barefeet

i've had a fantastic day. i did very little and thoroughly enjoyed my own company. there were a couple things i could've done, but i was enjoying myself at home so much that i didn't want to force myself to do anything i didn't want. i was thinking, what is the difference between today and other saturdays that i spend alone and hate? and i concluded the difference is that today there was absolutely nothing that i'd rather be doing than just hanging out at home on my own. on those other days i'm restless and dissatisfied. dissatisfaction can really ruin someone's day/life.

today's just been so relaxing. i listened to GO on the cbc (and was very pleasantly surprised to discover that it's starting a half-hour later this season, which means i can sleep later without fear of missing it). then i baked a zucchini loaf for the first time ever. i watched "sex and the city" episodes, organized my tupperware cupboard, and cleaned out my spice cupboard, watched more "sex and the city", biked downtown and ate a saigon delights, then watched more "sex and the city". i really could have done something more productive, but like i said, i'm not in the mood to do anything i didn't feel like doing. it was a day of indulgence, a mental health day.

as i biked thru queen's campus on my way to saigon delights i spotted a guy who looked an awful lot like a boy i once knew. i took a double take. the funny thing about that was that i realized that even after all these years, i haven't learned a single thing. after all my experiences that i thought had made me older and wiser i am in fact just as foolish as i was at 25. and if that boy (and i say boy, because he was so very boyish back then) were to waltz into my life, i'd do it all over again. sad really. i've gotten some kind of false security from all the lessons i've learned, only to realize i'm no further ahead.

this evening, in between episodes of "sex and the city" i stood in my dimly lit kitchen making a cup of tea. my house was quiet, i was comfy, and suddenly got a glimpse of my life from the outside and it felt good. i felt adorable.

have you ever noticed that some people seem to grow more into themselves as they get older? i mean, i've had some friends in the past who just seemed older than their age – mostly in appearance. and now when i see them on facebook and such, they're looking as though they're approaching their true age. it really intrigues me.

where were you while we were getting high?