begin to feel that the other person involved in an idiot.

after work i'm hitting the road with bren. we're taking the long dusty road to ottawa to see none other than ani difranco. i'm so happy about that. i feel pretty content because this is something i've been wanting to do for many years. i can't wait :)

when we're parted it's always too long.