hurt

ah, i just got in from a really great power walk. my body is pulsing, my ears are cold, my breath is exaggerated.

as usual, i marvel at life. at its seemingly random order of things. how events and people fit together, and how others – no matter how hard we try or wish – just won't. i think of an old man and his wife, and the tribute they receive. and i hope i won't remain undiscovered.

i strive to live my life in such a way that i recognize a good thing when i have it, instead of just realizing it when it's gone.

sometimes i think... i don't know what i think.

i know sacrifice will be worth it. i just have to get used to it. i'll steal from pete to pay paul.

i'm attaining balance. i have room to breathe. boundaries have been set and i'm now living comfortably amongst them. i'm relieved. what have i learned i wonder? well, for one thing, i've learned that i'm tired of always learning. i hate feeling like my life is one long t.v. series and i'm always having to learn the "moral of the story". it's in my nature to always be searching, but i suppose even i want somethings to just have face-value and nothing more. lessons are often painful, and they're not like badges you only have to achieve once. usually, we have to learn the same things over and over again. at least i do. although, whenever i THINK i've got one thing mastered, i quickly realize that feeling comfortable makes me stupid.

it feels good to be at home.

run in the direction of your dreams...

never wanted to be more than who i am.
never wanted to be less than everything.