fish

my internal clock is officially wack. it's now past 3 am and i'm pretty much fully awake. i'm going to go to bed after this regardless, but i can sense some difficulty as i go back to work on wednesday.

i hope you don't get the wrong impression. i wish i hadn't walked away the way i did. you may never think of me again, but i'll think of you. i wish i could tell you it's nothing personal, if anything it's the personal that makes it harder. however, i've made my bed and now i have to sleep in it.

in the past goals for the new year were very apparent. it wasn't difficult for me to identify the path ahead of me. when i look back at those dreams it's clear that i've achieved them, i've done well for myself and i've come along way. that can make things difficult and somewhat confusing. but i guess i just shouldn't over think things and simply appreciate what i have and how far i've come. even so it makes me feel kind of silly setting goals to be less negative and to obliterate my personal use of plastic bags. they seem so minuscule, it feels like i'm just being picky. anal retentive. i wonder if it's too hard to ask for a challenge – something i can really tackle – without it being a problem or an emotional strain. i don't like problems, i don't want mind-bending confusion. maybe i should build a pyramid in the memorial centre's field, they say those can't be done. or maybe i could find a cure for the common cold.

ok, just so i have some cliff-notes to look back on next year-end, i'll jot down some goals:
• discontinue my use of plastic bags
• drop the 10 pounds i gained in 2007
• curb my own negativity and critical talk
• hook-up
• go to baffin island to visit beckie
• have people over more
• spend less money
now, most of those things are not "measurable" (as they would say at work) so i might be difficult to determine whether or not i've achieved them, but that's ok because it's not like i'll be getting a raise or anything based on the results. hm, i feel as though i need a wild card goal. i'll have to think of that and get back to you in a day or two.

to this day, when everything breaks,
you are the anchor that holds me.