barf

i just finished the life of pi. so satisfying. i read an amazing chapter the other day that was so beautiful and so real. i dog-eared the page, as i do frequently when reading yann martel. this chapter went like this: "at such moments i tried to elevate myself. i would touch the turban i had made with the remnants of my shirt and i would say "THIS IS GOD'S HAT!" i would pat my pants and say aloud "THIS IS GOD'S ATTIRE!". i would point to richard parker and say aloud "THIS IS GOD'S CAT!" i would point to the lifeboat and say aloud "THIS IS GOD'S ARK!" i would spread my hands and say aloud "THIS IS GOD'S WIDE ACRES!" i would point at the sky and say aloud "THIS IS GOD'S EAR!" and in this way i would remind myself of creation and of my place in it. but God's hat was always unravelling. God's pants were falling apart. God's cat was a constant danger. God's ark was a jail. God's wide acres were slowly killing me. God's ear didn't seem to be listening." beautiful. i have those moments. it's lovely to see it in writing and to know i'm not the only one.

i'm 29 years old. i'm not really that young anymore, but younger still than i'm ever going to be. i SO haven't got it all figured out. it's funny now things becomes less certain as one gets older. i'd imagine it to be the other way around. however, with age comes experience, with experience comes understandings, with understanding comes grace, with grace comes love. just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not good.

i know spring won't come to me so soon.