the same/different.

sometimes i still cry at work.

but now, when i cry, the people around me can see and hear me through the glass partition.

and now when i cry, it's because i'm having a bad day and i just want to be home with my boy. i already miss him, but it just makes it worse.

now when i cry, i wonder "why am i doing this?"

and now when i cry, it's because i feel like i'm trying to figure out a stupid mystery by retracing invisible steps.

now when i cry, i don't even care. i'm just going to keep my head down and go through the motions.

telling myself that "i'm good at my job even if i don't feel that way" is not consoling anymore. and i just want to hear some one say that i'm succeeding at the important job of caring for another human being.

it's hard because i want to just be at home, but i know that if i was at home all the time i wouldn't find it fulfilling. i guess it was just an off day.