onward

i started 2013 with a strong desire to be authentic. i wanted to move forward discovering who i am in light of new experiences and not turn into someone else. to navigate life as myself, and not feel compelled, required or coerced into behaving or decision-making solely according to what other folks think is best. i'm grateful to say, that so far i feel good about how i've achieved that.

i've noticed on facebook a number of people saying that 2013 was a real stinker. but for me it was the tops. i had a great year. in the first half, i did a lot of traveling (berlin, greece, arizona). FINALLY making it to berlin was a huge highlight in itself, but i also had a nice time there (in spite of the comedy of errors that i had my first day). plus, i got to travel business class and getting to come home to b was also pretty nice.

the second half was particularly special, and i'm not just meaning the baby. being off work has been SO WONDERFUL. i can't even express how good it's been for my soul. experiencing a significant break from my 8-4:30 routine has been such a breath of fresh air. i've never felt so much freedom or relief, and i'm so grateful for it. but i suppose it's not just being off work. this afternoon as i prepared my 2014 calendar, and looked through my 2013 calendar for birth dates, i saw with fresh eyes how WAY TOO over-commited i was. i had WAY TOO MUCH on the go. no wonder i was feeling burnt out and in over my head. i was guilty of not giving myself enough breathing room, or cutting myself enough slack. 'slack' is still something i struggling to define and evenly distribute, but i'm going to keep working at it.

my favourite thing about being off work is the fact that i can stay up as late as i want. if i'm reading or knitting or chatting or watching sitcoms, i don't have to hit the hay until i feel like it. it's the best. i think the freedom i've felt has gone hand in hand with this whole authenticity thing. not having to squeeze myself into a pre-determined schedule, and not having to squeeze out all the things i wish i could be doing, has been a nice change.

sometimes, no wait, scratch that... many times i've felt guilty for not writing as often as i used to, or not keeping in touch with friends as well as i used to, or going out as often as i used to. but once again i should cut myself some slack and remember that i'm not defined by my 'used to's, and that everyone changes over time as circumstances change. i guess i just have to adjust to that and let go of the expectations i have of myself.

so highlights of this year include:

• (for fore mentioned) trips to berlin, greece (particularly meteora) and arizona

• volunteering at KGH

• ultrasounds, midwife appointments, the praying womantises, belly blessing and belly casting

• an adult gap-year from work garden planting

• ottawa roadtrip with b on a weeknight

• music festivals

• a hard-fought birth followed by my dream baby
• part one of my adult gap-year from work

• camping with a newborn

• wednesday afternoons with b + é

• blue jays baseball game

• next retreat

• skeleton park with handrew

• thursday walks with sherri

• sunflower seeds, cider and king of the hill

• re-learning to sew
• new appliances and home improvements

i dunno, there's lots more, but where do i draw the line? so i'll just quit here :)

it's not like years ago.