unease

on saturday i finished the birth house. one thing i noticed about this book, which was set during world war one, that men considered themselves 'men' if they had sex whenever they wanted – with no regard for women. and it really struck me, that at some point during the last century, when it comes to sex, men are considered 'men' if they're good in bed. it suddenly stopped being about themselves, and it became about their ability to perform. i find this fascinating, and quite honestly, i'm glad for this change. i wonder if it was a result of the sexual revolution, or mass media, or women being more vocal about their sexuality. i'm not sure. i bet shanno could give us more insight on this. it just really amazes me, and actually... there's probably parts of the world who still fall into the first category, which is sad. but i'm glad women are more taken into consideration in this part of the world.

it appears as though i've morphed into a commitment phobe. which is kind of comical, but true. after all these years of not seriously dating, combined with the years of over-dating, i find myself unable to commit to one person for fear that someone better might come along after i've picked someone. it's unnerving. being with the wrong person is SO MUCH worse than being alone. i hope i'll be able to overcome this latest neurosis, because it concerns me a little. i may end up to be my own biggest obstacle.

all the boys think she's a spy.