i'm alone without plans yet again on a saturday. i partly blame myself because i decided that i would start planning plans ahead of time so that i don't spend another weekend feeling lonely and isolated. i tried, but no one took me up on my suggestion, and everyone else is busy with their families. i feel as though no one takes me seriously. i've asked upwards to a dozen people if they know anyone they can set me up with, and not a single person has come up with anyone. i am sincerely asking for people to help me meet someone, because i feel as though i'm losing my mind with loneliness. but they don't seem to care, it's not their problem. what do they care if i meet someone or not.
i'm growing suspicious that i don't actually have any friends because if i'm as "popular" as everyone thinks, then why do i spend so much time alone. maybe i don't have any friends at all, it feels like i'm living my life estranged from everyone except for the occasional visitor, a guest-star in the occasional episode. there's not a single person that i see more than once a month outside of formal events like work, church or living room.
i guess today i'll just clean my apartment getting ready for my birthday "celebration" and then go to the screening room alone.
i'm sorry, i don't mean to be rude. i'm just sad and i'm tired of feeling this way. i think i should stop blogging until i actually have something good to say. i'm becoming a real downer. but i need people in order to recharge, and i'm as dry as a bone.
something radical has to change in my life.
he felt it in his heart, but it wouldn’t come through his hands.
addendum:
i just realized i was feeling exactly the same this time last year. perhaps it's seasonal, or perhaps it's just the season of my life.
9 comments:
i wish i was closer.... i would come over for a cup of tea. love you [u].
thanks dawna. i wish you lived closer too. i miss you and hope you're doing well. is sheldon home soon?
....you can always come over here... i have a christmas cd i keep meaning to give to you.
Being alone sounds appealing to me. Sarah is going to watch National Treasure tonight after she gets Tara and Peyton down to bed. I'm sure she'd love to have you over. Give her a call. Carolyn and I might go over, as well. They have Pringles. Always an attraction for me.
This IS a hard time of year for a lot of people.
I feel surprised that there is no one you hang out with more than once a month. I've always thought of you as someone with lots of friends and a hopping social calendar.
I wish you weren't feeling so down, Les. I'm looking forward to hanging out tomorrow night, even though it is because of a formal function.
Come and visit me Les...I know it's not exactly "in the neighborhood" but, who doesn't love a good road trip?!?!
Cheer up Darling...you are well loved!
aw, thanks guys, you're super. i feel like you're a bunch of cheerleaders "rah-rah lesley, you're a-ok". haha, that sounds funny, but i do mean it. i do appreciate the open invitations, but sometimes it's hard to feel comfortable calling people up to cash in on those invites. i'll try to do that more in the future. my mom gave me a lecture about how i don't call people when i'm depressed, so i'm trying to do that.
it's true, there isn't anyone i see more often than once a month, and it's awful. i used to, several. we had a standing date at rhonda's on thursday nights, and several other people i'd see frequently. so in order to be proactive, i've reinstated a standing date with rhonda on friday nights (with wednesday as the alternative).
sheldon is home this weekend, unexpectedly - yay!, and then just one more week till christmas and a 17-day break! and i'm glad you've got a standing weekly date with rhonda.... i would be lost without my weekly morning date routines!
Hey, come visit me too! ;)
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