surfacing

last night joanne was talking about her anxiety about her first year of marriage. she'd been told that it will be the worst year of her life. since i hadn't taken the time to reflect on our own first year of marriage i deflected to rachel who raved about how great her first year of marriage was. while it's hard to believe that it is indeed our first anniversary in 3 days *smile*... it truly is. the year has gone fast and part of me feels a little bit sad to see it wrap up. the newness. the significance. the timeline. as the day approached i wondered if being outside the container of our first year would lessen the significance of all that we experience, but i've concluded that nothing is actually changing other than the date. things are still new and exciting. we're still on a learning curve and still have loads of discovery ahead of us.

while i haven't fully processed all this (i assume i will as i write) i can say without a doubt that our first year of marriage has been the time of our lives. we've really really enjoyed it and it's been a very special time. i don't even think i can express the joy that our relationship brings to my life. i've found that marriage is not unlike any other adventure i've experienced. it's full of amazing moments and challenging moments, and it's that diversity that makes it so rich and fulfilling. since i'm one to quickly forget (like i did with the door that fell off its hinges) it's hard for me to remember right now what the hardest parts have been. but i think the challenges have been in learning how to balance our differences. our differences are mostly around our arguing styles - i'm quick tempered then quickly recover and forget what the issue was (seriously i can forget within a matter of seconds which frustrates the heck out of b), and brendan is slow tempered, he gets increasingly mad - usually peaking around the time that i'm starting to get over it - and is slow to recover. i even find this delightful. i love that i have this partner who i've working out these dynamics with. together we're learning about both ourselves and each other. it will be neat to see how far we've come in a year's time.

last year we started a "brendan and lesley journal". since we're both people who enjoy writing and enjoy reflecting, we decided to keep a journal that we'll write in each anniversary and at significant milestones. it will be so neat to look back in 75 years and have this wonderful time-capsule. to read exactly what we felt and experienced at those stages and not just recall them thru our aged perspective. i recently re-read last year's entry and even just a year later was surprised by the details that have already faded.

so that's that. i think now if i were to be asked what our first year of marriage was like i'd have an answer: fun, flavourful and joyful. it was a deeply rich experience :)

you're always there to say...
"no matter baby what the days bring i'll be there.
i'm here to holding you as the door seems to crumble.
and in the times when it all seems so stale
i'll be with you when the going gets going."