inanimate

i have a sneaking suspicion that i may be an adult. hmm. that seems really surreal ;)

i have a cavity. it's my first. it's sensitive to sweet things and cold things. my dentist is a loony-bin, so i've been putting off going to the dentist because i needed to find a new one. and i just didn't know how to go about finding one. they all seem to be pretty much the same. i asked upwards to a dozen people, and everyone said their dentist was the best. i was hoping that i'd come across two people who had the same dentist and that would help me decide. in the end i did decide on one and i booked an appointment this thursday.

i don't feel like myself these days.

sometimes i feel tempted to close away into myself. i've been pmsing, so i've been battling waves of grief while trying to consciously remind myself that it's not so bad, that i'll get thru once again. at times i feel like i'm beyond ripe and now i'm rotting. everything's ok, i'm just tired and don't have much fight left in me. my life is fine, it's good, i'm very fortunate. but i'm hating being single, and it's impossible to appreciate all that you do have when you're missing the one thing you want. i almost feel guilty about that. i also feel sick to my stomach.

canadian tire is completely sold out of windshield scrapers. and mine broke last night down on bagot street. i find it kind of funny. there's not a lot i can appreciate more than irony. it's a real kicker. i like a lot of things. i remember back when i was going thru a hard time because i couldn't find a job, and a friend of mind told me to list 10 things i was thankful for. i'm going to do that now: i'm thankful...
1) for the snow storm today – because i got to go into work 2.5 hours late
2) that because i got to go into work late i did my dishes, and
3) i did 30-minutes on my elliptical before work
4) that i got to hang-out with melissa and rhonda yesterday
5) for my new raised desk
6) for the money my auntie carol sent me for christmas which is almost exactly what i need to buy my new bed
7) that my neighbour shoveled my driveway for me
8) for my kick-ass apartment
9) for the electric scraper my dad gave me last year and i found in my closet. it's heated. it worked ok, although i did burn my fingers on it, but it's kind of neat having no feeling in my index finger and my middle finger
10) that i went to the meeting at next tonight

don’t let the darkness eat you up.