eye contact is an immensely powerful thing.
and yet, probably one of the most underrated forms of body language. i like it because it's secret. it usually occurs without anyone else noticing. in those moments much can be exposed, little can be hidden from the other person. that's why we always want people to look us in the eye when we're seeking the truth. messages are conveyed. i love that line in the bob dylan song that says "say hello with just a glance". ooh, i've done that, it's pretty magical.
when i was in grade 10, my friend mandy and i invented something we called "the eye-contact game". we both had crushes on boys that we lacked the confidence/ability/whatever to talk to. so we developed this game to force us to look them in the eyes when we passed them in the hall. at the end of the day whoever had the highest tally won. it was fun times. when i look back, i'm surprised (and yet not) by how much those brief moments of locked-eyes further infused me with fluttery feelings.
eye contact is something we grow accustomed to, something we kind of take for granted until it's denied us. when in a new place, surrounded by strangers very few people look us in the eye. it's a lonely feeling, isolating. sometimes all we need is a familiar face, eye contact is humanizing. admittedly, there are times when i'm so frustrated with my boss that i simply will not look her in the eye. i'm polite, i listen, i do as i'm told, but i don't look at her. i don't want her as part of my humanity - i'm passive aggressive that way. i like it when a friend gives an encouraging glace, it let's me know their listening and are interested in what i have to say.
i remember when i was about 13 discovering that i don't simply look at people's faces when i talk to/listen to them, i look in their eyes. and further to that, i look at their left eye. i'd been baby-sitting a little girl who had a mosquito bite on her eyelid which forced it shut. it was hard talking to her because i couldn't look in her eye, it required a conscious effort to look at her right eye.
the thing about eye contact, it can sometimes be misconstrued. sometimes eyes just meet in passing, other times there's intent behind it. have you ever willed someone to look at you? it doesn't usually work.
we lie awake and we dream of our escape.
2 comments:
my sister in law told me that he parents (who owned a grocery store) once took a seminar on 'how to fire employees' and they were told that before they did the firing, they should stop making eye contact in the time leading up to the firing. I guess then it would be less emotional?
This made me think of my first labour. I was completely freaking out and my doula was trying and trying to get me to look at her in order to calm me down. Finally I yelled at her, "I'll do anything you tell me, but I WILL NOT LOOK AT YOU!"
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