we watched the documentary "babies" on the weekend. it was very unique because it had absolutely no dialogue at all and no narration.
if you don't know anything about it, i'll just explain that it follows 4 babies from birth to walking. each baby is from a different country and culture. one is from namibia, one from toyko, one from mongolia, and one from san francisco. it was amazing to see the different between the cultures. the baby from africa was surrounded by other kids and woman, while the baby from america had no community at all. the only activity the mom and babe did in a group was baby yoga and even that was individualistic. i was struck by the way "advancement" seemed to equal isolation. not only did the westernized babies give me the willies, i was also extremely bored by them. the troupe of moms in japan with strollers seemed so tedious, while the baby out in the field with cows in mongolia was so engaging. i loved seem the babies crawl on the ground, on rocks and dirt. it struck me odd that i'd never seen a baby crawl on anything other than carpet or a grassy backyard. and the stuff those babies put in their mouths! it was awesome! i finally understood what people mean when they say allergies are more common now because children are not in the dirt. those babies were in, on, and eating the dirt!
it was a very intriguing film. i don't think one environment is better than the others, nor are any worse. they were all happy and healthy babies.
i'm starting to realize it's not babies that i fear. nor is it the change in life-style. it's the idea of turning into someone i don't know. the possibility of losing myself, my beliefs, my values, the relationships i hold dear. i don't want that. but i wonder if parenting draws out in people tendencies that already exist. and if that's true i don't need to be afraid of being over-protective, shutting down or going into survive mode some day. at least now i can be a bit less freaked out.
if you don't know anything about it, i'll just explain that it follows 4 babies from birth to walking. each baby is from a different country and culture. one is from namibia, one from toyko, one from mongolia, and one from san francisco. it was amazing to see the different between the cultures. the baby from africa was surrounded by other kids and woman, while the baby from america had no community at all. the only activity the mom and babe did in a group was baby yoga and even that was individualistic. i was struck by the way "advancement" seemed to equal isolation. not only did the westernized babies give me the willies, i was also extremely bored by them. the troupe of moms in japan with strollers seemed so tedious, while the baby out in the field with cows in mongolia was so engaging. i loved seem the babies crawl on the ground, on rocks and dirt. it struck me odd that i'd never seen a baby crawl on anything other than carpet or a grassy backyard. and the stuff those babies put in their mouths! it was awesome! i finally understood what people mean when they say allergies are more common now because children are not in the dirt. those babies were in, on, and eating the dirt!
it was a very intriguing film. i don't think one environment is better than the others, nor are any worse. they were all happy and healthy babies.
i'm starting to realize it's not babies that i fear. nor is it the change in life-style. it's the idea of turning into someone i don't know. the possibility of losing myself, my beliefs, my values, the relationships i hold dear. i don't want that. but i wonder if parenting draws out in people tendencies that already exist. and if that's true i don't need to be afraid of being over-protective, shutting down or going into survive mode some day. at least now i can be a bit less freaked out.
3 comments:
I like this. I haven't see the movie, but I like your observaions about it, and about babies.
I totally understand your fears/expectations about Motherhood. I had many of the same thoughts myself before Xander came along, except in my case I seemed to have this unreasonable belief that some "Mom" gene would kick in and I would suddenly be all these things that mothers need to be. Boy was I surprised to find out that I was still the same, impatient, anal-retentive control freak as before. For me change was very slow in coming, but very deliberate. It's hard to explain how your love for this little person drives you to become something different - not necessarily better or worse, just sort of ... transformed? I find it hard to explain, but suffice it to say that the changes were small and slow in coming (heck they're still coming)and I am still the same person that I was. Priorities will change and unfortunately you may find yourself pulling away from some people currently in your life - but it will be something you can control and you will not lose anything or anyone that you don't want to. Try to think of all the major "phase" changes in your life - school, career, marriage - each change holds the possibility of losing/gaining people in your life, but you still have control, you can keep up contacts that you wish to, even if they don't necessarily follow you to this new phase or you may decide that your relationship with this person has reached a natural conclusion (or maybe just needs to be scaled back) again though the key is conscious choice. It might seem patronizing to say and you've probably heard it before, you will feel differently after you have children. I have no doubts that you LESLEY will not allow your life to be anything less than what you would choose it to be :)
I think you will be an awesome and fun mother and your children will be very blessed to have you - when you're ready to have them :)
And I totally agree - dirt never killed anyone and I am a big fan of letting kids get DIRTY. I once had to give Xander THREE baths (in a row) because I couldn't get him clean after playing in the duggout at our baseball game!
I think your fears are totally valid. For me, the hardest part of becoming a mother was losing my place in my own life. Suddenly I was not at the center of my own world. Even when I got married, I felt like someone joined me at the center. But when I had a kid, I felt like I was totally displaced from the center. I didn't know where I fit into my own life anymore. It was very hard, and all the more so because it was so internal. It was hard to explain to other people and I felt like no one but me could see what was happening to me. But, of course, I got through this hard stage and now feel incredibly grateful for the changes motherhood has brought about in me.
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